~ 15 ~ #2
“I’m still figuring that out at the moment, and I’d rather not discuss it too much.”
He looked at me right in the eyes. “Okay. I tell you what. When we get towards the end, I’ll ask you what you’re most excited about right now. How does that sound instead?”
“Perfect.”
The studio was silenced and we were told we were recording.
Daniel gave me his trademark welcome smile, as if we had only just met.
He introduced me with a flattering monologue listing all the titles, trophies, and awards I’d won over my career, as well as my work for charity and now more recently as a football pundit.
He said I was a trailblazing ambassador for women’s football and an international credit to the UK.
I choked up a bit and did my best to hide it.
He asked me some fairly straightforward questions about my footballing days to get us going.
I gave him the usual replies of how amazing and humbling it was to play at that level and for so long and how much I was grateful for the incredible teammates and coaches I was fortunate enough to work with.
Things started to get more interesting when he did that thing he does and started asking questions I’d never been asked before.
“Where do you think your drive in life comes from?”
On a show about high performance and what it takes to succeed, I welcomed his question, and, I was determined to give an honest answer.
If I’d wanted to push a sugar-coated narrative of my life and career, I’d have done personal interviews a long time ago.
But I was ready now. I was reflecting on my career and looking back, so I could move forward.
“I had pushy parents. They’re high achievers themselves, you could say.
They could see I had a talent for football at a young age.
So they threw everything into it, into me, and my game.
In many ways, the whole house came to revolve around my football and my development.
It helped that I genuinely loved playing football.
I think they knew it wouldn’t work to pick something I didn’t love. ”
“Your parents must be very proud.”
I shrugged my shoulders. Part of the reason I was so tortured about what to do after my football career was because I grew up being made to feel like an athletic but not a very bright child.
I’d achieved more than my parents ever could have expected of me in football, but as for the rest, they now had no particular hopes for me.
I would forever bask in my glory and sit firmly out to pasture.
“How would you describe your relationship with your parents?”
“Good. We’re not massively close but it’s good. I respect them.”
Daniel gave me a funny look but thankfully he didn’t press me on my relationship with my parents any further.
My mind drifted. Was my relationship with my parents that good?
I couldn’t really go to them with problems. I sure as hell couldn’t tell them that I resented the way they never saw me as clever.
In many ways, they made me feel stupid and never encouraged me other than with football.
That was a bit shit because now I was floundering and they weren’t even concerned.
“What makes a great leader?” Daniel eyed me closely.
“What do you mean?”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you have a huge reputation for being an effective and inspirational leader and you’ve gotten the results. I don’t think we’ve had a more successful female footballer in this country. You must have learned a thing or two and you must have a few tricks up your sleeve.”
“Oh. I appreciate that, thanks. I don’t know if it’s for me to comment on how effective I was as captain of my club and for England.
But what I do know is that I took my responsibilities seriously.
I made sure that every person on my team felt fully included and important.
I guess it all begins and ends with meeting people where they are at, connecting with them, and not being afraid to speak your mind.
When you give people feedback and ask them to do things, you need to make sure they know why you’re asking and that they are aligned with the same goal as you, that is, to help the team win.
That and practicing what you preach, doing the right thing, and not letting your own ego get in the way of what matters to the team.
I think any leader could apply these principles.
It also helps if you get results, because people are motivated by progress. That helped me a lot.”
“What happens when things aren’t going well? How did you lead your teams in those occasions?”
“It’s important not to be too critical in those moments.
People are very vulnerable when they fail or don’t get the result they wanted.
For me, those were the times I could connect with my teammates the most. If I could sit with them in their discomfort of losing, and help them through it, I often found that this helped.
If nothing else, you don’t destroy the relationships within the team. ”
“Have you ever considered going into football management? It strikes me that you would make an excellent football manager. Perhaps even England manager.”
“Thank you. That’s a huge compliment. It’s not something I’m actively considering at the moment.
I mean, I have thought about it. When we started the season terribly, I wondered a few times if I should ask to step back in in some capacity, but it never really formulated as a concrete thing.
It was more like, I knew I needed to step back and let the team create their new identity and leadership.
They’ve done that now, by the way. They’ve won their last few games and are steering the ship back on track. ”
“That’s good.” Daniel paused, taking a breath.
I’d never met the man before yet his preparation and research for the conversation made me feel very seen.
“You turned your hand recently to being on a football panel. You were a massive hit. People love hearing you speak and your take on things. I’m wondering. How does that feel?”
“It feels great. I’m really enjoying it. I like the analysis part. When you commentate on games and sit on the panel, it allows you the space to see the bigger picture.”
“Is that something you gravitate towards? The bigger picture.”
“I think so, yes.”
“Why?”
“The bigger picture is what connects us all. We don’t operate alone and make changes in isolation.
We grow by sharing and challenging each other, and by being in relation to other people.
Being open and curious is really important.
That way we can all learn and grow from each other and keep pushing things forward in a more positive direction. ”
“That’s how I feel about my job as a podcaster.”
“Is it?”
“Maybe you should consider switching careers?”
“I don’t have a career anymore.”
He tilted his head. “There’s never a better time to start something new than right now.”
I breathed in, as if inhaling his words, and exhaled pure enthusiasm. Maybe I could start a podcast! I felt expansive for the first time in a long time, other than when I was with Rona. Something about what he said felt very right.
We chatted for ages and it began to feel more like a therapy session, or, summary of the lessons I’d learned over my career. I loved it. Glancing at the clock, I was disappointed it was nearly over.
“So, Lily. What are you most excited about right now?”
“Honestly, I’m excited to explore new things. I’ve never had a moment in my life like this before. I’m also enjoying having the time to read more. Plus there’s commentating for further England matches. I’m looking forward to that.”
“I wish you luck.”
“Thank you.”
“As you know, we have a tradition where we ask each guest to share one thing which they think will make the world a better place before they leave the set. What would you say?”
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Honestly, I think we need more community.
Coming from playing in football teams my whole life, I know we can’t do this life alone.
People are more isolated these days and we’re losing touch with what it means to be in community.
I think we need to understand that people feeling like they don’t have a community they belong to is not a personal failing but more represents a cultural shift towards individualism.
So we need to make more space for different communities to come together and for people to access the support they need. ”
“That’s perfect. I love that.”