~ 16 ~
Lily
I met Rona by the London Eye after my podcast appearance later that evening with a big hug.
The air had turned chillier now it was the end of October.
We’d both been on the wheel before and didn’t feel the need to go on it again.
It was a great landmark to meet at though.
I had on my trusty cap and sunglasses, and an oversized fleece which I could disappear into.
We strolled along the South Bank, taking our time to get to the restaurant, as I filled her in on my experience on the podcast this afternoon, feeling like a world of possibilities was opening up.
When I was done telling her every detail, she was silent for a few paces, smiling. “I haven’t seen you light up like this before. Well, except maybe when you were gazing into my eyes under the moonlight on a strangers’ boat on a Greek island…”
I laughed, loving it when Rona was playful and flirty.
“No, seriously. It’s wonderful to see you feeling so enthusiastic. It sounds like it went well.”
“I loved it. I’m still buzzing.”
“When does it come out?”
“In two weeks.”
“I can’t wait to listen to it, and I hope it does great, which I’m sure it will.”
“How did your time in the studio today go?”
Rona smiled. “Good. Flavia’s doing better these days and we’re making progress on a few decent songs. I’m always amazed by her. She’s so confident and she doesn’t give any fucks. I wish I could be more like that. I certainly wish I’d been more like that at her age.”
“I swear the young ones coming through are fearless. I know it’s a cliché but it seemed that way at the club. And they don’t drink as much as our generation used to. Not that I really drank that much during my playing career.”
“You didn’t?”
“Why do you seem so surprised?”
Rona walked in silence for a few steps. Her lips were pressed together. “No reason. Anyway, we have a full album to produce in less than two months. We’ll get there but it’s going to be down to the wire.”
“You’ll get there. Did you work any more on your own stuff today too? I know you said you wanted to.”
“I did a little. Mostly production stuff. I’m at the point where I’m perfecting the songs.”
“Why do you perfect them if you’re not going to share them?” I glanced at her, worried I might have been too direct.
“That’s a good question. I don’t know. For the love of it?” Her voice went up at the end. “It’s probably just the music maker in me. I want it to be to a high standard.”
“Maybe that’s true. Or maybe there’s some part of you that wants to share your music, as you, because that’s also a natural and normal part of the process. Sorry to be so corny but it’s like you’re this beautiful and rare flower who doesn’t let herself bloom.”
Rona stopped walking and turned to me.
I mirrored her.
Her eyes were passionate and questioning. “Stop seeing me so well.”
“I want to see you bloom, Rona. All that shit with the band from the past doesn’t have to define you for the rest of your life.
Your music is fucking amazing. You make hits for the biggest stars on the planet.
Your new stuff is incredible. I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend if I didn’t encourage you to know your worth, or at least to ask you if your wish to stay on the sidelines is coming from the right place. ”
I stopped there because I didn’t want to invalidate her experience from the past. But what I wanted to add was that culture was more accepting now.
Being out and proud and authentically herself would draw people to her now.
Ten or thirteen years ago might as well have been twenty years ago.
Or thirty. But I didn’t think she was ready to hear that yet.
“The fact that I’m making my own music and I’m so opposed to putting myself out there with it is probably a sign I’m not ready to go down that road.
Maybe I am just full of fear. I don’t know.
It’s not something I see as a huge problem, but I am open to addressing it. It’s just never felt like a priority.”
“Whatever you do, do it on your own timeline. Don’t let anyone rush you.”
She smiled.
I just wanted to be her safe place. Her safe person. I opened my arms and we hugged. I squeezed her tight. Neither of us let go as walkers brushed past.
She pulled back slightly. “You would make an excellent coach, by the way.”
“Funny you should say that because when I was on the show today I kind of realised that I would love to be a podcaster. I think I want to start my own podcast.”
“That’s amazing! I can see you being fantastic at that. What would you talk about?”
“Fuck knows. I don’t even know if my episode on his podcast is going to be okay, but I think it’s what I want to do next.
I loved the whole setup. The control that he has over the content and choosing who to speak to.
The way he learns along with his listeners.
Getting to ask smart people lots of questions.
I think that’s what I want to do. You know I love learning and I feel like I can reach more people with my own podcast.”
“People would love to hear you talk about things. Move over mediocre men, Lily Sharpe is moving into the space. This is so exciting.”
“That’s a thought. I mean, everyone seems to have a podcast now.”
“You could take on the manosphere.”
“God no. Leave them and whatever the fuck they are doing alone.”
Rona laughed. “Yes but just you doing a podcast would help counterbalance all the male voices out there. Former captain of England speaks, people will listen. This is wonderful.”
“I just hope I would have something to say. Anything, actually.”
“That I don’t worry about. Once you get your head around this, you’ll be unstoppable.”
I took her hand and we started walking again. The restaurant by the river came into view. Fairy lights hung like bunting outside.
Rona squeezed my hand.
My heart swelled. It was so pretty but the real reason I was so happy was because we were here together, and life seemed full of opportunities again.
“Rona, let’s take a picture.”
“Oh, okay.”
I got my phone out and we turned so the restaurant and river were behind us. We huddled in close and I kissed the side of her cheek a few times while snapping. “Just want to remember this moment forever.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“I love you.”
Rona’s mouth opened in surprise. Her eyes went fully wide. “Oh.”
My heart raced. How did that slip out? “I’m sorry. It’s too soon. I beg your pardon.”
“You beg my pardon?” She laughed. “Since when did you become formal?”
I was despondent. Raw. My heart was pounding. She wasn’t saying it back. She was smiling though.
“Lily.” She took both my hands and gazed into my eyes. “I love you, too.”
***
I interlaced my fingers with Rona’s and took her into my bedroom. We’d been talking all evening at the restaurant basking in the afterglow of declaring our love for each other, which was wonderful, but I’d also made sure our Uber was booked so we could make it back here as quickly as possible.
“She means business,” Rona said, falling onto my bed slightly tipsy.
We’d shared a bottle of wine at dinner. “I can see you as this hot successful business owner. Kind of ruthless and strict with her employees. Maybe I’d be one of them.
Maybe I’d need some disciplinary action. What’s on the agenda, Ms Sharpe?”
I unbuttoned my shirt, holding her gaze.
Rona sometimes used humour to deflect from how she was feeling.
Since we admitted our love, she’d had this soft glazed look in her eyes all evening.
I caught her staring at me once or twice, as if she was trying to work out if all this was real.
Her silence when I told her I’d been feeling this way for a while and subsequent welling up, told me that she was feeling a lot tonight too.
Because I sure as hell was all in my feelings too and now I needed to externalise them. Sitting across from her at dinner just wasn’t enough.
I threw my shirt onto a chair. “You’ll see.”
She propped herself up on her elbow. “Ooh, vague. Keeps me guessing. I like it.”
“Come here.”
The air shifted. Something in my tone seemed to focus her. Rona stood and put her hands on my waist. “You wanted to see me?” Her voice was low.
I tilted my head and hovered by her lips. “I want to fuck you so hard.” In truth, I wanted to show her how much I loved her.
Rona swallowed. “Okay.”
I met her lips with mine and kissed her deeply. I was in no mood to take this slow.
She reciprocated instantly, putting her hands to my face and moaning in between kisses.
I ran my hands up and down her back, caressing her ass, and meeting resistance with her clothes.
Her hands were in my hair. Her tongue was in my mouth.
We got rid of our clothes as fast as we could, letting them all drop to the floor beneath our feet and kissed again as soon as we could.
A fire ignited inside me when she touched my breasts.
This thirst for her felt impossible to quench.
I could sense that it never would be. In all that we’d shared together, tonight was a special night.
It was like we needed to show each other the depth of our love, one kiss at a time.
I led Rona onto the bed before crawling on top of her. I didn’t know why but I loved topping her so much. It was my favourite place to be.
She leaned up for me, searching for contact. Her pupils were dilated. Her eyes dark and full of want.
I kissed her neck, greedily making my way down to her breasts. She held onto me the entire time.
I put my thigh between her legs, feeling her heat and wetness on my skin.
She moaned, deeply, gripping into me a bit more.
I rocked my body into her while holding her gaze. I was in total control of her pleasure, and I loved seeing her allow me to do with her what I pleased.
But I could only hold out so long. I shifted my hips so I could make contact with her. She fit herself underneath me seamlessly.
The connection was full and instant. My whole body felt hot and full of need, as this electricity coursed through me. “Do you feel that?”