Chapter Nineteen
Jess
Oh god. This is either the best or worst decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. Best because, holy shit, I forgot how good Nick Matthews is at kissing. Worst because, holy shit, I forgot how good Nick Matthews is at kissing.
How am I going to wake up in the morning—in just a few hours from now—and pretend like he hasn’t just kissed me like the world is ending? Thank god I’m already lying down, because I know my knees wouldn’t be able to support me as Nick’s lips move over mine, as he sucks my bottom lip in between his, letting his teeth nibble along the delicate skin before his tongue tangles with mine. The kiss is slow and languid, and heat pools in my belly and, fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone as much as I want him in this moment.
I can’t stop touching him, can’t stop my hands from roaming over every inch of his skin. My hands trail up the bare expanse of his chest, down over the ridges of his abs, around to the solid muscles of his back. He shifts his weight, his hips pressing my legs open as his mouth continues to devour mine.
When he breaks the kiss, it’s only to let his mouth move along the line of my jaw, down my neck. His teeth graze the place where my shoulder and neck meet.
“More,” I demand, twining my legs with his, pulling him down on top of me. The weight of him over me is delicious and warm and comforting, and when the hard length of him presses against my core, I groan.
Nick heeds my request, marking me with his teeth and soothing the skin with a brush of his tongue. He puts the slightest bit of space between us and his pupils widen, the hazel of his eyes almost completely obstructed. “Jesus, Jess.” He rolls his hips, slow enough that I can feel every inch of him, waiting for me.
My hand skirts down his stomach and I palm him through the fabric of his pajama pants. This time he’s the one letting out the unholy groan, the sound of it hitting me right in my core.
He takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers together and bringing our joined hands over my head. “It’s going to be hard enough for me to last without your hands all over me.”
I squeeze his hand and shift my hips up to meet his. “I want to touch you, Nick.”
“I promise I’ll let you do whatever you want to me, but you’ve got to let me take my time with you first.” He trails a single finger along the exposed edge of my collarbone and somehow this simple touch is the hottest thing I’ve ever felt.
“Fine,” I sigh, like he’s really putting me out with all the foreplay.
He grins, kissing the smirk right off my face. Eventually his mouth moves down once again, licking along the neckline of his shirt. My nipples are peaked and the fabric is thin, and when his mouth descends, my back arches off the bed, reaching for him.
His hands fist in the hem of the shirt and he drags it slowly up, baring my panties and then the skin of my belly. His lips follow the shirt as it continues upward. He licks at the undersides of my breasts before finally baring me to the chilly air. I take that as permission to yank the damn shirt over my head.
Nick shifts his weight, pulling himself away from me and resting on his knees. His eyes rove over me, and for half a second I wonder if he’s disappointed in what he sees. It’s been a few years and I’m sure my body has changed.
“Why did you stop?”
“Just a pause. I wanted to—”
“Do not give me some cheesy line from one of your books like you had to stop and drink me in because you can’t believe how beautiful my skin looks in the moonlight.”
He drags his fingers from my belly button up to the swell of my chest. “Your skin does look beautiful in the moonlight.” His fingers lock around one nipple, pinching with just enough pressure, while his tongue swipes at the other. “And I do want to drink you in, Jess. I want to kiss every part of you, see what still makes you squirm and what makes you sigh.” He sucks the bud into his mouth, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin.
My fingers dig into his hair, pulling him closer, silently begging him for more. He releases me before I want him to, but then his mouth is on the move again and his tongue is tracing the line of my hip bone.
And there’s his sought-after sigh. He remembered my favorite spot.
“Of course I remembered,” he whispers and I’m not sure if I voiced my thoughts out loud or if he just knows me well enough by now to hear them anyway.
My eyes flutter closed because I’m too overwhelmed with sensations to focus, and Nick is doing things to my body that no one else ever has and dammit, I missed this. I missed him.
And it’s so good. Maybe it’s too good. Maybe this was a terrible idea.
My whole body tenses as I wonder if we’re making a huge fucking mistake.
Nick pauses his ministrations, bringing his hand up to cup my cheek. “Hey. You okay?”
I nod, keeping my eyes clenched firmly shut.
“Jessica. Look at me and tell me that you’re really okay.” His weight shifts off of me and I miss the warmth and comfort of him instantly.
I push down the threat of tears because I am not going to do that right now. I open my eyes and immediately find his, the hazel tinged with worry. “I’m okay.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “What’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?”
I reach for him, my hand finding a place on his chest. His heart beats furiously under my palm, and I let the rhythm of it ground me. “This is just a lot, you know? I don’t think I realized how much I missed you until this very moment.”
“I’m right here. And I’ll be here as long as you want me to be. Okay?”
I look for the catch, the deception or the empty promise hidden in his pretty words. But there isn’t one. All I see in Nick’s eyes is honesty, and hope, and maybe even a little bit of love.
“Okay.” I bring his mouth down to mine, but he keeps the kiss short.
He settles onto his back, tucking me into his chest in the same cuddle position we were in earlier.
“What are you doing?” I shift onto my side so I can look at him easier.
“If you’re having any qualms, we’re not doing this, Jess.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not having qualms, Nick, I was having emotions. You are not going to get me this worked up and then not get me off. That’s just rude.”
He chuckles, the nerve of him. “How worked up are you?”
I take his hand and guide it in between my legs. I’m still wearing my fancy red underwear, but I know my wetness has soaked through the fabric. He cups me, and I roll my hips so the heel of his palm presses down on my clit.
“Jesus, Jess, you’re so wet.”
I’m not sure why he seems surprised by this information, given the delectable torture his mouth was engaged in just a few minutes ago. “What are you going to do about it?”
His hesitation lasts for less than a second. “Take off your panties.”
The command leaves me a little breathless, but I don’t hesitate to obey. My eyes trail down to the bulge in his pants and it twitches as I return to his side, fully bared to him.
“Come here.” Nick takes my hips in his hands and guides me, positions me so my knees are on either side of his head.
I suck in a breath.
This is new.
It’s something I’ve written about in my books, but never actually tried myself. I’m sure Nick would have been up for it, but I was always too self-conscious to ask. I don’t often live out my fantasies on the page, but I’ll make an exception for this.
“Have you read my books, Nick Matthews?”
He grins up at me, pulling me closer to his waiting mouth. “Maybe.” He leans up, running the tip of his tongue through my center. “I always wanted to try this with you, you know.”
I settle myself over him, finding a comfortable position, gasping as Nick’s tongue slides over my clit. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
He pulls away, and I groan at the loss. “I guess I always thought we would have plenty of time.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond, tugging my hips down to him. His mouth—always so skilled—works over me, licking, sucking, until I’m writhing over him. I have to grab on to the headboard just to keep myself upright. Nick’s hands grab my ass, dragging me closer as he devours me.
The orgasm doesn’t build, it barrels into me, almost knocking me over. My muscles tighten and lock, and the cry that escapes me is guttural. I don’t know how I manage to keep myself upright as the waves of release threaten to pull me under. But Nick keeps a tight hold on me, wringing every single drop of pleasure from me before placing a single light kiss on my clit.
I hover over him for a second, unsure I can make any of my limbs work. “Holy shit.”
He grins proudly. He’s earned it. “Good?”
“If your goal was to ruin me for other partners, I’d say mission accomplished.”
He wraps his arms around me and flips me over in one slick move. “Good.”
“Why do you still have pants on?”
He laughs and shimmies out of them, giving me my first good look at him in five years. Nick always had a perfect cock, and I’m happy to report he still does.
He hops out of bed and disappears into the bathroom, coming back with a condom in hand.
“May I?” I take the packet from him, stroking him a few times before ripping open the condom and rolling it over him.
“You sure about this?” There’s so much self-doubt layered in his question it breaks my heart a little.
“So sure. The most sure.” I cup his cheek in my hand. He hasn’t shaved in the days since we’ve been stuck here and his stubble scratches at my palm.
He turns his head, kissing my palm before pushing into me, slowly. So slowly I think I might die. But then he’s fully seated inside of me, his forehead pressed against mine.
I lean up, reaching for his lips, and his kiss is just as slow as his thrusts. I can still taste myself on him, and despite the frantic, deliciously dirty act that just got me off, Nick fucks me like he never wants it to end. Like he wants to be buried inside of me forever, like he never wants us to part.
He fucks me like he still loves me.
And somewhere in between—in the moment when his hand grips my hip to pull me closer, in the moment my fingers twine into the hair at the nape of his neck, in the moment his fingers reach between us to make sure I find my pleasure before his rushes through him—somewhere in there, I realize I still love him too.