35. Carla
Carla
“Sorry! I’m sorry. I hit snooze one too many times.”
Roger arches a brow. “You’re only five minutes later than usual, which means you’re still five minutes early for your shift.”
I blow a strand of hair out of my face. “Well, I like to be on time.”
“Why were you sleeping at three in the afternoon anyway?”
“Didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Ah, to be young.” Roger ruffles my hair as he walks to the door. “Wait until you have kids.”
I ignore the stabbing pain in my stomach. “’Bye, Rog. Enjoy your weekend.”
I smooth down my hair and straighten up the desk. Love Roger and all, but he doesn’t put anything back where it belongs. Stapler, folders, envelopes, pens. Normally, this makes me laugh. But today? It’s another log tossed into my fire.
I don’t even know why I’m so angry. Is it the fact that TJ got himself into a dangerous situation last night? He could’ve been killed. What he did was reckless. Fighting is better than shooting heroin, I suppose, though that’s not a very comforting thought.
Part of me is mad at myself. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere with TJ, he slams the door in my face. One step forward, two steps back. First he’s hot, then he’s cold.
I’m going to need a neck brace after all this whiplash.
Maybe the question is: Why do I care so much?
These thoughts continue to assault my mind for the duration of my shift.
TJ’s my boss. Why does it matter what he does in his spare time? If he wants to get beaten to a bloody pulp, so be it. It’s not my job to help him with his personal life. Maybe I need to—
“What are you doing?”
A horror movie-worthy scream rips from my throat. “Jesus Christ, TJ! Why are you sneaking up on me like that?”
His lips twitch. “I didn’t know I was sneaking up on you. Walked right in your line of vision. Said hi. Thought you saw me.”
“Don’t laugh. You scared the crap out of me.”
“I’m sorry. Didn’t realize you were so hard at work.” His eyes drop to the stack of papers in my hand. “Think you’re good on the staples.”
I glance down. The papers I’m holding have a good fifty staples holding them together.
“Stapling is a good way to get out your aggression,” I say.
TJ takes my hand. “Come on. I know a better way to get out your aggression.”
When I realize he’s leading me toward the octagon-shaped boxing ring, I dig my heels and laugh. “Oh, no. I am not getting in that ring.”
“Yes, you are.”
I cross my arms over my chest, nose in the air. “I won’t.”
TJ bends forward and hoists me over his shoulder.
“Put me down!”
His chest rumbles against my thighs, and I know he’s laughing.
He slips off my sneakers and socks and then tosses them outside the ring before setting me on my feet. Wearing that cocky smirk, he holds his hands up in front of his face, palms facing me. “Hit me.”
I roll my eyes and prop my hands on my hips. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not going to hit you.”
“Come on. Afraid you’re going to break a nail?”
My hands drop to my sides and ball into fists. “More like I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you.”
He grins wide. “Do your best, baby girl. Let’s see what you got.”
I hurl my fist at his stomach, but he catches it before I make contact. “Atta girl,” he says. “Again.”
I jab again and follow it up with a left hook, catching him off guard.
He’s chuckling as he rubs his shoulder. “Damn, that was a solid punch.”
“Good. Now are we done here? I’d like to clock out. Didn’t sleep last night and I’m exhausted.”
TJ lunges toward me, hooking his arm around my leg, and slams me onto my back in the middle of the ring. With his giant arms wrapped around my body, it didn’t hurt. But it sure as hell surprised me.
I squirm to get out from under him, but he presses his pelvis against me and pins my wrists above my head.
This would be really hot if I wasn’t so pissed off.
We have a staring match for a good minute before I cave. “What do you want from me?” I ask, chest heaving against his.
“You ran out of my apartment this morning like a bat outta hell. Then I catch you attacking a piece of paper with a stapler. I want you to tell me why you’re so mad.”
“And I want you to get off me.”
He releases my hands and helps me to my feet. “Better?”
“Much.” I pace around the ring, thinking of a way to escape this conversation.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“I liked you much better when you were locked inside that room every day.”
“Want to see what I’ve been doing in there?”
I falter, coming to a stop in front of him. “You’re actually going to show me?”
He nods, gesturing in the direction of the room. “Let’s go.”
I scoot out of the ring before he has time to change his mind.
I don’t know what I expected to see behind that door, but this definitely isn’t it.
The floor-to-ceiling mirrors no longer line the walls. A pale blue color and the fresh smell of paint surround us instead, with large windows on the wall to my right. The sunset casts golden streaks onto the wood floor. Several potted plants with large green leaves decorate one corner of the room. An easel is propped up in another corner. And right smack in the middle of the room? A yoga mat.
“What is this?”
TJ’s watching me with unwavering intensity. “This is for you.”
My head snaps up to meet his eyes. “Me?”
“You are going to teach yoga.”
“I can’t—”
“And you’re going to paint.”
“But I—”
“You’re going to use this room whenever you want. I made it for you.”
“Why?”
He lifts his blocky shoulders and lets them fall. “Because you deserve it.” He inches closer to me, reaching out to twirl a lock of my hair. “Because I want to make you happy.”
Butterflies swarm my stomach—no, hummingbirds. Their wings flap against my insides, colliding into one another in a frenzy.
My arms wrap around my waist as I step out of TJ’s reach. “You know what would make me happy?”
His eyebrows arch. “Apparently not this.”
“This,” I wave my arms around the room, “is incredible. I’m in shock that you did this. For me. But I didn’t need this grand gesture of … of whatever this is. I’d be happy with the truth. I’d be happy knowing you’re okay. I’d be happy if you hadn’t put your life in danger like you did last night.”
TJ scrubs a hand over his jaw. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”
“That’s what you’re sorry for?” I realize I’m yelling, but I can’t find the lid to my jar of crazy at the moment. “I had a lot of time to think last night. You know, while I stayed up to make sure you were still breathing and all. I came up with something. Want to hear my theory?”
Amusement flashes on TJ’s face. “Please. Enlighten me.”
My index finger shoots out at him. “You’re a coward. You act like this big, tough macho man. You help everyone and they all sing your praises. But you can’t give yourself the same help because you’re too scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Feeling,” I say louder. “Loving. Trying. Reaching for something you desire, because you’re afraid it won’t work out. And I get it—believe me, I do. Joe shattered my heart, and losing that baby killed me.
“Do you know what that’s like? I had a life inside me. It was a part of me. But in a second, it was gone. Gone like the blood-stained sheets I threw away.”
TJ lifts a hand to console me, but I swat it away. “No. I don’t need your sympathy. I’m doing just fine. I’m learning to move on and learning to grow from it.”
“You are,” he says softly. “You are such an incredible force, Carla Evans.”
“And so are you.” I close the distance between us and cradle his beautiful, bruised face, careful not to press too hard. “You are unstoppable. You can do anything. You just need to believe it. You were the one who told me to let go of the past. But you need to let go of yours. Stop letting your demons dictate your life. Look into your future and plan for something more than what you’ve got now.
“March into that prison, look your father in the eye, and tell him to go to hell. Find your friend Woods and thank him for being there for you all those years. Fall in love. Get married, have babies—or don’t, if that’s not what you want, and go on vacation instead. A real vacation with palm trees and clear water.
“Whatever it is that you want in life, all you have to do is reach out and take it.”
TJ’s hand snakes around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. His sparkling blue eyes are wild, chest expanding with ragged breaths.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Taking what I want.” Then his lips dive for mine.
His kiss, so possessive, so passionate, breathes life into me. It’s an explosion of emotion. I am the flame and he is the wind, whipping around me, driving me to continue burning. The blaze roars, searing everything that exists until there’s nothing left but ash and dust. Nothing but a faint memory of what was.
And the only thing you can do with the scorched earth is rebuild.
Reforestation.
Start anew.
“I want you, Carla,” he murmurs against my mouth. “I want it all with you.”
It feels as if all this time I’ve been standing outside, holding onto a tree, eyes trained on the sky, waiting for the impending dark clouds to roll overhead.
Tonight, it’s here.
It’s time.
I’m swept up into the eye of the storm. The one that has been building momentum since the first night I laid eyes on this man. The water level’s rising. I slip under, and then my heart jumps ship. It flows away as the flood spills out of me.
My heart, once broken and bruised, has now found refuge in the hands of another.
“Take me,” I say.
“No.” TJ grips my arms and holds me away from him. His eyes are squeezed shut, like he’s restraining himself from going any further. “I want more. More than just tonight.”
My hands glide over his muscular arms until they reach his chest. I can feel his heart thumping. Hard. It’s thunderous. And I know why.
It’s rioting. Thrashing against its cage so mine can find its way.
I stretch up onto my toes and make sure he’s looking in my eyes when I say, “You have me, TJ. I’m already yours.”
My words sound like a shot at the starting line, and our lips fuse together. TJ scoops me up and carries me out into the gym, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment. Our hands are frantic, searching for skin, and when my feet touch the floor in his bedroom, we tear off our clothes.
I watch with hungry eyes as he frees himself from his boxers, taking in every inch of his glorious body. Tattoos and bulging muscles, he’s every part the fighter. Strength and intimidation—shoulders wide, chest broad, skin taut over his carved abdomen. But with the bruises and bandages fresh on his skin, he looks more like a warrior than ever before.
The man has been through a lifetime of combat. Raised in a warzone. Battling through every horror imaginable. But standing before me isn’t someone who let the war harden him.
No.
Standing before me is a man who slayed all his demons. Tired and beaten, he’s laying down his weapons, once and for all. Leaving the past behind him. Starting the next chapter of his life.
He’s no longer a gladiator. No longer a slave to the pain. No longer marred by brutality.
He’s free.
And I’m going to show him everything he’s been missing. Give him everything he deserves.
I pull TJ onto the bed with me and straddle him. He’s still in bad shape from last night and I know I need to be careful maneuvering around his wounds, but his fervor is making that a bit difficult. He’s grabbing and pulling, licking and biting—and I can’t help but meet each of his moves with the same intensity.
We’re naked and ready, his hardness, my wetness, and I reach for a condom in his nightstand.
That’s when he notices. “You got a tattoo?”
I smile at the surprise in his voice. “I did.”
He runs his fingers over the cursive words underlining my left breast: There’s always Plan B
His gaze is filled with question and wonderment.
“I wanted your words close to my heart.”
His head dips down to touch his lips to the inscription. I feel him smile against my skin when he sees the wildfire of goosebumps spread across the sensitive area.
His eyes meet mine as his tongue heads north and swirls over my nipple. His fingers slip between us and I rock against them when I feel them glide over me.
I’m under his spell as he toys with my body. He drags his lips up my neck, along my jaw, inhaling as he goes. When he reaches my ear, he says, “You better get that condom on me quick.”
I tear into the wrapper, roll it over his length, and take him inside me, fast and all at once.
A groan rumbles through him. His hands are on me—those tattooed hands gripping my waist, while I slide him in and out, again and again. He’s watching me ride him, wild and raw, and spurred by emotion.
Gathering me in his arms, TJ pulls himself up so he’s sitting with his back against his headboard. I wrap my limbs around him, pressing our bodies together, digging my fingers into his massive shoulders as he pumps in and out of me.
“You’re so fucking beautiful Carla. So sexy,” he whispers. “So perfect.” His tongue dips into my mouth and our kiss deepens until we’re panting and breathless, suffocating each other with desire and need.
He’s thrusting in deep strokes. I’m teetering on the edge, vibration rippling throughout my body, and when I tip over, TJ comes with me. It’s a barrage of emotion. I moan his name, my insides clenching around him, body shuddering, as tears brim and roll down my cheeks. I blink through the blurriness so I can catch sight of him coming apart.
Brows pinched together, muscles contracting, lips open to give way for my name. I take it all in as he releases, pleasure and pride whirling inside me.
He nuzzles my cheek but stills when he feels the wet streaks. “What’s wrong, my beautiful girl?” He kisses away each salty drop. “Why are you crying?”
I don’t give the words time to sit in my mind. I didn’t make a list. I haven’t thought this through. I don’t have a plan.
But the best things in my life happened because I didn’t have a plan.
“I’m in love with you.”
TJ’s eyes close and he rests his forehead against mine. I count the seconds before he answers, terrified that I’ve said something I shouldn’t have.
“God, I was hoping you were,” he says. He kisses me with soft and tender lips, and then his eyes open. “Carla, I love you.”
“You do?”
He blinds me with a smile, dimples digging into each cheek, eyes sparkling with adoration. “Remember when you told me to fall in love and have babies?”
“Or go on vacation,” I add, just to be clear.
He chuckles. “Well, I want to do all of those things with you. I knew it last night. When Tanner brought me home after I’d gotten the shit kicked out of me, and I saw you standing there, it slammed into me harder than any of the hits I’d taken.
“You were there, helping me, nursing my wounds. The way you cared for me, I knew … I never want anyone to care for me but you. I never want anyone to be at home waiting for me but you. I never want anyone to love me but you.” He captures my lips and holds my face close to his. “And I never want to love another for as long as I live. You are the one who was meant for me. I know it. I’m certain of it. I’m going to be the man you deserve.”
“You already are that man. You always have been.”
We hold each other and kiss, pouring our love into one another, blissful and sweet, floating on a cloud.