Chapter 12 #2
“Did I say something wrong? You can tell me.” His big eyes search my face for a glimmer of whatever he’s hoping for tonight.
“No,” I say quickly, fully aware of how close we’re sitting to each other. So much for avoiding the rumor mill. There will be at least twenty people popping into the store tomorrow to ask me about Chase. “I’m just surprised, is all.”
“Why?”
Chase has been brave tonight. Maybe I can do the same?
“You know how I hung around your house a lot as a kid?”
“Yeah, I used to joke that you were my second brother. You and Russ were inseparable. We always thought that would change, especially after Russ transitioned. That was one of my parents’ biggest concerns. Not so much about you, but your parents.”
“Right. We were pretty young, so I don’t think I ever thought about that.” Russ became himself after kindergarten. Honestly, other than using a different name, I don’t think I noticed. Or even thought about it. “He was always Russ to me.”
“I think that’s part of why he latched onto you so hard.”
“It was mutual.” My friendship with Russ is unlike anything else in my life. He’s more family to me than most of my family members are. “I needed him, too. He always accepted me for who I was.” There’s never been any secrets between us. “But I also liked coming over because of you.”
“Me? I figured you two hated me. I gave you so much shit and never let you play my video games.”
“That’s true, but you were also the reason I realized I was gay.”
Chase looks shocked, but not upset or disturbed, so I continue.
“I had such a crush on you. You were so cool and incredibly good-looking. Any attention you gave me was enough for me to believe that something might happen between us.” It’s dizzying to think that it did—it just took a very long time.
Teenage me was not that patient. It’s probably good that I had no idea that it was even a possibility.
I would’ve spent my whole life waiting for him to come around.
Now that he has, I’m desperate to keep him.
CHASE
Nix likes me.
Nix likes me.
Nix likes me.
The thought plays over and over in my head. Not just that, but he’s had a crush on me for over a decade.
Fuck, that’s a long time. He’s got himself all figured out. He’s got a home and a business and isn’t googling his sexuality in his spare time.
“Here’s your food. Can I bring you two anything else?”
If the waiter thinks anything of Nix and me sitting on the same side of the booth, he doesn’t say anything.
It’s nice, being this close to him. Is it cliché for us to be sitting this way?
Maybe, but fuck if I don’t like it. I’ve never been like this with anyone before, willing to ignore all the usual ways of doing things in order to be a little closer.
As promised, the chicken is delicious. I give a nod to make sure Nix knows I’m happy with his suggestion.
I expected a small town to have crappy food.
Or maybe only a diner or a fast food restaurant.
I haven’t tried much, wanting to save as much money as possible, but the coffee and pastries I’ve grabbed from Firehouse Brew have been absolutely incredible.
Better than anything I’ve had in the city.
There, I was always at a Starbucks. Consistent, but not much else I can say.
Of course, as long as it was highly caffeinated, I didn’t care.
That morning stop was always the second of many cups of coffee to get me through the day.
“So, you said something about dating?”
Ah, we’re back to the key conversation here. “Is that something you’d be interested in?” I let my legs fall open, my thigh brushing against Nix’s. He stiffens before relaxing into my touch.
“Are you sure you’re interested? In me?”
His voice is soft, barely above a whisper.
I hate that anyone ever made him feel like he isn’t some sort of prize.
I’m the one who should be second-guessing here.
I mean, he’s taking a big chance on me. My life is a giant mess at the moment.
And that was before I added sexual awakening to the list. He’s going to have his work cut out for him.
Then there’s the not-so-small issue that my time in Sleighbell Springs is meant to be temporary. A short-term layover on my way to whatever’s next.
Nix, on the other hand, has a whole life here. He has friends, a store that’s doing well, and a home that he adores, at least when it’s not falling apart.
How am I supposed to compete with all that?
“Yeah, I am. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I’d like to try. With you.”
“Oh.” That’s all he says, as though it might provide enough information.
“Is that a yes?”
“Yeah, it’s a yes.” It’s cute the way he ducks his head a bit, pretending to be focused on his meal.
I know better. It’s weird, but apparently, during my obsessive phase, I picked up a lot of information about him.
The way he tries to hide whenever someone gives him a compliment.
Like he might be able to get away from it.
I’m going to spoil him until he no longer shies away from praise.
“Good.”
“Good.”
The rest of the meal passes in near silence. A few of the local folks find their way over to the table to say hello. Thankfully, none of them stay very long.
It’s late by the time we make our way back to the bookstore. Late enough that we should go to bed.
Except that’s a bit complicated. Our beds happen to be together. We’ve slept side-by-side the last few nights, but that was all before I kissed him.
“So, is this awkward? Us going back to the same apartment?” I ask when we’re standing outside the back door to the store.
“Do you want me to go somewhere else? I can find a place to sleep tonight if you need space.”
“That’s not it.” His face tells me he’s not convinced.
My heart races as I lean in, still nervous in this situation.
The second our lips meet, I relax. There’s something about kissing Nix that’s both calming and enticing.
Nix moans against my lips, and what little bit of control I was holding onto snaps.
I wrap my arms around him and pull him as close as physically possible. When he tentatively licks along the seam of my lips, I happily open to him. For a second, I let Nix have full control, guiding me and showing me exactly how he wants to be kissed.
Once I have a handle on him, I turn us and back him up against the wall. As soon as we bump against the building, I take over. I’ve never kissed a guy before—well, except for earlier today. It’s different, which I guess is obvious, but not as much as I expected.
Nix’s stubble rubs against my skin. The feeling is surprisingly nice as I chase after him, dying for more.
I lean in, pressing my erection against his hip.
It happens before I can think about it. As soon as I realize what I’m doing, I start to pull away.
Nix must know what I’m doing, because he grabs my waist and holds me in place.
Through his slacks, I can feel his hard cock pressed against my erection, pressing against his thigh. I almost pull away before he presses himself against me, his erection pressing into my leg.
I did that.
I’m weirdly proud of being able to get him hard, even if I’m not ready to do anything about it. That part might require a little bit more research. I want our first time together to be incredible, not me fumbling my way through the experience, with Nix playing tutor.
Though that’s a strangely hot fantasy right there that I might have to circle back to later.
“Hey.” Nix pulls away and puts his hands against my chest, not pushing me away, but steadying himself on me. “Are you okay? You seem…distracted.” In the darkness, it’s hard to make out his face, but I can hear the fear in his voice.
“It’s not you, I just started thinking.” Apparently loudly enough that he could hear me.
“About?”
I hesitate. I’d prefer not to confess my cluelessness to him. At least not yet.
“Chase? You can tell me anything. I promise, it won’t change anything. You’re welcome here no matter what.”
“No,” I say.
“No?”
“Not no, but no, I’m not thinking anything like what you’re imagining. I’m a little in my head about things. It’s like being a bumbling teen all over again, except this time it’s with someone who’s actually experienced, so it lacks the same dual embarrassment.”
“I get it. It’s hard being vulnerable like that. Opening yourself up to someone new, especially when things are…different. We can go as slow as you want. Honest, I won’t push you.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you, I do.” My hips seem to have a mind of their own, thrusting forward enough for him to feel exactly how true that statement was.
“I get it. Really. We’ll go slow. Spend time getting to know one another. We’ve both changed a lot. It’ll be good for us.”
“Yeah.” At least part of me believes that statement.
He’s right, though. We’ve only known each other as adults for the last week.
That’s not nearly enough time. What I know of him mostly centers on his high school interests.
While there are definitely places where I feel he hasn’t changed that much, there’s a lot I don’t know.
A whole section of his life is missing from my recollection.
Where once I could’ve recited every bit of him from memory, now we’re practically strangers.
It’s a sobering way to end the night.
Or at least the date portion of the night.
“Stay,” I say. “We’ll enjoy the night together.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel any pressure.”
“I’m sure. I’d rather have you here. Next to me.”
“Okay.” Nix leans in and gives me a chaste kiss. “Let’s get to bed.”