21. Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty
The two of us sit on the carpet, unable to move. Silence and time passes between us, and when we've both stopped crying, I realize there's nothing left but the lingering heartbreak for both of us.
It's dark now, the only glow from the town lights below that I loved so much. I loved it here — being with Jordan, the nights we spent talking and making love.
And just like that, the future I had started to map out in my mind was engulfed in a blaze of flames.
"So…" Jordan starts quietly. "Where do we go from here?"
"Nowhere," I mutter. "We're at the end of the road."
He whines, rubbing his hand over his face. "I mean about tomorrow. We don't have to go. I can cancel it."
I shake my head, my voice as monotone as a GPS guidance system. "We'll go."
"You still want to go?" he asks, shocked.
"Not really," I admit. "But it's already paid for. You won't get the money back."
Jordan looks at me incredulously. "I don't care about the money, Sky."
"I do," I mutter. "I guess that was always the difference between us. Or a common thing. I loved you so hard that all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. You always wanted me to make you happy."
"That's not true," he argues.
"Don't mistake me for an idiot," I murmur. "That's how it was, and how it still is. I'm letting you go, Jordan."
He straightens up, panic in his eyes. "What do you mean?"
I turn my head slowly to look at him. "I'm going to come away for the weekend so we can have our final goodbye and closure. Then, I'm letting you go so you can chase your happiness. You worked too hard to give it up."
"You make me happy," he croaks out. "If it was a different time, maybe things could be different."
I shake my head. "Everything happens for a reason. I just need to figure out mine."
"Okay," he concedes. "Do you want to stay tonight and we can travel from here tomorrow? I can work from home during the day until we are ready to leave."
"No," I answer back quickly, standing up. "I'm going home. You can pick me up tomorrow evening. But for now, I need space to process things. Especially if I have to go away for an entire weekend knowing all of this."
Jordan stands with me, stepping forward to block my path as I try to get past. "I really wish you would stay. Just so I can hold you."
"I'm not yours anymore to hold," I mumble. "But we'll pretend all is fine this weekend and make it the best vacation possible. Then next week, we will go our separate ways."
He grabs my arms gently, squeezing them. "I really do love you, Skylar."
"I know," I say sadly. "But love doesn't fix everything. And it can't fix this."
My body is on autopilot as I walk into the house, everything numb. It doesn't feel real. It's like everything happened in a rush, and just as quickly as it started, it's gone again.
Hearing the front door, Blaise comes tearing out of his bedroom, meeting me in the hallway.
"How did it go?" he asks, face dropping when he notices my expression. "Oh, my God. What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it…" I mutter, moving to step past.
He stops me, cupping my face. "Look at me."
My gaze flicks up to meet his and when our eyes lock, tears immediately well. He looks panic-stricken, confused.
"I can't tell you," I say through broken tones. "You won't believe me."
"What did that fucker do?" Blaise asks angrily. "I'll kick his ass."
I shake my head, his hands still poised on my face. "It's horrible, Blaise."
Blaise pulls me forward into a hug, squeezing me. "Tequila?" he offers light-heartedly.
A small laugh slips through my lips. "It won't help. Nothing will."
"It always helps though," he argues quietly. "What happened?"
Taking a breath, I fill him in, watching as his face grows darker as I tell him about each turn of event. When I'm finished, he's speechless, a murderous look on his face that would make the Devil fearful.
"I'm going to kill him," Blaise whispers. "You can't go on this trip tomorrow. Fuck the money."
"I want to go," I murmur sadly. "I need something to hold onto."
He shakes his head in disbelief. "Skylar, you don't need that kind of closure. It won't help. All it will do is make it more painful for you."
"I know," I say, agreeing with him. "But I want to do what Uncle Logie always did and remember it for what it was. Or at least, what it felt like."
Blaise rubs my shoulder. "I don't think you should go, but I can't stop you. Just promise me that you'll call me if you need anything. I'll drive there, anytime. If you want to come home, I'll be there."
"Thanks. But I'll be okay. Besides… if he's going to leave me for some other girl, I'm going to make him really fucking miss me."
He looks panicked, like I've lost my mind. "That's not a good idea. Don't throw yourself into the frying pan."
I shrug. "It doesn't matter anyway. You can't burn something that's already ash."
"You're not ash," he argues back. "You're inextinguishable fire. But the last thing you need is to cause an inferno."
I manage a half-smile, giving his hand a little squeeze. "I appreciate you so much, Blaise. But I guess you were right. Sometimes you just need to fix things yourself. I don't think we can salvage me, so I might as well go down in flames with it all."
"You don't have to go," Blaise mutters to me as I linger by the door.
Jordan is in his car at the end of the footpath, waiting. It's been a day of sorts — from crying to feeling empty, and crying some more.
"I know," I tell him with a sad smile. "It will be okay. I promise I'll contact you if I need you."
He gives a sharp nod before looking over my head. His eyes narrow at Jordan and I fight the urge to laugh, knowing the man that just broke my heart is on the receiving end of that look.
"Be safe, Sky," he says, kissing my forehead. "Call me. I mean it."
I nod, turning and heading down the pathway. Jordan steps out of the vehicle, and I have to give it to him, knowing that Blaise is standing at the door watching him, he has the guts to face his actions at least.
Jordan gives a courtesy wave to Blaise, who doesn't return the gesture, before opening my door for me. I climb into the car, giving Blaise a final wave as Jordan hops into the driver's seat.
"Thank you for coming with me," he says, reaching for my hand.
I let him squeeze it for a tiny second before I pull it away, resting my hand on my knee. "Let's just get this over with."
"Okay," he replies softly. "And I don't want you to worry about anything this weekend. Any costs are on me."
"Good," I shoot back. "It's the least you can do."
He nods, pulling away from my house and out of sight of Blaise. "I really am sorry, Firefly."
"Stop calling me that," I grimace. "I'm not your Firefly. I'm not your anything."
Jordan sighs unhappily. "I just want to pretend that you are still mine for this weekend. I want to go into a little bubble where it's just us together."
"You realize that this weekend, one of our kisses will be our last."
He sucks in a small breath at the realization, his fingers stretching out like he wants to touch me. "I… I don't want to think about that."
"It's true," I point out. "Everything this weekend will be the last. The last kiss, the last touch. Our last goodbye."
"We could still be friends," he offers weakly. "We don't have to disappear from each other's lives completely."
I look over at him in disbelief. "That never works. Besides, if you want to give this thing with the other girl a real shot, you can't have me in the picture."
He doesn't respond, staring at the road ahead with a stoic expression.
We drive in silence for a few minutes before I speak again, curiosity eating at me.
"What's her name?" I ask.
I expect him to play dumb for a moment, but he doesn't. "Jasmine," he says softly.
"Right," I nod. "So, where did you meet Jasmine?"
Jordan grips the steering wheel tighter. "Do we have to talk about this?"
I scoff. "Why not? I deserve to know, don't I?"
"Tinder," he bites out. "I met her on Tinder. Happy?"
Shaking my head, I'm taken aback by his attitude. I can completely understand that this is hard for him too. But it doesn't matter. He doesn't get a free pass.
This was his doing.
"And does she know about me?" I ask dryly.
"No…"
That answer stops me in my tracks. They aren't even officially together and he doesn't even have the decency to mention the girl he's leaving behind.
"Did you fuck her this week?" I spit out, anger starting to flood through me.
Jordan whines. "There's no good answer to that, Sky. Why do you need to know that?"
"Just answer the question."
"Okay, yes. I had sex with her."
Tears spill down my cheeks again and I look away, staring out the window so he can't see them. He senses them though, grabbing my hand before I can see it coming.
"It's not like it is with you. Our connection is special," he murmurs, trying to defuse the tension.
I try to pull my hand away but he holds it firm in his grasp. "If I was really special to you, this wouldn't be happening."
"You are special to me. Even though this is ending, you still mean the world to me. I'll always think that."
"That's not fair on Jasmine," I say through clenched teeth. "You're just setting her up for heartbreak. You should at least try to do right by her. Don't start off another relationship on lies."
Jordan nods. "That's a fair point. I'll own up to that. I did consider asking her to be polyamorous. She's had some poly relationships in the past."
"That's not polyamory," I snap. "Polyamory is part of someone's being. You can't just make yourself polyamorous because you want to be with two people to satisfy your needs. If you're doing it because you have your cake and want to eat it too, that's just unethical bullshit."
"I don't agree," he replies quietly. "People can discover polyamory at any time. We discover things about ourselves all the time."
"Jordan," I grumble. "You already told me that you were fine sharing me with Kaden as a bit of fun, but that you couldn't share me in all the other aspects. You're monogamous — just own up to that."
He sighs. "I just wanted to find a solution."
"No. You just wanted to manipulate the situation so that it worked for you. Sure — Jasmine might be polyamorous, but I'm not. Do you really think I'd be okay knowing you're away with another girl? Hell, especially since you'd be living in her town. I'd be the long distance fling that you can occasionally see. You said it yourself. I deserve to be loved in a way that I need."
Jordan relents, nodding. "You deserve someone completely. Not the half-assed bullshit I could offer."
"Glad we're on the same page," I say, wiping the tears away. "Now, I just want to forget about it all for now."
"Me too," he agrees. "Please just be mine for one last time."
I shrug. "I'll try but I'm not very good at acting. You've really hurt me, Jordan. I love you so damn much. I thought you were my second chance at love."
"I wish I could fix it," he says again. "I wish I had met you under better circumstances."
"The circumstances were fine. You just chose to deal with it differently."
Jordan shakes his head. "It never would have gotten this far. I think the moment you knew the connection to Jake, you would have turned the other way and ran. It would have been too painful, too much. You have morals."
"You're right," I murmur. "I probably wouldn't have pursued this. But you let me do it anyway."
"Right place, wrong time," he mutters regretfully.