Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
ELIZABETH
W hen I got home from the Fields, full of confusion and doubts, Hailey was waiting for me in my bedroom. I had texted her on the way home asking if we could talk. She has a way of making me feel better about things that bother me.
“What do I do, Hales? Things seem to be changing between us, and I don’t know if it’s a good change or not.”
Fragrant summer air filled with the scent of honeysuckle vines wafts through my open bedroom window, fluttering the curtains.
Hailey takes a brush from my bedside table and glides it through my hair. She opens her mouth to say something but doesn’t. I know she’s trying to find the right words, like she does when writing her poems. Hailey wants every word to have meaning.
“You, the twins, and Ryder have always had a special bond. And I know you love them in different ways. But is that love the type of love that goes deeper? You need to ask yourself that question first.”
I think about Julien, his quick smile and kind spirit. But my feelings for him don’t go further than profound friendship.
Then there’s Jayson. He makes my heart pound. I look into his light-gray eyes and every part of me tingles. Ryder is my amber-eyed daredevil, the keeper of my heart.
What would happen to us if I chose one and not the other? Would Jayson hate me if I dated Ryder? Would Ryder never talk to me again if I chose Jayson?
Nose scrunching in thought, I exhale a sharp sigh. “I don’t want to hurt anybody.”
Hailey puts down the brush and embraces me in a warm hug. “What do you want, Lizzie? What would make you happy?”
I lean back into my sister’s arms, accepting the comfort she’s giving.
“I wish the choice was taken out of my hands, so I don’t have to constantly worry about it, but I also just want things to stay the same.”
I’m a coward.
She stifles a yawn and climbs over me to get off the bed.
“Sorry, sis. I’m exhausted and at a loss on what you should do. Get some sleep and hopefully the answer will come to you in your dreams.”
“Good night, Hales. Thanks for listening.”
“Always. Love you.”
Hailey walks through our jack-and-jill, closing both bathroom doors.
My mind is too busy running ragged circles, and I know sleep won’t come anytime soon. I click off my bedroom light and walk over to the open window. Even though it’s the middle of the summer and the air is sticky with humidity, I keep my window open at night. I started doing that when the twins moved in next door.
The branches and leaves of the oak tree shake. Sometimes raccoons or opossums climb the tree at night. I peer out to get a closer look and jump a foot off the floor when a tall figure appears, scaring the crap out of me.
“Jayson?”
He climbs through the window and into my bedroom. His metallic eyes bore into mine, their glow in the darkness rivaling that of a full moon. I’m forced to look up at him since he’s several inches taller. He’s breathing hard, fists clenched at his sides. He looks angry, wild, but his eyes hold something else. Something that causes my heart to skip a beat.
“Jayson?” I ask again, unsure, and raise my hand to touch him.
As soon as my fingers graze the side of his face, his eyes change, his pupils dilating, making his irises look almost black. He takes a step toward me. I take a step back. It’s almost like we’re dancing. My pulse quickens even more.
Jayson’s heated gaze tracks across my face like an intimate caress. He takes another step forward until his body is mere inches from mine. An unfamiliar spark ignites between us. It’s electricity charged by lightning. Heat fired with an internal flame. Air from our lungs comes out in short, sharp puffs.
Even though Jayson isn’t physically touching me, I can feel him everywhere .
He takes another slow half-step toward me. Those mesmerizing eyes hold mine, and I couldn’t look away from him now if my life depended on it.
Slowly, very slowly, as if he’s about to touch something precious and fragile, Jayson cups the side of my face, fingers wrapping around the nape of my neck, thumb curling under my chin. With gentle urging, he tips my face up, his thumb tracing the contour of my bottom lip.
I go motionless, absolutely still, knowing what’s coming but disbelieving it’s about to happen.
“I love you, Liz.”
He closes those final millimeters and presses his mouth to mine.
I get just a moment to feel the softness of his lips before he claims every thought in my head with a kiss that shakes the foundation of reality and tilts my world upside down.
It’s like an out-of-body experience.
My first kiss.
My first kiss with Jayson.
I’ve never kissed a boy before. I have absolutely no experience to fall back on to help me figure out what I need to do. So I relinquish control to Jayson, knowing that he will guide the way.
He guides me where he wants me, kissing me deeper. I never could have possibly imagined being kissed as thoroughly as Jayson is kissing me right now. It’s as if we can’t breathe unless we are taking in the air of the other. It’s heady and intoxicating.
His phone chimes with a notification, ending the surreal moment. I’m the first to pull away.
Seconds tick by, but it’s enough time for my brain to clear from the sensual fog of Jayson’s kisses—and panic sets in.
What have we done?
“Liz.”
My panic rises. “What have we done?”
“Something we should have done a long time ago,” he replies softly, pulling me back for another kiss to prove his point.
A kiss that weakens my knees and fuzzes my brain.
No. We can’t do this. I push against his chest.
My voice rises when I start to cry. “You don’t understand. You don’t get it. This changes everything.”
Without fully letting me go, he pushes me backward to my bed and sits down with me.
“Liz, look at me.”
I refuse.
“Liz,” he says more sternly. “Look at me.”
Once he has my attention, he pulls my face to his and kisses me slowly—once, twice, three times.
“Nothing is going to change. I promise.”
“But—”
“I love you. I have loved you for a long time. Tell me that you feel the same. Please tell me that we can be together, that you’ll be mine. I’ll do anything. Anything . Just tell me.”
One of the boys I have loved since I was six years old is in front of me, declaring his heart to mine, trusting that I won’t break it. And I won’t. I can’t.
It seems that fate is stepping in, making the decision for me.
So, I let it.
Jayson waits patiently for my answer, but a part of me hesitates—the part that’s in love with Ryder.
You can’t be that selfish.
I don’t know what to do.
“Liz, please .”
Jayson’s anguished words pleading with me to love him back tear down my walls of resistance.
“Yes.”
His stunned face breaks out in a brilliant smile. “Yes?”
I kiss his cheek. “Yes.”
I kiss his forehead. “Yes.”
I kiss his nose. “Yes.”
I stare into the eyes of the boy who has been my best friend since I was six years old.
“I love you, too.”