10. Chapter 10
~ELLIE~
H e’s asleep.
I lightly brush my fingers through his dark hair and watch the moonlight dance over his square jawline. Waking up to his cries of pain was heart-wrenching. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve heard conflicting words of advice over the years. Some say you shouldn’t try to wake someone who’s in the middle of a nightmare, and others say you should.
All I knew in that moment was that I had to help him.
His terrified eyes as he cowered by the wall is something I won’t forget anytime soon. I can’t even imagine what he must have seen in his work to give him such night terrors.
But for now, I’ll watch over him as he rests. Liam makes sure I’m well taken care of every day. The least I can do is return the favor at night.
Everyone deserves a good night’s sleep.
“No, not now,” Liam mumbles as his eyebrows lower in a scowl.
“Shh.” I smooth that space between his eyes with my fingers and kiss his cheek. “You’re okay, love.”
He quiets, and his breathing returns to normal.
With Liam asleep, and me looking over him, I can take a moment to admire his chest. I’m grateful that he finally took his shirt off. I don’t know why he’s so self-conscious. His skin is smooth and tanned, and he has a tattoo over his right pectoral.
It’s a shield with some kind of ornamentation inside that I can’t make out in the dark.
I’ll have to ask him about it sometime.
The tattoo was a surprise. When Liam’s fully clothed, his skin looks unmarred.
He murmurs in his sleep again, and I drag my fingers down his cheek. He quiets and turns toward me, settling in.
Once I’m sure the storm has passed, I let down my guard and fall into sleep beside him.
The sun is up. I stretch out, expecting to come into contact with Liam’s warm skin, but the bed is cool.
I open my eyes and glance around. I’m here alone, which is immediately disappointing.
I was hoping for another lesson this morning.
It’s a bloody brilliant way to start the day.
When I turn over, my face brushes a piece of paper.
E-
Went for a run. Back later.
-L
I grin and hold the note to my chest. It’s not exactly a carefully crafted work of poetry, and there’s little warmth to the words. Still, it makes me ridiculously happy that he thought to pen the note at all, rather than just leave.
I slept lightly all night, waking often to check on Liam. From what I could see, he seemed to sleep well, which was a relief.
I pad out to the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea, then carry it with me to the bathroom. After a quick shower and minimal primping, I slip into the yoga shorts, sports bra, and tank that I’ve come to think of as my Montana uniform. It’s comfortable, and Liam’s eyes always light up when he looks me up and down while I’m in these clothes.
It’s a win-win situation all around.
I’ve just returned to the kitchen for another cuppa when Liam climbs the stairs to my flat. His eyes find me immediately, and he stalks to me, dripping sweat from head to toe.
“I just got out of the shower.” I hold up my hands in surrender, but he advances on me anyway. “Really, Liam, you’re a sweaty mess.”
“You didn’t mind last night.”
“I hadn’t just taken a shower, silly.”
I giggle and back away from him. His eyes are full of humor.
I love the playful side of Liam.
“So, you’re saying I need a shower,” he says as he reaches me, pinning me against the kitchen island without actually touching me.
“Yes.”
He dips his head low and kisses my forehead.
“Do you mind if I use yours?”
“Of course, not. There are fresh towels in there.”
“I’ll be out in a few.”
I nod and watch him walk to the bathroom. He pushes the door closed behind him, but before it shuts all the way, he yanks his shirt over his head, and I catch just a glimpse of his bare back before the door closes.
My God.
My stomach roils.
My eyes fill.
Liam .
I want to run after him and ask him what in the world happened to leave his back so scarred. I want to beg him to confide in me.
But I know he has to do all of that on his own terms, in his own way.
And showing him any pity at all will only make him cross with me.
I walk out onto the deck and take a deep breath, clearing the shock from my mind. The lake is still this morning, the sun not yet high in the sky.
Birds chirp nearby. I can hear someone down at the boat below, most likely getting ready to take it out for the first patrols of the day.
With my head cleared, I walk back inside, just as Liam exits the bathroom, clenching a white towel around himself. His torso is bare and damp.
I want to lick him everywhere.
“Don’t put any clothes on,” I say, earning a lift of his eyebrow.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” I saunter toward him. “I like looking at you. Your chest deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.”
His lips twitch with humor. “That sounds a little extreme.”
“It’s true.” When I reach him, I lean in to place a kiss right over his heart. “If this impressive chest can’t lead us all to world peace, it’s no world I want to live in.”
“You’re sweet.” He brushes my dry hair over my shoulder. “I like it when you don’t wear makeup.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t let just anybody see you like this, and I get to. You’re fucking beautiful, Eleanor.”
I smile. “Thank you. Now, it seems horribly unfair that you’re standing there in barely anything at all.”
Before he can say anything, I whip my tank over my head and toss it onto the floor.
“There. That’s better.”
His dark eyes hold mine, but his nostrils flare and his eyes narrow. “What kind of game are you playing, Princess?”
“You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.”
He swallows hard. “You taking the lead isn’t part of the deal.”
“I’m not taking the lead; I’m just being playful with you.” I make quick work of stripping out of my bra and watch as his eyes lower to my bare breasts. “Now, we’re even. Why don’t you take off that towel?”
“You’re playing with fire here, Princess.”
“Oh, I hope so.” I reach for him, but to my utter surprise, he grabs me in his arms and carries me to the bedroom. “Did you just lose your towel?”
“No,” he mutters as he climbs onto the bed and lays me down.
“You’re very talented to be able to carry me and keep that towel in place at the same time.”
“If the towel comes off, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
I smile triumphantly, making him laugh.
“You’d tempt a saint, you know that?”
Before I can answer, he covers my mouth with his and sinks into me. For the first time, Liam’s settled himself between my legs, and he’s pressed against me, his cock hard behind the thick terrycloth of the towel.
I don’t want anything between us. I know he’s set on these lessons, and I appreciate him taking his time with me, but… come on.
I brush my fingers up his sides and am about to circle around to his back, but he captures my hands and pins them over my head.
“Liam, I want to touch you.”
He doesn’t reply. His lips travel from my jawline, down to my chest. He’s so tall and long-limbed that he can move around me easily and still keep my hands secured.
He sucks a nipple into his mouth, and I almost come undone. The sensations are incredible. Goose bumps work their way over my skin, and I feel heat roll over me.
I want him.
I need him.
“You’re gorgeous,” he whispers, blowing on my tender peak, then laving it with his tongue. “So responsive.”
“Let me touch you, Liam.”
He lets go of my hands, and I bury my fingers in his thick, dark hair. He groans, still licking and nibbling his way across my chest and down my abdomen.
My hand roams down to his shoulders. He pauses but doesn’t take my hands away.
Feeling bolder, I brush my fingers across his upper back. He shakes his head.
“Don’t touch my back, Ellie.”
I pause. I don’t understand. How can he not trust me with this?
“I want to touch you everywhere, Liam.”
He shakes his head again. “Not the back.”
I sigh, disappointed. Maybe I’m being selfish, trying to take him somewhere he’s not ready to go. After all, he’s been nothing but patient with me, letting me set the pace.
He deserves the same respect.
So, I move back up to his hair and feel him immediately relax. His lips roam over my stomach, paying particular attention to my navel.
Who knew a belly button was such a hot spot?
Not me.
“Liam.”
“I love it when you say my name like that,” he growls. He slides up me again and kisses me hard, as if he just can’t help himself.
It’s an incredible feeling to have a man practically mad with longing above you. Without thinking, my hands fall to his shoulders and move down his back again.
He quickly pins them on the bed beside my head.
“Not. The. Back.”
“I wasn’t thinking.” My breath comes fast, my blood rushing through my head. “Liam, I’m just caught up in the moment, touching you.”
He shakes his head and kisses my cheek.
“I saw your back,” I admit with a whisper.
He stills, then moves off me to stare down at me. “What did you say?”
“I’ve already seen your back,” I say again.
“What the fuck?” He pushes his hands through his hair and blows out a long breath.
“It was just a glimpse. When you went into the bathroom earlier.”
“I didn’t want you to see that.” His voice is rough, his hands shaking. “Ever. And I damn well don’t want you to touch it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“That’s right, you don’t. You don’t fucking understand.”
“Then help me,” I plead and watch as he manages to climb from the bed and find his shirt without exposing his back to me again.
“It’s none of your business, Eleanor.”
“Are you kidding me?” I yank a tank top on and turn to face him, my hands on my hips. “You know practically everything there is to know about me, Liam. You’ve done things to me?—”
“Sex isn’t the same.” He shakes his head slowly. “I’m asking you right now to let this go.”
I can’t. I know I should, and keep going the way we have been, without getting our feelings involved.
I should do what he asks and just enjoy the time I have with him.
But I can’t. I want him to trust me. I need Liam to trust me the same way I do him.
So, with my eyes pinned to his, I strip out of my clothes and stand before him completely nude. I turn in a circle with my hands out at my sides.
“This is me,” I say. “I have dimples and scars and knobby knees, truth be told. I’m not always happy with what I see in the mirror, but here I am. All of me. And the only reason I can do this is because I trust you. Not just with my safety, but also with me. All of me. Liam, I deserve the same in return.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking.”
His eyes are fixed on the floor.
“Look at me.”
His brown eyes find mine. He looks tortured. Sad. Maybe even a little scared.
“Just talk to me. Please.”
He shakes his head and moves to turn away.
“If you leave right now?—”
“What?” He whirls around, making me stumble back a step. “You’ll what, Eleanor? Fire me? Yell at me? What?”
“I’ll be so angry,” I reply and lift my nose into the air. “And hurt. Don’t do this. Fine, if you’re not ready to talk about this, don’t. But don’t leave like this. It’s not worth being so damn upset.”
“It’s not worth it to you ,” he replies, his voice softer. “Because you don’t understand what you’re asking of me.”
“Help me understand.”
He shakes his head again.
“Why are you so bloody stubborn?”
He stomps out of my bedroom, and I follow him, not giving the fact that I’m as naked as the day I was born a second thought.
“Get dressed,” he demands.
“We need to talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
He storms into the bathroom and emerges a few seconds later with his pants on.
“Liam.”
He ignores me and, without a pause, heads for the stairs. Seconds later, the door slams shut.
He left me.
Standing here, naked, begging him to talk to me.
Well, he can just bugger right off.
I storm into the bedroom and throw on some clothes, then pace the flat in anger.
How dare he? I bared myself to him, and he just stormed right off? All because I want to know him better?
Preposterous.
I flop down onto the bed and bury my face in the pillow, but it still smells like Liam.
He’s all around me.
And I’ve fallen right in love with the stubborn arse. That’s what hurts the most. I’m in love with him, and he won’t talk to me about something that has obviously hurt him deeply.
I sigh and sit up.
I just behaved like an idiot.
Mary, my childhood lady-in-waiting, used to tell me that I was impatient and could be unkind when I didn’t get my way.
I’ve worked hard to change that about myself.
Until today, when I found out that Liam has secrets and wanted to know about them immediately.
Of course, he deserves the right to tell me when he feels the time is right.
But we need to talk this out. Because I can’t help that I feel slighted. I have already given him so much of myself.
Liam isn’t unkind or rude. He’s been lovely.
And I pushed him too bloody hard.
I sigh, rub my hands over my face, and get ready to find Liam and eat a healthy dose of crow.
I push my feet into slides and walk calmly down the stairs. It wouldn’t do to have any of Liam’s staff see me running across the property screaming out Liam’s name. They would definitely think something was going on if that were the case.
No, I need to be calm and collected. Clearheaded.
Patient.
But my steps quicken as I reach the bottom of the stairs and fling open the door, ready to search for the man I’ve fallen in love with.
But there he is. Right on the dock, standing not even six feet away from my door.
“You left me.”
His shoulders slump, and he turns to look at me.
“I can’t go far. You’re my job.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” My voice is soft now, and I’m full of insecurities as Liam walks toward me. He cups my cheek in his hand, not seeming to care that anyone could see us right here.
“Obviously, I couldn’t leave you.”