Chapter 10
CROSSED IN LOVE
Not a day had gone by over the past weeks that Lord Holland did not call on Elizabeth and her aunt at Barrington Hall. She attributed it to the less varied society, what with so many of their friends in London for the Season.
“I received a delightful letter from Lucy today,” said Elizabeth.
“I should imagine she is enjoying a gay time with this being the height of the Season.”
“Indeed. I wonder that you do not go to London as well.”
“Why on earth would I do that when everything I want is here?”
Puzzled by his reply, Elizabeth arched her brow. “I should imagine your father would be eager to see you and your mother.”
Lord Holland’s expression turned sombre. He said nothing.
“Forgive me if I spoke out of turn. It is just that I have yet to meet your father in all the time I have been here. I imagine you must miss each other’s company.”
“There is a very good reason you have never met his lordship. He is estranged from our family. He prefers to spend all of his time in London, effectively relegating my mother to the country. It is but one of the reasons she throws herself into local society with such alacrity. She misses her place by his side. Alas, it cannot be helped.”
Elizabeth, not wishing to intrude on such a delicate matter as he suggested, said no more, and the two walked along in silence.
Lord Holland had no use for his father. What manner of man would banish his wife to the country while he entertained his mistress in Town as if she were the wife?
Though he had never met any of them, he was no stranger to accounts of his having so-called siblings by at least three different women.
What manner of man, indeed. Lord Holland wanted no part of it.
His ascension to the earldom could not come soon enough for him in spite of what it would entail.
“When my mother told me that Lady Vanessa and you would not be venturing to Town, I was delighted, albeit a bit puzzled. Do you not enjoy the Season?”
“Actually, I have never had a Season in Town.”
“Perhaps that will be rectified next Season.”
Elizabeth could not imagine why he would suppose such a thing.
Were she in possession of a fortune, she still could not imagine a Season in Town.
More and more of late, she could hardly imagine anything other than the nagging pain attributable to Mr. Darcy’s leave-taking.
As much as she enjoyed Lord Holland’s company, it was no substitute for being with Mr. Darcy.
At times, she considered she was being most unfair in thinking the way she did.
Lord Holland is a wonderful man—whose greatest failing is that he is not Mr. Darcy, her traitorous heart whispered.
Merely thinking about him, why he had left, and their spat was enough to cast her into a deep pensive attitude.
Lord Holland must have noticed her despair. After a time, he said, “I think Darcy is a fool to have left you as he did.”
“He knows his own mind, and he follows his own counsel. I am considering that I might do the same. Despite my commitment to be here in Bosley, I am sorely tempted to return home. I do not know that I am of much service to her ladyship anyway in such a state.”
“You might return to Hertfordshire, or you might stay here, but your presence of mind will remain the same. I, for one, should hate to see you take your leave.”
Elizabeth rather suspected where their conversation was leading. It would not do. “Lord Holland—”
“I do not believe my feelings for you have been concealed. I would never have treated you with as little consideration as Darcy did. You deserve so much more than his indifference, although I cannot claim any measure of surprise by his defection. It was bound to happen.”
Elizabeth said nothing. Lord Holland’s speech and his motives as well were exceedingly troubling. On one hand, he had spoken favourably of his own admiration, and on the other, he had disparaged her by insinuating Mr. Darcy—his own friend—incapable of a similar sentimentality.
“Do not be offended, Miss Bennet, if my praise of Darcy is not in every way indicative of my sense of his worth as a good friend. I have known him for many years, and while I have the highest opinion in the world of his honour and his goodness, and I think him everything that is worthy and amiable, he is nothing if not loyal to his family, and he upholds his duty to them above all else. That is not to say he does not hold you in esteem—I would not say that, but it only took the arrival of his cousin to remind him of where his true purposes lie.”
“I would never venture to say Mr. Darcy set out to disappoint me.”
“He is a fortunate man. He leaves you here, broken-hearted, with no assurance of when he will return, and you make excuses for him.”
“Surely I do not mean to offer excuses for Mr. Darcy. As you say, you have known him all your life, and my acquaintance with him is of such short duration. However, his reason for leaving has nothing to do with his loyalty to his family, but rather his passion for his sport.”
“I will not argue that is not a great part of it, but you cannot dismiss his obligation to his family out of hand, unless—” The viscount’s mouth fell open. “You do not know, do you? But then again how would you? As you said, your acquaintance with him is of short duration.”
“What is it you know that you apparently mean for me to know as well, Lord Holland?”
“Darcy’s aunt Lady Catherine de Bourgh and her daughter, Anne, reside in Kent.”
“He has spoken to me of them more than once. What does his relatives’ home in the general vicinity of the racing contest have to do with anything?”
“Darcy’s family expects him to marry his cousin Anne. Their engagement, albeit tacit, is of long standing. He has spoken to me of it, and never has he stated his intention not to honour his family’s wishes.”
Elizabeth did not know how to feel in the wake of Lord Holland’s revelation.
Does he speak the truth or does he merely intend to poison me against Mr. Darcy?
Was this the reason for the unspoken tension between the gentlemen while Mr. Darcy was here?
Did Lord Holland suppose he was protecting me from heartbreak?
It will not do. The fact is I am half in love with Mr. Darcy—the one man who has taught my body what it is like to be caressed and my lips what it is like to be kissed.
Though I may very well never see him again, I know it will be a very long time before I learn to think otherwise.
After a long moment of silence, Lord Holland spoke again. “I apologise for having been the one to tell you about Darcy’s situation. Pray you are not angry with me—the mere messenger.”
“No—not at all,” she said.
“Then why are you so quiet all of a sudden?”
Elizabeth knew in her heart that she must leave Bosley.
As much as I enjoy Lord Holland’s company, it simply would not be fair to pretend that what Mr. Darcy and I shared during our brief acquaintance meant so little that I would transfer my affections to another over the course of few days, weeks, or even months.
“I have been pondering the sentiments you expressed earlier—that you admire me. As much as I enjoy spending time in company with you, I do not think it is fair to continue doing so if it gives rise to expectations that I might one day return the feelings you expound.”
“You must allow me to be the judge of what is considered fair.”
“No, truly my leaving will be better for everyone concerned.”
“Your leaving will not serve me, and surely it would disappoint Lady Vanessa. Have you considered how your quitting Bosley will affect her and what it must certainly mean for your future?”
“My life will not be dictated by something that might never come to pass.” As Elizabeth was not designed to suffer low spirits over her own misgivings, she added a note of playfulness to her speech. “From everything I have learned about my aunt, she will outlive us all.”
Lord Holland chuckled. “I will not argue your point. You know your aunt well.” His conciliatory tone gave Elizabeth to know there were no ill feelings as a result of her avowal.
As for Lady Vanessa, she might understand—she might not.
She might find another person upon whom to heap her benevolence and her fortune, but it did not matter.
Elizabeth could not remain in a place that held such bittersweet memories when what she desperately needed was to return to the one place that offered her solace—Longbourn.