32. Chapter Thirty One
Chapter Thirty One
Before I know it, the weekend is here. It's officially one week until the wedding and with only four more days of work to go, Blaise and I have spent all our free time getting ahead so we can take some time off.
I messaged Ian during the week and explained my feelings, and thankfully, he took it well. He asked to be friends — and despite what happened last time someone offered to be friends, I genuinely felt like I could be with him. Hell, maybe even occasionally we could still go out for dinner and do stuff. But after all his disastrous dates, the last thing I wanted to do was lead him on. He's an amazing guy.
He's just not the one for me.
Even though it's the weekend and I should be thankful, I can't help but hate it just a little. Unfortunately, for me, weekends are plagued with thoughts. Once I stop being busy and productive, I find myself drifting back to days at the beach, nights at Jordan's house, and it leads to me wondering what he's doing.
Is he with Jasmine? Has he worked yet?
I've managed to resist the temptation to check his socials or reach out to him. I know it won't help me. Even though he said we could be friends, it was a polite way of avoiding confrontation.
We can't be friends.
So, for the sake of my mental health, I pretend he doesn't exist. But he does, little bits of him still ingrained in my soul.
I can't help but dwell on certain things and I know with time it will get easier, but I just wish I knew more. I've never been one to accept things at face value or trust my rational instinct. Even though I know what we had was real, I still replay his last words to me. His harsh confessions of forgetting about me and that his feelings were an overreaction in the moment.
Who even says that?
Blaise has to go see his family for more wedding stuff — final fittings, rehearsals, and the bachelor party — so I'm left to my own devices. I wash all the clothes in the house, including Blaise's, before scrubbing the bathroom, the floors, and even rearranging my room. But I manage to complete it all and when I have nothing else left to do, I'm back to my thoughts.
Grumbling, I go outside to my car, waving to a neighbor as I lean into the backseat, checking for the thing I promised I would burn.
Kaden's number is still scrawled on a piece of paper, wedged under my seat. I had temporarily forgotten about it until my brain reminded me.
I sit on my bed, adding his number into a text message chat. I tell myself I'm doing this for me, and once I have the answer haunting me, I'm done. Completely done.
I promise.
Me: It's Skylar. I need to talk to you.
As soon as I hit send, I feel guilty. I wish I knew how people compartmentalized things or processed them to move on. Why do I need to know the answers to everything? I should be happy to just accept it like Blaise, and believe my gut when it says I know the truth.
But I can't. I need answers. I need closure.
I just need a small hint of validation so I know I'm not insane.
I'm terrified that if I don't get it, this will haunt me in my next relationship — sabotaging it until I die alone with thirty cats and a dependency on tequila.
My cell dings and I glance down, reading the reply.
Kaden: Okay. Did you want to meet up?
Me: No. By text is fine.
See — boundaries. I've thought this through. I'll stick to my guns because I'm in control.
Kaden: Meet me by the creek. Texting is too hard.
"For fuck sake," I hiss, hastily typing back a reply.
Me: I don't want to see you. I just want to ask a few questions.
Kaden: Take it or leave it. I'll be down by the Creek near the Wallowby entrance in an hour. I'll wait for 15 minutes.
Grinding my teeth, I slam my cell down onto the mattress, annoyed.
So much for control. He knows he is dangling a carrot in front of me.
I know it's a bad idea, particularly since I could easily toss him into the creek and drown him in St. Devil's Creek. But reluctantly, I get dressed, heading to the car.
I consider texting Blaise for backup. But I know he'll just tell me not to do it. At least one of us is rational.
It's a sunny day, a warm breeze today despite the weather starting to get cooler lately. I know which entrance he's talking about. There's a tiny little parking lot and picnic setup by the creek, and I'm thankful that being the weekend, there will be other people around to deter me from committing homicide.
When I arrive, there's a few people at the picnic tables enjoying a late afternoon lunch. No sign of Kaden yet, so I climb out of my car, walking down a set of steps to the river bank.
Kicking off my shoes, I pick them up and walk on the dirty sand, carefully walking over rocks until I find a large enough one to sit on. I take a seat, watching the creek as birds chirp in the trees nearby.
I'm lost in my thoughts when I suddenly sense a presence behind me. Turning my head, I spot Kaden, dressed in dark blue shorts and a white shirt. He sits himself down on a rock next to me, facing the creek.
"I'm surprised you came," he says.
"So am I," I grumble. "I would have preferred to just speak over text messages."
Kaden scoffs with a laugh. "I don't think these types of conversations are meant for messaging."
Looking away from him, I stare at the creek, willing myself to relax. I can feel my blood boiling but this is my only opportunity to get what I need so I can move forward finally.
"What do you want to know?" he asks when I don't speak.
Where do I even start?
In my mind I only had one question, but the more I thought about it, the more answers I wanted to know.
Finally, I take a breath, starting with the most pressing one. "Did you tell Jordan about what happened at the gym?" I ask.
Kaden looks at me surprised. "No. Why would I?"
Shaking my head, I huff. "Because you are best friends. I figured it would be a nice little laugh for you both."
"Stop villainizing us," he snaps. "I told you I was sorry. What else do I need to do to prove that?"
I snap my head to look at him. "There's nothing you can do, Kaden."
He stares back at me. "I'm sorry, Skylar," he says again. "But us at the gym had nothing to do with Jordan."
"I don't believe you," I say.
"It's true."
"Then what was it?" I ask sarcastically. "Fill me in."
Kaden shakes his head, looking back at the creek. "I just wanted you. I meant what I said. I like you."
"Then you're a lousy friend," I point out. "Because I'm your best friend's ex."
His eyebrows crease angrily. "That's not fair. You weren't together. I've never tried anything when it wasn't fair game. The hot tub was different — that was consensual. I didn't try to make a move on you while you were together."
"So you wait until I'm broken and vulnerable. Got it."
"I never took advantage of you," he states. "I like you. And despite everything, I felt bad for you."
Clenching my jaw, I glare at him. "I don't need your pity."
"The whole Jake thing aside," he says, ignoring me. "You and Jordan both suffered. I feel bad for you both."
"Jordan doesn't deserve your pity either," I grumble. "He's doing just fine at the moment."
Kaden nods. "Maybe. But I don't believe it."
And there it is… the little piece of validation I was craving. It makes me feel terrible — to want that. But I just need a little sense of victory, just a shred of dignity to cling to.
"Is he still with Jasmine?" I ask, knowing I'll hate the answer either way.
"I think so," he says softly. "He moved a few days ago. We haven't really spoken."
I scoff. "I tried to talk to him," I admit.
Kaden looks at me surprised. "You did?"
"Yeah," I snap. "And I found out he had blocked me. When he did call back, he was nothing but cold and rude toward me."
He looks guilty — the nerve of him.
"You know it's an act, right?" he replies. "He's just trying to create distance."
"And why would he need to do that when apparently I mean so little to him?" I ask, resisting the urge to cry.
Kaden sighs. "Because you don't block someone unless you want to push them out of your mind… because they mean something."
I shake my head. "Sure didn't seem that way."
"I spoke to him briefly to see if he was settled in," Kaden admits. "He didn't say directly that he spoke to you. But he did say something along the lines of needing space from things."
"And you think that means me?"
He nods. "He might not have spoken about his feelings, but I know Jordan. He's trying to move on and he's hurting too. He didn't want to have to let you go but he knew it was for the best. But unfortunately, whenever you pop up in conversation or he gets reminded of you, it makes him start to fall back in love with you again."
"I don't think so," I mutter sadly, losing the last bit of anger I had left. "He said he never meant any of it and that he got carried away."
"Bullshit," Kaden says. "He told me to stop bringing you up because it messes with his head."
I look at him, puzzled. "You spoke about me."
"Just that you were doing okay and I had seen you at the gym. I thought it would bring him some peace to know you were doing alright."
"Clearly it didn't work," I point out. "Because he didn't want to hear about it."
Kaden smiles, throwing me off. "Men don't think the same as women. It might seem that way, but I'm telling you, we're not complicated. Don't overthink it. We only shut down when we need to. If something doesn't faze us, then it doesn't matter. But I also truly believe that hearing that, he was happy. That's all he wants — your happiness."
"Is that why he said Jasmine reminded him of me?"
He nods. "Exactly. Don't believe words of anger and resentment. Focus on what you know. Did you think it was real?"
"Of course I did," I mutter. "Otherwise I wouldn't be falling to pieces."
I hate that I've confessed that to him. But he's been nice enough to give me what I needed. I still don't believe it entirely, but my heart hurts a little less if that makes sense. Knowing he's struggling too, but that he did care, makes me feel like I do actually mean something.
"You're not broken," he murmurs. "You're just going through a rough time. And I promise you, I am sorry about it all. I wish I could undo it. That's why I've been such a pain in the ass to you. I just wanted to show you that you weren't nothing to us."
A single tear slips out against my control and I hastily wipe it away. I had promised myself no more tears. But I'm not sure if I'm crying over Jordan… or Kaden.
"I thought it was just a game," I admit. "You made me so angry."
"I know," he says softly. "But if you want me to leave you alone, I will. I should have before when you asked, but I was filled with guilt. Now that we've got all this out in the open, I feel better. So, I'll leave you alone."
He goes to stand, but I turn to look at him quickly. "Wait."
"Hm?" he asks, looking at me curiously.
I purse my lips, my mind racing. "You don't have to go yet. Let's just sit and relax."
Kaden looks at me, slightly bewildered but nods, sitting back down. "Okay."
Silence passes between us, but it's not awkward. It's like the hole in my heart has closed a little. Not fully — just the gap has gotten smaller, more manageable.
We watch the sunset quietly, talking occasionally about other things like the gym and the weather. When we're nearly covered in darkness, Kaden stands up, holding out his hand.
"Come on, let's go get a drink or something. I sure need one."