Chapter Twenty
Nick
I’m not sure what time it is when I finally manage to pry my eyes open, thanks to the gift of hotel-issue blackout curtains, but given the fact that I actually feel somewhat rested, it has to be at least late morning, if not early afternoon.
After the best sex of my life, Jess and I stayed up talking and kissing and cuddling, and yes, giving each other several more orgasms before we finally fell asleep. It had to be early this morning, so who knows what time it might be now.
Which means the roads have been cleared, and Jess is now free to go home.
I look down at her, her gorgeous face peaceful and content, resting on my chest. I always hated sleep cuddling, could never make myself actually fall asleep with another person so intertwined in my space. But Jess converted me. So many things I found untenable before she came along suddenly became manageable with her.
After last night and this morning, there are no more doubts left in my mind. Jessica Carrington is the woman I’m meant to be with. The only thing left to do now is bare it all. Tell her the truth, the full truth, and hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me, that somehow, after all these years, she is willing to give me another chance.
I’m not sure I can survive losing her again.
But for now, she’s here, wrapped in my arms. Neither of us bothered to put our pajamas back on and the feel of her soft skin against mine is nothing short of heavenly. I brush back a loose lock of her chocolate-brown hair, twining the silky strand around my finger.
She stirs, her bare legs tangled with mine, the brush of her thigh against my cock stirring me in turn.
My hand freezes, still tangled in her hair. I made sure to check in with her frequently throughout the night’s actions, but that doesn’t mean she won’t wake up this morning and regret everything. I wait for her eyes to open, for her to meet my gaze.
A soft smile spreads across her lips, still swollen from our kisses. “Good morning.”
I can’t stop the grin on my own face. “Good morning. Though I think there’s a pretty good chance we’re firmly in afternoon territory now.”
She sighs and snuggles deeper into my chest. “I don’t really care what time it is as long as the coffee cart is still open and serving peppermint mochas.”
“Some things never change, I see.”
Her fingers begin a maddening trail, tracing over the lines of my stomach. “Some things change quite a lot.”
“Jess…I want you to know that my feelings for you, they never changed. I never stopped loving you.”
She props her chin on my chest. “You made that quite clear last night.”
I search for the deeper meaning, the hidden messages in her words, but her eyes give away nothing. “I want to tell you everything. Explain what really happened. If you want to hear, that is. If not, and last night was just some kind of closure you needed to get to move on, well, then I understand.” Letting her go will be like removing my heart from my chest and shipping it off to the North Pole, but something tells me to hold back a little on the dramatics.
“I want to hear what you have to say,” she says quietly, pressing her lips to my chest. “I don’t know what last night was yet, but it certainly didn’t feel like closure.”
My heart swells three sizes, but I can’t let myself jump too far ahead. I’m scared to say anything else, worried I’ll frighten her away, so I take her chin in my hand and lean down to meet her for a kiss.
Jess slips out of the bed first, heading into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. The sound of the water running doesn’t drown out the Mariah Carey Christmas song she hums, and when she emerges, there’s a grin etched on her face. She’s pulled her hair back into a bun and left her face bare, but I have to latch on to the sheets to keep me in place when I see she’s wearing just her jeans and that blasted lacy red bra.
She heads over to the closet, where I unpacked and hung up all my clothes on our first day here. She rifles through my things, finally selecting a soft gray hoodie, which she tugs over her head. And somehow she looks even better in my sweatshirt than she did in her lingerie.
I groan and flop back onto the pillows, my eyes glued to the ceiling. “You know how much I love seeing you in my clothes, Jess.”
“Just so you know, you’re never getting this sweatshirt back.”
“Keep it. I’ll only end up sleeping with it to remind me of you.”
She snort-laughs. “You’ve been reading too many romance novels, Matthews.”
I throw a pillow in her general direction, but since I can’t look at her, I’m sure it misses the mark.
She crosses over to the bed and tugs on my arm. “I need coffee. Get your lazy ass out of bed.”
I begrudgingly let her pull me off the mattress and into the bathroom. After splashing some water on my face and brushing my teeth, I run my fingers through my hair, not bothering to brush it because I like the way it looks after Jess has had her hands in it. I pull on my own pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and hold the door open for her as we make our way into the hallway.
She stands right next to me in the elevator, our shoulders pressed together. So I take a chance and reach for her hand, tamping down my grin when she laces her fingers through mine. Everything about this morning has brought back all the old feelings—not just the sexy ones, but the soft ones. We feel connected and comfortable. Jess feels like home.
It sounds like a cliché, something I’ve probably written in one of my books, but nobody ever saw me the way Jess does. I went my whole childhood feeling like an outcast, misunderstood. But with Jess, I never needed to defend myself or explain why I loved the things I do. She just knew, intrinsically, and supported me without question.
When we finally reach the lobby, it’s not nearly as full as it has been the past couple of days. Either we’re right in the middle of the breakfast and lunch rush, or the weather really did clear up. I know which one I want to be true, but something tells me Jess isn’t going to be held captive here at the inn for much longer.
We order our coffees and turn to head to the restaurant to see if we can beg for a late breakfast.
And we almost literally run right into Lauren, SVP’s executive director of publicity.
“Nick! Jessica!” Her eyes dart furiously between us, widening as they drop to where our hands are still joined.
I wait for Jess to pull away, but she doesn’t, and I tighten my grip in response. “Lauren. Good to see you again. Are you heading home?” I gesture to the suitcase she’s pulling along behind her.
She nods. “Yes. Finally. The trains are back up and running, and I’ve already got a car on the way.” She turns to Jess. “Did you want to grab a ride with me to the station? I know you were only supposed to be here for the one night.”
Jess sneaks a quick look at me, but I keep my eyes on Lauren, not about to answer for her. “I think I’m going to stay a while longer. Thank you though.”
Lauren nods and a genuine smile crosses her face. “Sounds good.” She leans in a little closer to Jess, but not close enough that I can’t hear. “I really hope whatever is going on here has nothing to do with what we talked about before.”
This time I meet Jess’s eyes when they dart over to mine. I raise my eyebrows because what the fuck is Lauren talking about?
Jess turns her attention away from me and back to Lauren. “This has absolutely nothing to do with what we discussed. Nick and I, well, we’re still figuring it out, to be honest, but whatever is happening here is genuine.”
I open my mouth to attempt to get some answers, but Jess squeezes my hand and gives me a not now look.
Lauren watches all of this play out, but her emotions are unreadable. “Well, I hope you two are able to figure it out. Please let me know if and when you want to make all of this”—she gestures to the tight grip we have on each other’s hands—“public because I will be all over that.” Her head cocks to the side. “I wonder if we could get you on GMA …they love you, Nick, and I think they would eat this story right up. Two romance authors who fell back in love while writing a book together? It’s perfection.” Her phone lights up in her hand. “My ride is here, but this conversation is not over!” She starts to head for the front door. “Have a great Christmas and let’s chat as soon as I’m back in the office!”
Her last words are swallowed up by the automatic doors closing behind her.
For a second we just stand and stare at the place where Lauren stood.
Then I turn to Jess. “Want to tell me what that was all about?”
She sighs and tugs on my hand, pulling me toward the restaurant. “Today is going to be quite the day of reckoning, isn’t it? But I need food in my system before we have a whole bunch of serious conversations.”
I follow her lead, and after we’ve been seated and have ordered two huge breakfast platters and another round of coffees, I clasp my hands in front of me on the table. “Do you want to go first?”
“Sure.” She takes in a deep breath. “I ran into Lauren in the lobby a couple of days ago and she told me that if you and I were to be in a relationship, it could really help both of our careers.”
I reach across the table and take her hand. “Please don’t take this the wrong way because I really don’t mean to sound like a dick…”
“I asked the same thing. I see how it would help me, but how would it benefit you?”
I squeeze her hand, thankful I didn’t have to say it out loud. “What did she say?”
“She said that it’s time for you to move on to the next phase of your career.” She smirks. “Basically she thinks it’s time for you to stop being Romancelandia’s favorite bachelor. Time for you to settle down and wife up, I guess.”
Wifing up doesn’t sound so terrible if I’m wifing up Jess.
Jess leans forward in her seat. “Honestly, looking back on it, I might have read too much into our conversation. I know she wasn’t actually suggesting we fake date or anything.” A smile tugs on her lips, but she tries to hide it with a sip from her coffee. “Maybe I was hearing what I wanted to hear, you know?”
“You wanted an excuse to fake date me?” I can’t help but be excited by that declaration. In our world, fake dating is a hop, skip, and a jump away from an HEA.
“I admit nothing.”
“Well, I’m glad she didn’t actually ask you to fake date me. That would have been extremely inappropriate.” Though if I have anything to say about it, Lauren’s greatest PR wishes will all be coming true.
“So you’re not mad?”
My brow furrows. “Why would I be mad? Did what happened between us last night have anything to do with your conversation with Lauren?”
“No.” Her response is quick and firm.
I shrug and sip my coffee. “Then I have nothing to be mad about.”
“Even though I didn’t tell you?”
“We weren’t together at the time. If it didn’t affect your actions, then a conversation with Lauren doesn’t matter to me.”
“Are we together now?”
The server chooses this very inopportune moment to interrupt us. Of course it isn’t until the plate of steaming food is set in front of me that I realize how ravenous I am. I burned a lot of calories last night.
“I really want to answer that question when my stomach is not growling offensively loud.”
Jess grins, picking up her fork. “Fine, but don’t think you’re escaping this conversation. We’re just putting it on pause.”
“I don’t want to escape this conversation, Jess.” I want to tell her everything. I need to tell her everything. All I can do is hope she’ll give me another chance after she knows the whole story.