Chapter 21 #2
“The floor? Sheesh, I—” Say it dammit. Say the damn word. I clenched my jaw, internally screaming at myself at the riot of fear that had my stomach tensing. “I’m…Forgive me for the inconvenience and the mess.”
You’re so fucking weak.
“Seriously, don’t worry about it. I need to rip out this orange carpet anyways.”
I groaned. He’ll have to rip out the carpet?
“Really, Shy. You just get yourself feeling better. I’ll get the shower on for you, and you can relax in there until your eyes are better alright?”
When I didn’t say anything he continued. “And I’ll get you something to wear.”
I wanted to refuse but I was honestly a little afraid that if I saw all that blood in the mattress, it’d send me into another downward spiral of bad memories and even worse panic.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he sighed. I guessed he was expecting me to put up more of a fight. He picked me up bridal style and then the sound of the shower running surrounded me. He placed me directly into the shower, the warm spray immediately hitting my neck.
“Just leave your wet clothes in the shower. And shout if you need me. Hold on.”
Moments later he returned. “Your bag, clean clothes, I know the boxers probably won’t really fit, but maybe roll them? Um, and a towel. They’re here on the counter whenever you’re done. But take your time.”
I couldn’t help but remember how the last time he had put me into a shower I had woken from a nightmare and had a panic attack.
Was I ever going to be normal?
July 12, Sunday
Enoch
I covered the spot on the floor with a cleaning rag and strained my ears to hear anything from the bathroom.
Nothing but the shower running. I was antsy, despite how tired I felt, and looked around the room for something to keep me occupied.
I ended up pacing the length of my bedroom, unable to sit still with my mind somewhere else.
Stuck on the way Shiloh had been on her knees, hysterical and praying.
I never remembered her being particularly religious, and I couldn’t wrap my head around why the hell she was praying so earnestly, rebuking Satan. What the hell did Satan have to do with her period? And what the fuck did the bathtub have to do with any of that?
The whole thing left me feeling sick and anxious.
It was wrong. Whatever it was, whatever had made her act that way, it was wrong.
I knew it in my bones. Something had happened to her, someone had made her afraid, terrified, and it gnawed at me.
The sound of her sobbing, like she was afraid for her life…
it gave me chills just thinking about it.
And I didn’t know what the fuck I should do. Ask her about it? That might upset her again, send her into another panic attack. Ignore it? That would mean ignoring the awful feeling in my gut that told me this was something sinister. And I didn’t want to do that. Not again.
We weren’t fucking doing that again.
I wasn’t letting some dark secret get in the way of our lives again.
I just needed to find the right words to ask her what happened.
Watching her suffer, I had this sinking feeling that history was repeating itself. The dark secrets she was hiding were going to take her away from me again. And I was afraid if I didn’t do something now, it would be too late.
I shook out my hands, trying to get rid of the anxious energy as I stripped the bed and brought everything downstairs where the washer was.
Jae was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him.
I made sure to keep my movements as quiet as possible as I stuffed everything in the washer with some stain remover.
I headed back upstairs quickly, afraid that I wouldn’t hear Shiloh if she called out for me.
I stood outside the bathroom door for a solid minute when I returned.
All I could hear was the shower going, but my mind was already thinking about how she could be hurting herself and without hesitation I cracked the door open, keeping my eyes down.
“How you doing?”
I heard her gasp, no doubt startled by my unannounced question.
“Um, fine. Almost done.”
“Okay, no rush.”
I didn’t necessarily believe her. I never believed her when she said that word. Fine. Like it actually held any meaning after the amount of times I knew she’d said it dishonestly.
I closed the door and focused on putting fresh linens on the bed.
I didn’t have a spare mattress protector, so I lined her half of the bed with towels before putting on the fitted sheet.
I glanced at the floor. The stain was small, and I really didn’t care about it seeing as I planned to rip the carpet out in here eventually.
Instead of trying to get it out, I stripped out of my clothes that had gotten a little dirty while she had been sitting in my lap and quickly pulled on a fresh pair of pajamas.
I was pulling the shirt over my head when the shower turned off.
I knew she was going to put up a fight about wanting to leave.
Of course, I wanted her to have space if that’s what she wanted, but after that—I didn’t even know what to call it–—there was no way in hell I was leaving her to go home alone.
She wanted space, fine. I’d sleep on the couch. More likely just lay there worrying about if she was getting some sleep.
The door opened, a billow of steam swirling out from around her body. I smiled at the sight of her in my clothes. I’d never get bored of the sight of her in my clothing. It was possessive and obsessive, but she did that to me. She was mine. Forever.
“Hey,” I said with a soft smile, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, arms out in a silent beckoning for her to step closer.
She chewed her bottom lip, her red eyes looking around the space before snagging on the towel I’d left on the floor where she had been kneeling.
“Don’t worry about it. Come here,” I motioned.
Her eyes snapped to me, and she finally crossed the space between us.
As soon as she was within reach, my hands hooked behind her thighs and pulled her until she was standing in between my legs.
I lifted her leg until it was resting on the outside of my hip, her hands automatically catching her balance on my shoulders.
Her other leg followed until she was sitting on my lap.
My hands rubbed her legs before coming to rest on her hips, squeezing gently.
“You want to try and get some more sleep? Do you need me to run to the store?”
I took stock of her features, watching as her eyes studied me back. I wished I could fucking read her mind. I wanted to crawl inside, hold all her thoughts and kick out all the ones that had her questioning this, doubting herself. Her hands dropped down my arms, falling into the space between us.
She sighed, her eyes focusing on her fidgeting fingers.
“I told you to just take me home.”
“You are home.”
She groaned and the corner of my mouth ticked up.
“Enoch, please. I’m serious.” The plea did little to persuade me.
“And I’m serious that I’m not driving you home. It’s the middle of the night, you’re upset, and I’m not going to let go home alone. If you want to be alone, I’ll be in the next room.”
She huffed, her body leaning away from me, but I held her firmly in my lap.
“Shiloh. Don’t run away. I want this side of you, too.”
I could practically hear her rolling her eyes, and I grabbed her chin, making sure her eyes met mine.
“So, what do you want? Cuddles or space?”
I could see her jaw clenching as her eyes blinked several times, a tell I recognized as her attempt at fighting back tears.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Her nose wrinkled and she glared. “I’m not.”
I raised a brow, calling her bullshit.
“I just…” she sighed, rubbing her forehead, “I’m just overly emotional from my period. I’m fine.”
I smirked and shook my head at her, my hand moving to the back of her head, gently pulling her face down to meet mine. She moved without hesitation, her body sagging against me as our lips met in a gentle kiss.
I pulled back, just enough that I could speak against her lips, “No you’re not, baby. You don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s okay. But you do have to answer my first question. Cuddles or am I sleeping on the couch?”
She let out the softest whimper, her forehead resting against mine as she drew in a breath.
“Cuddles.”
I smiled and pressed my mouth to hers, my heart relieved and dick way too excited, clearly not reading the room, when she wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened the kiss. Fuck. It didn’t help that her body heat was soaking straight through my sweats.
I let her kiss me, let her have all the control as her tongue licked the seam of lips. I opened willingly, my hand on her hip pressing firmly into her side. Fuck. I love her so much. I want her so much.
The rational side of my brain overruled my dick.
I slowed the kiss down, feeling her heavy breath panting over my mouth. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted her to take what she wanted from me, but we hadn’t spoken at all about intimacy other than she wasn’t ready for sex, and I wasn’t going to cross any boundaries that come morning she might regret.
“I love you,” I said against her lips, giving her one last kiss before dragging my hand from her hair and back down to her other hip.
She hummed and with a small smile I stood up, gently dropping her back to the bed.
“Get comfortable, I’ll be right back.”
I quickly used the bathroom and then turned off all the lights before slipping under the covers next to her.
Before I could roll her over, she crawled to the middle until our bodies met.
She swung her leg over my hip and curled up against my side, her arm hugging my chest. I turned my head, sighing as I took a breath of her scent.
She smelled like my soap, and I smiled to myself.
I held her body closer to me with both my arms and gave her a kiss on her head. My chest was tight with emotions. Love, affection, concern, worry.
Everything felt right when she was in my arms, like some missing piece of me had finally returned. Like nothing bad could ever happen, like all that mattered was her. Us. The warmth we shared.
All those questions evaporated, all the unknowns irrelevant. Everything could wait until the morning so long as I had her here in my arms, so long as she was safe.