9. Chapter 9
~LIAM~
I ’d rather be with her.
“God, you suck at this game,” I say with a cocky grin as Sam stands back from the table and his missed shot. “Some things never change.”
“I’m just having an off night,” Sam replies. Hanging out with my old friend and a few of the guys from the fire hall has been fun. But I can’t get Ellie off my mind. I’d rather be curled up on the couch with her, watching something stupid on television, than sitting here. I’ve been blatantly hit on at least three times since I walked through the door.
And I’m not fucking interested.
“So, what’s it like working for the royal family?” Hunter Maddox is a firefighter and another hometown boy. He’s a few years younger than Sam and me, but I still remember him.
“I enjoy it.” I sip the one beer I’ve been nursing all evening. “It has its challenges, but at the end of the day, it’s like any other security detail. The goal is the same. Keep everyone alive.”
“Makes sense.” Hunter nods. “That Eleanor is a beauty.”
That’s all it takes for my body to tense up. “She’s hot,” another man agrees.
“Hunter should ask her out,” Sam says. “He’s young, nice, quite a catch. You’re totally her type.” My friend glances my way, and I clearly must not have my poker face in place, because he raises a shoulder and says, “Or not.”
I shrug, shake my head, and notice a group of guys come into the bar and start a pool game at a nearby table.
“You know what, guys? I think I’d better get back.”
“You’ve only been here an hour,” Sam says.
I don’t know how to explain to him that I hate the noise in here, the crowd. I can’t hear well. I just want to head back and do my job.
Not to mention, I want to see Ellie.
“I’ll be sure to call you this week,” I reply. “I’ll see you soon. Nice to meet you all.”
I wave and walk across the room, stopping by Ty Sullivan and his friends, Josh and Zack King.
“Hey, it’s good to see you, man,” Ty says, holding out his hand for a shake. “You remember Josh and Zack King?”
“Of course.” I shake the twin brothers’ hands. They’ve been familiar faces in Cunningham Falls for as long as I can remember, and Zack is one of the reasons I went into the Army in the first place.
“How are you?” Zack asks, watching me carefully.
“I’m great.”
He narrows his eyes for a moment. I know he’s taking my measure. He was also a Ranger, saw the same kind of scary shit that I did, and I know he’s asking if I’m okay. But I’m not about to spill my guts here in the middle of this loud, crowded bar and tell him about the shit in my head.
It’s not the time or place for that.
“Call me anytime,” he says. “I mean it.”
“I will. So, you all busted away from the wives to play pool?”
“We were kicked out,” Josh says. “They’re having book club night with some of their friends, and we aren’t invited.”
“I’m fine with that,” Zack replies. “That’s a lot of estrogen in one place.”
“How’s Seth?” I ask Zack. Seth is Zack’s oldest son.
“He’s great. He’s graduating from college in the spring with a degree in environmental science. He wants to work in Glacier National Park.”
“That’s awesome, man.”
“He’s become a good man,” he says, pride thick in his voice.
“Despite being a pain in the ass as a kid,” Josh adds and winks. “Would you like to join us, Liam?”
“No, thanks. I’m headed back to headquarters. But it was good to see you.”
“Anytime,” Zack says again.
I wave and head out into the warm summer night. I parked my car just down the block. It’s a good night for a walk. The sky is clear, lit up with millions of stars.
And it gives me an idea.
I hurry back to HQ and let Baxter know that I’m taking the princess off property for a bit before hurrying up the stairs and into Ellie’s apartment.
She’s on the couch, the TV on but muted as she reads something on her iPad.
“You’re back early,” she says when she hears me walk in. Her smile is sweet, like she’s happy to see me. “Didn’t you enjoy yourself?”
“It was good. But there’s something I want to show you.”
“Now?”
“Right now.”
She looks down at the clothes she’s wearing. “Do I need to change?”
She looks fucking wonderful just the way she is. “We won’t see anyone where we’re going.”
“Then I guess I’m ready.”
She stands, ready to go. She doesn’t even ask where we’re headed, she just trusts me to take care of everything.
It’s a damn good feeling.
I take her hand and lead her down the stairs, but then drop it again when we’re outside.
I don’t want my men to know that anything unprofessional is happening.
“It’s so nice out tonight,” Ellie says. “Look at all of these stars.”
“Hold that thought,” I say as I open the car door for her. I get in and drive us out of the gate and away from town. I turn right after a few miles and head up Whitetail Mountain. Roughly five miles later, I turn again and find the spot I’m looking for.
When I park, I turn to look at Ellie. Her blue eyes are big as she stares out at the lights below.
“The town is so small and beautiful,” she whispers. “This is a lovely spot.”
“It’s not just pretty,” I admit and release my seatbelt. I turn toward her and push my fingers into her hair. “This is a famous point of interest in Cunningham Falls.”
“Tell me more.” She unfastens her own belt and turns toward me, her eyes glowing in the darkness. “What’s so special about it?”
“Have you ever heard of Make Out Point? Most American towns have one.”
“I don’t think I recognize the term.”
“Well, it’s a place where young people go to make out. It’s romantic.”
“Is it?” She laughs and glances down at the town again. “I suppose the lights and stars are romantic. But if it’s such a popular place, why are we the only ones here?”
“I guess everyone else is busy tonight.” I drag my fingertips down her cheek. “Lucky for us, we’re all alone.”
“That is quite fortunate, isn’t it?”
“Have I ever told you how much I love your accent?”
“I don’t believe you have, no.”
“I do,” I reply before leaning over to kiss her lips softly. I can’t get enough of the taste of her, the way she gasps every time our lips meet. She’s sweet and addicting. “And I think this is a good opportunity to review what you’ve learned so far.”
“That could be fun,” she says just before I sink into her, tasting and exploring her perfect, smart little mouth. Our hands are everywhere, slipping over shoulders and arms. Finally, I slide up her tank, hitching it under her arms and exposing her bra and stomach.
“Take it off,” she says, but I shake my head.
“Not yet.” I kiss the skin at the edge of her bra. No nipple play this time. I want to explore her skin, discover what gives her goose bumps. She’s gathering my shirt in her hands, pulling it up, but I shake my head and tug it back down again.
“I want to see you without the shirt,” she says.
I’m not ready to show her those scars. Not yet. I don’t want to see the pity in her eyes or feel her recoil at the marred flesh.
“Not yet,” I growl again. “Sit back and let me make you feel good.”
“You always make me feel good.” She bites her lip when I slide my fingers over her stomach and down to her navel. “You have brilliant hands.”
“You have such soft skin.” I kiss my way over her neck to her chin, and with my lips against hers, I whisper, “I’m going to kiss your stomach now. Is that okay?”
“Oh, yes. That would be lovely.”
Her manners make me smile. I make my way down to her exposed stomach and lay open-mouthed kisses on her skin. She’s warm and smooth, and her muscles contract at the light touch.
While my mouth worships her flesh, my hand travels over her thigh, up to her hip, and then down between her legs where she’s hot. If her shorts were off, she’d be wet and slick in my hand.
God, I want that more than anything in the world.
But we’ll get there.
She moans and arches into my touch, wanting so much more than just over-the-clothes petting.
“Liam, take my pants off.”
“Not now.”
“I’m going to be fifty by the time you get me naked.”
“Maybe thirty,” I reply with a grin. “Why are you so impatient?”
“Oh, I don’t know. It could have something to do with the fact that I’m sexually frustrated every single day lately. Are you ever going to move faster than turtle mode?”
“Maybe.”
I gently rub my thumb over the hard nub in her shorts and feel her jerk in her seat.
“Are you what they call a sadist?”
My head comes up so I can look her in the eyes. “What do you know of sadists?”
“I read. I think you like torturing me.”
“Is that what I’m doing? Torturing you?”
She nods and moans when my thumb moves once more. Finally, I push harder, rub just a little faster, and watch with absolute fascination as Ellie comes apart in my arms, right here in the front seat of my car at Make Out Point.
She’s panting, her hands in fists as she rides wave after wave of ecstasy.
“I’m not a sadist,” I whisper into her ear. “I’m just not in a huge hurry.”
She licks her lips, trying to catch her breath. “That was rather fun.”
I feel my lips twitch in response. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
Staying the night again with Ellie isn’t the best idea. In fact, it’s a horrible one. My men will start to wonder what the fuck is going on.
And that’s not even the tip of the iceberg of the long list of reasons this is the worst idea I’ve ever had.
But when we returned to her apartment in the boathouse, and she smiled so sweetly, then took my hand and asked me to stay, I couldn’t turn her down.
I’m a fucking idiot, but I couldn’t leave.
So, here I am, in her bed, holding her to me as she sleeps peacefully.
Her touch, her even breathing, it soothes me. My eyes are heavy, and sleep calls seductively.
Gunfire. There’s always so much damn gunfire.
“Cunningham!”
“Adams! Retreat, goddamn it! Get the fuck out of here!”
“Cunningham, where are you?”
Why can’t my men see me? Hear me? I’m right here, damn it!
“Get them behind the building! Retreat!”
“I’m going to die.” Beller, the private I’ve come to think of as a younger brother, says with tears in his eyes. “I’m going to die, Cunningham. I want to call my mom.”
“There’s no time,” Adams yells. “We have to find Cunningham!”
None of this makes any sense. I’m right here. Why can’t Adams see me?
“I don’t want to die.”
“You’re not going to die.” I pull Beller in for a hug, trying to protect him from something that I already know is coming.
His body jerks from the gunfire, and he falls against me, crying out. “I’m hit! I’m hit!”
“It’s okay.” I lower him down and see the blood start to spread on the ground beneath him. But when I look back up at his face, it’s not Beller.
It’s Ellie.
“Save me,” she pleads. Her face is dirty. Blood is smeared on her cheek and dripping out of her mouth. “I don’t want to die, Liam. Save me.”
Fucking hell, I have to keep her alive. I have to. I pull her against me and push against the wound in her back.
“Stay with me, baby. You’re not going to die. I promise.”
“Liam.”
“No, you’re not going to die.”
“Liam.”
“Keep breathing. Just breathe.”
“Liam.”
I jerk awake. Ellie’s petting my shoulder, crooning.
“Liam, wake up. It’s just a nightmare, darling. It’s just a dream.”
I recoil from her touch, bound out of bed, and sink to the floor, my back against the cold wall.
“Don’t touch me. Stay away from me.”
“Hey.” She follows but doesn’t touch me. She squats next to me, keeping her hands to herself. “You’re okay. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I’ll hurt you ,” I rasp, my heart hammering in my chest, in my head. My God, I could hurt her in my sleep. What the fuck was I thinking, staying with her? I can’t protect her like this. I can’t protect her from me.
“Liam.” She reaches out for me, but I shrink away.
“Don’t touch me, Eleanor.”
“All right.” She holds up her hands. “I won’t touch you. I promise. I’m over here.”
“This isn’t going to work.” I swallow hard, over the cotton on my tongue. “This is a bad idea.”
“Take some breaths.”
“You don’t get it.” I push my face into my hands. I’m embarrassed and mortified that Ellie saw me like this, at my absolute fucking worst.
“Tell me then.”
“I have PTSD,” I say and take my hands away from my face so I can look her in the eyes. “Nightmares every night. I barely sleep, but when I do, this happens. Every time. I’m scared to death that I could hurt you, Ellie. And that’s the last thing in the world I want. It can’t happen. It won’t . So, we either have to keep seeing each other only during the day, or not at all. I’ll quit if you want me to.”
“You won’t quit.” She reaches out, and I don’t cower away this time when she lightly sweeps my hair off my wet forehead. “You’re sopping wet with sweat.”
“Your touch always calms me,” I admit in the dark. “You’re everything wonderful in this world that I don’t deserve. And I’ll be damned if I can bring myself to let you go.”
“You don’t have to let me go.”
I tug her into my lap and cradle her to me. “I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Liam. You had a nightmare.” She cups my cheek and peppers the other with soft kisses. “I was just trying to pull you out of it. You were crying out, and it was heart-wrenching.”
“You were dying,” I confess. “In my dream, you were dying. And I couldn’t save you.”
“I’m right here,” she insists. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise you. And neither are you. We’ll figure this out.”
“You’re not afraid of me?”
She smiles sweetly. “No, I’m not afraid of you.”
“You should be.”
“You’d never hurt me.” Her voice is calm and sure. I wish with all my heart that I could be that confident. She kisses my cheek again. “You have been nothing but gentle and warm. Patient and kind. Liam, that’s who you are.”
“I could hurt you without knowing that’s what I’m doing, Ellie. That’s just it. I would never mean to, but it could happen anyway because my head is a shitshow.”
She hugs me close, not caring in the least that I’m dripping with sweat.
“When you woke up, you didn’t try to hurt me. You recoiled from me, Liam. You’re not going to hurt me. Now, come back to bed. I’ll keep you safe.”
“That’s my line.”
“You keep me safe all day. I can protect you from this. Trust me.”
She stands and reaches out for my hand. I take it and rise to my feet.
“Take your shirt off.”
I shake my head no, but she just waits for me to comply. Despite everything that’s happened in the past half hour, I’m still not ready for her to see my scars.
So, with my eyes on hers, I peel my shirt over my head and let it drop to the floor. As we climb into bed, I make sure my back faces away from her at all times. She’ll eventually see the healed wounds, but I don’t have it in me tonight to explain them.
They’re a roadmap of my journey in the Army. And I’m not ready to take that trip with her tonight.