Chapter 23
JAX
Currently playing: I Don’t Want to Be - Stripped Version by Gavin DeGraw
Since returning from Nebraska a week ago, I’ve been working long hours to distract myself from how my life turned upside down during my visit.
I didn’t even go to the Halloween party Nelly organized last weekend.
I wasn’t in the mood to dress up and act like I was not hurting.
There are days when getting out of bed feels impossible, but I still prefer drowning in work to keep myself busy.
Soph has been there for me, bringing me food and making sure I go home before midnight, but I’m still reeling—learning that my father is alive was one of the biggest shocks of my life.
I’ve lived over twenty-six years believing he was dead, so it will take time for me to adjust to having a father.
I’m also worried that he might not want anything to do with me.
What if I found him, and he’s like, ‘you can’t be mine; go back where you came from, trash. ’ I don’t want to prove Trisha right.
It's my first day off since the trip, and I'm meeting with Eli and his private investigator to see if we can track down my father.
Without enough information, it might take longer to track him down.
But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fill the fresh, gaping hole in my life, and I think hiring someone to find out the truth is the best way to see if my mother was lying or not.
It wasn’t until I lost Uncle Joey that I realized how much I wish I had a father of my own.
I was more than happy for him to be there for me, but losing him unexpectedly has made me think of things in a new light.
And I realized that I wouldn’t be opposed to having another father figure in my life as long as my birth father isn’t a massive dickhead.
I hear four knocks on the front door and smile—Eli has a habit of knocking in even numbers. Opening the door, I find my best friend with a brown-haired woman dressed in a black jumpsuit, who looks like she could kick some ass if needed. I thought that Jordan was a he, not a she.
She notices my confused reaction and chuckles. “Nice to meet you, Jackson. I’m Jordan Whitecloud and trust me; you’re definitely not the first person to react like that.”
My face gets hot, and I mutter, “I just expected you to be a middle-aged man with a beer belly, so seeing a beautiful woman like yourself was a pleasant surprise.”
A loud laugh bursts out of Eli. “It’s rare that I see you like this, Jax. I should’ve got that on tape for Ollie.”
“Oh, shut up, man. The last few weeks have been the mindfuck of epic portions.”
Eli’s expression sobers hearing my tone. “Fuck, sorry, man.”
I wave my hand in a way that tells him not to worry.
“Are we gonna stand out here forever, or are you letting us in?” Jordan questions jokingly, looking between us. I step aside to let them in.
After getting us water bottles and Diet Cokes, I sit on the couch opposite Eli and Jordan.
“So, Jax—can I call you that?” Jordan asks, and I nod. She continues. “If I understand the situation right, you thought your biological father was dead all these years, but according to your mother, he is alive and well.”
“Sounds about right.”
“Eli also told me about your uncle, and I’m sorry for your loss.”
I take a gulp of the Diet Coke to relieve my suddenly dry mouth. “Thank you.”
What an overused phrase, but what else could I say?
Jordan flips open a notebook and fixes her gaze on me. “Tell me everything you know about him. Even the smallest bit helps.”
I fidget in my seat nervously under her expecting look. I feel like I don’t have enough information for her to work with. “Based on what my mother told me, Reid lives somewhere in New York. He has an Ivy League education and is doing well.”
Jordan keeps writing notes down and nodding. “That’s good. When’s your birthday, Jax?”
“April 10. I turned twenty-six this year."
“Knowing when your mother met your father would help, but your birthday gives us an idea of when they were together.”
I wince, not wanting to think about my parents’ sex lives. “My mother liked reminding me that I was born ten days after the due date because I had to make everything hard for her, even during her pregnancy."
I look at Eli for moral support. He’s holding his thumbs up and mouthing you’re doing great, Jax. What a dork. But I still appreciate him being here and connecting me with Jordan.
“Do you know what your father could look like?” she asks, still scribbling in her notebook.
“No, I haven’t seen any photos of him. I thought it was weird that my mother never talked about him or shared any details, but I stopped asking the question at some point.”
“Wait a minute,” Eli interrupts, eyes wide with excitement or eagerness. “Your relatives on your mom’s side are light-haired with blue or brown eyes, but you’ve green eyes and naturally dark hair.”
I turn to Jordan, nodding as my brain continues processing what Eli just said. “Once, after too many drinks, my mom told me she hated me because I looked like my deadbeat father. I guess that comment makes more sense now.”
Jordan’s scribbling in her notebook again, and I snap my fingers when a thought occurs, “My parents met when they both were fresh out of high school, so he’s probably somewhere in his mid-forties now.”
“I know it wasn't easy talking about this stuff, but thank you. All of this should help get you some answers.” Jordan tells me while taking her business card out of her bag. “Give me a call if you can think of anything else. Remember, every little detail helps.”
I take the card, turn it over, and smile. “Thanks for your help, Jordan. So, when can I expect to get any updates from you? Is there like a weekly thing or what?”
She flashes me a reassuring smile. “I don’t normally send weekly updates because my job often presents many dead ends. But let’s see what I can do. Any friend of Dewayne’s is a friend of mine. Our families go way back.”
I frown at the mention of Dewayne, but then it clicks, and I laugh. “I only know him as Mitchell. I had no idea his first name was Dewayne.” Mitchell, well, Dewayne, is Eli’s lawyer and sometimes goes out with us.
“I’ve told you that at least ten times,” Eli says with a dramatic roll of his eyes as he and Jordan walk to the front door.
They promise to keep in touch, and I wave till they’re in the elevator.
I close the door and rest my forehead against it, thinking about how everything got so complicated.
I can’t believe I’m even keeping hope alive regarding finding my father.
It feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Ten days after meeting with Jordan, I'm in my office working on a new design for myself when my phone rings with her name. I take a deep calming breath and answer the call. "Hey, Jordan.”
“Hey, Jax.” She sounds chipper, and her voice raises slightly in her excitement. “I think I found your father. It was much easier than expected—”
I thought I would never hear those words. And not this quickly.
I think I found your father.
My father.
“Jax, you still there?”
I realize that she’s been talking this whole time. I rub my face as I speak. “Sorry, what were you saying about my father?”
She laughs. “I know it can be a shock to hear those words. I would rather give you all the information in person. Are you free to meet today?”
“Yeah, I’m at the shop. Come by whenever.”
“That sounds great; see you then, Jax,” Jordan says and hangs up.
After the call with Jordan, I walk around the shop in a daze until I stop at Soph’s desk. I watch her organize our filing system, which Tiffany was never good at and never even tried to do properly.
“I can feel you staring at me,” Soph says, snapping me out of my daze.
“Jordan, the PI, might have found something about my father, and she's coming over. Could you call me when she does?” I ask, forcing a smile, so she won’t see how nervous I am.
Soph is up from her chair and hugging me. “Jax, that’s huge!” She leans back to look at me when I don’t match her excitement. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m worried it’s all false hope. Or that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
Soph reaches for my shoulders, massaging them lazily, soothing me. “We’ll deal with it if that happens. All you need to know for now is that Jordan might have the information you’ve been waiting for all this time.”
“Okay, yeah, thanks,” I whisper, comforted by this woman who is the woman of my dreams. And that thought doesn’t scare the shit out of me like it would have only a few months ago.
I get back to work and try to do something useful. But there’s no way I can focus. If Jordan has found the right guy, I would know who my father is before the day ends. How wild is that?
Forty minutes of doodling later, there’s a knock on my door. “Jax, she’s here.” I hear Soph’s pretty voice tell me.
Wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans, I get up and walk toward the door. I stop mid-step, panic washing over me again.
What if I don’t like what I find out?
What if he doesn’t want to get to know me?
What if?
All these thoughts run through my mind as I force my feet to move forward. Opening the door, I’m relieved that it’s Soph. Seeing her smile and those kind eyes make me feel better instantly.
“Hey, is everything okay?” She asks and puts her hand on my face, looking at me worriedly.
“No, but I sure hope it’ll be.”
Soph ponders my words for a moment and then nods. “Jordan is waiting in our break room, and Spade is with her. Do you want to be alone with her?”
“I’d rather have company, so you can both stay.”
We walk to the break room without a word, and once Soph opens the door, I greet Jordan. “So, you’ve got some news for me?”
“Sure do! I think you’ll like what I have to share. Is it okay if your friends are here?”
“Yeah, they can stay.”