11. Chapter 11
~ELLIE~
“ C ome inside.” I hold out my hand for his. To my relief, he takes it and walks with me inside and up the stairs to my flat. “I’m glad you couldn’t go far.”
“I feel like an ass. But, Ellie, you’re pushing me on something that I’m not ready to talk about.”
“I know.” I swallow hard and kiss the back of his hand. “I owe you an apology for acting like a spoiled child who wasn’t getting her way. I shouldn’t have behaved like that. But I’m frustrated, Liam. Do you think there will ever be a time when you are ready to talk about it?”
He seems to think about that, and then with my hand still in his, he brushes past me, walking fast toward the bedroom. I have to take three steps for every one of his to keep up with him. I watch with wide eyes when he takes a deep breath, reaches over his shoulder, and fists his shirt, pulling it over his head. He drops it to the floor, sits on the edge of my bed, and looks down at the hardwood.
His back is to me. In the light of day, I can see all the horrible scars across his skin, from just below his neck all the way into his pants. He can’t look at me. His head stays bowed, and for a long time, he doesn’t say anything at all.
He looks so broken, so defeated. I want nothing more than to help him, to reassure him. To help put him back together again.
“I was a First Sergeant in the Army,” he says slowly. His words are measured, quiet. “That’s when I retired just over a year ago. I worked my ass off for that rank, Ellie. I took my job seriously. It consumed me. It was an honor to be in the United States Army, to be a part of the Rangers. When I graduated from Ranger school, I was on top of the world, despite the cuts along my back. I got those from barbed wire that we had to crawl under.”
He pauses and swallows. His head is in his hands now, and I finally move my feet from where they’re stuck to the floor near the doorway and crawl onto the bed behind him. I brace my hands on his unscarred shoulders.
I search his back and find what I think are the scars from the barbed wire. I gently brush the long marks with my fingertips.
“These?”
He nods, and I place a kiss over the marks. Liam’s body is tense all over, all of his muscles tight under my hands.
“The wounds healed quickly, and I moved on,” he continues. “For years, we trained. More kids came in behind me, and I helped train them, too. And then Baghdad happened.”
His voice is so low, I can barely hear him.
“My team was sent in to assassinate a very bad man. All of this is classified, by the way.”
“I won’t tell anyone.”
He nods once. “We were dropped by helicopter outside of the city, and we ran to the target point. We had intel on where the mark was, how long he’d been there. We had maps. We knew exactly how it was going to go down. Quick. Easy. In and out.”
He scratches his scalp in agitation.
“We were ambushed.”
I feel my eyes fill with tears. I’m careful not to cry out or gasp. I want him to continue the story.
But my God, the pain in his voice is almost unbearable.
“Suddenly, we were surrounded. My men were picked off like in a video game. As if the bastards had been tipped off.”
“Could they have been?”
“Possibly.” He flinches when I kiss a scar on his shoulder blade. But when I kiss another, he calms. “Only Adams and I walked out alive. Well, we crawled. And we were barely alive. I had bullets up and down my back, as you can see.”
“How did you survive this? How did it not kill you?”
“You were right, I’m a stubborn ass.”
“You’re not. You’re wonderful.”
“Adams is the reason I’m here,” he says. “He knew what to do to stop the bleeding. He wouldn’t let me sleep. He was a pain in my ass, but he got us out of there, still breathing. That was the first time.”
“The first time? There were others?”
He nods. “There’s some road rash back there. Right flank.”
I lean in and kiss the roughened skin.
“Knife wounds. No one, aside from a doctor, has ever seen my back, Eleanor. No one. ”
“I’m so sorry, Liam.”
“None of it is your fault. And I’m okay. Things were getting easier until Adams swallowed that bullet. Then the dreams got scary bad again, and everything came back to me. It still haunts me.”
“Of course, it does.” I kiss his entire back and work my way up to his neck. “But it’s not your fault, Liam. None of it is your fault. Any more than it’s mine. You joined the Army because you love your country, and you wanted to do right by it. You’re a brave man.”
“No. I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” I let the tears fall now. “You’re so brave and strong. What happened to you is the result of war, not because you’re any less of a soldier.”
He turns and pins me with those dark eyes of his. “Why does being with you soothe me like it does?”
“Because you’re safe with me.” I kiss his jawline. “And because you know I won’t judge you. I’m here to support you, Liam. To care for you. And to make you feel good.”
“You make me feel ,” he replies and rolls me onto my back, hovering over me. “I’ve been an expert at shutting off a lot. And then I met you, and now I can’t stop feeling. It’s not just the physical touch either.”
“I know.”
His hand strokes down my side and rests on my hip.
“Needing someone was never part of my plan, Eleanor.”
He kisses me gently, teasing my lips with his as he slips between my legs, the way he was earlier.
He’s pressed against me, moving subtly as he kisses me for all he’s worth. I cradle him to me, my hands in his hair.
“Touch me.”
I open my eyes as he presses his forehead against mine.
“Are you sure? I don’t have to.”
“Touch me,” he whispers. My hands glide down over his shoulders and move to his back. He hisses in a breath and then relaxes.
It is undoubtedly the most intimate moment of my life.
“Liam.”
He pulls back so he can look at my face. “Yes, baby?”
“I know you have a plan in place, and that because of your military background, you’re a stickler for following that.”
“But?”
“Please make love with me. Please don’t stop again.”
He sighs and buries his fingers in my hair. “I don’t think I could stop if I wanted to.”
Thank God.
“But we’re going to take our time.”
I can’t help myself. I laugh. “Of course, we are. I would be worried if it were any other way, Liam Cunningham.”
“Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” He nibbles on my shoulder, pushing the strap of my tank out of his way. “And I’m going to do you very well. ”
“Well, then. Okay.”
His smile is wicked when he suddenly rolls to the side and slips my tank up over my head.
I didn’t bother with a bra when I put it back on earlier, and I’m grateful when Liam’s gaze rakes over my chest, heat in his dark eyes.
“I know you said earlier that you don’t always love what you see in the mirror, but you’re absolutely gorgeous, babe.”
Before I can answer, he wraps those talented lips around a nipple and gives it a little tug. My hands are all over his back, roaming up his sides and over his shoulders before moving to his back again.
I can’t stop touching him. I can’t stop moving beneath him.
He’s going to drive me absolutely mad.
“There are so many things I want to show you,” he whispers. “I want to lick you everywhere. I want to find out how you like to be touched, and I want to show you how to get yourself off.”
“Yes, please.”
He chuckles as his hand slides down my belly to my shorts. He slips his fingers beneath the flimsy material and groans.
“Fucking hell, you’re wet.”
“I’m wet all the time. ”
Liam surprises me by ripping the shorts in two, right off my body, and tosses the ruined material aside.
“Wow.”
“They were in my way.”
“Quite right.” I bite my lip, suddenly nervous at the idea of Liam seeing the most private part of me. But when he presses on my thigh, opening me wide, I tighten at the look of pure lust on his handsome face.
“Stop me, anytime.”
I nod.
“Use words. I need to know that you understand you’re in control, and you can stop this at any time, Eleanor.”
“I appreciate that, and thank you, but I can’t imagine wanting you to stop.”
He licks his lips and then places sweet, wet kisses down my torso. My hands fist in the bedsheets when he nudges his shoulders between my thighs and takes a long, deep breath.
He’s going to kiss me there.
Finally!
With his hot eyes pinned to mine, he lowers his head and swipes his tongue, very gently, against my quivering flesh.
My back bows on the bed, and starlights burst behind my eyes.
Liam cradles my ass in his hands and holds me in place so he can kiss me with his lips, his tongue. He moves up over that nub that’s the most sensitive, and then down to my opening. He growls and groans, making the most delicious sounds I’ve ever heard in my life.
All for me.
For me. Not Princess Eleanor.
My hands pull at his hair, at his shoulders, silently begging him to cover me with his incredible body and finally be inside me.
“Shit.”
I’m pulled out of my lusty heaven by the expletive and see Liam’s forehead braced on my inner thigh.
“What?”
“I don’t have any condoms.” He bites my flesh, reigniting my longing for him.
“I’m on the pill.” I have to swallow a moan when he licks the crease of my leg. “I had bad monthly cycles when I was young.”
He covers me now, hurrying to look me right in the eyes.
“I’m as clean as it gets,” he promises. “I wouldn’t do anything to put you at risk.”
I smile and drag my fingertips down his stubbly cheek. “I know. I think we’re fine, Liam.”
He kisses my chin. “Before I take off my pants, are you?—?”
“I’m sure. I’ve never been surer of anything in my bloody life.”
He holds my gaze for a moment as if searching inside my soul for the answer he wants. And he must get it because he reaches down and unfastens his trousers, pushes them down his hips and legs, and rests the heavy length of his cock against my wetness.
“You’re the sweetest thing,” he whispers and starts to move his hips back and forth, very slowly and deliberately. The tip of him nudges against that nub and sends zings of pleasure down my limbs. “You’re incredible.”
“Please.” I hitch my legs higher on his sides. “Now, please.”
“I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have to.” He brushes his nose against mine. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s going to hurt, but then it should be fucking fantastic.”
I nod, not understanding in the least how it could hurt when everything he does to me feels so bloody good.
He captures a nipple with his forefinger and thumb, and as he worries it, he positions himself at my opening.
“Breathe,” he croons. “Just breathe.”
I take a deep breath, and as I’m slowly letting it out, Liam slips inside me. There’s a bit of a pinch, and an uncomfortable stretching. He stops and lets me get used to him before pushing in farther.
Inch by amazing inch, he works his way in. When he’s fully seated inside me, he kisses me long and slow.
“Are you okay?”
“It actually doesn’t hurt too bad,” I confess. “It’s not comfortable, but it’s not awful.”
“Those aren’t exactly the words a man wants to hear when he’s having sex with his girl for the first time.” His voice is strained, but he’s smiling down at me. “After this, it’ll get easier and better.”
“I feel wonderful.” It’s not a lie. I feel sexy and desirable. And as he begins to move his hips, I feel my muscles loosen as I get used to him. And then, he drags against something that puts the zing back into my limbs, and I can’t hold back the cry that slips from my lips.
“El?”
“Don’t stop.” I shift my hips and open my eyes in surprise at the sensations rolling through me. “Oh, my.”
“I take it we’re on to the good part.”
“Oh, it’s good. Yes, it’s quite good.”
“We’re shooting for better than quite good.”
He’s moving a bit faster, but not violently so. Every sensation is new and dazzling. Different from anything I’ve ever experienced.
If each time gets better than this, I might die from having sex.
What a way to go, right?
He takes one of my hands, links our fingers, and pins it above my head. This is different from before. It’s not because he doesn’t want me to touch him.
It’s another way to link us.
And it touches me right down to the bottom of my heart.
“Liam.”
“God, the way you say my name.” He tenses, every muscle tightening, and he groans as he shivers.
He’s panting, kissing my neck, but he’s not moving his hips anymore.
“I’m not sure what happened,” I admit. He chuckles and sighs before kissing my cheek.
“I came. I’m sorry, you say my name in that sexy-as-fuck way, and I can’t control myself.”
“Really?” I’m grinning up at him, ridiculously proud of myself. “Well, that’s lovely.”
“Your prim accent also does things to me,” he says. “And next time, I’ll make it better for you. I promise.”
“It was wonderful this time.”
“We can do better,” he says again. “Thank you for this gift.”
“It’s a gift for both of us, darling.”