Chapter 11
CHASE
After last night, it’s no surprise I wake up exhausted. It’s more mental—and maybe emotional—than physical, but the result is that even though I’m awake, I can’t bring myself to open my eyes.
There’s something different. Something’s making the bed more comfortable than usual.
Not something. Someone.
Every other morning, I’ve woken up with Nix already up and moving. I’ve never known anyone who could bounce out of bed as easily as he does. The minute that alarm goes off, he’s up and running to the bathroom to start his day.
Maybe that’s what it’s like when you do something you’re passionate about. I can only hope that after my coaching business takes off, I’ll be the same way. Happy to jump out of bed in the morning to chase my passions. Work has never felt like that, so I’ll take anything that gets me closer.
With Nix’s blessing last night, I’m ready to jump in.
Or at least wade in today. If I start the online coursework today, then I’m one day closer to officially opening my doors and paying back the money I owe.
That’s a big selling point. If I do my four-hour shift downstairs this afternoon with Nix, that still gives me most of the day to get going on the work.
For now, I’m content to lie in bed next to Nix.
I still need to talk to him about my feelings.
Originally, I planned to do it last night, but I chickened out.
There’s not really a good way to start that conversation.
Hey, so I think I might have discovered I’m bisexual thanks to you.
Want to make out? Nope, not a great way to get started. I need something better. Much better.
Nix deserves everything in the world, which means I need something to woo him. The problem is that I’ve never wooed anyone before. Especially not another guy. What does that even look like?
Nix rolls over so he’s facing me.
The freckles on his face look a little darker than they did the last time I looked, no doubt a result of the summer sun. As a kid, people used to make fun of him for them, but they’re adorable. Between that and those little glasses he normally wears, he’s the perfect vision of a sexy geek.
A sexy geek who I’m hoping to make mine. Even if I have no idea how that will work. All I know is that I can’t keep holding myself back. It’s what I’ve done my whole life and how I ended up here in the first place. Maybe all that wouldn’t be so bad if it turned into something great.
Before I can stop myself, I reach out and brush the back of my hand along his cheek, moving a stray curl away. Nix’s skin is softer than I expected. Maybe because he doesn’t have all the stubble I do, even first thing in the morning. Is the rest of his skin equally soft?
That’s the kind of thought I shouldn’t be having first thing in the morning. My morning wood takes an immediate interest in the idea of exploring Nix’s body, going from half-hard to ready to go in seconds.
The bed dips as Nick chooses this moment to join us, hopping up with a soft cry. “Shhh,” I hiss at him, not wanting to wake Nix.
It doesn’t work. Nix’s eyes flutter open. It takes him a second to take in the situation before he practically leaps off the pillow.
“Crap. What time is it?” He rubs his face a little, though it does nothing for the pillow mark running across his forehead.
“Six-thirty,” I reply, keeping my voice low.
“So much for sleeping in.” He turns and spots Nick making biscuits at the foot of the bed. “Oh, I see.” He turns back to me and rolls his eyes. I’m about to say something about how that cat is a criminal mastermind when Nix’s cheeks turn bright red. “Um, I guess I should get up then.”
He practically falls off the bed, his feet tangled in the sheet.
Oh, fuck. It’s then that I remember that I’ve kicked all the blankets off my side, leaving me sitting here in my gray briefs, with a massive erection.
Maybe he didn’t notice? No, of course he did. That’s why he’s currently hopping through the living room, getting away from me as fast as he can on the one day he’s supposed to get to sleep in.
So much for being a good roommate. Or even a good friend.
Grabbing the comforter, I pull it up to my armpits, covering every bit of skin that I can. “Sorry,” I mumble, even though he can’t hear me from this far away.
Is there a protocol in these situations? If there is, I’m not aware of it. Do I bring it up? Maybe explain to him that I’ve been developing feelings for him?
Nope, that’s not the romantic gesture I want to make. I might not know how to go about navigating my first same-sex relationship, but I know that’s not it.
The other option is to ignore it. Pretend the whole thing never happened.
Sure, there’ll be a few moments of awkwardness, but those are bound to fade.
At least I hope they are. This is my first foray into this arena, so I’m not so sure that’s the case.
Especially with the unnatural shade of purple that Nix turned.
“I’ll be down at the shop,” Nix says, not bothering to look in my general direction. His curls are still dripping from his ridiculously quick shower.
“Not going to use your morning to relax?”
“Oh, um, no. I mean, there’s so much to do. Books don’t put themselves on the shelves.”
“No, I do that.” It’s pretty much the only thing I’m good at. That and taking payments from customers, though that one is a bit hit or miss.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I really need to talk to Nix about my feelings.
This is getting out of hand, and neither of us is going to be able to continue down this path much longer.
My feelings are about to burst out of my chest. If I don’t say something to him in a controlled fashion, I fear I’ll blurt it out in front of a customer.
That would be bad. Very bad.
Nix deserves my honesty, especially since we have several more nights together, at least. Plus a lifetime of being in each other’s orbit. Russ will always be his best friend, which means Nix will always be around. I can’t avoid him no matter how far I run.
“I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Oh, you don’t have to come in today.”
I frown. That’s not right. I’m scheduled to work today. “Nix, about this morning—”
“I meant because you might want to work on your coaching program. You could probably get a whole module done in those hours.”
Ah, we’re not talking about the elephant in the room then. “No, I want to be helpful around here. I’ll see you at one.”
For a second, I think he’s going to argue with me, make a case for why he desperately wants me to stay here. Instead, he gives me a curt nod. “One.”
The door closes behind him, leaving the cat and me in bed. “Nick, you’ve been here a while. Any chance you know how to approach Nix about this?”
Nick looks at me disapprovingly—which is his default—before licking his stomach and curling up in a tight ball.
Furry little thing has a point. The sooner I do this, the better. That means I have six hours to come up with a decent plan. Challenge accepted.
NIX
“Okay, so what’s the plan?” I ask Nick. As usual, he has no opinion as long as the food is in his bowl and his bed is in a sun spot. Otherwise, he has no interest in my life. Especially my love life.
Lack of a love life?
Fantasy love life?
No matter what you call it, Nick has the right idea.
It’s not worth discussing. Especially when it’s one-sided.
What happened this morning was just one of those things.
It’s been a long time since I had a roommate—since I was a sophomore in college.
In that time, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to share such close proximity to another human being.
This was bound to happen at some point. Now that it’s done, it’s out of the way, and we can move on.
Oh my God. We have another three nights together. Minimum. And that’s only if the water comes back on in my place on schedule. How likely is that to happen?
The answer is nearly zero. Between Aunt May’s home and the shop, I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of different home-improvement projects. Not a single one of them has been done on time or on budget. Given how badly I want to be back in my space, it’s unlikely this is going to be the one.
I briefly consider going home anyway. If I buy enough bottled water, I can probably make it work. Sure, bathing is going to be a bit of a problem, but maybe I can think of it like an adventure. Almost like a glamping trip. Indoors, but with all the fun of basically living outside.
Okay, I’m not doing that. I’m far too high-maintenance for something like that. There’s still the option to call around town, see if any of the inns have openings for me. It’s not the most cost-effective option, but it’s better than living through the awkwardness that’s bound to ensue tonight.
“Hey, Nix.”
Oh, God. Is it possible to get sucked into an alternate dimension? One slightly less embarrassing than this one.
All the books say maybe, but they’re strangely devoid of any real help in the details. Not that I would understand them. The two days I spent in advanced physics before promptly dropping the class to spend more time on my English studies in high school did not leave me with much knowledge.
“What do you have for me today?”
“What? Um…I mean inventory. You can do inventory.” In part because that takes place in the backroom. With the door closed. Far away from me. The perfect location for both of us. As long as I don’t make it weird.
“I’ll admit that I have no idea how to do that, but I’m sure I can learn.”
“It’s not hard.” Shit, don’t say hard. “Difficult. It’s not difficult. You’ll catch on fast.” Mouth meet foot.
“Great. Want to show me?”
No. Definitely not. Trapped in a small, dark room with little space to maneuver?
Yeah, not going to happen. I think I’ve managed to embarrass both of us enough for one day.
Plus, I’m likely to keep talking to fill the space, and who knows what I might say.
“You know, it’s super easy. You can write the title of each book on this paper and then put little tick marks next to it for how many books are in the back. ”
Is that actually how we do inventory? Nope. But this is a fake task, so it doesn’t really matter. I hand over a clipboard with blank paper. It’s technically mine to jot down general notes, but I’ll do without it for the rest of the day.
“You’re sure? That doesn’t sound very organized.”
“I keep meaning to come up with a system, but…” I shrug. It’s not like I can come up with an excuse. At any given time, I know the exact number of books in this store. There’s nothing back there that I don’t know about. But here I am, pretending like the system is built on paper and pencil.
If Chase sees through me, he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he heads into the back, carrying my clipboard.
Frozen, I hang out at the cash register for another hour, switching between spreadsheets and the newest time-wasting game on my phone.
It’s a slow day, which is why I originally planned for Chase to do some work cleaning up the shelves.
Nothing crazy, but over time, the books get out of position.
Sometimes it’s accidental, someone slipping one back upside down.
Sometimes they think they’re doing me a favor by turning them cover-out to attract more attention.
Either way, they need a bit of straightening up every now and then to keep everything looking neat. It’s boring and time-consuming, but necessary. And, since Chase is now in the back doing fake inventory, the task falls to me.
The romance section is the perfect place to start. There are lots of colorful spines, all lined up and waiting for buyers. I’m halfway through the second row when Chase comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder.
“Problem?”
“No, it’s pretty easy to count books.”
“Did you need something?” He’s so close to me that I can’t breathe, not without inhaling his scent. That’s created enough problems already. Considering I’m sharing a bed with him, jerking off to fantasies is out tonight.
And every night.
He leans in a little closer. “Can you stay like that?”