20. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
"As in your ex, Jake?" Blaise asks, pushing my hand out of the way to look. "Oh, my fucking God. It is too."
"Scroll down," I demand.
He scrolls down, my eyes scanning over pictures. Every single boys' event, he's there, lurking in the background with his friends. As we go further back into his history, more photos emerge, some with just the two of them, and even a few with Kaden too.
I can feel my heart ripping into two. He's close with Jake. Despite me never having met any of his friends, he would have had to have known about me. How many people look like me with the name Skylar that knew Jake?
I've spoken to Jordan about Jake, told him about my breakup, opened up about it. Because that's what partners do, right? You talk about your history.
He knew.
"Let's not panic yet," Blaise says quietly, though I can hear the anger in his voice.
"I need to call him," I blurt out, rushing to my room to retrieve my cell.
When I check, there's still no messages from Jordan. I call, but he doesn't pick up and finally, all rationally goes out the window. Has this been some sick joke? Did he know who I was? Surely he would have been able to connect the dots. If he did, when?
"Is he answering?" Blaise asks, appearing behind me.
I shake my head. "No. And now that I think about it, he's been getting more distant with his messages since I went to Sanctuary View. Fuck, what if this means something?"
"I'm sure it's not like that," he mutters. "Why don't we try calling him from my cell?"
"He's not answering," I shoot back.
Blaise grabs my cell from my hand, pulling up Jordan's number. He dials it into his cell, and presses call, and I can hear the faint ringing.
I can barely keep still, my whole body on edge, but I freeze completely when I hear Jordan's voice on the other end.
"Hello?"
Blaise goes to open his mouth but I rip the cell out of his grip, pushing it against my ear. "Jordan!"
"Firefly," he answers, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. "Is that you?"
I feel like the world is spinning around me, the room dancing as ice cold waves sweep my body. "Why aren't you answering my calls?" I blurt out. I didn't prepare for this conversation, the faint hope in my mind that he was just away from his cell and not ignoring me. I never expected him to answer Blaise's call, meaning he has his cell with him and watched me try to ring him.
"I've just been busy. I only just picked up my cell and saw that you called. I was about to call you back when you rang on this number," he says calmly.
I'm not sure if the calm in his voice helps me believe him, especially knowing what I know. I shoot Blaise a look and he gives me a curt nod, heading back to his room to give me privacy.
I close my bedroom door, sitting down on the bed because I no longer trust my stability to stay upright.
"We need to talk," I murmur.
"I know. I've been so quiet and you're probably trying to pack for tomorrow," he answers. "But just bring whatever you like. If we forget anything, we can buy stuff when we are there."
Tears spill down my cheeks and I didn't even realize they were coming. I can't delay the question any longer, my heart pounding.
"Do you know Jake?" I ask sharply. "Jake Whittaker."
Jordan pauses on the other end, thrown off by my question. A few seconds pass and I check to make sure the call is still connected. It is, and I wait a little longer, until finally, he answers.
"Yeah, I do."
"So, you know who I am," I snap.
Jordan sighs. "Yeah. I know you're Jake's ex."
The cold realization hits me, and I pray to whoever is listening that there's a reasonable explanation for all this.
"How long have you known?" I ask, voice barely above a whisper.
He pauses for a second, trying to find the words. "I figured it out the first night we met."
"And you never mentioned it?" I spit out. "I've spoken to you about Jake before, and you acted like you were hearing about him for the first time."
"Skylar," he starts, and I'm frozen by his use of my full name. "I think this is a better conversation to have in person. Do you want to come over?"
"Wait," I say, my hard voice crumbling. "You're home?"
Jordan sighs. "Look, just come over. We'll sit down and talk. It's better we get this sorted before tomorrow anyway."
"Yeah," I whisper. "We're supposed to be going on a trip together, Jordan. And now this just pops up."
"Come over. I'll explain then. Okay?"
I don't say anything further, hitting the end call button in anger. I need a few seconds to compose myself before I storm out of my room to Blaise.
"I'll be back," I tell him. "I'm going to his house."
Blaise's face pulls in confusion, obviously going to the same place my mind went but he just nods. "Call me if you need me, okay?"
I nod, turning around and snatching up my things as I stalk out of the house, anger and hurt fueling me.
Jordan hears my car in the driveway, meeting me at the front door. As soon as he sees my face — all the hurt, devastation, confusion and rage — he looks down with sad eyes. He opens the door, stepping back as I walk inside without a verbal invite.
Slamming my keys onto the kitchen counter, I step into the adjoining living room space and turn around to face him.
"I'm here. Explain then."
"Let's just take a breath first," he starts, walking toward me slowly.
I hold my hand up, stopping him. "I can't breathe, Jordan. You suck the life out of me. And until now, that was always a good thing. But now… I don't know what to think."
Jordan nods, his face firm as he puts his hands in his pockets, his back slightly hunched as he stares at the carpet. "I know. I'm sorry."
"Explain," I beg, voice begging.
I need him to give me… anything.
"When you told me your name that first day, it made me suspicious. I looked up pictures of you and Jake on his socials, and confirmed it was you."
"Jake took me off his socials. He blocked me."
"I know," Jordan says. "He's an asshole."
I shake my head, not following along. "That doesn't explain you and me."
He lets out a long breath. "Jake got drunk one night and basically fed us a bunch of bullshit about you. He made you out to be this overbearing, clingy person. Told us that you were trying to control him, demanding all his time, and was basically just a huge pain in the ass. He even went as far as to insinuate you were cheating on him."
"I never cheated on him," I shout, but Jordan cuts me off.
"I know. He's just very good at twisting things. And we all believed him. So, when I met you, I was pretty pissed about everything. I thought it would be fun to mess with you a little bit, get some type of sick satisfaction on his behalf."
Tears well in my eyes, unable to believe the words coming from his mouth. He sees them, hurt on his face, trying to step toward me to comfort me but I step back. Pausing, he looks down again, eyes squeezing closed as he continues.
"After talking to you and hanging out, I realized it couldn't be true. Then I realized I was developing real feelings for you."
I turn away from him, shaking my head. My eyes find the hot tub below us, and something clicks into place.
"Kaden," I crook out. "He was in on it too?"
"Yeah," Jordan mutters sadly. "We just wanted to taint you, so to speak. It seemed like a fun idea, getting to have a threesome with you, and get to paint you as the whore Jake made you out to be. But we both realized afterward that you weren't like that."
I laugh sarcastically, wiping away tears. "Oh, but I am a whore, aren't I? Because I let you do it."
"You're not a whore," he argues strongly. "It was just a bit of fun."
Pivoting around, I let him see the tears this time, shaking my head at him. "You used me. You love-bombed me, knowing my history, and played me all along."
"I realized what you were saying about Jake was true. Even though he hurt you, you never really said a bad word about him. You were so graceful about it. Then I realized I was falling in love with you, and I just wanted to see where it would go."
Hearing him say those words was a fate worse than death. My heart wasn't racing as normal — instead, it felt like it was beating slow, like it might stop at any second.
"I was just some sick game to you," I mutter with a broken voice. "Some retribution for your buddy. Bros before hoes, right?"
"Skylar!" he cries out. "It was never meant to get this far. But I couldn't help it. You're just incredible. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. That's a testament to you. You made me fall in love with you during the impossible. That says a lot."
"It says NOTHING," I yell. "I can't believe you'd do this. I thought you were different, Jordan. You said you pictured being married to me."
"I did," he says, and there's a change in his tone that wrecks me.
"Did?" I ask in a whisper.
Jordan looks at me, his own tears coating his cheeks. "There's something else I need to tell you."
There's a huge lump in my throat, forbidding me from speaking. When I don't answer him, he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"I'm moving soon. Work offered me a promotion two months ago. It's less travel and more stability. I'm meant to be heading there in three weeks."
My shoulder slouch forward, but before I can talk, he continues, breaking the last bit of fleeting hope I had inside of me.
"Because I knew I was moving, I've been traveling there to get things set up. I ended up connecting with someone recently, just after I met you. I knew pretty quickly that I was getting close to you, and that we'd eventually need to have this conversation, so I was looking for someone who reminded me of you. Someone I could be with, without the nefarious background. I never expected to get those feelings for you before I had to leave. But my plan is to move away in a few weeks and ultimately, this girl is waiting for me."
It's worse than I could have ever imagined. My legs buckle, knees hitting the carpet as I start sobbing. Jordan rushes forward, dropping down in front of me as he pulls me into his arms.
"Get off me! Don't touch me!" I yell, trying to push him away. He tightens his grip, shaking his head.
"NO. I don't want to. Let me hold you, please. I need to hold you."
I cry again, still struggling in his grip but he refuses to let go.
"How could you?" I screech between sobs. "I fucking love you, Jordan."
"I love you too," he argues back.
I manage to break free, crawling backward along the carpet. He stays on his knees, eyes pleading with me.
"You are the worst person I've ever met. And I dated Jake!" I spit out. "He was a coward. He blocked me, unable to even face me. I always thought that was the worst thing someone could possibly do, but you've proven me wrong! You're not only a coward, but a cheater and a liar."
Jordan's face cracks as more tears spill down his cheeks. "I never meant to hurt you."
"Bullshit!" I scream. "That was your plan from the beginning. You used me for your own personal gain. You saw an opportunity and when you realized it was real, you ran."
"I don't love her! I love you," he defends. "I want to be with you. But it couldn't work. Neither of us would cope with the distance. You deserve better. You deserve someone who can love you like you need."
I shake my head furiously. "It could never work because even if you weren't moving, I can never forgive you for this. You made me believe I was something special for once in my life. And now, you've taken that away."
"Firefly," he says quickly, crawling over to me. "You are special. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met. I'm the fucking asshole."
"You bet you are!" I snap back, my body hitting the glass windows as I run out of space. "Don't touch me!"
"Please," he begs. "Just talk to me about this. I don't want things to end on a bad note. We can still go away tomorrow, enjoy ourselves."
I scoff at him, bewildered at his audacity. "Why would I do that? I can't even stand to look at you right now, let alone spend a weekend with you."
"It can be our goodbye," he murmurs sadly. "We can forget the real world for a few days, and just pretend that our reality is different. We can pretend we're a normal couple, doing normal things. I want that. I need that. I need you."
"You lost me," I whisper. "You lost me the moment you started this."
Jordan hangs his head low, body shaking with silent tears. "I love you so fucking much, Firefly. Please don't do this."
"Have you seen her since we've been together? Tell me the truth."
He looks up, eyes shining with tears. I know everything I need to know from his face, his pained expression confirming my worst fears. "I was with her this week."
"I thought you were coming to save me," I whisper, voice broken. "But all you did was turn my broken shards into piercing fragments."
"I'm so sorry," he mutters quietly. "Believe me, you can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself."
I let out a huff. "Don't be so sure of that, Jordan."
I'm starting to go numb, my body tensing up as my mind shuts down. Every single inch of my mind, body, heart, and soul are broken — a million tiny pieces scattered around me with no hope of restoration.
Jordan pushes back on his knees, looking away despondently. "I wish I could fix this."
"You can't," I tell him. "This is not something you can save. I'm not just floating in flood water right now. You've killed me, held me under the water while I took my last breath. You killed us, Jordan."