Chapter 40
JOHN
Asense of calm washes over me as we walk into my private room at Pulse.
This is the first time I’ve had her alone since everything went down after the show.
It’s the first time we’ll be intimate since that fucker violated her in front of me.
Anger wells in me as I clench my fist, hearing her close the door behind me.
Her soft hands wrap around my wrist, gently tugging me back and pulling me from my thoughts.
“John, what’s wrong?”
I keep my back to her as I take deep breaths to calm the anger inside of me as my brain relives the scene from last week. Has it only been a week?
“Do you not want me?” There’s a break in her voice, and I spin to face her, taking her hands in mine as I lean down and kiss her forehead. She releases me, wrapping her arms around my waist and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Baby, there’s not a minute of the day that passes when I’m not overcome with thoughts of you. There’s no one else on this earth and nothing in this life that I want more than you.”
A tear falls down her cheek, and I tilt her chin up to kiss it before covering her face in kisses, finally landing on her lips.
“I’m really starting to rethink this no-bed-in-my-room decision,” I say between kisses.
“I don’t need a bed. I just need you to touch me.”
“It makes me so fucking hard to hear you say that. To see how far you’ve come since the first time we were in this room.”
Her body melts into mine as we hold each other, our kisses growing more and more frenzied before I pull back.
She looks at me, her brows raised. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I hid from you. It felt wrong keeping this from you, who I really was, why we couldn’t be together. I know I sound like a broken record, but I’m just so fucking sorry.”
“I’m not. I got to fall in love with you twice. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I was never bothered when you touched me as Professor Ali. You’d grab my hand or arm, and I never balked. And part of me felt so torn reveling in the touch of two different men.”
“I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t feel bad about that. But it was also really fucking hot watching you use all my rules against me as your professor.”
A blush stains her cheeks and my cock hardens at her reaction as she trails her fingers slowly up my chest. “I just wished I figured it out sooner. What if we made new rules? Rules that we promise not to break.”
“Such as?”
“Well, if this is going to work and we rebuild trust, how about always tell the truth? Be honest yet kind. And we tell each other everything—no more hiding parts of ourselves from each other.”
“Done. What else?”
“You were the one with all the rules, Professor, you tell me.”
“When we’re in here, you’re mine to control, mine to command. You will submit to me fully.”
She lets out a shaky breath, and I watch the way her chest rises and falls as her breathing picks up. “I like that one.”
“Tell me, if I were to touch you right now, would I find you dripping for me?”
“Yes, sir. What about your old rule about being with subs?”
Pressing my erection against her, I crowd her against the door.
“You’re not just my sub. You’re my everything.
The air I breathe. The sunlight that brightens my day.
The sustenance that nourishes me. The balance I need to ground me.
And most importantly, mine. You are mine, pet.
I don’t fuck subs, but you’re more than that.
You’re my fucking world. And I will do what I want with you when and where I please. ”
“Is that a rule?”
“Yes,” I say, pressing my forehead to hers, breathing her in.
“I think those are good rules to start with, but there’s still something that’s bothering me,” she says softly, pulling back and looking up at me. Her long lashes blink rapidly, and I steel myself for her admission.
“Should I change your name to Bruce Wayne in my phone or keep it as Batman Dom?”
I bark out a laugh and slide my hands up her face, cradling her cheeks as I force her to look at me.
“You’re incredible, Emma, and I’m so deeply in love with you.
I love you. Your joy, your curiosity, your zest for life.
The way you make me laugh. The way you trusted me with your trauma, your body, your fears.
I’ve spent most of my life helping others as a way to atone for my sins.
Thinking that if I did enough good in my life, I’d finally be worthy.
That I had to earn the love of others. I didn’t think I deserved to be happy.
But you make me feel seen. Wanted. Needed.
And if you allow me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.
Proving that I’m worthy of you, loving you the way you deserve. ”
“You don’t have to prove anything to me. I see who you are under the mask, and I love every version of you.”
I barely let her get the words out before I capture her lips with mine. My hands roam up and down her body, desperate to claim her and touch every inch of her. She whimpers against me, hiking a leg up my hip before I lift her off the ground, wrapping her legs around my waist.
She’s soft and warm in my arms as she grinds her pussy against me.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
The sentiment a chant on repeat in my head as I whisper the words against her skin, kissing every inch of her exposed flesh.
“Okay, now I’m kind of wishing there was a bed,” she says as I nibble at the skin where her neck meets her shoulder.
“If I’m going to make love to you, I want to have somewhere I can spread you out and worship your body,” I agree.
“I don’t care where we have to go, I want that,” she whines.
An idea pops into my head, images of me leading her around the club on a collar, claiming her in front of everyone, but I shove it down, not sure if she’s ready for that.
I gently set her back on her feet, and she whimpers in protest. Moving over to the lounger, I pull it to the center of the room, motioning for her to join me.
She pushes off the door and walks toward me slowly, her hips swaying with every step. My cock hardens in my pants from her obedience.
“Permission to speak,” she says.
“Emma, we’re not in a scene right now. You can speak freely.” I cup her cheek, stroking my thumb along her cheekbone.
“What if I want to be in a scene? What if I want to be your sub right now?” She sounds nervous as she looks up at me for approval. “I want you to treat me the way you would anyone else you bring here. I want you to… I need you to reclaim me.”
I search her eyes, wanting to be sure I’m understanding what she’s asking.
“When I was having nightmares, you helped me. Every time I closed my eyes, the monster in my dreams came after me, and you healed that. The way you touched me before, when I had my nightmares, that’s what I want right now.
I want you to put your hands on my body, reclaim me, make me think of your touch there and not his. ”
Not Jeremy’s, she means.
I want to give her exactly what she’s asking for, but part of me worries about triggering her trauma. Fuck, what is wrong with me? I wouldn’t have given her request a second thought before, so why am I hesitating now?
Because I love her. Because she’s not some random sub. Her reaction, her mental health actually matters to me now.
I grab her hand and guide her over to the tall end of the lounger, running a hand up her spine to push her down onto the curve.
I waste no time pulling down her skirt and panties as I kneel behind her.
Running my hands up the backs of her legs, I start at her ankle and pause when I get to her knees as images of Jeremy kneeling behind her flood my brain.
Without even realizing it, I’ve put her in nearly the same position he had her in and I hesitate, worried about her reaction.
I want to erase every memory of him here from her brain and replace it with me.
How good I can make her feel. How good we are together.
Slowly, I continue running a single finger up the back of her thigh, the one he held a knife to.
When I get to the exact spot, I press a kiss to it, swiping my tongue over the area as delicately as I can.
A soft moan escapes her lips as I continue worshipping her upper thigh, but after a few minutes, I can feel her frustration.
“I’m not fragile, John.”
My head pops up. “I know you’re not.”
“Then why are you treating me like I’m going to break?
Daddy Dom would have tied me to that cross and claimed every inch of my skin.
He wouldn’t treat me like a breakable doll.
I need that beast to come out to play. Touch me.
Touch me like you did the first time you saw me in here.
Spank me. Be rough with me. I need your bite to replace the memory of him.
When your hand smacks my thigh, I want that pain to remind me of you, and only you. ”
Fuck, that does something to me, and I sink my teeth into her. “Do you want to please me, pet? Are you going to be good for your professor? Be my good little teacher’s pet?”
“Yes. Yes, sir.”
“Don’t move an inch or you’ll be punished.” I walk over to the cabinets on the other side of the room and start pulling out toys: a riding crop, a flogger, and a whip, along with a slender vibrator. When I walk back over to her, I crack the whip and she flinches slightly.
“You know your safe word still applies. Do you need to use it?”
“No, sir.”
“It’s important to me that you’re completely comfortable. Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. The loud crack just surprised me.” She closes her eyes and lets out a breath.
I set the toys down on a small table next to me, keeping the riding crop in my hand. “Do you remember the first toy I used on you?”
“The crop,” she says, as I slowly guide the stiff part of the handle up her inner thigh.