33. The Father
THIRTY-THREE
The Father
Monday, 9 December, 7.30am
Hoping today’s coffee date will be good. Just a nice normal date, having a lovely chat and being interested in each other. Too much to ask for?
11.30pm
That is definitely the last date this year. It wasn’t normal. There was no lovely chat. There was no interest. But there was violence.
The Father arrived for our coffee date – with his daughter! I didn’t want to meet the family quite so soon, but he was apologetic and said his daughter’s mum had an emergency and couldn’t pick her up from school. Before I could say let’s rearrange, his phone rang, and he excused himself and went outside to take the call. Rude.
‘Would you like a drink?’ I asked the daughter, thinking I hadn’t signed up for this.
‘Chocolate milkshake please and … a tuna melt and plain crisps.’
She’d obviously been taught to express her needs. Good for her. I went to the counter.
‘Are you going to have sex with my daddy?’ she asked when I returned with a full tray.
‘Erm … aren’t you a bit young to be asking that question?’
‘I’m seven. I know all about sex. Mummy says Daddy’s always having sex. With lots of different women. I think it’s something to do with his trousers. Mummy says he can’t keep his zip done up.’
I turned mute.
‘Mummy says that’s why I have so many siblings with their own mummies. Are you going to have a baby brother or sister for me?’
‘No. I can tell you categorically that’s not going to happen.’
I peered through the window at The Father, who was having an intense conversation. Probably with one of the mummies.
‘So … what’s your favourite subject at school?’
‘I’m seven. You don’t need to talk to me like a child.’ That told me. ‘But my favourite thing of all time is judo. I can throw you over my shoulder if you like.’
‘Thanks for the offer, but no. Has your daddy taken you to a date before?’
‘Yes. Do you want to know what happened?’ I nodded. ‘This,’ she said, and kicked my shin under the table.
‘Ouch. What did you do that for?’
‘To show you what I did. I didn’t like her either,’ she snarled.
I watched her eat in silence. The Father came back after twenty minutes. Twenty minutes. I would have gone after five minutes if I wasn’t babysitting.
‘This was a mistake. I’ll leave you with your delightful daughter,’ I said, narrowing my eyes at her.
Tuesday, 10 December, 11.30pm
I wonder if I was played and fooled by a seven-year-old. It’s quite possible she’d been manipulated by her mummy to say those things. I have no idea about The Father’s backstory. And I don’t want to know. I’m done. I’ve failed the dating challenge. I didn’t meet my dream soulmate and I certainly didn’t have sex fifty-two times. I’m going to enjoy the build-up to Christmas and New Year, and not think about dating. I’ll do it next year. Who knows what will happen then?
P.S. Does developing a massive crush on one of your best friends count towards the dating challenge? And what if it’s more than just a crush? The more I think about Ace, I realise how perfect he would be for me. We’re best friends anyway and we get on so well. And now I have feelings of the vagina throbbing kind for him too. Perfect, right? But does he have longings of the hard type for me?
Thursday, 12 December, 11.30pm
Texted Sara to see if they’re coming to Mum and Dad’s for Christmas. It’s time to forgive and forget. She replied, ‘No, we’re at home this year.’ I was so disappointed. I hate not seeing her, and I so miss Jack and Charlotte. I have their presents all ready and would love to see their bright beautiful young faces on Christmas Day.
THEN, Sara asked me how I was, and I nearly fell off my chair. We actually had a nice chat. She even laughed when I told her about The Dog Lover and The Father. Maybe next year will bring reconciliation.