Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Legs
I smile at the bank teller before turning and walking away.
With the shop deposits done, I’m free to do what I want for the rest of the evening.
I have two days left to work before taking a few days off, as Au will be closed for most of next week while updates were being made to Midas’s office.
I couldn’t wait to have some time off all to myself.
Tonight, though, I’d take just a few blissful hours.
My feet are sore from being on them all day, and I really needed a hot shower.
I walk through town, enjoying the afternoon sun, daydreaming about what I’d do on those free days.
I figured I’d take myself to the movies and maybe go for some dinner.
Perhaps I’d laze around and maybe steal Alex away for a little while so Sunshine, who looked exhausted again the last time I saw her, could have a break.
Whatever I decide, I’d need to batch cook some meals as they were running low at the clubhouse, and most days I was too tired to cook when I came home.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that when a car horn blasts and makes me jump, I swear I feel my heart in my throat. I spin around and see Lil laughing her ass off.
“Get in, loser.”
I flip her off but walk around and climb into the passenger seat. “I thought you were working at the shelter tonight?”
She shrugs. “We were overstaffed, and since I’ve been there every day this week, Grant sent me home.”
“Makes sense. I was planning on vegging out tonight—movies, junk food, the whole shebang. You wanna join?”
“Like a girls’ night?”
“Yep. You can even sleep over if you like.”
“That sounds kind of awesome. I love the guys, but sometimes I just wanna wear my PJs and deep-throat a Twinkie instead of a dick.”
I snort with laughter. “I know the feeling. “
“I’ve got a few things I need to do first, but I’ll come to your room when I’m done.”
“No rush, I’ll hang around the clubhouse for a little while.”
“Rather you than me,” she grumbles, making me chuckle. “Everything feels weird right now after last night.”
“Last night? I crashed early. What did I miss?” I couldn’t face heading back to the saloon after Midas fucked me, but I don’t mention that part.
She looks at me with wide eyes before turning back to the road. “How do you not know? None of those men can keep a secret. It was all they could talk about when church let out.”
I was already hiding by then. “I opened early today, and most people were passed out when Hoops drove me in. Does this have anything to do with Hicks? I’m not a fan of the prospect, but he doesn’t usually bail on me if he’s driving me to work.”
She blows out an exasperated breath and fills me in on what I missed. I feel my mouth drop open in shock.
“Wait, so Conan is sick, Sunshine is pregnant with not one but two babies, and Blade is stepping down as president, which means we’ll be getting a new one soon?”
“That pretty much sums it up, yes.”
“Holy crap. Is that it?” I ask sarcastically.
She grins. “G got drunk, and some warrior princess brought him home. She then pulled a gun on Hicks, who was a dick to her, and then she jumped over the fence like a ninja. That last part may be the ramblings of a drunk man. Kruger was pretty out of it when he filled me in.”
“You go to bed early one freaking time…”
She laughs, making me chuckle along with her. “I guess it explains why Midas was a no-show today. He probably tied one on, too.”
“More than likely,” she says softly. Most of the guys were still walking around in a state of shock when I left for the shelter earlier.”
“I can’t say I blame them. I’m shocked too. Anyway, let’s change the subject before my head explodes. How’s everything at the shelter been?”
She blows out a deep breath. “There was an issue, and we had to call the police.”
“What? Oh my God, are you okay?”
She glances at me before giving me a wobbly smile. “I’m fine. I’m just worried my lies are gonna catch up with me.”
“Lies?” I keep my voice even because people in glass houses and all.
“That first year after everything with Snake and Bear... I struggled. A lot,” she admits. “I won’t bore you with the details, but instead of drowning it in booze and coke, I went to therapy.”
I reach over and squeeze her arm. “It takes guts to face things head-on instead of taking the easy way out. I’m proud of you, Lil.”
She blushes and smiles. “Thanks. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely holding it together, but then I think about how far I’ve come...”
“You’re amazing, and don’t let anyone tell you differently.”
“Yes, Mom,” she teases, and my smile slips from my face. “Are you okay?”
“Just a headache.”
It’s a partial truth, but enough to satisfy her for now. “If you look in my bag on the floor, you’ll probably find something.”
I grab her bag and rummage through it until I find a bottle of Advil. I pop a couple of pills in my mouth and take a sip of the soda sitting in the cup holder. “Gross.”
“Yeah, it’s been sitting there all day.”
I lean back and close my eyes, thinking about what I want to eat when Lil says my name. “You said Midas didn’t come in today. Doesn’t he usually drive you home after work?”
“I had to go to the bank. He rarely takes me home on banking days. Most people pay in cash, and we don’t like to leave money there over the weekend.”
Her eyes go wide. “And he sends you? What if you get mugged or something?”
I shrug. I’m not gonna pretend the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. But the one time I tried to bring it up, Kiki showed up and distracted Midas with her boobs in his face. He practically shoved me out the door with the cash bag in my hand.
On one hand, I guess it shows he trusts me. But on the other hand, Lil’s right. If someone wanted to overpower me, it wouldn’t take much. And the sad thing is, I don’t know if Midas would be more upset about me getting hurt or losing the cash. I wince at the thought and reach up to rub my temples.
The crush I hoped would fade over the years only grew. The more time I spent with him, the closer we got. We’re more than bunny and biker now, whether he admits it or not. We’re friends––best friends, really. But it’s not enough for me anymore.
I fake indifference like a pro, but I’m not sure anyone buys it except Midas.
I chew my lip—something I’ve been doing a lot lately.
I don’t know if Midas has said something to his club brothers or if I’m just not doing it for them anymore, but these days, I rarely have male company besides him.
You’d think that would be a relief. It’s definitely curbed Midas’s jealousy.
But mostly, it just makes me stress about my place here. How can I stay a club bunny if I’m not doing my job?
“You’ve gone awfully quiet.”
“Just thinking.”
“About?”
“You ever think about leaving? The MC, I mean?”
“Sometimes. I used to think about it a lot after what happened. But now, I feel like I’m settling in again. It helps having something that’s mine outside of the club.”
“Yeah. Au isn’t really that for me.”
“Of course not, it’s not yours. It’s Midas’s. And you can’t exactly let your guard down around him.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Legs, you can lie to everyone else, but not me. I know how much you love him.”
I close my eyes in defeat but don’t deny it. What’s the point? “I didn’t want this. I tried everything to keep my feelings out of it, but every time I tried to put some distance between us—”
“He’d get jealous and pull you right back in again. I know. I see it, and so do the guys.”
“Oh God, they must think I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“No. They think Midas is, though.”
“He’s not. From the start, he made it clear that we couldn’t be anything more than bunny and biker. I’m the one who turned into a fucking cliché.”
“Maybe. But clichés don’t happen in a vacuum. He’s not blameless, Legs. He knew exactly what he was doing with you.”
I sigh. It’s no secret that Midas has no plans to do anything other than fuck me until something better comes along.
And I can’t even be mad about it because this is what I signed up for.
I’m just so damn tired. I’m tired of pretending I’m fine with it and not breaking into a million pieces every time I watch him with someone else.
I’m tired of pretending the scraps he gives me are enough.
“What can I do, Lil? I can’t turn off my feelings like he can.
Don’t you think I would’ve already done that by now?
This would be so much simpler if he were a dick.
It’s a fuck of a lot easier to get over someone you hate than someone you love.
But when he’s with me, Lil, it’s like we’re the only two people in the world.
And for a little while, I get to live in the reality I’ve been dreaming of. ”
“Oh, Legs.” She reaches over to hold my hand. I look out the passenger-side window, blinking back tears. Crying won’t help anything—it just makes me look weak. And even if I feel it sometimes, I refuse to show it.
“So... what do you think? Junk food or pizza?” I ask, changing the subject.
And like the good friend she is, she lets me. “I think... both.”
I turn to her and smile. “Perfect.”
After Lil dropped me off yesterday, I ended up spending the afternoon with G.
Part of me thought I should just strip naked and offer myself to him.
I’ve done nothing but feel like a pariah lately, and though I’ve come to the decision that it might be time to move on, I want it to be on my terms. Not because I was kicked out.
Five minutes in his company and I knew I’d never sleep with him again. He spent one evening with a woman, and he was already half in love with her. As happy as I am for the man who has become one of my good friends over the years, it still made my heart feel like it had been put through a blender.