Chapter 33
EMMA
The sneaking around is really starting to pick away at my insecurities. Our visits to the club have become more frequent in the past two weeks, and I know I’m being a petulant child with my whiny requests, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s embarrassed to be seen with me.
“We need to be discreet. There are rules,” he’ll say. I know our relationship would be frowned upon at school since he’s a professor, but I’m getting sick of his rules, especially when it feels like the only obstacle in our path preventing us from being together.
Since John had plans tonight and Becka needed a sitter, I happily agreed to help. Her family has doubled in size since I last saw her, adding a partner and another daughter and son to her clan. Maybe it’ll be good that we have a night apart so we can come up for air.
“Thank you so much for babysitting, Emma,” Becka says, pulling me into a hug and ushering me inside. “Bennett’s parents had plans, Miles is out with friends, and I wasn’t sure if you were free during the school year.”
“Only sometimes. Finals are coming up and then there’s the play, so it’s good you caught me this weekend since I won’t have a lot of time after this. I’ll probably end up studying after the girls go to bed.”
“Just make sure you cut them off at two bedtime stories, or you’ll be reading their books all night instead of yours.” Bennett chuckles as though speaking from experience.
“That’s not an issue when I tuck them in,” Robert adds. “You just have to make sure they know that two is the limit.”
“I thought three was the limit?” Becka quips as she and Bennett laugh while Robert scowls.
“Why are you two laughing?” Robert grumps.
“It was a threesome joke.” Bennett playfully slaps Robert’s chest, and his scowl deepens.
“Don’t pout, B. You’re just jealous that the girls like Fun Dad reading them more than two books.
” Bennett smirks at Robert, causing Robert’s brow to furrow.
“They know Grumpy Dad reads two and Fun Dad reads more.”
“Okay, you two, not everything is a competition. Save it for the basketball court,” Becka says, kissing each of her men on the cheek.
I smile politely at their exchange, looking for a reason to excuse myself from the conversation. “Are the girls upstairs?” I ask as the doorbell rings.
“Yup. Will you grab that on your way up? It should be my brother Jack and his wife. We’re headed out on a double date with them,” Robert says as I back out of the room while he and Bennett debate what to call their group date since it’s technically a double date with five people.
I open the door, standing behind it as I speak. “C’mon in, everyone’s in the kitch—” I stop when the couple walks into the foyer and I get a clear view of who it is.
Holy shit.
“Emma?”
What do I call him? Daddy Dom? Professor Ali? A-hole definitely feels most fitting right now. “John,” I rasp, the shock in my voice evident.
We stand there staring, me gaping in disbelief, him blinking at me in confusion, his normally perfectly polished mask peeled back exposing a tempest of emotions underneath it.
The woman beside him clears her throat. She is stunning with gorgeous skin and perfectly done makeup. Her dark brown hair is pinned up.
“Sorry, this is my wife, Maryam. Maryam, this is Emma. She’s a former student.”
I’m a former of all my titles now, A-hole.
He’s married?
Oh my God, I’m his dirty little secret. It’s why I’ve never seen his place. We always met at the club. He wasn’t just hiding me because I was his student. It’s why he said he couldn’t be fully honest. My stomach rolls and I clutch it as I move past them and head up the stairs.
“Emma!” his voice calls after me as I close and lock the bathroom door behind me.
——————
Somehow, I manage to get through the night. Hallie and Lexie are a welcome distraction, making it easy to shift my focus. Every time I had a minute to myself to spiral, one of them would run up or ask me a question and pull me out of my funk.
The waiting is the worst kind of torture.
I didn’t let him explain after he arrived, and I’ve been ignoring his texts all night.
I can’t turn off my phone in case Becka or her guys need to reach me.
It feels like an agonizing countdown toward my heartbreak.
Will he come back with them? Is this all going to implode in front of Becka, Robert, and Bennett?
Oh God, what if he’s telling them about me? Will they ever want me to babysit again?
When I see headlights pull up thirty minutes later, I’m pacing and head to the kitchen to wipe down the counters and load the dishwasher. I hear someone climbing the stairs as footsteps move toward the kitchen.
“You can just throw those in the sink,” Becka says. “I like to wash them by hand.”
My anxiety is spiraling out of control as I grip the counter, letting my intrusive thoughts spill out, convinced Becka knows all the sordid details.
“Becka, I can explain.” I turn toward her, ready to face the music.
“Explain what?” she asks, her brow furrowed.
“Never mind. How was dinner?”
“It was good, but Jack seemed distracted and was on his phone all night.”
“I have to tell you something,” I say nervously.
“What’s wrong? Were the girls okay for you? Oh God, were they awful and you’re telling me you’re quitting?”
“Gosh, no. Nothing like that. They were great.” I twist my hands in front of me, unable to contain the nervous energy bubbling to the surface.
“Okay, good, because they adore you and there’s no way I’ll be able to find a sitter as wonderful as you.”
Will she still think that when I tell her what I’ve done?
“Are you and Jack close?”
She stares at me in confusion for several seconds, blinking. “Not where I thought you were going, but okay. Robert recently reconnected with him. They were never really close, and when their brother Michael was killed, it really tore apart their whole family.”
He’s shared a little about his brother, but clearly I don’t know the whole story. “That’s awful. What happened?”
“Michael was beaten to death at school. It wasn’t ruled a hate crime, but it was definitely because of his sexuality.
It happened while Robert was in his freshman year of college.
His family was never the same after that.
When we started family dinners, Robert decided that he wanted to reconnect with Jack.
I think they each blamed themselves for Michael’s death, and they both withdrew from the family because of it. ”
“Oh my God.”
“Yeah. Luckily they were able to reconnect and talk through a lot of these issues. Why do you ask?”
My thoughts are moving a mile a minute thinking through everything he’s said to me as Daddy Dom, Professor A-hole, and as John. This explains a lot about why he’s so protective, why he feels the need to be a white knight and help others.
Becka clears her throat, and I look up, locking eyes with her. “Emma, sweetie, what’s going on? Why are you suddenly interested in my brother-in-law?”
Tears flood my vision, and her silhouette blurs in front of me.
She pulls me into a hug, and I sink into her warm embrace.
“Jack is Professor A-hole, isn’t he?” I nod against her shirt as a sob escapes me.
“And he showed up here with his wife and you’ve just been sitting here in a panic.
You’re why he was on his phone all night. ”
“How did you figure all that out?”
“It’s a gift. Let’s just say I’ve gotten really good at following breadcrumbs.” She chuckles, stroking my hair and brushing it back from my face. “Do you want the good news?” she asks.
I pull back to look at her and nod.
“I don’t think he loves her. We’ve hung out with him quite a bit the past few months, and tonight was the first night I met her.
If one of my guys had his head buried in his phone at dinner all night, you better believe I would be annoyed.
There’s no way I wouldn’t say something.
But Mary was unbothered. And they definitely had friend vibes, not happily married, madly in love vibes. ”
“But he’s still married, and he didn’t t–tell me,” I stutter out, trying to calm the emotions swirling inside me.
“True. But something tells me there’s more to the story than how it appears. If I know anything about the Gardner men, they’re a pretty easy bunch to figure out. There’s not a thought in Robert’s head that I can’t read on his face. And Jack was easy to decipher at dinner. I knew something was up.”
“Gardner? So his name is Jack Gardner?”
“His name is John, Jack is a family nickname. And Robert said he took his wife’s name.”
“Ali. I know him as Professor Ali, or John.”
Becka laughs, easing my nerves slightly. “I think you’ve only ever referred to him as Professor A-hole to me, or I would have figured this out sooner.”
My smile in response is weak as I run through all my lingering thoughts.
She places a hand on mine, squeezing it, and I imagine she’s imbuing me with strength I don’t have.
“I think you should talk to him. Let him share his side of the story. I’m sure there’s more to it than it seems. He doesn’t strike me as the type to string you along.
And I’ve always thought he and Mary seemed off, like there was no love there, just respect. ”
Her words should comfort me, but I feel hollow.
It hurts to know that she knows this whole other side of him that I’ve never seen.
That clearly I don’t know him at all. That his rules were there to keep things from me, little pieces of himself he was either unwilling to give or had already shared with someone else.
“I dunno. This week is going to be crazy with the play. I’ve got a lot going on, and I should probably just focus on that right now.”
“Oh my gosh, we’re so excited! We’re all coming to watch—Bridget and Ethan, Robert, Bennett, Miles, and the girls. I think Alyx even said your parents are bringing your sisters to opening night.”
“Yeah, the matinee is the only performance that isn’t sold out. I think everyone I know is coming to opening night.” I can tell my smile doesn’t reach my eyes, but Becka doesn’t call me out on it, instead she wraps me in a tight hug.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it’s going to be okay. I promise.” She pulls back holding my shoulders while looking directly in my eyes. “Take some time for yourself to gather your thoughts and then talk to him when you’re ready.”
I know I should let him explain, but I don’t think I’m ready to hear his excuses.
And what else could they be but excuses?
He is married. I can’t think of any possible explanation he could give that would make this okay, and I’m not sure my heart could take it if he tried.
It feels like it’s shattered into a million pieces during a windstorm and there’s no way I could possibly find them all to make it whole again.
There will always be fragments that are missing, lost to the wind, belonging to him.