Chapter 8 - Safety, Comfort, and Happiness
Safety, Comfort, and Happiness
Adathan’s words froze William in place, the air in his lungs turning cold. Of course he’d noticed. A man trained to read every flicker of expression wasn’t likely to miss William’s little trick. Still, William hated being seen through—it made him feel like an amateur.
Adathan’s features softened as he let go of William’s chin. “I may not know every little thing about you. But what I do know is that I feel safe with you. Safer than I’ve ever felt before.”
Annoyance drained from William’s chest, leaving behind a dull weight that settled low and heavy. Adathan had done nothing wrong. He was merely trying to adapt to his new “master,” all the while pretending to be someone else at William’s request.
“So, you noticed, huh?” William said with a tentative smile. In hindsight, he hadn’t been very subtle in swapping out everything Adathan didn’t seem to like.
“It took me a moment,” Adathan said, resting his cheek against the backrest. “But when I pieced everything together, it made perfect sense.”
William wrinkled his nose. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Is making me happy embarrassing, William?”
“No. Of course not.”
Adathan beamed. “See? Like I said—you’re kinder than most.”
Considering the type of people Adathan had interacted with since birth, William was willing to believe he truly meant it. In comparison, William was probably a saint.
A dangerous feeling rose in his chest—one he was all too willing to hold on to. In Adathan’s eyes, he would never be inadequate. William could simply be himself, with no pressure or expectations, and he’d always be enough.
Adathan rested his head on William’s shoulder. “You make me happy.”
“I’m still not perfect,” William said, extinguishing the feeling before it became too strong. Adathan didn’t exist to flatter his ego. He was an individual, and it was William’s responsibility to treat him as such.
This time, Adathan didn’t reply. William didn’t mind—he doubted this conversation could go anywhere. Even if William were a sadistic piece of shit, Adathan still wouldn’t change his mind.
William focused back on the documentary, drawn in by the birds’ carefree chirps.
The wide TV displayed breathtaking images of a sunrise, the early morning sky a stunning tableau of pink and purple in high definition.
Diurnal species prepared to hunt for breakfast, while the others found a spot to hide until the sun set again.
For some, the cycle began, and for the rest, it came to an end.
Eventually, William would have to go to bed as well, but he couldn’t bring himself to.
Not yet. Not with how serene Adathan looked as they both admired the wonders of nature.
If Adathan had truly never felt safe before—which wasn’t difficult to believe—he deserved for this moment to last a little longer.
These pockets of peacefulness would be crucial for Adathan to build the strength he needed to reclaim his identity. William being well-rested wasn’t important in comparison.
Adathan wrapped his arm around William’s midsection with a soft sigh. William’s lips parted, but he silenced his budding words of protest. Frankly, he had no desire to push Adathan away. He’d hurt his feelings enough already.
But that wasn’t all there was to it. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t relishing Adathan’s warmth, and how right it felt to have him close.
William knew he shouldn’t be having these thoughts—how fucked up was he?
—but he couldn’t deny the calm that settled in his chest as they cuddled in front of the TV.
Adathan traced soft circles on William’s side, his fingers following the slow rhythm of his own breathing as he relaxed against him. Despite his injuries, his movements were smooth and fluid—an unwelcome reminder that Adathan had been trained to conceal his pain.
It felt unfair that Adathan was hurting while William was so comfortable. “Does it hurt? Your hands?” he asked, hoping Adathan would understand his silent request to be more careful.
“Yeah,” Adathan said after a beat. “A little bit. But thanks to your kindness, the cuts will heal quickly.”
It annoyed William that Adathan made such a big deal out of the bare minimum of human kindness. Again, he did his best not to let it show.
Adathan gasped softly, redirecting William’s focus to the documentary.
The cameramen had filmed a group of meerkats standing on their hind legs, scanning the horizon for predators.
They were so adorable with their tiny ears and noses, William couldn’t help smiling as they went on with their morning routines.
How long had it been since he’d last watched a documentary? Ten years? Fifteen?
He used to be fascinated with nature, regularly staying up late because he couldn’t put his encyclopedias down. When he was a kid, nothing mattered but memorizing the Latin names of every bird species and making tier lists of wild mushrooms based on how magical they looked.
Guilt snaked up William’s throat as he recalled the sacrifices his mom had made to buy him those books. He used to get upset when she worked overtime during the few weeks preceding his birthday and Christmas, not realizing she’d been doing it for him. Kids could be so stupid sometimes.
“Mmm,” Adathan uttered as he rubbed his cheek against William’s shoulder. “You smell good.”
William’s eyes widened. “Uh, thanks. You too.”
“You think so?”
William failed to suppress a shiver as Adathan’s nose brushed his neck. “Yeah.” He swallowed. “Your shampoo smells good.”
“Ha! I knew I made the right choice.”
“The right choice?”
“I selected it myself!” Adathan said proudly. “I’m so happy you like it. There’s a big bottle in my box.”
“You selected it yourself, huh?”
“Mm-hmm. As soon as I sampled it, I knew it was the one. It smelled just like home, you know?”
“Like home?”
Adathan nodded against William’s neck. “Yeah. It smelled just like the perfect home. Safety . . . comfort . . .” He let out a relaxed sigh. “Happiness.”
“You chose well,” William said earnestly.
He didn’t know what to make of the fact that Serviteurs selected their own shampoos, but it gave him hope.
It meant Adathan had some experience in making decisions for himself.
The road to self-affirmation began with small steps—such as selecting one’s body care products—and eventually snowballed into full-blown empowerment.
Wait. Wasn’t it Gabriel’s box?
William shoved the thought aside. They’d probably just picked the same one. The odds weren’t that slim—William doubted they had hundreds of shampoos to select from.
“William,” Adathan said timidly.
“Yeah?”
“You know what would make me happy?”
William perked up. “What?”
Adathan didn’t immediately reply. His breath tickled William’s neck, his fingers still tracing soft circles against William’s side as he seemed to be working up the courage to voice his thoughts.
William wrapped one arm around him and squeezed gently—a silent promise he wouldn’t react badly. Adathan was brave for opening up. William couldn’t risk discouraging him from being honest.
“Making you feel good,” Adathan murmured.
William’s heart jumped into his throat. “Making me . . . feel good?”
“Yes,” Adathan said, moving his hand from William’s side to his hip. “I want to make you feel good.”
“How?” William asked stupidly. It was official—he was a moron. Or maybe he was just so desperate for it to be a misunderstanding. Maybe it was. There were multiple ways to make people feel good that involved nothing sexual.
William tensed as he caught a glimpse of two lions copulating on the wide screen. This was a nightmare. It couldn’t be real. He’d wake up soon and realize none of this had happened.
“. . . a lion pair mates every fifteen to thirty minutes, totaling up to fifty copulations per twenty-four hours . . .”
“William,” Adathan murmured as he rested his hand on his thigh.
Fuck.
“. . . due to low fertility rates, lions sometimes mate thousands of times to have a cub . . .”
William stared, horrified, as Adathan’s hand traveled in a dangerous direction.
“I want to pleasure you.”
William snatched Adathan’s wrist. “No.”
Adathan flinched and pulled back, curling in on himself as if expecting a blow.
“Shit. I’m sorry,” William said, letting go of Adathan’s wrist. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m not gonna hurt you, I swear!”
His words appeared to have no calming effect whatsoever on Adathan. If anything, they only made him retreat further within himself.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” William soothed, resting his hand on Adathan’s back. “I’m not gonna punish you. I promise. I shouldn’t have reacted that way—I swear I’m not gonna punish you.”
“I’m sorry, Master,” Adathan whispered against the sofa.
William’s heart sank—after all the progress they’d made, they were back to square one. “Adathan,” he said softly, “don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”
“Is it because I’m a male?”
“No!” William shouted despite himself. He couldn’t care less about Adathan’s gender and reproductive organs—or anyone else’s, for that matter.
It had never had any impact on who he was attracted to.
His potential partner’s ability to give clear and enthusiastic consent, however, was non-negotiable.
“None of this is your fault. Nor is it because of your gender or appearance.”
“What can I do to make you want me, William?”
William gritted his teeth, focusing all his energy on staying calm. “Nothing. You don’t have to do anything.”
Adathan lifted his head, his watery eyes meeting William’s gaze. The confusion on his face crushed William’s heart. Adathan was unfazed by the multiple cuts on his fingers, yet these words seemed to put him through unbearable pain.
How could William keep messing up so badly?
He glanced at the bed, exhaustion seeping through his bones. He wished he could just go to sleep and forget about everything for a few blissful hours, but it wasn’t an option. Not yet. He had to find a way to fix this.
“Listen,” William said softly, pulling his hand away from Adathan’s back. “Everything they taught you is wrong. I told you earlier: I’m nothing like them. I’ll never ask you to touch me or—”
“I want to.”
“No. You don’t. It’s what you were trained to do, but it’s not what you want.”
Adathan straightened slowly, his frown fading as he sat on his heels. “I see,” he said, no sign of distress left in his voice.
“What?” William asked warily.
“William. I can promise you . . .” Adathan took William’s hand and pressed it against his heart. “That I truly want this.”
William’s breath caught. “No. You’re brainwa—” He flinched as Adathan climbed into his lap.
“You know I’m a person,” Adathan said, straddling his hips. “But do you treat me like one?”
“I—” William’s voice cracked, and a shiver tore through him as Adathan cupped the back of his head.
Adathan looked deep into his eyes. “Do you think I’m lying when I say I want you?”
“No,” William said tensely.
“Do you find me unattractive?”
William wanted to scream. There were no good answers to Adathan’s questions. Every word, every action so far had only made things worse, and now Adathan was sitting in his lap, practically grinding against him.
“Do you?” Adathan asked, his brow furrowing.
“No!” William blurted. “I don’t. I don’t think you’re unattractive.”
Adathan smiled and leaned in, his divinely scented hair brushing William’s cheek as he whispered in his ear, “It’s okay, William. I know you want it too. I saw your erection earlier . . .”
A jolt ran through William’s chest, a whine nearly spilling out as Adathan pressed his body against him.
“. . . and I can feel it now, growing against me.”
Oh, God.
William closed his eyes and let out a sharp breath, his resolve eroding with each passing second. The documentary, the room, the hotel—everything became a blur overpowered by Adathan’s scent, his warmth, and the slow movement of his hips against William’s.
William’s heart thumped fiercely. He wasn’t sure what he was doing anymore, only that he didn’t want this to stop.
And Adathan was right—he hadn’t been treating him like a person. If anyone else in the world were currently sitting in his lap and grinding against him, would he be doubting the validity of their consent? No, he would not.
Would he deny how much he wanted it?
No, he would not.
“We’ve both had such a stressful day,” Adathan whispered as he rocked his hips. “I was so nervous as I watched the competition. I was worried sick I’d be at Richard’s mercy. Can you imagine how it felt?”
Anger surged through William. Before he knew it, he was wrapping his arms protectively around Adathan.
Adathan looked at him and smiled. “But you . . . I know you’re different.”
I’ll never hurt you, William’s heart sang fiercely as he gazed into Adathan’s mesmerizing eyes. It would become his life’s mission to make Adathan feel nothing but safety, comfort, and happiness. Now and forever. No matter what it took.
“William,” Adathan whispered, cupping William’s cheek with his most injured hand. “Show me what it’s like to be with someone who wishes me no harm.”