Chapter 20
Bee
“Go away!” I yelled at the rude person banging on the door.
I pulled the blankets over my head. The room was now so cold the tips of my ears hurt. The fire must have gone out during the night, unbeknownst to us with all our vigorous activity. It was warm under this blanket and smelled yummy, like Owen’s body, and I just wanted to bite this big muscle I laid on.
“Ouch. Bee. No biting,” Owen slurred, half asleep.
“Now you don’t like it.”
I rolled onto my back and stretched with a big yawn, arms over my head, gently brushing Owen’s chin.
“Control your body,” he said, removing my fist from his face.
“You control my body,” I said, not fully awake.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
I was flung almost off the edge of the bed as Owen shot up.
“Coming! Hang on!” Owen yelled.
“Rude.” I pulled the comforter back over me and burrowed under a pillow to block out the sun and noise.
“Bee, you gotta get up. They’re here.” Owen sounded frantic.
I peeked out to glare, but it went unnoticed. He was too busy scrambling into jeans, hobbling and hopping as he balanced. I didn’t miss appreciating the strong muscles in his legs even though I was cranky.
I rapidly blinked away the burning sunlight from my eyes. “What? Who’s there?”
“They’re here to get us out,” he said. “The storm must have passed.”
“Yeah. I got that from the bright white light burning holes into my corneas.”
“It’s Azi and Mateo. We have brought the snowmobiles to save you!” Azi shouted and banged again.
“I’m going to murder him.” I launched myself in the direction of the door. Owen grabbed me by the middle to stop me.
“Easy there. Might want to get some clothes on first,” he rumbled from behind, his hot chest hard against my bare back.
My mind flashed to last night, on our second or third round, when he had me pressed into the mattress, face down, grinding into me from behind, while he teased me with his hand. I felt myself melting back against him now at the memory. His large hand sprawled and cupped both my breasts and squeezed to emphasize my nakedness. My head lulled back, and I was seconds from purring and rubbing myself all over him. It was like he found my reset button, and I immediately lost control of my body.
He groaned.
“Fine. I’ll get dressed. But then somebody is getting punched in the gut,” I said, letting him release me. I found my dried-out snowsuit and tugged it on, though I had absolutely no desire to. My options were limited.
“I thought you’d be a morning person,” he said.
I looked over at the loose smile on Owen’s face and the gleam in his eyes.
“Ew. You’re a morning person, aren’t you?” I made a disgusted face.
“You are adorable.” He kissed my head, and I swatted at him as he ducked out of the way.
“Pretty cold out here,” Azi called with another knock.
“Just give us a minute,” Owen said.
The two low voices outside exchanged laughter after a mumbled comment. So much for subtlety. Owen’s face turned bright red as he busied himself gathering our meager supplies. Was he embarrassed by me? Or was he worried about the sort of assumptions they’d make about his character? He wouldn’t meet my gaze as we rushed to open the door, and my first knot of worry formed. We hadn’t discussed what came next for us … other than each other. That took most of the night, and we fell asleep before logistics. I wanted to know where we stood.
After our clothes were situated, I quickly packed my bag—emergency or not, the rest of these snacks would not go to waste. Owen let the guys in. I recognized Azi from the shift the day before. He had short curls currently hidden under a winter hat and dark eyelashed-lined eyes that had the tourists all over him. He was with Mateo, an EMT for the local rescue crew, but he also worked on The Slope as needed. He had lighter hair and was a little taller, but both men seemed short compared to Owen. They unabashedly eyed up the place, including the rumpled sheets. No doubt they were fully aware of the amenities here. Owen blushed harder. The arrival of the new people had completely popped our perfect bubble.
Azi’s eyes moved up and down me. “Nice hair, Perkins.”
I blinked, shocked that he acknowledged me and knew my name.
Was he being sincere about my new cut, or did I have messy sex hair? I tried to subtly check my reflection, but when I looked over my shoulder, Owen was right behind me, an arm protectively wrapping around me and glaring daggers at Azi before I could answer. Which ended up being for the best because I was tongue-tied and indecisive. I felt like the person I’d been yesterday, and I hated that. This wasn’t the side of me Owen had seen. He’d seen NYNB Bee, not this shy-side character Bee.
“Let’s get going,” Owen said.
I had questions about how the sheets would get washed and who would replenish the firewood, but I recognized that this was not the time.
“I’ll take Bee if you wanna ride down with Mateo,” Azi said.
Azi looked me up and down again, and my indignation rose. He hadn’t noticed me yesterday, even when he’d looked directly at me. Now, because he assumed a new fact about me, I became worth his notice. I was about to say something when Owen spoke up.
“No. Bee is coming with me,” Owen said, a warning low and deep.
“Do you know how to drive the snowmobile? I don’t know if Benny Jr. would be okay with that,” Azi argued, looking at me again as if he could X-ray vision through the snowsuit.
“He’s down there with Officer Martinez,” Mateo said.
“I was told to bring her to Benny Jr., so that’s what I’m doing,” Owen said.
My heart sank, and an icy chill ran down the back of my neck.
“Wait—” I started, but the boys all began to talk over each other, not a single person looking at me anymore. I faded into the background once again.
My heart thrashed against my chest. This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t NYNB. This was all sliding immediately back to the way it used to be. But it was the new year, and I had changed. Owen had changed me when he saw me and when he reassured me that he wouldn’t forget me. That I wasn’t forgettable, but now he thought the plan would be the same? That he could just take me to Benny Jr.? Not a chance.
I wasn’t going back.
All the warmth and bliss from minutes ago burned away in a flash. My temper drove the show now.
“I’m not going down there,” I said, but nobody heard me over their bickering. Louder, I stepped forward. “I’m not going to Benny. I’m not,” I raised my voice. They all stopped, finally remembering I was there as my voice rang through the air.
Owen nervously flicked his gaze around. “Bee,” he said, putting his palms out to calm me, “I’ll take you and?—”
“No!” This time I shouted it. I was so tired of not being heard. Not being seen. I wasn’t going down this way. I thought Owen was better than the rest. That I was more … just that I was different. “And stop talking about me like I’m not here. Like I’m just some sort of statue!”
Owen winced and looked down.
The other two exchanged a confused look. “We’ll give you two another minute,” Azi said and then stepped back into the bright, cold day, letting in a pocket of cold air that reminded me too much of reality.
“I’m not going down, Owen. I told you that a hundred times.” A violent shiver shook me.
Owen tugged at his hat to scratch at his short hair. “Nothing’s changed. I still have to get you to Benny Jr.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Are you kidding me, Bee? I told you from the beginning that I needed this job.”
“Did I hallucinate the past few hours?” I said it out loud, but I was mostly talking to myself because nothing else could explain the shift in Owen.
“No. And it was incredible, but I still have responsibilities and people counting on me.” At least he seemed earnest.
“You’re really gonna ship me off to him and whatever bologna he plans for me? How can you be so calloused? You do have a choice here.”
Several looks passed over his features: pain, then sadness, then determination. “It’s not that simple. I need to stay in good standing with him. I need the money.”
“You can get another job, good gravy. You act like being a professional bully is the only option you have. We talked about that. You don’t have to be that person.” I stood to him, chest almost to chest. Well, chest to upper stomach. He had a distinct advantage, but that didn’t slow my temper.
“It’s not so simple for me to change my whole life on a whim,” he said, nostrils flaring as his gaze moved over my features.
“Don’t mock me because you’re too scared to change.”
Owen’s jaw flexed, and he put his hands on my shoulders. He glanced to the door and then back to me, voice lowering.
“I am scared, Bee. But not for me. For right now, for today. I have two rents to pay and no way to pay them if I don’t get this money from Benny Jr. I don’t want to have to do this, but I don’t know what else to do. I really don’t—I can’t have Ivy?—”
I frowned. The wheels turned. “Why are you paying Ivy’s rent?”
“I-I didn’t mean to—Pretend I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to burden you with any of this.”
“Tell me now.” I crossed my arms.
Owen glanced to make sure the others weren’t listening. “Her son took off with her savings last summer. I’ve been paying for her stay at Golden Sunset. But please don’t share that information. Nobody knows except a few people at the home. It’s just temporary until I can get a little saved up and figure out what comes next, but for today, I can’t change the plan. I can’t rock the boat. I need the money he offered for you.” He’d gone almost frantic as he spoke, real fear in his wild eyes.
He looked down, and as the truth settled into me, so did the cold.
“I never meant for things to go so far. I wouldn’t ever want you to think that I was using you or?—”
“I know you didn’t, Owen,” I said softly, voice cracking.
Poor Owen. He had done everything for Ivy. I understood that now. All the little pieces of the night lined up and made more sense. How he would go on the tram when it clearly terrified him. Why he continued to try to get me back down the mountain when all I did was fight him at every turn. It wasn’t about his wants, it was about Ivy’s this whole time.
And I’d been so selfish.
I understood then. NYNB was out the window. This whole time, throughout the freezing cold and the jump from the tram, I still thought that I would change my role in life to be somebody else. Maybe some people are destined to play the filler for the main characters.
After all, even those who manage to make significant changes still get lost in time. Maybe it was all pointless. It was all temporary. It was that same cold, dark feeling that had been consuming me the past few months slowly seeped into the edges of my vision. That feeling that there really is no point to any of this.
“Bee, I’m sorry.” He looked wrecked.
I wrapped my arms around his middle and squeezed until my arms shook. I couldn’t do my plan but we could still get Owen the money he was owed and help Ivy.
“Okay.” I nodded once, voice loud and clear. “Take me to Benny Jr. The little jerk. You get your money, and then I will figure out what needs to be done.”
“Bee. I’m sorry. I hate this. If I had another option … if I thought.” He tugged off his winter hat to put it on me. “I’ll talk him out of pressing charges. I’ll make sure you’re okay.”
“Don’t apologize. I’m aware of my privilege and that this was all a half-baked idea to begin with.” My voice sounded flat. “I’ll just figure out something else. There’s always next year. But this is in no way your fault.” I made him meet my gaze. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“You aren’t alone in this. I promise,” Owen said.
I tried so hard to believe him, but in my experience, out of sight, out of mind. But that wasn’t fair to Owen. I could see the torment in his features, and I knew that he didn’t want to be doing this. It wasn’t like we’d made plans to go get croissants and throw them to (at) the guinea pigs in the park. He didn’t owe me anything. I was insecure and sad that none of my plans came to fruition, but I still cared about Owen and wanted to help him.
“Let’s go get your money,” I said, determined.
But crap, was I really about to get arrested?