Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
RYDER
R eclining back in the weathered Adirondack chair, I let the humid evening air settle around me. Scrolling through photos on my phone to pass the time, I mindlessly flick past memories that span almost a decade.
I pause on a group photo of the four of us, staring at it for a moment. My thumb hovers over the screen before I finally press the power button, the glow of the phone fading into black.
I keep second-guessing whether openly confessing my feelings about Elizabeth is a good idea. The conversation I’m about to have could go one of two ways: they could understand and give me their blessing—or I could lose my two best friends.
The memory of seeing Jay grab Elizabeth earlier flares up again, the same bitterness bubbling to the surface. That pang of jealousy, sharp and unsettling, had been hard to swallow. But it quickly quieted the second the race started, and her eyes were fixed solely on me. I love having her attention. I love it when she cheers me on. And the smile she graced me with at the end when I walked over to her…I thought my heart was going to explode right out of my chest.
The back patio door creaks open, then slams shut.
I wipe suddenly damp palms on the front of my shorts and wait.
“Guess what?” Julien leans against the stone facade of the firepit, looking smug. “I posted a video of your race, and it’s gotten over ten thousand views.”
Jay drops down in the chair next to me, legs outstretched, arms crossed over his chest. “You were reckless popping that wheelie at the end.”
“I knew the conditions of the track. I made sure to compensate,” I reply, not understanding why he’s so upset.
And yeah, I may have been showing off a little for Elizabeth.
He sits forward and laces his fingers together, his disapproving eyes landing on me.
“That stupid stunt almost cost you the race.”
“It’s just a race, Jay. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Liz was watching. She was worried.”
Julien kicks his brother’s shoe. “No, she wasn’t. Stop being a dick.”
“Speaking of Elizabeth,” I say, gathering my courage.
Jay’s head snaps back. “What about her?”
I silently give myself a pep talk to man the fuck up and get the words out. I don’t think I’ve ever been as apprehensive about anything as I am right now.
Taking a deep breath, I decide it’s now or never.
“That’s why I wanted to talk to you tonight.” My chest gets tight, but I plow ahead. Needing to stand and pace, I start over. “Okay. Look.” God, this is hard. “Okay.”
“Will you just say whatever the fuck it is you want to say?” Jay snaps.
From the look he’s giving me, the firm set to his mouth, the clench of his jaw, suddenly his surly mood makes sense.
He knows.
Time to rip the Band-Aid off—and it all comes out as a complete tumble of word vomit.
“We’ve been friends for a long time. A very long time. It’s always been us and Elizabeth. You guys are my family. I consider you both my brothers. I would never, not ever , betray you or do anything that would hurt either of you.”
I stop and make eye contact to emphasize that point, to show them I’m serious about what I just said.
“This is difficult. Has been difficult for a while. The best friend thing with Elizabeth isn’t working for me anymore. I want more.”
I stop in front of Jayson, but he keeps his head bowed low between hunched shoulders, his hands gripped tightly together in his lap until his knuckles are white. He won’t look at me, so I ramble on, needing to get it all out.
“I love her. I am in love with her. I’ve kept my feelings to myself…because I know you’re in love with her, too.” Emotion chokes me until I can’t breathe. “I’m tired of fighting my feelings. I’m tired of feeling guilty about wanting to ask her out. So here I am, laying it all out, hoping that you both will forgive me. Hoping that you don’t hate me for loving her.”
Julien is the first to break the strangling silence.
“If it was any other guy, I’d kick his ass because it’s Liz . But you’re not any guy. I trust you implicitly, and I have no problem with you wanting to date her, Ry. I will have a problem if you hurt her or break her heart.”
Relief floods me. “I promise. I won’t. I swear. I told Elizabeth that I wanted to talk to her about something important tomorrow, but I had to talk to you guys tonight. I needed to make sure we’re all good first.” I silently beg Jay to look at me. Give me a reaction. Something. “Jay? Are we good?”
He remains quiet, his posture rigid, angry.
“Jay, you’re being uncharacteristically non-verbal,” Julien says when his brother remains stolid.
One minute goes by. Two.
Suddenly, Jay springs out of his seat and bolts across the yard.
“Jay!” I shout as he sprints out of view around the side of the house.
Julien cuffs my shoulder. “Give him some time. He’ll come around.”
I don’t cry, but damn if the tears don’t come.
That possibility I had feared just came true.
And things will never be the same between us ever again.