Chapter 48
Chapter Forty-Eight
ELIZABETH
My Choice
A fter driving around aimlessly for an hour, I find myself parked in front of Randy’s garage. The bay doors are down but the lights are on, and I can hear noises and music coming from inside. I open my car door. It’s late enough that the business should be closed, but I see Mr. Cutton sitting inside at the counter, typing away at the computer. I knock on the glass door, and he looks up, a smile splitting his face when he sees that it’s me.
He walks over and unlocks the door. The familiar smell of oil and rubber hit my nose as soon as I walk inside.
“Well, hey there, Elizabeth. What brings you by tonight?”
His smile falters when he notices my teary eyes.
“Is Ryder around?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. He’s in the garage. Hold on a sec. Let me get him for you.”
A minute later, the music turns off and Ryder walks in, a rag in his hands as he wipes the grease off them. Mr. Cutton says something to him that I can’t hear, then goes into his office and quietly closes the door.
“Good to see you’re alive. Julien and Elijah have been blowing up my phone for the past hour. I tried texting you as well.”
I nod but don’t reply.
Ryder throws the rag on the counter, his golden eyes giving me a thorough examination.
“Come on. Let’s go in the back so we can talk in private.”
I follow him into the garage bay. He pulls up a stool and offers it to me. I shake my head no, needing to stretch my legs after being in the car for an hour. Ryder retrieves a bottled water from the mini fridge, twists the top off, and brings it to me. I take it, grateful, because my throat is sore and parched from crying.
“Want to tell me what’s going on?”
Holding the bottle with my left hand, since my right hand is still too sore from punching Marshall, I tip the water back and look at him. I mean, really look at him. He looks good. Strong and vital and so damn handsome. I never allowed myself to really see him before. Not just the superficial things that I’m attracted to, like his copper-colored eyes that I know have flecks of green in them. Or the way his arm muscles bulge when he crosses them over his chest like he’s doing now. Or the cupid’s bow on his full, top lip. His tanned skin or his devastating smile that I’m lucky to be the recipient of often. Those are only superficial qualities.
What I see now, perhaps truly for the very first time, is how he always stands by me and supports me no matter what. How he has gifted me with his love and with his heart and not once expected anything in return. How he must love me so much, he was willing to give me up to be with Jayson and still remain my best friend, even though I know it must kill him every day to see me and Jayson together. I see all the years we’ve shared, all the times we keep finding our way back together. How even though I love Jayson so very much, my love and my heart have always belonged to Ryder.
I sit down on the stool he offered as my mental fatigue morphs into physical exhaustion.
Ryder drags another stool over in front of me. He takes the water from me, setting it down on the floor, and cups my bandaged hand.
“I never really thanked you for defending me last night.”
“He deserved more. How is your car?” I tilt my head in the direction of his car that’s currently perched on a lift.
“Minor stuff I can handle easily. I’ve been working on it all afternoon.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
Ryder peels back the gauze to inspect my swollen knuckles. His thumb lightly rubs over each one before he pulls the gauze back down.
“You should call Julien. He’s worried about you but wouldn’t tell me why. Where’s Jay?”
Where to start?
“Jayson is with Julien and Elijah at the house.”
“Why aren’t you with them?”
“Jayson kicked me out.”
Ryder’s head tilts, not understanding. “Why the hell would Jay kick you out of their house?”
“He’s angry at me. He thinks I’ve been lying to him for years.”
Ryder bites on his lower lip, considering things. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Julien and Elijah, would it?”
I peer into his face, and it hits me. “You know?”
“Pretty much.”
“Did Julien tell you?”
“No. I kind of clued in a while ago. I figured when Jules was ready, he would tell me himself. But, yeah, I figured it out. Wasn’t that hard. You can tell how much he and Elijah love each other. How happy Julien is whenever Elijah is around. It’s obvious.”
Doesn’t that beat all, I think to myself, chuckling out loud. All this time, Ryder had it figured out while Jayson said he had no idea. I’ll have to add perceptive to Ryder’s list of qualities.
“Julien is going to tell his parents tonight. Jayson’s there with him.”
“You should be there, too.”
“I want to be, but Jayson is so angry with me. He said some hurtful things that he won’t be able to take back. Things that I won’t be able to easily forgive him for this time.”
Ryder pulls my stool closer to his, the sound dulled by the epoxied flooring. He lifts my chin until we are eye to eye.
“Loving someone isn’t easy, Elizabeth. I should know. There are so many good days that even the few bad ones can’t lessen them. Today is just one of the bad ones. You and Jayson have loved each other a long time. That kind of love doesn’t disappear at the first sign of anger or because you’re fighting.”
Leaving the stool, I pace the garage.
“He keeps things from me all the time. Stuff about Jacinda. Stuff about Marshall. Stuff with Fallon. I gave Julien my word. What kind of friend would I be if I broke my promises?”
I stop in front of Ryder. He’s watching me from his place on the stool.
“Why didn’t you fight for me?” I shout at him, my emotions all over the place. Anger at Jayson. Loving Jayson. Anger at Ryder. Loving Ryder.
“What?”
“Why didn’t you fight for me? When Jayson snuck into my bedroom that night, he told me how he felt about me. Why didn’t you? You told me at the Fields you wanted to talk to me about something important. Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you give up so easily?”
Ryder’s mouth opens and closes several times.
We face each other in a standoff. He’s not willing to answer my question, and I’m not willing to let it go. You know what? Screw it. Screw it all. I feel like choices have been stolen from me. Who I’m allowed to love. Where to go to college. Who I’m supposed to marry. How I’m to live my life. The mess with Maria. The fucked-up mess with Jacinda and Marshall.
I’ve always been meek and pliable, doing what I’m told, letting others decide for me and never speaking up for myself. The stereotypical good girl. Last night when I punched Marshall—that felt good. I felt strong, and capable, and free. I made the choice to hit him. My choice. Now, I’m choosing this.
Before I have a chance to change my mind, I’m straddling Ryder on the stool and touching my lips to his.
My choice.
There’s a second of hesitation from him before his arms band around me and his mouth opens to mine. I immediately tangle my tongue with his, his lips so soft yet firm, and oh, so wonderful. He makes a guttural moan, fusing our mouths tightly together. I started out the aggressor but now he’s the one taking control. A decade’s worth of unrequited love and passion erupt into this kiss.
And it was my fucking choice.