Chapter 22
SOPH
Currently playing: Here’s to Us by Halestorm
My eyes snap open when I hear an overheated argument outside the room. Two unfamiliar male voices reach my ears before I hear someone yelling for them to shut the fuck up from another room. It takes me a moment to remember where I am. I function better after a certain time.
Omaha. Overbooking. The funeral. The drinks… Oh shit, Jax.
I have no idea how he’s doing after everything went down yesterday. Turning over, I feel how cold Jax’s side of the bed is—the smell of his aftershave and the soreness I feel are the only proof he was even there.
“Jax?” I tentatively ask into the empty room, even though I know I’m alone.
I start to get out of bed naked but drop back into the soft mattress as my muscles protest like they’ve been overworked.
It means only one thing; last night wasn’t a dream.
We had sex again, even after I told myself the time at King Tattoo was going to be an exception to the ‘only once’ rule.
Now we’ve broken that rule twice. I would lie if I said that I regret sleeping with Jax.
I don’t. Being with him is like a religious experience; I find my faith in his dick.
My parents wouldn’t be too happy to hear that after putting me through Catholic school. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
But waking up alone in an empty hotel room isn’t how I imagined our morning after.
After last night’s sessions of giving ourselves into temptation, I was expecting to find Jax next to me this morning.
But he’s nowhere to be found. The clock on the nightstand says it’s only 8:10 a.m., and our flight back to the city isn’t until late afternoon.
Now that the voices are gone, I use the breathing thingy Haisley taught me to get more sleep. With my mouth closed, I inhale through my nose while counting to four. I hold my breath for a count of seven before exhaling through my mouth. I’m about to repeat the breath cycle when my phone pings.
Checking the phone, there’s a text from Haisley. It’s like we have a telepathic connection, and she knew I was thinking about her.
Haisley: Guess what?? I just got invited to the last-minute Halloween party that my boss is having this weekend. Are you interested in joining as my plus one? Saturday at 9, near my place.
Soph: I can’t, sorry. I’m babysitting for Shannon and my parents have something else planned.
Haisley: What a bummer! I even had a couple costume planned for us *sad emoji*
Haisley: We could have made perfect dancing twins emojis
Soph: You wanted to go as an emoji??
Haisley: Why not? Now I have to go as the salsa lady emoji. I might have a red dress for it, but I have to check…
Soph: Only you my friend
After my brief conversation with Haisley, I walk to the bathroom buck naked, swaying my hips.
When the cool air hits my tender nipples, my mind replays the moment when I had my ass in the air as Jax fucked me from behind, and my nipples against the sheets caused an electric feeling.
I see my reflection and laugh at the state of my body—my skin is covered in marks wherever Jax bit me.
He asked me if that was okay, and I told him that I wanted to be able to cover everything with a top and shorts. He listened.
As I go about doing my business, I think more about last night and now I'm sure that I want it to happen again. I know that this is a difficult time for him, and talking about us isn't a priority, but I'm hoping that we can discuss it sooner rather than later.
I hear the room door open, followed by something falling. Washing my hands quickly, I hurry out of the bathroom and see the mess in front of me. Jax’s head snaps up when I sigh in relief, and his body instantly relaxes at the sight of me.
“I thought you left,” my shaky voice admits.
“I was getting us breakfast,” he motions on the floor where the spilled-over coffee and a brown paper bag lie. “Why didn’t you call?”
I step closer and rest my hand on his chest, right where I can feel his heartbeat slowing. “Honestly, I figured you might have run because last night was too much.”
Jax moves his hand over mine, intertwining our fingers. “I know we’re just starting to get to know each other but trust me when I say this; I wouldn’t do that to you—I wouldn’t leave. Not after you’ve heard all my biggest secrets, the ones I don’t share easily.”
“I’m grateful you could share that with me.”
“Give me something after last night, so I don’t have to feel so broken next to you,” Jax looks at me, a look of anguish on his face.
Fuck. His words melt my heart. I wrap my arms around him—it soothes me to know that he didn’t leave me after all. Jax kisses my forehead, showing he’s here for me.
“My da has MS, which requires a lot of money as our insurance is a joke. And I don’t know what to do with my life—I’m second guessing every decision and struggling to accept the choices I’ve made.
But I can’t just leave my family to follow my dreams. It’s like I’m stuck in a room without a door.
I can’t get out,” I whisper into his shirt just loud enough that he can hear me.
His hold around me tightens, and he kisses my forehead.
“The thing is that I haven’t found my place in the world. Sure, I love art and singing, but after my da’s diagnosis ten years ago, I decided that it wasn’t worth the risk to follow my dreams of becoming an artist. That’s why I stayed close to them. It’s what a good daughter does.”
Jax looks at me with understanding in the depths of his expressive eyes.
“I have noticed that you care a lot about the people around you—your family, Haisley, Rose, Nelly, and the rest of our team. It was easy to tell that based on how you interacted with everyone but me from the beginning—” I laugh because he’s right, I’ve not been nice to him most of the time I have known him.
“—But don’t you think it’s time to focus on yourself instead? ”
“I can’t. Not right now—“
“Why?” he asks and wipes away tears I didn’t realize were there.
“Da’s medication alone costs a lot, even with our insurance.
He’s gone through some treatments that aren’t covered in our plan.
” I sniffle, burrowing deeper into Jax’s embrace.
“He also needs more help around the house and has almost retired from the bakery. I don’t know what my parents would do without that income.
They might have to sell to someone outside the family if my sister Shannon and her husband aren’t buying it. It’s our family legacy. It’s—”
My sobs take over, and I can’t say anything else.
Jax moves his hand across my back, comforting me.
“It’ll be okay, darling. I know it sounds like a fucking cliché, but life has a way of making things work, one way or another.
It might not be how you planned your life, but something worthwhile will come out of this. ”
I take a deep breath, a frown forming before I look up at him. “How can you be so sure after everything you’ve experienced?”
“That’s the thing, Soph. I know from experience. Think about it this way; I wouldn't have met Ollie and Eli if it wasn't for my selfish mother and her poor taste in men. Even if those events scarred me for life, I got my brothers out of it.”
“Was it all worth it?”
“Yeah, I couldn’t imagine my life without those two.”
“I’m glad that you have them, Jax.”
“I know, me too,” he says against my lips and kisses me.
His kisses are my favorite. I shouldn’t feel like this when his lips touch mine. It only means that I’m getting too deep too fast. I’m afraid that I’m repeating my past mistakes with him. But what if I can’t avoid heartbreak this time around?
“You know, we have another four hours before we have to be ready to leave for the airport. Do you wanna visit the zoo for the largest indoor desert in the world? It could be fun,” Jax suggests.
“I can come up with more ways to enjoy the rest of our time in Omaha,” I offer cheekily.
He chuckles, pecking kisses on my jaw, cheeks, and forehead. “Tell me more.”
“First, I need coffee. Then maybe a shower, and you’re free to join me. Let’s see what happens after that.”
He flashes me a wicked grin, and I melt on the spot—I think I could get used to seeing that grin more often.
Opening the front door to my family home after a day of traveling, I hear my da coughing—the ominous sound echoes in our house, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
There’s a flu going around, which always worries us as it can be severe for someone like him.
I take off my shoes, drop my bag in my bedroom and find my parents watching TV in the living room.
Da is in his recliner, a cup of what I’m sure is ginger tea with honey on his side table—mama always makes it when one of us is feeling under the weather.
“Don’t think I didn’t hear that nasty cough.”
“Don’t worry about me; I’m just feeling off today. Nothing a little rest can’t fix.” Da’s voice is softer than usual.
My mama huffs from the sofa, where she’s sitting under the blanket. “Chicklet, you should know by now that your father is the most stubborn man on this planet. He won’t tell you that he didn’t feel too good the last two days, and the cough has worsened. We need to keep an eye on it.”
"Is there something I can do?” I ask, taking a seat beside my mama. She puts an arm around my shoulders, and I lean into her as she drapes the blanket over both of us.
“I already talked with his doctor and got recommendations for home remedies. Let’s see how those and my tea help.”
“Does da need to go to the hospital if it gets worse?” I ask. Mama squeezes my hand under the blanket without saying a word. It means that I should stop asking questions for now.
“You two just stop worrying about it, and it’ll be grand,” my da says as he senses my growing worry.
I laugh as he rarely uses Irish sayings. “Sure, da, it’ll be grand.”
He smiles and focuses on the reruns of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
Before the episode ends, da’s eyes slip shut.
His loud snores fill the room, and I’m glad he’s not coughing anymore.
The last twelve months have been stressful enough.
If da gets seriously ill, I don’t know how we’ll manage.
Money is tight, and additional treatment would put a deeper dent in our savings.
Not to forget our mental capacity to deal with another bump in the road.
“Mama, do you need anything?”
“Just patience and strength,” she answers.
And I feel that deep inside me. “I know exactly what you mean. I need a helping of those too.”
Mama rubs my back in a soothing act that I have loved since I was a kid. “Oh, my little one.” We sit in silence for a while before she turns to me. “How was your trip to Omaha? How’s Jax and his family?”
I’m glad the dimmed lights hide my blush. “Um, Omaha was good.”
“Good…mmm, good sounds good,” she mutters like she can sense my avoidance tactics from a mile away.
I contemplate what I should share with her because I’m not one who tells their parents about their sex life.
“Okay, you got me. I enjoyed spending time with the Kingston-Bennett family, even if the reason why I was in Omaha with Jax and his cousins was less than ideal. They’re so much fun.
There was some drama, of course, but isn’t there always when families get together after a while? ”
“There surely is. Remember when your aunts from Barbados came for a visit ten years ago? Your auntie B didn’t talk to our sister for three years after their trip.”
“I vaguely remember that. What happened between them?”
“No idea, but it shows that every family is dysfunctional sometimes, and you just have to see past it.”
“No family is sane, is it?”
“I mean, look at your da’s side of the family and ask me that again.”
We both laugh until tears run down my mama’s face. I hand her a tissue, and we sit there, my da’s snores keeping us company.