6. Catherine
CATHERINE
I can’t believe what this bitch is saying. I can’t even look at her. And now she’s talking about him the same way his parents did. All the memories flood back at once. I feel weak and helpless listening to the way his own mother used to talk to him. I cross my arms over my chest and turn away while tears run down my cheeks. I force myself to breathe out deeply.
I’m taken back to a night when we came home together. He’d always wait for me at the food court when the mall had curfew. He knew I didn’t like walking in the woods alone. Especially at night.
We walked mostly in silence. I had a cherry slushie, and I have no idea why because it was so damn cold outside. He laughed at me when I started shivering and took off his Henley. I remember how we stopped on the edge of the woods. The moon was out and it was bright. I could see all of his lean muscle and that “V” at his hips I used to dream about.
He handed it to me to cover myself with. I wore a thin tank top that cut off at my midsection. I'd worn it for him of course. I always made sure I looked cute if I was going to be around him. I was always hoping he would notice me.
I had to try hard to keep myself from looking at his body, and judging from the smirk on his face, he knew that. I remember how hot I felt then. I was a bundle of nerves and embarrassed for being caught looking. I expected him to make fun of me or put me in my place, but instead he just walked into the woods like normal.
He always walked faster than me, maybe because he’s taller? But I remember he seemed to be walking faster than normal that night. I kept telling myself it was because he was cold. I offered a few times to give him his shirt back, but he insisted I wear it. It was obvious he just wanted to get home and get away from me. At least that’s what I thought until I tripped over a tree root. I would’ve landed hard on my face. The damn slushie went flying and splattered on the ground.
I let out a shriek and prepared to fall in the dirt and land hard on the ground, but he caught me. Both of his strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me up until I was pressed against his hard chest.
I thought he was going to kiss me. My hands were on his bare chest, and the way he was holding me close made every nerve ending in my body burst into flames.
I remember how my breathing came in pants and I swear that even in the darkness I saw a heat in his eyes. But in a flash it was gone, like I’d just imagined it. And he set me down on my feet, leaving me confused and shaken.
He slowed his pace, and we walked home in silence. And it was an awkward silence. I kept my hands clasped to keep me from reaching out to him.
I felt fucking nauseated and practically ran to my house. I always entered through the back door so my father wouldn’t see I’d walked through the woods with Ryker. He was my dirty little secret. My parents would have killed me.
That night when I walked in, I’d completely forgotten I was wearing his Henley. I walked right in without thinking.
I was bombarded with questions. I wasn’t allowed to date anyone, and my father said it was unacceptable for me to be around Ryker, even if he was just a friend. He was in the middle of scolding me when we heard the neighbors. Ryker’s parents were having a fight. It wasn’t obvious at first. But then there was a loud yell of pain. I think his dad hit his mom. And then Ryker got in the middle. He always did that. He always defended his mom, even when she was the one yelling at him half the time.
The way Khloe is talking about Ryker reminds me of Mrs. Dean. It makes me want to slam my fist in her face.
I finally snap out of my recollection and look that bitch in the eyes.
“Fuck you.” That’s all I give her as I turn around and go back to where I left Ryker. But he’s not there.
I walk quickly around the corner searching for him, but I don’t know where he went. My heart races with worry. He left me? Fucking Khloe ruined it for me. Oh my god, what if he heard her?
“What the--” Khloe sneers as she puts her hand on my bare shoulder, digging her nails in so I’m forced to turn around. I don’t even think about it as I clench a fist and punch her right in her face.
She lets out a wail and clutches at her nose with her hands.
My eyes go large. Holy fuck!
I can’t believe I hit her. I mean, I’ve dreamed of doing it for so long. She’s definitely had it coming. But still. Holy hell.
She's bent over, but then she stands and pulls her hands away from her face. There’s no blood, but her face is all red, and her nose is starting to swell.
“You bitch!” she yells out, her eyes glassy with tears. I start to feel bad, but then I remember what she said about Ryker.
“You fucking had it coming.” I almost leave but then I think to add, “Don’t you ever talk about him like that again.” As if she’ll listen to me. I know she won’t and there’s going to be hell to pay for this, but I don’t care. What she said is not okay, and I’m not going to pretend like it is.
She looks up at me with complete disgust and opens her mouth to say something. But two drunk girls come into the room and one doesn’t see Khloe clutching her nose.
She tumbles right over her and they fall into a pile on the floor. There’s yelling and pushing, and the other drunk girl is just staring wide-eyed.
I have no intention of staying to see the end of this. I head to the ballroom where everyone else has been hanging out. The music gets louder as I approach, and the lights are flickering in beat with the music.
I look all over, and each second that passes my heart slams harder in my chest.
He had to have heard. For a fleeting second I think maybe he was bored and is making out with someone in a corner. But I push those thoughts aside.
There’s a reason I feel the way I do about him. The way he held me all those years ago did something to me. I know it did. Tears prick my eyes and they make me feel weak. I am not going to cry. I am going to find him, and I’m going to beat his ass for leaving me like that.
I nod my head as I leave the ballroom and see Levi by the door. I pick up my pace to ask him if he’s seen Ryker, but I slow down when I get close and see his expression.
He looks pissed. I come to a halt as he walks toward me.
“What happened?” His voice is hard, and it’s a demand. I don’t like it. I don’t like being talked to that way. I’m cool with Levi, but he better watch it.
“I don’t like the way you’re talking to me, and where’s Ryker?” I say coolly.
Levi’s brow scrunches, and his hard features soften.
“He took off.”
My heart plummets, and my throat closes. He left me again. That fucking bastard. I bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.
“What happened?” he asks again.
“Khloe’s a bitch. That’s what happened.”
Levi stares at me for a second before moving aside. “He just left, so maybe you can catch him.”
A small bit of hope blooms in my chest. I race to the door and open it just in time to see Ryker on his bike taking off. I call out for him, but he doesn’t hear.
I stand in the open doorway and watch him grow smaller in the distance.
Motherfucker. I’m so angry and hurt and upset.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself and grip the door harder so I don’t slam it over and over again like I want to out of frustration.
I’m just going to leave. I don’t need this shit right now.
If he really wanted me, he knows where to find me , I think as I step outside and walk to the garage. But then I stop cold in my tracks and remember that Khloe drove. Looks like I’m walking home.
I unzip my clutch to make sure I have my keycard to the dorm. I do, but I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to deal with her. For all I know she called the cops on me. It sounds like something she’d do.
I zip it shut and just start walking. I'll figure something out on the way.
I walk down the long, winding driveway and onto a busier road with street lights. It’s a little chilly, but still warm considering the time of year. There’s a permanent frown on my face that I just can’t stop making. I hate that this part of the road is empty, but farther down there are more houses and a development. I try to walk quickly, but I don’t want to. I don’t have the energy, and I’m sure as hell not in a race to get home.
I didn’t really want to go to that party anyway. I just wanted to see him, and I was too scared to go to the shop. I waited for him to come to me, and I can do that again.
I wrap my arms around my chest and rub my forearms to heat them up.
That’s not going to happen. I already know it. He left me before, and now he’s doing it all over again. If I want to see him, I’m going to have to go to him.
How pathetic. I feel so damn pathetic. I’m like some lovesick child who can’t get over her crush who’s probably not even into me.
My eyes go glassy and I don’t care. The hot tears run down my face and I angrily wipe them away.
He was going to kiss me though. I know he was. But for him it was probably something else. A one-time fuck.
It hurts to think that, but it’s true. I know it is.
I wipe my face again and look down at my hands. Shit, I forgot about the makeup. My hands are covered in black eyeliner with a smear of bright pink lipstick.
I quickly hunch over and scrub my face with the bottom of my tank top, feeling a cool breeze blow across my midsection as I angrily rub off as much as I can. As I do, the bunny ears slide down my face and I rip them off and throw them on the ground like a petulant child.
I stare at them for a second and decide to pick them up. I can’t just leave them on the side of the road, even if right now I hate them. I see a trash can on the side of someone’s house and walk quickly to it to throw tonight's offending evidence in the bin. Now it's right where it belongs.
I take in a staggering breath and keep walking. I have a good twenty to thirty-minute walk ahead of me still. But I need it. I must look like a mess. I’m sure my face is red and puffy from rubbing at it. My hair is all tangled, and I don’t even have a hair tie to pull it back like I want to.
I hear trick-or-treaters squealing as they run on the sidewalk across the street. They’re going in the opposite direction, and their parents are behind them chatting while the kids run ahead.
I look like a wreck, and I feel pathetic and disappointed with everything.
I just need to sleep, but I don’t want to go back to the dorms.
Fate doesn’t care about what I want though. That much is obvious.
She brought Ryker into my life again, only to dangle him in front of me one last time before snatching him from my grasp.
Fate’s a bitch.
I close my eyes and shake my head. No, it’s my fault. It was my fault back then for not doing everything I could to help him. And it’s my fault tonight for not pushing Khloe away faster and leaving with him. I wish I’d seen him go. I would’ve gone with him.
Fate gave me a second chance, and I blew it. That's no one's fault but my own.