Chapter 47
Chapter Forty-Seven
ELIZABETH
I grab two sodas from the fridge.
“ What. The. Fuck! ”
Jayson’s booming, angry voice makes me jump, and I drop one of the sodas. The can explodes on impact, spraying my legs and feet.
I grab some paper towels to clean up the mess.
“Jay, it’s not what you think. Let me explain.”
Oh, shit!
Tossing everything into the sink, I run as fast as I can up the stairs. Jayson’s rigid body blocks their bedroom doorway.
“Elijah, get the fuck out of my house!”
“Don’t talk to him that way!” Julien shouts.
I grab Jayson’s arm. “Jayson, please. Calm down. Just sit and listen to Julien. Please.”
If I thought I saw Jayson angry before when he was beating on Marshall at Fallon’s party, this is much worse. And it’s directed at me.
“You knew about this?” His voice is cold and sets me on edge.
I swallow convulsively, wanting to tread lightly with how I answer that.
“Yes,” I meekly reply, nodding slowly.
“You knew about this!”
I startle and stumble backward.
“How long, Liz? How fucking long have you known?”
Julien comes out into the hall. “Jay, let’s go downstairs and sit down and talk. We owe you an explanation.”
Jayson doesn’t say a word. He jerks his shirt over his head and stomps downstairs.
Tears streak down my face at Julien’s devastated expression.
“Julien, I’m so sorry.”
He pulls me into his side and kisses my hair. “You have nothing to apologize for, Liz. Nothing. You hear me? He’s just in shock. Once he calms down and we talk things through, I’m sure he’ll understand. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I should have told him a long time ago.”
The short descent down the stairs and into the living room is rife with anguish.
The room is as morose as the mood. Dark shadows dance along the walls, and an orange hue from the setting sun faintly illuminates the beige walls with somber hues of dark orange and red.
We find Jayson hunkered down in one of the armchairs, knees splayed, forearms resting on his thighs. His hands fist his hair, and he’s breathing hard. As soon as I get close, he bolts out of the chair.
“Jayson.”
“Don’t.”
His angry rejection increases the tears that fall down my face. I don’t know what to do, so I just stand there.
“Jay, sit down so we can talk. Please,” Julien begs his brother.
Jayson goes to the opposite side of the room from where I am and sits down on the sofa. My heart breaks. I want to hold him so badly right now. Give him comfort.
“Talk,” he snaps.
Elijah and Julien take their seats on the other side of the sofa, hands clasped with one another’s, a show of solidarity. I’m so proud of Julien right now. I know how scared he must be and how hard having this conversation with his twin brother is.
“I’m gay. If you want to be technical about it, I’m bisexual. And I love Elijah. I have for a long time.”
“How long?” Jayson murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper.
“How long have I known I was bi, or how long have E and I been dating?”
Jayson waits for Julien to continue.
“We’ve been dating for a while. My feelings for Elijah were what made me finally come out to Liz.”
“When?”
“When?” Julien looks up at the ceiling and then at me before moving his gaze back to Jayson. “Um, I told her the summer we went to Topsail for July Fourth.”
“We go to Topsail almost every summer,” Jayson says.
“A few years ago. I knew before then. Just never told anyone. I was scared, I guess.”
Elijah brings their clasped hands to his lips and softly kisses the back of Julien’s hand.
“Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me, Julien?” Jayson’s face is etched with agony. “I’m your twin brother! I should have been the first person you talked to. Why Liz? Why her and not me?”
Julien looks helplessly in my direction. I smile, trying to give him the courage he needs.
“I don’t know. Liz is just the person I go to when I need to talk. I don’t know why I’ve been afraid to tell you all these years. I guess I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”
Jayson looks horrified when he stares at his brother in disbelief. “You thought I would be…why would you… fuck .”
Jayson closes the two feet between them and jerks Julien into his arms.
“I would never be disappointed in you. Never , Julien. I love you. You’re my brother. I love you. No matter what.”
Years of pent-up uncertainty release like a dam bursting. Julien breaks down in racking sobs in Jayson’s arms, his hands convulsively tightening around his brother’s back. The scene before me is so earth-shattering, so real and emotional, I openly sob with them. Jayson reaches out to Elijah, who has been sitting silently witnessing them together, and pulls him into the embrace. For several minutes, I watch them cry.
“Thank you for loving my brother, E,” Jayson says.
“That’s the easy part,” Elijah replies.
The three boys release one another, swiping the tears from their eyes with the backs of their hands.
“Have you told Mom and Dad?”
“No.” Julien dries his face on his shirt. “Would you mind being here with me when they get home tonight?”
“It would be my absolute honor, Jules.”
Jayson embraces Julien again for one long hug.
“I can stay, if you want me to,” I speak from my corner of the room.
Jayson turns indignant eyes toward me. “You need to leave.”
“She can stay. She has every right to stay. She’s been there for me and E—has supported us the entire time. We wouldn’t know what to do without her.”
Jayson’s handsome face contorts into something…ugly.
“Basically, what you’re confirming is that my girlfriend has been lying to me for years.”
“No, it’s not like that,” I protest. “I couldn’t tell you without breaking my promise to Julien.”
“But I’m your fucking boyfriend, Liz! The one person you’re supposed to love and trust more than anyone else! How could you keep a secret like this from me? From me , dammit! It should have been me he came to first. Me he talked to first. Not you!” he yells.
“She’s right. It wasn’t her secret to tell. It was mine. And the fact that I told her first shouldn’t be a factor. She was there for me when I needed her.”
Jayson shakes his head back and forth, his dark chocolate locks falling into his eyes when he looks at me.
“All I see in front of me is someone who has lied to my face for years. I can understand why Jules was afraid to tell me, but what I don’t understand is why you locked me out and kept it from me. How many opportunities did you have to tell me to talk to my brother? That there was something going on with him and he needed me. He needed me, too, Liz, and you took that away from me. You stole that from me. You stole years of me being there for him.”
Jayson makes a strangled sound and sits back down, looking defeated.
“Get out. I can’t look at you right now. I can’t speak to you right now. Just get out. I want to be alone with Julien before our parents get home, and I don’t want you here.”
“Jayson, please. I’m sorry.”
I try to reach for him.
“Get out! Now!” he shouts.
My face crumbles. I run out of the room, grabbing my purse off the foyer table. Going out the front door, I dash across the yard to my house, tears making everything look blurry. Julien calls after me, but I don’t stop.
I spot our car in the driveway. Hailey must be home.
Of fucking course she’s home now after ghosting me all day when I tried to find her and talk to her. Dealing with my sister will have to wait.
Unlocking the car door with my key fob, I get in and turn the ignition. Damn tears. I wipe them away because I can’t see well enough to drive.
I don’t understand Jayson’s anger. Doesn’t he get that I couldn’t say anything to him without betraying Julien and breaking my word? I never lied to him. Did I? Fantastic. He has me second-guessing myself now. Well, fuck him. I did the right thing. I won’t apologize for it. Jayson has kept things from me. Look at what I found out today about Jacinda. He’s a hypocrite. He’s lied by omission several times. And instead of talking to me tonight, he kicked me out of his house. He yelled at me. Well, fuck him.
My mental tirade has me shaking and incensed. I need to get out of here.
Putting the car into reverse, I slam on the brakes when Julien runs to the driver’s side of the car and pulls on the handle, only to find it locked. His voice is muffled through the rolled-up window.
“Liz, come back inside. He didn’t mean what he said. Please come back in with me.”
“He doesn’t want me there. And it’s not about me. I love you. I’m so proud of you for telling him tonight. It’s good that he knows. Go back inside and be with him.”
“Liz, wait.”
But I’m already backing down the driveway.