Chapter 10 #2
“You want my honest opinion?” There’s a big difference between listening and offering advice. I’ve made the mistake of offering my thoughts to people at the wrong time.
“Please? You run your own business. Obviously, the store is much bigger, but at least it would give me something to do. Plus, I can do it from anywhere, so I can take it wherever I find a job.”
Not in Sleighbell Springs.
Only a few nights together and I’ve already come to think of this as a permanent arrangement. Not the part about sharing a small apartment, but hanging out together. Being friends.
“You should do it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, there’s minimal start-up, so you don’t have much to lose. You already have one potential client, and I suspect you could get at least a few more with minimal effort.” He’s got like a million Facebook friends, most of whom are runners. Not that I’ve stalked him or anything.
“Yeah.” He doesn’t sound convinced.
“How about this? You tell me what your concerns are, the things that would stop you from going all-in on this. Then we’ll troubleshoot how you would respond if they happened.”
“How did you get so smart?”
“Russ, actually. He did the same thing for me when I was opening the bookstore. We spent a whole night on the phone, with me going through every single reason why I couldn’t do it.
” It’s one of my favorite memories. I sat on the sidewalk outside this building, staring at the For Sale sign, trying to figure out if I could take the leap.
The sun was coming up by the time we finished. An hour later, I put in an offer.
“Figures. He’s always been the level-headed one.”
I don’t know if I agree with that. Russ is also the one who talked me into sneaking out of my room—repeatedly—in high school. We never got in much trouble, but the risk was always there. If my parents had found out, I would’ve been grounded until I graduated.
“Alright, so start with the biggest one, the one you can’t stop thinking about.”
“Okay, well, I know a lot, but I don’t have any real credentials other than my own running. I’d need to get a certification.”
“What exactly does that entail? Are we talking about going back for a new degree or something that takes a few hours?” Not that it would change my advice, but if he does something virtual, it means he’ll likely stay here a little longer. It’s selfish, but I haven’t had enough of Chase yet.
“There are a few options, but basically, it’d mean taking an online course. It’s a lot of hours, but given my current schedule, I’d probably get it done in a week or two. After that, I’d have to take and pass an exam.”
“As you said, your schedule right now is pretty easy. Given your background, you’d probably sail through the material quickly.
I can help you study if you need it. The only thing I know about running is that I hate it, but I’m excellent at making flashcards.
” Real life doesn’t have nearly enough opportunities to buy colorful index cards.
“Well, the course isn’t cheap. It’ll probably be $700. I have some money in savings, but…” Anytime we talk finances, he gets quiet. A few months ago, he probably wouldn’t have thought twice about spending the money. Probably didn’t think about any of the money he spent.
“I’ll cover it,” I offer before giving it any thought. Sure, it’s a decent chunk of money, but I have it. If it would help him get back on his feet, I’d be happy to. The store does well enough, and even with the plumbing repairs, I have enough saved up.
“Nix—”
“No, it’s an investment in you. You can pay it back once the business is up and running.”
“I don’t want to owe you any more than I already do. You’ve given me a place to live, a job, and now this? It’s too much.”
And yet, to me, it’s not enough. If there’s something I can do that will make him happy, that would bring back that smile and passion that I saw earlier today, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Chase Haywood might never be my boyfriend, but I’ll always love and care for him.
“It’s not a big deal. Russ is like my brother, which makes you my family, as well. At least think about it.” There’s no use arguing right now, not when he likely has a laundry list of other concerns.
Chase goes through a list of potential issues, though it’s not nearly as intense as I imagined. By the time we get to the end, I think he’s ready to pull the trigger on the whole thing.
“What if I screw it up? It wouldn’t be just me. I’d be the reason someone else didn’t reach their goals.”
“First of all, that’s a huge amount of weight to bear. Have you ever lost a race?”
“Of course.” He shrugs as though it’s no big deal. “I’m pretty sure I’ve lost more than I ever won. It’s really more about beating my own time.”
“Okay, and how many of the times you didn’t make your goal were your coach’s fault?”
“I see what you’re doing here.”
“Okay, then answer the question.” I lean forward until I’m only a few inches away from him and his gorgeous green eyes.
“None.” He stares back at me, and, for a moment, I think maybe he’s going to kiss me. The moment fades quickly when he looks away.
Shit. I’m screwing this up. The last thing I need is for him to think that I’m coming onto him.
I clear my throat a few times and sit back, putting as much room between us on the couch as I can.
“You’ll have clients who don’t meet their goals for a variety of reasons.
As long as you’re listening to them and doing your best, the rest will take care of itself.
They’re the ones who have to put in the work and run the race. ”
“Fine, that’s a good point.” He doesn’t sound nearly as happy as I thought he might be, but he’s not arguing. That has to be a good sign.
“Does that mean you’re in?”
“I want to sleep on it to be sure, but yeah, I think I’ll do it.”
“Oh, thank God.” I let my head fall back onto the arm of the sofa. It’s hours past my bedtime, and I’m dying to be asleep. I’ve almost adjusted to sleeping next to Chase at night. Last night, I even left a whole inch between me and the edge of the bed.
“Sorry, I’ve kept you up.”
“Don’t worry about it. Tomorrow’s a late start.
The shop doesn’t open until noon, so I can sleep in a bit.
” There’s still plenty to do. I usually catch up on inventory or ordering on these days, but I’m planning to be lazy tomorrow morning.
That means I can set my alarm for seven, which feels practically luxurious these days.
We get ready for bed in what’s become our usual routine of taking turns in the bathroom. Like the gentleman he is, Chase always wears his pajama pants up until the last minute, only stripping down to his briefs once the lights are off and he’s about to crawl between the sheets.
And I don’t look. Because that would be rude. And because then I’d know for a fact that he owns briefs in a wide variety of colors, not just the black that I saw him in that first morning.
“Nix?”
“Yeah?” Once we’re in bed, we don’t usually talk beyond mumbled good nights.
“Thanks. This was really helpful.”
“I’m glad. You deserve to be doing something that makes you happy.” I mean that. Sleighbell Springs won’t be his permanent home. In a month or two, I’ll probably only hear from him on occasion. If he’s living his best life, then at least I can be satisfied knowing it’s partly because of me.
“There’s still a long way to go, but I think I might be on the right track. Possibly for the first time in my life.”
There’s nothing to say about that, so I don’t respond. Instead, I do something stupid. I reach over and grope around until I find his hand. I give it a reassuring squeeze.
He returns the gesture, giving my hand a few quick pumps.
It feels like hours have gone by. Or maybe it’s seconds? At this point, I’m so disoriented, I can’t tell. What I’m sure of right now is that I’m holding Chase’s hand.
The night comes flooding back to me. The moment I gave him a quick squeeze. I should have taken my hand back right after, but exhaustion hit, and apparently, I passed out before I got there.
And so did Chase.
Very slowly, I open my hand, not wanting to wake him. If I can manage it, then we don’t have to deal with any weirdness between us.
It takes dozens of tiny movements, but eventually, I free myself from him and pull my hand back in. Chase wiggles a bit and mumbles something under his breath but doesn’t wake.
Phew. That was close. It gets harder and harder to maintain the boundaries I have in place.
Like Russ wanted, I think Chase and I are officially friends.
I’ve never had a friend that I had a crush on.
At least not like this. When I do, they go away pretty quickly once it’s apparent nothing’s going to happen between us.
This one seems to be hanging on with a vengeance. I guess it’s lasted ten years. It’ll take more than a few days for it to die down.
Give it time. That’s the advice I’d give someone else. I just hope it’s good advice.