Chapter 11
eleven
*LEO*
Robin and I sneeze in unison. “Barkley has so much fur, I believe there is a second dog hidden beneath it,” Robin complains.
“Thanks for agreeing to help me with brushing him,” I say. “Yesterday when I returned from the hike, I was exhausted, and he was too, but a day in the snow… well… let’s just say he needs the dirt to be brushed out.”
Barkley enjoys the groom, turning on his back and showing us his belly. “He is such a cutie,” Robin sighs. “Makes up for the tons of fur.”
“He is the best,” I say, wrapping my arms around my boy and cuddling him. “He is such a kind and innocent soul. He accepts everyone, no matter who or what they are.”
“Yes, sometimes I feel like we don’t even deserve pets by how badly some people treat them,” Robin says.
“Yeah, for real.” I pause. “Robin, can I ask you something?”
“By the swamp monster, you are asking me a question?! Yes, go, ask, anything!”
I grin at his excitement. “The swamp monster?”
“It’s always been my favorite,” he grins. “So, the question?”
“How was…” I pause. “How did you come out to your family?” I finally dare to ask, instantly scared that I might have crossed a line.
Robin doesn’t seem to mind, he just looks happy to answer my question.
“My mom’s not alive anymore. My dad raised me, and he struggled a lot.
He is not a really loving parent, you know?
He just did what he had to do, but he didn’t like being a parent.
So, when I told him, he never gave a fuck.
I wasn’t even scared of telling him because I knew he wouldn’t care either way.
However, I was much more scared to tell my grandma.
She was really supportive, thankfully. As for my friends, I didn’t have any aside from Soren.
And well, you know he is gay, so he truly didn’t give a flying fuck, and was just happy that I felt comfortable enough to come out. ”
I nod thoughtfully.
“And you?” Robin asks.
“I never came out,” I admit. “I was outed.”
“No way!” Robin frowns. “What the fuck!”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “It was a mess.”
“No one should ever out anyone else,” he spits. “Who was it? Who do I need to kill!?”
I smile at his reaction. Something about it is so cathartic.
When I was outed a while ago, I was already so numb I couldn’t feel anything aside from deep desperation.
It was the last step of my downfall, and at that point, it didn’t matter anymore.
It was the last safety net that got removed; the others were already ripped away. “A co-worker,” I say quietly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Robin asks carefully.
“I don’t think I am ready to do it,” I admit. “And if… I should tell…” Soren first, I want to say, but stop myself before I can do it.
Robin nods his understanding. He probably believes I am talking about Aspen, which is also true. I should tell him everything in detail, though he already knows almost everything. But I guess it’s different when I tell him in person.
Barkley must have sensed my distress, because he licks over my hand.
I grab his head and snuggle my nose into his fur. “I am okay.”
I realize in a way that’s true. I felt the usual signs of stress, and my mind was about to go to a dark place again, but it didn’t trigger a panic attack.
“You are,” Robin says. “And if there are times when you aren’t, we will be here for you.”
“Thank you. I don’t know how you can be so accepting of me. I know I am Aspen’s brother, but still… It means a lot to me.”
Robin shrugs. “I like Aspen, and I like you. I feel like I click differently with you than with Soren and Aspen. I love them; they are my besties, but some things are easier to talk to you about. Weird, huh?”
“Not at all,” I say. “It’s the first time I actually have a friend. A real one, you know?”
He nods. “We are all happy to have you around,” he says.
“Seriously. Aspen, obviously, so. As for me, I am glad to be able to click with somebody on a different level. And Soren clearly likes you a lot.” He makes a pause here, making my heart beat faster.
Did he notice anything? Soren and I decided only yesterday we’d like to date, but we didn’t talk about Aspen and Robin and if we should tell them.
I completely forgot to talk with him about it.
Damn it, do I have time to message him?
No, Soren even skipped today’s morning walk because he had an emergency surgery on a cat. He and his assistant had to travel to another town for it, to the vet clinic there.
It means I’ll have to wing it when we meet each other later today, because Robin decided he wants to lure us all out to a party, and I am not sure if I will be able to talk to Soren beforehand.
Thinking about the party brings me to another problem. “Say, what am I supposed to wear tonight?”
“Whatever you want,” Robin answers promptly.
“I doubt that’s true,” I mutter.
“What do you usually wear for parties?”
“Well, before coming here, I usually went to business parties or fancy cocktail bars. Dress code was mostly a suit.”
“Okay, I see the problem now,” Robin tilts his head. “Do you have a pair of ripped jeans?”
“Yes, a black one, from college. I bought it in a spout of rebellion, but never wore it.”
“Awesome,” Robin grins. “Time to wear it now. Do you have a mesh top?”
I blink. “No.”
“You can have one of mine. I think it would be cool if you wore it and then put a blazer over it. I bet it will make you look hot and stylish. You have the body for it.”
“I am not muscular, though.”
“You are athletic.” Robin smiles. “I bet Soren would like it too.”
I look up at him. “What?”
He blinks. “What?”
I narrow him with a glare – or at least I hope it looks intimidating enough to be a glare, judging by Robin’s grin, I doubt it’s working. “What are you getting at?” I finally ask.
“I am getting at you and Soren, hopefully, getting it on.”
I stare at him, my mouth dropping open. So much for looking intimidating.
Instead, I probably look like a fish gasping for air.
“What?” I squeal. I don’t want to lie to his face by denying it, mostly because I don’t know how Soren would like to handle it, but also because I can’t lie to save my life.
“I am just saying,” he muses. “You went hiking together. No one ever goes hiking with Soren.”
“Why not?” I blink. “It was my first time going on a hike, but it was fun.”
“Because he never asks anyone to join him.”
At that, he finally has my full attention. “What do you mean?”
From what I heard, it felt more like them rejecting Soren’s attempts to invite them on a hike.
“Not that I enjoy hiking. Aspen doesn’t like it much either, but we would go with him, if he asked. He never does. When I asked him once, he said he enjoys doing it alone. The last time he took someone, he was still with his ex, and that was three years ago.”
It’s the first time I hear about Soren’s ex, though they did briefly mention him before, but it’s the first time I hear one of them actively talk about him. Makes me wonder what happened. Still, other things are more pressing right now.
“S-so, why did he ask me?” I stutter.
“You tell me,” Robin grins shamelessly. “I just know, it has to mean something.”
“Maybe it’s pity,” I offer. I feel bad for even suggesting it, but part of me still feels like Soren took pity on me.
It makes my stomach churn in anxiety. I want him to like me, not to pity me.
“When I arrived here, I was a mess. Not to say I am not a mess anymore, but my meds are working, and I acclimatized, if you want to call it that way.”
“That’s not it,” Robin says. “We didn’t take pity on you.
” He pauses. “Well, no, that’s wrong. When Aspen told us how bad you feel, we felt pity, because every decent person would feel bad, but we didn’t act on it.
If it was just pity, we would have helped Aspen decorate the place and only meet you when he brought you along. ”
“I guess that makes sense,” I mutter.
“It does. Soren would never pander to someone out of pity. And I wouldn’t befriend anyone out of pity either.”
I tilt my head. “I feel like you would totally be nice enough to do that.”
At that, Robin blushes. “I would, wouldn’t I?” he groans. “But I swear, I am not hanging out with you because of it. I told you once, it’s fun being with you, because… you are more like I am.” He pauses. “I don’t mean that as an offence.”
“I didn’t take any,” I reassure him. “Being like you is not an insult.”
“Aspen and Soren are confident men. They are the typical strong and attractive guys people feel drawn to. You and I are more vulnerable. I love them, and it’s not like I can’t be vulnerable with them, but it’s different with you. You just get it. Does that make sense?”
“I guess it does,” I admit.
“And that’s why it’s even more special that Soren took you hiking. He doesn’t share that part of his life easily.”
Instead of rebuffing his words once more and listening to my own insecurities, I try to hear and understand what Robin just said. Hiking means something to Soren, which is why he never takes anyone along. It’s his alone time for whatever reason, but he allowed me to get into his very private space.
My heart flutters before the butterflies continue to my stomach and start to riot there.
I’ve been crushing on Soren ever since I saw him for the first time.
But this is not a crush anymore for me. Maybe it’s silly to fall for somebody I barely know so fast, but I can’t help it.
My heart doesn’t seem to listen to reasoning.