Chapter 50
Chapter Fifty
ELIZABETH
The Things That Break Us
I ’m so mentally exhausted by the time I get home. I had shut off my phone when I ran out of the Jameson’s house earlier tonight. I turn it on. It’s flooded with text messages and voice mails. I need some sleep before I try to tackle the mess that awaits me. Perhaps I’ll skip school today and stay home. Perhaps Ryder will skip with me. It would give us a chance to talk about how I’m going to tell Jayson.
Walking to the side of the house, I look up at the twins’ second-story window—Jayson and Julien’s room. The glass pane is shut, and the drapes are cinched closed. Everyone must be asleep.
I hope everything went well with Freda and Mitch. I know their parents will accept Julien for who he is, just like Jayson did.
Jayson.
The boy I have loved since I was six. The boy I shared all my firsts with. Every awkward, beautiful first. Images of us flicker like an old film in my mind: the sweetness of falling in love, the laughter we shared, the friendship that came before everything else. As difficult as our relationship was, the good outweighed the bad, and I don’t regret a single moment with him. Not many people get to experience first love with their best friend.
Standing here in the dark, my chest tightens with guilt. I’m about to break his heart, tear apart the world we’ve built together and the future he’s planned for us. How do you hurt someone you’ve loved for so long, just to follow your own heart?
I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting back the ache rising in my throat. Jayson doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to have his heart shattered by the person he trusts most. But I can’t lie to him. I can’t lie to myself. We’ve both been doing that for far too long.
I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.
The neighborhood is eerily quiet, as if the world itself is holding its breath. Stumbling up the porch steps, I get my key out of my purse and unlock the door, then close and re-lock it once inside. The house is pitch black.
I stop.
Something ugly slithers its way up my spine, and my heart painfully crashes against my rib cage as if adrenaline is being mainlined directly into my bloodstream. Before I’m even able to register movement, I’m tackled hard to the ground. I open my mouth to scream, but I’m silenced in a chokehold when a punishing hand squeezes around my throat.
“Welcome home, sweet Elizabeth.”
Pain shoots across my head, and everything goes black.
Oh god, my head. It hurts. I struggle to open my eyes. Why do I hurt so much? I try to move my hands but can’t. I try to move my legs and arms and get nothing. Fear. Panic. Why can’t I move? I scream and scream, but no sound comes out. There’s something covering my mouth.
Oh god. Oh god. Help! Someone, please help!
My senses click on, one at a time. I’m in a chair, my arms and ankles bound. Duct tape covers my mouth. I’m in the house.
No. NoNoNo!
Hailey! Mom! Dad!
Get free. Save your family. Do something!
With every ounce of strength I can muster, I buck against my bindings. The chair teeters precariously but I don’t stop.
Get free. Save your family.
The chair topples sideways with me strapped to it. My shoulder and head hit the floor and intense pain like none I’ve ever felt before detonates inside my skull.
“Oh, good. You’re awake.”
Black tennis shoes appear in my blurred vision. Hands roughly lift me upright.
“I’m running out of time,” the voice says.
Terror fills me as the sharp edge of a knife is dragged up the middle of my chest like a caress, sliding between my breasts and under my chin. The tip of the blade nicks my jugular, and I jump in response.
“Look what you made me do, Elizabeth.”
How does he know my name?
I can already feel blood trickling down my neck, the small slice of skin stinging.
“I said look!” he screams.
I don’t know what he wants me to look at. What is happening? Why is he doing this? Where are my parents? Where’s Hailey? I try to capture images of his face, what he’s wearing, anything that I can give to the police if I’m able to make it out of here alive.
He’s tall. Not as tall as Jayson, more Ryder’s height. He’s wearing all black and has a black face mask covering his hair and face. However, even with the dim light, I’m able to see the color of his irises. His pupils are blown but the rims around each are visible. One light blue, one brown.
I whimper and try to tell him that I don’t know what he’s talking about. He fists my hair with a severe grasp and jerks my head at an odd angle. I try to look away from the utter horror he forces to see, but he won’t let me.
Lying motionless on the living room floor are my parents. There’s enough light coming in through the separation of the curtains from the streetlamps outside for me to see the carpet is painted a dark crimson. My mother’s vacant, cloudy eyes stare at me, unblinking, my father next to her, his face I can’t see. I scream behind the duct tape, thrashing around wildly, desperate to get to them, to save them, even though I already know they’re both dead.
“Now you see, my sweet Elizabeth. But that’s not all I have to show you.”
He releases my face and walks over to the pantry and opens it. I hear a loud thump and then a noise like something is being dragged across the floor. The man appears in front of me again, his hand curled around Hailey’s hair as he slides her limp, naked body in front of me and tosses her down on the floor at my feet. Her body is covered in cuts, bruises, and burn marks, and if she didn’t make a tiny moaning sound when she hit the floor, I would have thought she was dead, too.
I vomit inside my mouth but there’s nowhere for it to go. I swallow it back down—the burning, acrimonious taste making me gag and want to vomit all over again.
The man starts talking frantically, his words a jumble my mind has trouble processing. I ignore him and focus on Hailey. Get up! Get up, Hailey! My muffled words plead to her. Get up!
The man bends down and flips Hailey over onto her stomach. Her muscles twitch but she barely moves, her skin sticky with congealed blood. I’m watching my sister die right before my eyes and am helpless to do anything about it.
Hot, overpowering rage rises, aimed at the man in front of me as he hovers over her. If I can just get free, I will rip every bone from his body.
A yellowish-orange spotlight passes over Hailey’s pallid, blood-streaked skin as the early morning sun filters through the windows. Ryder said he would come by this morning. Ryder will save me. I just have to hold on until he gets here.
“Do you see, Elizabeth? Your pathetic sister could never take your place. You’re my butterfly. My beautiful broken butterfly.”
He’s not making any sense.
If I thought seeing my parents dead on the floor and my sister’s life draining out of her right in front me was enough to break me, what he does next obliterates me, leaving nothing but a husk of myself remaining.
The man lowers his zipper and climbs on top of Hailey as she lies prone on her stomach, not moving. This is not happening. This is not happening . This can’t be happening . I shut my eyes, not able to watch him defile my sister in the most horrific way.
“Elizabeth,” he coos.
I shake my head. I won’t watch. I won’t.
“ ELIZABETH! ”
My eyes pop open.
He plunges a knife into Hailey’s side, over and over.
My mind fractures. I scream so loud and so long and so hard that my vocal cords shatter. Tears pour down my face, clouding my vision and mixing with the blood covering my neck.
“Shh,” he says, stroking my hair. “I’m almost done.”
“Don’t touch me! Don’t you fucking touch me!” But nothing comes out. I have no voice. He stole my voice.
I whimper when he slides the knife across my leg bindings. He’s going to do to me what he did to my sister. A second of clarity hits me. This may be my only chance to escape.
“Don’t you see how much I love you, Elizabeth? She wanted to be you. She could never be you. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Once my legs are unbound, I rear back and smash my head into his face as hard as I can. Stars explode behind my eyes. Jesus, fuck!
I hear him yowl in pain as dizziness swamps me. Using my legs, I push down with all my might, trying to stand and run, but my wrists are still taped to the chair. The man grabs my ankle, and I careen into the dining room table, striking the side of my face against the wooden edge, the chair shattering beneath me.
“Why, Elizabeth? Why did you do that?” the man screams at me.
He sits on my chest and pins me down, and I lose it. I fight with everything in me, kicking, biting, thrashing. Voices come from outside, and I try to scream but only a whisper comes out, then a gurgling noise like coffee percolating. My head lulls to the side. The man pulls the knife out of me.
He croons to me in a soft voice. “Hush now, sweet Elizabeth. It will all be better soon.” He slides the knife into me again, twisting it. Ripping the duct tape off my mouth, he kisses me softly. “My beautiful broken butterfly.”
When the voices get louder, he climbs off me. I hear his footsteps running toward the back of the house.
My body is floating, but I feel no pain. I try to take in a labored breath, but it’s too hard to pull in air. My eyes track to the dining room window, searching for Jayson’s window, but the old oak tree is in the way.
Jayson . I see my swing and remember the Valentine’s Day he gave it to me. The night he made love to me for the very first time. My gorgeous silver-eyed boy. The boy who owns all my firsts. Memories of Jayson and all our next times float in rapid succession across my vision. I think of my jar of stars as I try to touch the chain around my neck, wanting to feel my promise ring.
Daddy . I feel my dad’s arms wrap around me. I’m sitting in his lap. His hands cover mine as he helps me pluck the guitar strings. I hear his deep voice singing to me. I hear him call me puddin’.
Mom . I can feel my mom’s love. She wraps it around my body just like she wrapped me in hugs every day. Her soft whispers telling me it’s going to be all right.
Hailey . My sweet baby sister. I try to slide my hand across the blood-slicked floor to reach her.
My vision fades out, then back in. A gurgling cough erupts up my throat, and I taste something thick and metallic. I blink.
Julien . So handsome and brave, his smiling face hanging upside down from the tree branch in front of our old tree fort. Julien in his gray tux as he dips me in front of the Eiffel Tower. My best friend.
“Elizabeth! Are you in here?”
That’s my sweet Ryder’s voice. I picture us in his car, the wind in my hair, his golden, amber eyes always filled with love when he looked at me. How free I feel when I’m with him. He kissed me tonight. He said he loved me.
My beautiful, wonderful boys. My three princes. I’ve lived a lifetime of happiness with them by my side. They are my family. Wait, no. Not all my family. My parents. My sister. Gone. He killed them. Why did he kill them?
There’s a tug on my torso, and I hear Ryder’s voice, faint and far away, calling my name. My eyes are too heavy to open, and my limbs won’t work. Jayson is here with him. I need to tell them before the darkness takes me away. I need more time. I can’t leave them. I’m not ready.
Ryder’s frantic eyes swim in front of my vision.
With my last, gasping breath, I rasp out, “I love you.”