26. Ford
26
Ford
A fter dropping Blair off at her brother’s, it’s hard to suppress the surge of anger coursing through my veins. Had my actions hurt Jenny? I know for a fact they did. It couldn’t have been easy to be married to someone when you knew you were always their second choice, but it’s not like I hadn’t tried.
I’d done what I thought was best when I’d turned down Blair’s request on my wedding day. I’d also done what I thought was my best in being there for Jenny by choosing her and committing to our marriage, but just because I’d put in the effort, didn’t mean our union was meant to last. In fact, it was likely always doomed to fail from the start. She was never my person, and it’s time that everyone accept and realize that I was never hers as well. There’s someone out there for her; it’s just not me.
So no, maybe it wasn’t fair to Jenny, but the way her mother acted tonight was nowhere near being fair to Blair either. She’s not the one who deserves to be yelled at or scrutinized for any of her actions—it’s me. It was Blair, after all, who’d taken the bold step to cut off contact with me for these past few years. If anyone should’ve done that, it probably should’ve been the one in a serious and committed relationship.
Did I like being confronted at the restaurant with many of the town residents gawking? No, but I can take it. In many ways, I’m pretty sure I deserved it, but Blair should never have been dragged into it, or made to feel like she’d done anything wrong.
After paying the bill, I tried to get things back on track by suggesting going out for ice cream or seeing a movie, but it was obvious the confrontation had completely shut her down.
Even after suggesting we go to my place to be alone with no prying eyes, she asked me to just take her back to her brother’s. As much as I wanted to push and keep her from pulling away, I gave in and did what she asked. Thankfully, she at least let me walk her to her door. However, instead of a long kiss goodnight, she ended things with a friendly hug and a gentle kiss on my cheek.
Still lingering in the parking lot of Miles’s apartment, I slam my palms into the steering wheel, letting out a loud frustrated growl. We can come back from this, I know we can, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility for Blair to use this as a sign. She’s done it once before, so what’s to stop her from leaving me and Evergreen Grove all over again? Hell, maybe next time it will be for good if she never looks back, especially now that she’s tried this thing with me and somehow convinces herself that she’s always been right and that we truly aren’t meant to be.
With a determined nod, I know what I need to do. It’s time I prove to Blair just how serious I am about her—about us. Okay, maybe I’m delusional, but more importantly, I’m desperate and willing to give just about anything a shot if it keeps Blair from leaving me a second time.
Slipping my keys into the ignition, I start the car and pull out of the lot. There’s no chance in hell I’m giving Blair up without a fight. She’s worth fighting for. Hell, she’s worth dying for. Thankfully, I don’t think I’ll need to take it that far, but for her, I’d do it. For Blair Bennett, I’d do anything.
After knocking twice with no answer, I let out a frustrated breath as I note the light glowing through the window, peeking out from behind the closed curtains. Not ready to give up, I lift my hand to knock again. She’s got to be home. She was always incredibly conscious about money and wasting resources and always freaked out if I left a light on in a room I wasn’t occupying. However, as my hand hovers in the air, ready to knock once more, the door unexpectedly opens, revealing Jenny’s bewildered yet irritated face.
Since we’ve both committed to our separation, we rarely talk anymore, and I never show up at our old place, especially without talking to her first, but the look she’s sending my way isn’t about to make me second-guess myself. I came here for a reason, and I’m not leaving before I do what I came here to do.
“Let me guess: you’re here to defend Blair’s honor after your run-in with my mom at the restaurant?” she asks, a hand landing on her hip.
I’m really not all that surprised to hear that the news has already made its way to Jenny, and knowing this town, there’s even the possibility that it wasn’t even Mary who filled Jenny in on the details.
“Yes—or no, not really,” I say, shaking my head as I try to control my racing thoughts. “Just… we need to talk.”
“Well,” she starts, stepping back as she ushers me to come in, “then let’s talk.”
“So, who told you?” I ask, stepping inside, feeling oddly hesitant.
In the past, this place was home, and while it still has some of the same furniture, it also feels like she’s done her best to wipe away all traces of the fact that I once lived here, too, including removing the giant wedding photo of us that had once been hung above the fireplace mantel. While living in the studio above the pizza place doesn’t always feel all that homey, it definitely feels more like home than this place.
“Jessica and Brandy were at the restaurant and witnessed the whole thing and sent me a text,” she explains as I nod my head in understanding. Jessica and Brandy both work with Ronnie and me at the school, but since they work in the English department with Jenny, they’ve always been much closer to her, and have made it pretty obvious in the staff room that they are and will always be Team Jenny. Not that I mind. Sure, Jessica and Brandy are great women, but I like knowing that Jenny has a solid friend group to support her during this time. “And don’t worry, I called my mom and told her off. She really shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry, even if it did ruin your date .”
She sounds sincere in her apology, but it’s also obvious that there’s still some lingering hurt and resentment as she says the word “date,” which I get. I’m fully aware that my being with Blair is a reminder that she’s always been right about the two of us, and there really is no defending myself there.
“I appreciate that,” I tell her. “And I hope you know I never wanted to hurt you in all of this.”
“I know you didn’t,” Jenny says, walking further into the living room as I follow. She makes a beeline for the kitchen, where she grabs two glasses from the cupboard. While I can’t be totally surprised, even she seems to understand that this is going to be a serious conversation as she reaches for a bottle of wine and pours us each a glass. “But just because you didn’t mean to hurt me, doesn’t mean you didn’t break my heart, and that you didn’t leave a destructive trail in the process.”
“I know I did, and I’m so sorry, Jenny,” I attempt to apologize as she walks back around the counter and hands me the drink. “I know I hurt you, and I get that I made far too many mistakes in our marriage to count, but I think that’s exactly why it’s time for both of us to move on. You deserve someone amazing. Someone so much better than me. I was a shitty husband, and you didn’t deserve that.”
She holds out her glass as if to toast to my sentiment. “To someone better,” she says right before taking a large swig of her drink.
My face falls into a frown, not sure I want to drink to that. “I hope you know that’s not how I see it. I’m not choosing or moving onto Blair because she’s better than you or because you weren’t enough. I don’t want this to come out wrong, but I want us to be honest with each other, too. I’m moving on and choosing to be with Blair because she’s the one for me, and you deserve to find the one that’s right for you, too.”
Jenny glances away, twisting her mouth to the side before taking another drink from her glass. “I can’t say that I’m ready to see you move on, especially with Blair Bennett, but I do want you to be happy, so if it has to be with her, then you need to do it.”
Although I don’t technically need her permission, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. “I’m glad, because that’s actually kind of why I’m here,” I admit, looking down at my feet as my free hand scratches at the back of my neck. “I think it’s time. We need to sign those papers and make this official,” I say, bravely doing my best to finally look up and meet her eyes.
She nods her head knowingly, even if there’s a clear sign of sadness written across her face. “I kind of had a feeling that was what this was all about, and I think you’re right. I think we’ve been holding onto this thing that we both, deep down, knew was never right.”
I solemnly nod my head, wishing I could say that she’s wrong, but I can’t. Even though I knew we were truly over and that there was no going back after our decision to separate, I’ve still had a hard time biting the bullet and ending things once and for all.
“So, what about Monday?” she asks, and for the first time, the traces of a smile slowly spread across my face.
“Really?” I ask, surprised at just how easy this is, and how soon we can move things forward. I really had come in tonight expecting a huge fight, especially after hearing from her mom just how much they all truly disliked Blair.
“Why not?” She shrugs before taking another sip. “We both know this has been over for a long time now. I’m tired of holding on and fighting for something that never felt quite right. Let’s just make it official and meet with our lawyers on Monday after everything is finished with the wedding.”
“You’re really okay with this?” I ask, feeling the need to ensure she truly means it. As much as I’m ready to move on and be divorced, I also don’t want to bully or push her into something she isn’t ready for. Yes, I came in tonight with the idea of moving things forward, but I also don’t want to break her heart any more than I already have.
“Yes. It’s time we both get to move on, and I don’t think either of us can get there if we keep dragging our feet. Let’s just do this already. Let’s officially get divorced.” She nods, holding out her drink for another toast, and this time I clink my glass against hers.
“Let’s get a divorce.”