33. Delia
Thirty Three
Delia
T urns out all I had to do to get alone time with Anna was punch a girl in the face. Who knew?
Gramps drives me toward Langdon’s house. “You know, your mother often lost herself to eruptions of temper.”
“What?” I ask.
“Gran and I just didn’t know how to deal with them so we let our Pastor take the wheel. But, I’m not about to make the same mistake twice and I think Anna will be able to get through to you more anyway. She agreed, you know. To talk to you.”
He shakes his head over and over as if I’ve just murdered someone.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Gramps, I’ve never punched anyone before today. And Mom never had an ‘eruptions of temper’ with me. ”
“Well, you gave that sweet girl two black eyes and a broken nose. That’s not nothing.”
I stare at the window, silent. It’s not nothing but I don’t feel all that bad about it honestly.
“I don’t get teenage girls. You need a woman to talk to.” Gramps pulls up to the house, a pretty colonial with a big porch. “She left work for this. Behave,” he orders.
I nod because what else is there to do and hop out of the truck. The Nash’s front door opens and Anna waves me in. Anna waves bye to Gramps before shutting the door behind us.
It feels like a home that can hug you as you cross the threshold. A house that feels like love. It’s tidy. Neat. Everything is in its spot. Family photos line the walls. One catches my eye. Family camping trip, two parents, three kids. Who’s the little girl?
“Come on. Let’s sit,” Anna says motioning to the couch. It’s not even noon yet. First period messed with the whole day. I take my seat and wait for whatever parental rant Anna has for me. She sighs. “You punched Hailie huh?”
I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and nod.
“What’d she do?”
“Huh?” I squeak.
“I’m having the damndest time trying to imagine you punching anyone in the face so she must have done something.”
I swallow thickly. Being here is making me want my mom so badly I can almost smell her near me. “I um, I’ve never punched anyone before. Just so you know. I mean, I can’t really see it happening again. She found me in the bathroom and said some rotten things. But…I was just…missing my mom and kind of lost my temper I guess.”
Anna looks guilty for a moment and then nods. “Well, I’m glad to hear you won’t be doing it again. Do you want some ice for your hand?” She nods at my swollen knuckles.
“Sure,” I say softly.
When she returns from the kitchen with a bag of frozen peas which I promptly put on the back of my hand I decide it’s now or never.
“Anna.”
“Yes?”
“Do you know where my mom is?”
She sucks in a big breath and shakes her head. “She said she needed some time.”
“For what? Why would she tell you that at all?” I ask.
“I think she was in shock about Daniel,” she says.
“Who’s Daniel?” I ask. My lip quivers and there’s a giant lump in my throat.
Anna stares at me as if I have three heads. “I… well… ”
“Is he my father?” I blurt out.
Anna stares at me, shocked before nodding. “I thought you knew.”
I shake my head at her. “No. She never talked about him. There were no pictures. Up until the afternoon we pulled into Gramps driveway, I didn’t know I had any family besides her. It’s always just been me and Mom.” A tear slides down my cheek. “Is he still here? In town? ”
“Fuck, Jennifer,” Anna huffs while pinching the bridge of her nose. “Excuse me, Delia. I shouldn’t curse in front of you. This is just a lot to digest.”
“You’re telling me.”
“Honey,” she says and scoots closer to me on the couch. She rests a hand on my thigh. “If I had known this, I would have talked to you, reached out more, done more when she left. I’m so sorry.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Thanks. But it’s not your job really. It’s hers. I miss her. And I don’t know why she hid so much from me but if my Dad is here, I’d really like the chance to meet him. I mean…if he wants to. So, is that why she came? Cause he’s still here?” I push.
Anna’s eyes well with tears. “Oh kiddo, I’m so sorry. Daniel passed away three years ago.”
I feel completely numb. Outside myself.
“That’s what you told her, isn’t it? That’s why she left.”
Anna’s head sags to the left. “If I had to guess. Yes. That’s why she left, to grieve. She loved him, Delia, so much, and he loved her too.”
Tears streak down my cheeks. “Sure. Yeah.”
She takes me by the shoulders and looks me square in the eyes. “Your father was a hero.” Her voice cracks on the last word.
“What happened?”
Anna straightens herself and tucks her hair behind her ears. She’s only a couple of years older than my mom. She must have been in her first two years of college when she got knocked up—yet here she is, still married and happy .
Life sucks. She clears her throat, agony flashes in her eyes.
“We were at one of Langdon’s diving meets…”
“I didn’t know he was on the diving team.”
Anna nods. “He’s quite good too. It was an away meet but just the next town over. Me, James, Anderson, and Olivia.” A chill twists through me. Olivia? “We left the meet after Langdon dove. It was icy and snowy and dark. The roads were terrible. We were crossing the bridge back into town and Daniel was walking across it. He lived on the other side. James swerved to avoid him, and lost control of the car.”
She stops to catch her breath and suddenly I feel ill. Bile rises in my throat. “We went over. Right off the bridge and into the river.” Anna wipes a tear from her cheek. “Daniel didn’t even hesitate. The water was freezing. He dove in and pulled me first, then James and Anderson from the car. He tried to go back for Olivia. Neither of them came up. Your dad died trying to save my little girl.”
I lunge for the trash can next to the couch and lose the contents of my stomach. Anna rubs my back—small gentle circles. Inwardly, I cringe knowing someone is going to have to clean the trashcan and honestly, it should be me, but I know Anna won’t entertain the idea. When I’ve composed myself enough, Anna scoots to the kitchen to get us each a glass of water.
“I’m so sorry. How old was Olivia?” I ask after a few sips of water.
“She was eleven. Langdon was fourteen at the time, and Anderson was nine.” A quick sob escapes her.
I set my glass on the coffee table. I’m not an overly affectionate person but I can’t stop myself. I lean (more like lunge) into her arms and squeeze her tightly. Both of us weep openly.
“I’m so sorry,” I say over and over again.
Finally, Anna pries us apart. “You have nothing to be sorry about. And if there’s one thing to remember, it’s that you come from good genes. Your father gave his life trying to save an entire family.”
“And Mom didn’t know.”
She nods. “And your mom didn’t know. She was devastated when I told her. But Delia, she’ll be back. She needs time, but she’ll be back. She loves you so fiercely. She could never abandon you. And until then, I’m happy to play substitute mom when you need one.”
I sniffle back another sob and nod my head. “I’m a mess.”
“We’re all a mess. Some of us are just used to faking it until we make it,” she says. “I have to get a couple things done, but you don’t have to go home if you don’t want. You look tired.”
I rub my hands up and down my face. “That happens when I have an anxiety attack, but add in punching a girl in the face and a whole lot of emotional family stuff, and yeah… I feel like I could take a nap for a couple of years.”
“You had an anxiety attack today, too?” she says.
I nod. “Yeah, in class, giving a presentation. I panicked and ran from the class to the bathroom and that’s when Hailie came in.”
Anna lets out a sharp breath. “Here, put on a movie, lay down, and take a load off. You’ve earned it. I’ll call Heath and let him know we need a bit more time.” She hands me the remote.
I pull both my lips between my teeth to keep my tears at bay. I don’t think either one of us can take any more crying today. I toe off my shoes, curl up on the couch, and hunt for a good movie to watch.