Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
JAYSON
M y mind has gone blank. Anger grips me, and I can’t fucking breathe. I don’t remember anything after leaving Ryder’s backyard. I don’t remember how I got here.
I sat and listened to him pour his heart out to me. Every goddamn word he spoke mirrored my own thoughts because my heart was saying the same thing. His words were my words. But knowing those words were coming from his mouth, his heart, I couldn’t sit there any longer.
I knew it was coming. I knew it the moment Ryder told me he wanted to talk to Julien and me about something important. But when he finished talking, when my twin brother gave him his blessing, I just ran. Fucking jumped out of my seat and ran. I had to get out of there. I had to escape before my world fractured apart into a thousand jagged pieces.
I grip the sides of my head, hands fisting my hair. My mind races, thoughts blurring together. Images of him and her. I’m in agony.
Shit! Fuck! Dammit! I’m going to lose her. I’m about to lose my reason for getting up in the morning. I exist because she is in my life. Without her, I don’t know what the hell to do. Ryder is going to take her away from me. He’ll be the one she kisses, the one she gives her heart to. The one she gives her love to.
The thought of her being with someone else—no, not just someone else. Him. My best friend. I should be happy. I should have patted him on the back and stepped aside. Allow Liz to choose for herself. I have no rights to her. She doesn’t officially belong to me. I have no say in what she does or who she dates.
But goddamn it! She’s mine. I have loved that girl for half my life. I can’t let her go, not even to be with my best friend. A guy who is like my brother and part of my family. Ryder has always been the better man. He had the courage to step up and tell Julien and me how he felt. I wish I was that selfless. I wish I could be more like him, but I’m not. I’m just a scared boy, who at the age of six found his soulmate. And I can’t step aside. Not even for him.
Looking up at the old oak tree that stands between our houses, I peer up at Liz’s window. It’s open like usual, and I can hear her voice floating down to me like a song whispering through the leaves of the tree as it glides upon the night’s breeze. She’s talking to Hailey. I stand there at the foot of the tree and listen.
I don’t know how long I’m there lost in my world of misery and questions. I hear a click and then her bedroom goes dark. I watch as Liz appears in the frame of her window, her long pale hair loose around her shoulders, looking like a goddess come to life. While my mind is still running on a loop, my body takes over and decides to move on its own. Without thinking, I leap up and grab hold of the bottom branch of the oak and start to climb.
Liz notices the tree shudder from my efforts, her face full of confusion, wondering what’s climbing the tree in the middle of the night. She leans over the sill to get a better view, then startles when she sees me.
“Jayson?”