Chapter 21
twenty-one
Ainsley
Y eah, umm, I’m going to die right here.
He seriously just said that.
Yup. He did.
My fingertips grip the blanket, pretty sure I’m going to orgasm just from that. At least I think that could be until I feel his tongue on my clit.
The one thing about Lachlan I’ve learned is that he’s not much for preamble. Not that he isn’t all about the foreplay, or maybe it was that the other guy just didn’t know what he was doing. Either way, Lachlan is able to immediately find exactly what I need.
His tongue pushes in circles, harder and then lighter, the pressure making it impossible to think about anything else.
All I feel is him.
All I know is that I want this—him—far more than I should.
Lachlan is the dream and I never want to wake up.
“More,” I pant, growing so close to my orgasm.
The wind blows softly, and between that and the heat of his mouth, I swear I’m barely holding on.
He lifts his head, moving his fingers in and out. “You’re so close, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“I can feel you tightening around me. You want something to grip, something bigger, don’t you?”
I want him. “You.”
“My poor Ainsley, needing my cock to make her come.”
I moan, my back arching when he pushes deeper. I close my eyes, focusing on the sensations that are building. “Please.”
“Please, what?”
“Please, I need you.”
I feel him at my entrance and my eyelids lift.
“Hmm, how much of me do you need?”
“All!” I nearly scream, but the word dies at the end as I feel him push a little deeper.
But not enough.
Not nearly enough.
He pulls out completely. “I’m not sure you can handle all,” he taunts.
“Lachlan,” I groan.
Again he enters me, just a little.
I want to scream, claw, find a way to take what I want—what I need. I arch my back, whimpering when he stills, not allowing me more of him. “I want you to come here, right like this, with my cock just deep enough to feel that throbbing, the way your pussy is contracting, begging for more.” His thumb presses against my clit, and I tighten around him more. “That’s it, squeeze around me.” Lachlan slides in another inch. “Do you want more, baby?”
“Yes!” My body is so damn tight, it’s desperate for release. “Give me you. Give me everything.”
He rubs my clit harder, sliding a little deeper. “Come, Ainsley. Let go and I’ll fuck you so hard another orgasm comes on its heel. Then, when that happens, I’m going to take you into the water and let you ride me as your perfect tits bounce in the waves we make. Come on, baby, let’s see if I can make you see stars.”
I glance up at the sky, the stars so bright, and he continues to put more pressure on my clit, rubbing in circles. The orgasm comes so fast I don’t even have time to breathe. I grip his arms, my nails digging into the flesh as he thrusts so deep I scream, and my orgasm carries on longer than any I’ve ever had.
Lachlan doesn’t let up or slow down. He just fucks me through it all, and I’m not sure whether it’s one long orgasm or that he made good on his promise and this is back to back, but I don’t care.
It’s heaven and hell and everything in between.
I hold on to him and let him take control through it all.
He grunts loudly and pulls out just in time to cover my stomach with his cum. He collapses on me, and I rub his back as he works to catch his breath.
Lachlan lifts up and stares down at me. “I’m so sorry, Ainsley.”
I blink at that. “Sorry?”
“I got carried away. I forgot a condom.”
“It’s fine. I have an IUD.”
The relief in his eyes is instant. “I ... it still shouldn’t have happened.”
I give him a soft smile. “I appreciate you saying it, and it wasn’t the smartest thing either of us have done, but I didn’t think about it either. I promise, I’m fine and not mad. Have you ... been ...” God, this is so uncomfortable. “Tested?”
“Yes, I get regular testing because of my job.”
“Okay, well, I did as well after the one time, and everything came back normal.”
He kisses my nose. “Good thing I planned for us to swim. Come on.”
Lachlan gets to his feet, pulling me up with him, and we walk to the water. When we get to the edge, I tuck myself behind him.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m naked!”
“Yes, as am I.”
I sigh. “Yes, but guys being naked isn’t the same for girls.”
He turns his head. “Do women have some naked cloak we aren’t aware of? ”
“Usually, but mine is in the wash.”
Instead of saying anything, he walks into the water, leaving me buck naked and now alone by the edge. “Lachlan!”
“Get in and you can be naked in the water.”
I’m not sure that’s better. “Are there ... fish and stuff?”
“Are you worried about the fish seeing you naked?”
“Well, I wasn’t until you said it.”
Seriously, I do not want to be in the water—at night—when I can’t see what’s lurking around.
Lachlan grins and comes closer to me. “I’ll protect you, Berry. Now, get in the water.” When I don’t move, he raises one brow. “Or stand there and see if an animal comes by.”
That does it. I move quickly, splashing my way into the water. “Lachlan!” I scream because dear Lord is it cold. “What the hell?”
“Oh, it’s not that bad. I got in.”
I was hoping for more of a bathwater-type experience, but I guess that’s not happening.
I force myself to get in and make my way to him, wrapping my arms and legs around him. I’m seeking out available warmth, and since this was his brilliant idea, he can accept the consequences.
“Do you feel the magic yet?” he asks.
I feel something inside, but it doesn’t feel like magic. It feels like love. It’s been there for a long time, growing and then fading when it bubbled too close for comfort.
Sometimes, like four years ago, it surfaced fast and unyielding, only to be beaten back into its box.
Now that box is torn to shreds, and I can’t put this back.
I have to hope I can just survive knowing this love won’t go anywhere further.
Tears well in my eyes, and I’m grateful for the darkness and water so it can hide any tears that may leak out.
“Not yet,” I admit, whispering to hide the emotion there.
“It’ll happen.”
It won’t. It never was in the cards for us.
Lachlan has walls so high that I couldn’t climb them if I tried. The loss of his mother and the other women in his life have taught him to reinforce them and scale them higher.
I pull myself tighter, burying my face in the crook of his neck.
His hand moves to my back. “Hey, are you that cold?”
Yes, the cold, that’s what it is. “No, I’m fine.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I say into his neck.
If I don’t look at him, I can just pretend.
“Ainsley, I know you better than that. We agreed to be honest.”
I really hate that stupid agreement. I won’t lie, but I’m not going to tell him that I’m in love with him and wish this could be my life.
That will put an end to this real quick.
I lift my head and force a smile. “I’m just thinking about the past.”
He pushes my wet hair back. “What about it?”
How do I even explain this? I’m not sure I can, but I exhale and do my best to tell him the truth, but not send him running back to his house to pack my shit.
“When I was younger, I used to dream about this moment.”
“Naked and floating in the sacred waterfalls?”
“Of course.”
He chuckles. “Now I know you’re lying.”
“I mean you, you big asshole.”
Even in the darkness his smile lightens the space. “Again I’m hoping these dreams turn dirty.”
“Not these,” I confess.
“Too bad.”
He’s such a pain in the ass. I don’t know why my nickname is Painsley when he’s the one who embodies it.
I huff. “Do you want to know the story, or would you rather I regale you with the tales of my dirty dreams?”
“Is that really a choice? If so, I choose option B.”
I walked into that one.
“I take it back. There is no option other than what I want to say.” He’s the one who wanted to know what my thoughts were. Well, I’m ready to spill.
“Typical,” Lachlan jokes.
“Anyway,” I say dramatically. “As I was saying, I daydreamed about moments like this. That you’d kiss me, we’d have sex, and then you’d hold me in some way after. I didn’t exactly envision us floating in the magical water, but you get my drift.”
Lachlan’s quiet, and I wonder if I did exactly what I was trying to avoid and scared him away. Especially because he moves his arms to pull my embrace off his neck, which forces me to try to stand. However, he just adjusts me so that I’m not cradled against his chest.
Slowly his lips touch mine, and I take his face in my hands, kissing him slowly.
This kiss is different. It’s slow and sweet. It’s filled with regret and hope, a mix of happiness and melancholy and desire.
He pulls back, and then his lips press against my nose. “If there was anyone in the world who could make me want more, it would be you.”
I close my eyes, resting my hand on his chest. The steady strum of his heart pulses beneath my fingers. There are so many things I can say to that. So many questions, but I came into this with eyes wide open.
Lachlan is not for forever.
No matter how much I wish it could be different.
“If there was anyone I would hope for more with, it’s you.”
“I can’t, Ainsley.”
“I know,” I say softly.
He sighs heavily. “This is a mistake. I’m giving you false hope.”
I glance up into his eyes while shaking my head. “No, this isn’t a mistake. I refuse to let you call this that again. No matter how fleeting or short this time is, I’ll never regret this. Will you?”
“No, God, no, but ... you deserve more. You should have someone who is willing to lay down their life just to be near you.”
“You went into a possible burning building for me. ”
Lachlan lets out a throaty laugh. “Not the sentiment I was going for, but this is you.”
“I’m not a little girl, Lach. I know what I walked into with you. I’m completely fine with the arrangement. You have your life here and I’m in New York, getting ready to take the world by storm with my awesome sports story.”
“Yes, all the sports you’re so well versed in.”
The heaviness has dissipated, and I’m going to just live in denial and pretend this is all going to be fine. It’s better for me, and when I have to leave, I’ll cry, eat a pint of ice cream, sing heartbreaking ballads, and write about it. Like mature, heartbroken women do.
I rub my fingertip along his collarbone. “You know, when I was in college and had to study, I was very motivated by the possibility of a reward.”
“Why does that not surprise me?”
“I don’t know. By all accounts I’m a mysterious woman.”
Lachlan grins. “Maybe I cracked the code.”
“Sure you did, Sparky.”
“Sparky?”
I rather like this nickname. It’s fitting on so many levels. “I was thinking, it’s really unfair that you have a name for me, one I hate, I might add, and there’s nothing I can call you.”
“Do you not remember what you called us when we were little?”
I roll my eyes. “Please, that was child’s play. I called one dumb and the other stupid. Sparky is more ... adult.”
“It is?” I can hear the disbelief in his voice.
Therefore, I must edify him on my reasoning. I’m sure he’ll love this.
“You’re a fireman.”
“Obviously.”
“And annoying.”
“Takes one to know one,” he tosses back.
“I’m going to just pretend you’re not cutting me off at every turn.”
Lachlan’s smile grows. “I expected nothing less.”
“Right. So. You’re annoying and a fireman, but you’re also incredibly hot.”
“I like the turn of this one now. Please go on.”
I swear he’s the most annoying man ever. “I planned to without your permission.” I mean, really, does he think I care either way if he wanted me to stop or start? No. I need to lay it out again because someone keeps cutting me off. “My point is, you’re a fireman, you’re hot, you’re annoying, so when you combine them, you’re a spark. No one knows if you’re going to start a flame, and you’re like that lighter that keeps clicking, so you try over and over and over to get it to light.”
“Maybe it’s out of fluid,” he suggests.
“I think it’s more that you’re just annoying.”
Lachlan laughs, pulling me to his chest tighter. “I’m pretty sure I know how to start a fire in you.”
Yes, he does. I just worry about when I have to put it out, because I’m pretty sure I’m going to get burned.