Chapter 21
Owen
Guilt churned in my gut as we rode down the hill, following Azi and Mateo toward Benny. The storm left a foot of fresh powder, but the sky was bright and blue. The top halves of the pine trees were weighted down by snow and looked as mournful and burdened as I felt. Bee was silent as she clung to my back, head resting against me, presumably to block the worst of the cold. They’d given her a helmet, but she was still bound to be cold this icy morning.
I’d hated how her normally bright, sturdy countenance melted out of her voice, leaving a shell of the woman I’d grown to know when she agreed to go down the mountain with me. I hated to share Ivy’s business at the risk of emotionally manipulating Bee, but I didn’t know how else to prove to Bee that I didn’t have any other options. If there was any other way.
I had thought of Ivy moving in with me into my tiny apartment above the cannabis dispensary, High Altitude, on Main Street. But I couldn’t take care of her as I worked strange, long hours. She needed things the medical staff provided that I didn’t know about. She didn’t deserve that life. She deserved to be in a safe place like Golden Sunset. Not to even mention the practical issues like getting her up and down all those narrow wooden stairs that led up to my apartment or if she even wanted to live in a space that would always sort of smell skunky. It wouldn’t be fair to her.
But Bee didn’t deserve this either. I had been honest from the beginning. I never meant to hurt her.
How could I not be hurting her? I had just slept with her, and now I was delivering her to a man with an ego trip. Benny Jr. was out to send a message to those in town who thought his father did a better job. What sort of person was I? There had to be a better way.
Snow stung my cheeks as I squinted ahead, a growing awareness that no matter what, I was going to hurt someone I cared about. It might not be physical pain this time, but I still could only manage to hurt.
We went over a hill and then dipped low, coming down the final stretch to the base building. There, two black dots on the horizon waited—Benny Jr. and Officer Martinez.
Azi and Mateo zipped down and away as our snowmobile rolled to a stop. I cut the engine and sat still. I shook my head, the sudden cessation of the engine causing a ringing in my ears.
“No.” I got up and out of the seat to kneel before Bee. My helmet reflected back as she stared down at me. Presumably.
I tugged mine off and she matched me; her revealed face twisted in confusion, head bowed to meet my gaze.
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry I even got this far, Bee. Let’s turn around and I’ll take you to the top of the mountain. You should still have time for your New Year, New You plan.” I stumbled over the words as I rushed to get them out. “I’m sorry.”
A flash of her usual ferocity blinked in her eyes, quickly replaced with a sad acceptance.
“I can’t let a woman lose her home just so I can show off my tatas to Slippery Slopes.”
“Wait, what?—”
“Well, it’s not like I intend to show them,” she explained with a flick of her wrist. “But you’ve met them. I mean, they really have trouble staying in that bikini top.”
I stared at her covered chest and remembered all the times I’d licked and played with her breasts just a few hours ago. Even before she graciously gave me access to them, they did seem to crave freedom.
“Owen?” She clapped gloved hands in front of my face. I shook my head and focused on her here and now. “It’s too late. You don’t get to be the stoic, self-sacrificing one this time. I’m choosing to do that. I’ll be the hero,” she said teasingly but determined. It was the same look she’d had when she didn’t want to get on the tram last night.
I dropped my head. All this really had been my fault.
“And stop blaming yourself!” She shook my shoulders roughly. “Seriously, there are at least five people before you to take responsibility, and I’m pretty sure I’m four of them.”
I shook my head, grabbing her hands. “I’ll figure something else out.”
“Not a chance.” She slid them away and roughly patted my cheek. “We’re getting you that money. Honestly, what sort of person would I be if I let Ivy get kicked out?” She sighed dramatically and shook out her hair. “No. No. I’ll go down there and see what Benny Jr. thinks he can do. I’m not scared of him.”
I scrubbed at my face. “I hate this. I'll come find you as soon as I pay her rent, okay? We will make a new plan for you and your boobs.”
She leaned forward to kiss my nose, and I was tempted to kiss her deeply there and then, but I wasn’t sure where we stood now if she could still trust me.
“Okay,” she said, and I let her pull me up to stand.
I looked down at her one last time, cupped her cheek, and kissed her forehead.
Back on the snowmobile, we made it the rest of the way down, coming to a stop in front of the others waiting.
“Looks like you’re not a total idiot,” Benny Jr. said. “For a second there, I thought you were about to do something stupid.” He spoke to me, but he glared at Bee.
I felt her tense at my side. I slipped an arm through hers.
“Come on, really?” I gestured to Office Martinez. “This isn’t necessary. Bee didn’t do any damage to your shop.”
“I bet we can clear all this up without any arrests. She’s just a passing tourist who got confused, no doubt,” Officer Martinez said, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else on New Year’s Day, barely glancing at Bee.
My head dropped back to glare at the bright sky. This was not happening again.
“I just made him his double espresso yesterday morning,” Bee said to me, put out but not surprised.
“I looked up Ms. Perkins, and she doesn’t have a record,” the officer explained.
“Shoplifting!” Benny jabbed a finger in the direction of Bee’s snowsuit.
“Hey, now wait. You made me drag her out in the weather. She needed clothes.” I spoke without thinking, only realizing too late how it sounded.
“Why didn’t she have any clothes?” My boss eyed her suspiciously. “What sort of deviant am I dealing with here?”
Azi and Mateo shared a look before Azi’s gaze lingered on Bee. A protective instinct had me stepping closer to her.
Even the cop looked more interested in being here. His gaze flicked up and down Bee, like Azi’s had. All of a sudden, these men in town took notice of her, and that wasn’t fair, not when she’d been here all along. But something about the jump and the stay in the cabin changed her, and she seemed to exude this pheromone that had all the men sniffing around.
I hated it. I ground my jaw and balled my fists.
“Indecent exposure, shoplifting, loitering, and … and breaking and entering!” Benny Jr. listed.
“I didn’t break anything!” Bee shouted, then pointed at Azi. “It was your employee who didn’t see me when doing closing shift duties. I could sue for neglect.”
“She must have been hiding,” Azi said, scratching at the back of his neck, fully avoiding her gaze. “It was an honest mistake.”
“Yeah, right,” Bee mumbled, and I wondered if it would draw too much attention to cover her mouth with my hand. She had confessed to me that, technically, she’d been hiding from Azi in an effort to stay the night.
“See. I’m sure there’s no need for this to go any further,” the officer said. “Come on, Ben. I’m sure we can just call it a day and celebrate the new year.”
“It’s Mr. Gauner.” Anger spread up Benny Jr.’s cheeks. “I’m pressing charges,” he said because he would always do the opposite of any suggestion.
The others rolled their eyes. My own anger pumped blood to my fists that curled for action. I didn’t want to be this person, but I could. I stepped forward and used my bulk to make myself as large as possible.
Benny Jr. flinched back, his eyes darting side to side.
“I think we can work something out,” I said.
“I don’t pay you to think. You take your money and get out of here.” He shoved a thick envelope of cash at me. Thicker than I expected. Enough for both rents when I quickly checked. I ground my jaw, unable to move. Shame flashed over me.
Bee patted my back and whispered, “Make sure they’re not fake bills.”
I glared down at Benny Jr., feeling like the smallest man here, even though I towered over them all. Shame for needing the cash this badly and being unable to provide it any other way. Shame at not being able to defend Bee. Shame that once again, my tongue was tied, and I felt incapable of saying or doing the right thing.
It was as though Benny Jr. could read the thoughts flashing over my face.
“That’s what I thought, Big Guy. You get a command, and you follow it like a good boy.” His tone dripped with condescension as he pushed my buttons. I wasn’t sure why. I blinked down at him. Yes, his words hurt, but I was used to his disdain. I knew that he believed me to be a violent criminal with zero brain cells. I couldn’t control what he thought of me. I might not ever be seen any other way, and I had to be okay with that if I continued to want money.
I ground my jaw, but I didn’t react.
“Would you just shut up?” Bee said, exasperated. “You’re not half the man Owen is, and you never will be. And I’m not just talking physically. Nobody in this town would ever listen to you if you didn't have money.”
Benny Jr. went purple with barely suppressed rage.
“Shut that nobody up.” Benny Jr. looked at me. “I can tell you had your fun with her, but you’re done now.”
I shook my head, anger and frustration at being called out. Just like when Azi and Mateo showed up and immediately assumed that we’d had sex. They all made it seem dirty and cheap. It took away the deep connection we’d shared and made it tawdry. It was one thing to make me a kicking post, but it wasn’t fair to Bee. She wouldn’t be treated like that.
That had been a mistake. I clenched my fist. I could break him so easily that the heat of it hit me by surprise. I never wanted to hurt anybody.
“Watch your mouth,” I growled.
“Or what?” Benny said, his embarrassment making him reckless.
I stepped closer.
Distantly, I heard the cop warning me off and the other guys murmur warnings as I stepped up to Benny Jr., making myself large and imposing. I glared down my nose at him, shoulders tensed.
“Not worth it.” Bee’s voice cut through the haze of anger controlling me. She rubbed my back soothingly. “You aren’t the person they think you are. Their opinion doesn’t matter.” Bee was whispering, and the edges of my vision returned to normal. It was everything I’d just told myself. I let her pull me back as I locked my eyes on hers. I thought of our connection last night, the secrets shared.
“Just as I thought,” Benny said with a huff, like a bully out of a poorly written teen drama. It was one of life’s greatest injustices that the content of a person’s character never determined their financial security. “You’re all talk, Big Guy,” Benny spat.
The change in Bee’s eyes happened so fast. The soft reassurance burned away to nostril-flared rage in a flash.
“I’m not.” Bee swung her fist before she even finished her sentence. There wouldn’t have been time to stop her, even if I wanted to.
Benny Jr. collapsed forward with a loud grunt. I knew how sharp those bony little fists of hers could be, and he’d just been nailed in the gut.
The cop sighed and mumbled something about paperwork. “All right. Come on, Perkins. You shouldn’t have done that.”
“No regrets,” she yelled, shaking out her fist.
None of us seemed particularly worried about Benny Jr.’s writhing form on the ground.
I turned to her. “He’s right. You shouldn’t have done that,” I said, unable to hide my amusement.
She shrugged. “What can you do?”
I leaned forward to drop a kiss on her forehead as handcuffs latched her from behind.
“This is giving me an idea for the future,” she said as she wiggled her eyebrows.
Despite her attempt to be brave and lighten the mood, my heart sank. Benny Jr. must have wanted to escalate the situation so he could be validated for getting Bee in trouble, and I fell right into his trap.
“I’ll come get you as soon as I can,” I promised.
She smiled up at me, and for once, I spotted the smallest crack in her facade. This made it all feel much more real. “At least my parents are out of town.” Her cheesy smile wavered.
“They’ll have quite the story waiting for them.”
“All right, come on, Perkins. Really, what were you thinking?” Martinez asked as he led her away.
“That’s not really my brand,” she said.
Their voices faded away as he led her to his patrol car in handcuffs.
I felt sick.
What had I done? I had to start making things right.