Chapter Twenty-seven
By late afternoon the next day, Flynn still hadn’t popped over to her cottage. Despite having spotted him three times around the estate, he hadn’t come up to her to offer any explanation at all.
Lara refused to be the one to ask him why he’d lied to her and why Molly had been at his cottage.
She’d wasted plenty of time coming up with answers to both scenarios but not a single one of them made her feel any better.
Speculating was useless; she had to hear the truth willingly from his own lips.
They bumped into each other as darkness was falling and Lara was on her way back to her office after leading a tour.
He was striding along a path that skirted the rear of the kitchens in a way that suggested he didn’t want to be held up.
When he spotted her, he pulled up suddenly and looked startled.
She wasn’t sure she even wanted to speak to him, but there was no escape now. ‘Hi there,’ she said, cheerfully enough.
‘Hi.’ He grinned – nervously? Or was she being paranoid? ‘How was your class?’
She felt it was a strange choice for the opening of their conversation. ‘It was – it was good. How was your evening with Harvey?’
‘Harvey?’ His brow creased in confusion. ‘It was – OK.’
Despite her sinking heart at his lie, Lara kept a smile on her face. It was just about possible Flynn had decided to meet his friend locally and then Molly had turned up the moment he’d got home.
‘Where did you meet?’ she asked.
‘Oh, the White Hart at Ravenglass.’
She nodded in approval. ‘Nice old place. Christmas menu, was it?’
‘Um. The usual stuff. Turkey, Christmas pud.’
Lara looked into his handsome face and felt queasy.
He looked around as if hoping someone would come to his rescue. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t stop. I have to go. I was on my way to sort out an issue with the grotto.’
She raised her eyebrows and said lightly, ‘Again?’
‘Unfortunately.’ He grimaced, but in a charming way. Even so, Lara felt a chill spread from the roots of her hair to her toes. ‘Catch you later.’
Flynn never did catch her later, although he didn’t have much chance.
Lara had gone back to the cottage, then gone for a costume fitting at the Penhaligons’ apartment.
The linen toile Tessa had made for her to try fitted like a glove, and the fabric she’d chosen was so beautiful she wanted to cry.
Even so, it was very hard to keep smiling and joking while Tessa pinned her and made tiny adjustments with Fiona hovering around like a mother hen.
She went home and called her parents. Then she got involved in a long exchange of messages in a WhatsApp group of uni friends from Birmingham days.
She watched a Christmas special of a favourite comedy and then went to bed, at which point she finally had the opportunity to think about the reasons why Flynn would openly lie about his relationship with Molly.
It was the following evening, after she’d finished work, that he finally knocked on her door.
‘Hello,’ he said. There was no trace of the charming smile and his serious expression set alarm bells jangling immediately. ‘Are you busy?’
‘Erm. Not really.’
‘I – think we need to have a chat.’
Goosebumps popped out all over her body. Even though she’d known that something sudden and not at all good had happened between them, the realisation still made her legs feel weak. ‘You’d better come in,’ she said.
‘Thanks.’
She closed the door behind him and joined him in the sitting room.
‘You’ve put your Christmas tree up,’ he said, almost in wonder.
‘Yes. I thought it would be too late if I didn’t do it soon.’
‘I haven’t got round to mine. I don’t think I will now.’ He brushed his hand over his chin. ‘For all kinds of reasons.’
Of all the statements he could have made and all the ways of leading into a conversation that she knew would not end well, this was the one she’d never have guessed.
‘What do you mean? Why would you not have a tree up? Are you – are you leaving Ravendale?’
‘No! Nothing like that. No.’
She felt her shoulders slump in relief but then said, ‘But something’s wrong. I know it is, and I know that you didn’t meet Harvey at the White Hart the other night.’
‘You do?’ He raked his fingers through his hair. ‘Oh, shit. Damn. I am so sorry, Lara.’
‘For lying?’
‘Yes. I – I couldn’t think of anything else to say in the moment.’
‘I guessed that. But all you had to do was be honest. If you were meeting Molly from the café, all you had to do was say. If there’s something … between you, then you only had to tell me.’
‘Something between me and Molly?’ He had an expression of horror on his face. ‘No. No. It’s not that. It could never be. Lara, I can’t believe you thought that.’
‘What else was I to think when you lied about seeing her and I saw her at your place with the baby. Is Esme yours?’
‘Oh my God. What a bloody mess …’ He sat down heavily on the sofa. ‘Esme isn’t my daughter. She’s my granddaughter and Molly is her mum.’
Lara steadied herself with a hand on the mantelpiece. Nothing he said made sense. At no point had she even dreamed of such a scenario. ‘You mean that Molly is your daughter?’ she managed, after a few seconds. ‘But … you don’t have any children. You’re too young. It can’t be …’
‘I thought I didn’t until last week. Molly presented Esme to me and told me the truth and, believe me, I am old enough. Molly’s only nineteen and I’m thirty-nine.’
Lara sat down on the chair. ‘But you had no idea about them at all?’
‘No. I had a one-night stand with Molly’s mother, Imogen, which resulted in Molly. She didn’t have my contact details to tell me she was pregnant and then, once the baby was born, she decided not to try and find me.’
‘You mean she kept the fact you had a daughter from you for all this time?’ Lara could barely believe anyone would deprive a parent of knowing their child.
‘Yes.’
‘That’s – that’s awful. And – you’re 100 per cent sure?’
‘We’ve sent off our DNA – me, Molly, and the baby. The results will be back soon, but I know it’s true. The details all add up and now I’m face to face with her, she does look like me.’
‘I hadn’t noticed, but, then, I wasn’t looking for any resemblance. I can’t believe her mother didn’t tell you before, though. To keep you from seeing your child is awful …’ Lara added, then regretted her blunt statement and realised she probably wasn’t helping. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit stunned.’
‘Trust me, I’m struggling to understand why Imogen did it too, but I have to think of Molly and Esme first, and not how – how robbed – I feel. I might see things differently in a few days or months, but, right now, I’m still in shock and living from one day to the next.’
‘Why did Molly choose to tell you now?’
‘She’d known who I was for a while from social media and then found out I’d taken the job at the castle. I think it became impossible for her not to tell me the truth, especially as having Esme had made her realise what being a parent means.’
Everything Flynn said made sense and yet Lara was too stunned by the news to think straight. And if she was stunned, how must he feel?
He leaned forward in his seat and reached out his hand, then pulled back.
‘I am so sorry for not being honest with you about where I’d been the other night, but it was a hell of a shock.
I wasn’t thinking straight and I needed time to process a bombshell like that myself before sharing it with anyone. You’re the only person I’ve told.’
Lara felt the gravity of him choosing her to confide in. ‘Has she told her mother or her grandmother that she’s tracked you down?’
‘Not yet, although I’ve asked her to. She’s not keen for now, but I don’t feel comfortable with them not knowing.’
‘You must want to speak to Imogen, though. You must want to know from her why she didn’t tell you about Molly for so long?’
‘Of course I do, but Imogen is working abroad and I’m respecting Molly’s wishes for now. If I’m to build a relationship with her, she needs to learn to trust me.’
Lara nodded. ‘I don’t suppose you can do any different if that’s what she’s asked of you.’ Even so, thought Lara, Molly was making some big demands of Flynn.
‘Thank you,’ he said, sitting back and sighing with relief. ‘Thank you for listening, and I know you won’t tell anyone else.’
‘Of course I won’t. I wouldn’t.’
He took her hand. ‘I know I can trust you and, for that, I can’t tell you how grateful I am.’ He hesitated. ‘Lara, my head is so messed up right now, I think I need some time to process everything.
‘I’m glad you’ve been honest with me,’ she said, hiding her misery with a bravery she didn’t feel one bit.
‘And you know what I think? You need time to come to terms with everything and so, until then …’ she said, not knowing if there would ever be a ‘then’ when he suddenly had a whole new family and lifelong commitment to embrace.
‘I mean, I think we should probably take a step back from this – from us.’
Although she was saying what she thought were the right things – for both of them – part of Lara hoped he might disagree and insist they should carry on as they were, despite all the turmoil in his life.
On the other hand, she didn’t want to force Flynn to tear himself into pieces trying to give everything to a new relationship as well as a new family.
‘I never wanted things to end up like this. So soon after we …’ he began in a voice full of anguish.
‘But, even though it’s killing me to say it, you’re probably right that we should take a breather.
’ He stepped forward and brushed her cheek with his fingers.
‘Oh God, it feels as if I don’t even know who I am right now. ’
‘Life will never be the same …’ Lara said, forcing herself to sound upbeat. ‘For the best, though.’
He enfolded her in his arms even though she was itching to get away and lick her wounds.
‘And how can I expect you to deal with all of this stuff?’ he murmured ‘And now that Molly has reached out to me, I owe it to her and Esme – and to myself – to try to make sense of it all and give them what they need.’
Lara was trying to hold it together and say the words a sensible, loving friend would say, even if those words weren’t the ones she wanted to say.
‘I get it. Of course you need to focus on your family. They need you and you need them. But I am here. I am always here if you need me. As a – a friend, if you want.’
‘Thank you, thank you,’ he said, looking down into her face. ‘I know you’ve been through a messy relationship already and I’m so sorry this happened now. It’s terrible timing.’ He seemed almost on the edge of tears himself.
Gently, Lara extricated herself from his arms. ‘It’s OK.’
‘It’s not,’ Flynn said gently.
‘No … but it is – what it is,’ Lara said, even though it was a phrase she hated and had never believed in.
You could always take your fate into your hands, or at least how you reacted to it.
She wouldn’t stand by and be passive again after waiting around for Rob.
More than that, how could she ever come between Flynn and his family?
She’d wanted her own so much and she would never jeopardise his newfound joy.
‘I’m so happy for you, Flynn. This is a wonderful discovery even if it’s not the perfect way to find out.
You need to seize every moment and make up for lost time. ’
‘Lara …’ he said, with a look of tender agony in his eyes that almost made her burst into tears.
‘You know where I am if you do need me or want to talk.’
‘I do. I will.’ He let out a groan. ‘My phone is going off again. I wish I could ignore it, but it’s Molly – it might be about the test. I – I’ll catch you later. And Lara, thank you for being so understanding. You’re a wonderful person. I’m so sorry.’
With that, he walked away, phone clamped to his ear.
Lara forced herself not to watch him go and turned away, compelling herself to walk back into the sitting room, all the words she’d left unsaid silently screaming to be let out.
She wanted to scream that the timing of this revelation was absolutely shitty.
That life was unfair. That she would have been devastated to be deprived of her daughter for nineteen years.
That she would have been shocked and overwhelmed too, but that she would have welcomed the chance to share the burden – the new dimension – with someone who would listen and try to help with navigating this scary, wonderful thing that had exploded into his life.