Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
“ I have Mace and a rape whistle!” she screamed, hands shoved deep into her bag.
Despite the laughter bubbling in his chest, Rafferty realized his mistake instantly. He stepped out of the shadow, hands up as lights came on. “It’s me. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What the fuck, Raff?”
“Sorry. The place was closed by the time I got here and I didn’t want to leave without seeing you.”
“Too young to have heart attacks,” she replied, attention still fixed on her bag.
As always, Daisy was glowing and the yellow light was making her shimmer even more. She was wearing a short black dress, the large denim jacket from the day he reconnected with her and white sneakers. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and even after a day of being at the food festival, she took his breath away. In comparison, he looked sloppy in his basketball shorts and ratty white tee. His plan was to drive straight home from New York, but the more he thought about it and all the advice he’d been given, seeing her right away was important.
She finally looked at him and gestured to the shop. “Let’s go inside.”
“Sit under the stars with me.”
Her eyes widened and it took her a minute to nod. “Okay.”
After his meeting on the second night he was in New York, Rafferty sat on the steps of the Ames brownstone and stared up at the stars. It was late, a soft buzz moved through the neighborhood and he missed her. He had lost track of how long he spent outside because at some point his father joined him and he told him everything—how he’d reconnected with Daisy, how he realized that he still had feelings for her and that he fucked it all up with callous words. His father had always been good with advice and that evening was no different. Leaving the city the next day had been easier because of that.
She slid the bag off her shoulder and settled on the bench he’d been waiting on. It wasn’t big enough for both of them, but he managed to put some space between them. Just so she would know he wasn’t trying to erase all of the things that had happened.
“Is Callahan still with Mack?”
He arched an eyebrow. “Yeah. Why?”
“I saw him at the Food Fling.”
“I just got back and wanted to see you first.” Her eyes widened and mouth formed a small O. He nodded, rubbing his hands on his thighs. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, Daze.”
“How could you even know what I’d gone through? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Do you think you might want to tell me about it, though?”
She made a fussing sound and he smiled, tracing the profile of her face in the dull light. That nose, those lips, even her chin was attractive. He’d always been so enamored by her, back when she liked to hide in her big clothes and behind the curtain of her hair. There was something so comforting about looking at a person who made you feel so many things without even realizing it.
“It sounds so silly now, to talk about how I wanted to be a mother for a really long time. But it’s true. I sometimes dated people depending on whether or not they might potentially be that future partner in raising kids, you know? So when I met Clarke, I thought we were on the same page. We talked about kids, how ours would be a mix of dark and light haired and everything. I thought they wanted the same thing.”
She tipped her head back and he followed her gaze to take in the smattering of stars before looking back at her.
“But things started to fall apart. I was convinced they were cheating on me and they never said otherwise. It spiraled from there to how I wasn’t giving enough and…and then…and then they told me that they never wanted kids. That this dream of mine was so unreachable and being a parent was not on their list of things to do. I was shattered. We’d been together for six years and everything felt like a lie.”
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, knowing that it wasn’t enough to express his disappointment and frustration with her ex.
She shook her head, quickly wiping at her face. “In Greenville, I was diagnosed with PCOD. That’s…uh, Polycystic Ovarian Disease. Sounds scarier than it is, but the doctors also told me that it might have been triggered by the bulimia.” She scoffed and leaned back before saying, “My doctor advised me to freeze my eggs soon after the divorce. But it doesn’t really matter, because the risks are so high. I might not actually be able to carry that baby to term, it might break me. Fun fact, if a woman above the age of thirty-five is pregnant, they call it advanced maternal age. Which is definitely better than what it used to be called— geriatric pregnancy.”
“They what?” He frowned.
She sighed loudly. “Right? Anyway, it took me years to come to terms with all of these things. Every now and then, I think about what it would be like to be a mother. But the reality of the situation is, I can’t afford to make that happen. So when you made that comment, it hit too close to home. There was a time when I thought you and I would end up together. Ride off into the sunset, build a home and a family.
“When we moved, you and I lost touch, I accepted that it was a teenage dream,” she said softly, finally looking at him and he nodded.
“I wanted that too,” he confessed and she stared at him. “After you left, I wrote you letters.”
“I never got them.”
He chuckled drily. “I never sent them. I put them into envelopes, wrote the address and everything. I realized that they were pretty intense, confessional almost.”
“Raff.” Her hand landed on his thigh and he swallowed hard.
“Became a journal, like I was telling you everything happening in my life.”
“Do you still have them?”
He shook his head, wondering what happened to the letters. He’d put them into a shoebox he hid under his bed, because he didn’t want his grandmother finding them.
“I stopped a year or two after I met Zara. It didn’t seem fair to keep writing to the girl I loved when I was with someone new.”
It was only at the strangled sound that he realized what he’d said. Blowing out a breath, he stared at her yellow tipped nails against his dark jeans. It was insane to think that back then they had feelings for each other and did nothing about it.
“I’m really sorry that you couldn’t have the dream you wanted with your ex and that the universe has taken that choice away from you,” he said softly, covering her hand with his. “I might not have planned for Cal, but I want you to know that I have no regrets. I didn’t mean to seem so glib when we spoke the last time. I am so terribly sorry for making you feel that way and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Rafferty. Of course I forgive you.”
“I lost you once, Daze, I don’t think I could do it again.”
She shook her head and closed the gap between them, her hands on his face. “We’re not going to let that happen, okay? I wasn’t being fair to you either, it’s not like you knew what had happened.”
He nodded slowly, eyes dipping to her mouth. Since their reunion, he’d dreamed about what her lips would feel like against his, the sounds she’d make when they kissed, if she’d melt into him like that first time. If her fingers would dig into his hair and tug hard enough to make him moan. He was already inhaling so deeply, letting her lavender and sunshine scent settle into his bones. But he wanted more.
Her thumbs brushed over his cheeks and even with the dim lighting, he could see the caramel swirling in her brown irises. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and he leaned in further.
God, she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on .
“You and me, Hero. We’re going to try this on for size.” The words came out before he could even process them and started to apologize when Daisy’s mouth curved into a playful smile.
“I would most definitely like to try you on for size.”
He chuckled, glad that she was on the same page as him. Rafferty hadn’t expected her to flirt back, but he had to admit that it felt so fucking good.
The evening might have started out emotional, but it felt like they’d gotten over a big hump together. There would be so much more for them to navigate and wade through, but they were moving in the right direction. Slow and steady . She moved closer, her warm breath brushing over his mouth as he angled his head, until his ringtone erupted into the quiet night.
“Fuck,” he grunted and reluctantly pulled back to check his phone. Mack calling . “It might be Cal.” He stood up and answered the call, making sounds of affirmation when Mack said that he was heading home with the kids.
When he returned to the bench with a frown, she shook her head and got to her feet. “Your son is your priority, Raff. We’ve got time.”
“Do we?”
She flashed him the prettiest smile and nodded. “All of my time in the world is yours.”
Can you be mine too ?
“What are you doing tomorrow after work?”
“What would you like me to be doing?” He gave her his best unimpressed look and she laughed. “I’ll swing by.”
“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I can’t wait.”
As much as he wanted them to finish what they started, he didn’t want their second first kiss to be rushed. He wanted to savor her and enjoy the feeling of her being his, whenever that happened. He started walking backwards, lips tugging to the side when he saw her smile. All in good time , he told himself as he turned to his car.
He wasn’t the kind of person that didn’t smile; he wasn’t the kind to smile without reason. However, in the last few hours, he’d been smiling more than he probably ever had in his entire life. The memory of the previous evening was on loop in his head. Everything from the way she told him about her history to the pain she suffered at the hands of someone she loved. He hated that she had felt like she wasn’t worthy of all the good things in life, that her ex had changed their tune and made her feel like she’d been living a lie of some kind.
He wasn’t a violent person and he wouldn’t actually hurt anybody for the fun of it. But for Daisy , he would do anything. Including showing her ex that they had lost someone so precious and wonderful and didn’t even know it.
Then his dark thoughts would turn to the flirtier moments, the touching and the almost kissing. The way her laugh felt against his skin or how her chocolate and caramel eyes danced with amusement. He had wanted to keep her close to him so he could inhale every bit of her lavender and sunshine scent. She was right, though. Cal was his priority. It didn’t matter what they were doing together, the minute his son needed him, Rafferty would have to leave. The fact that she understood that comforted him, because he never wanted her to think that he didn’t want her.
He’d wanted her when he was nineteen. He still fucking wanted her at forty.
Despite his every urge to go see her at the shop that day, he kept his head screwed on straight. He dropped Cal off at school and went to Allenwood for mandatory training hours. He’d already spoken to Gladys about needing the second half of the day to get Ames Landscaping work done.
Thankfully, his meeting in New York with the client went off so well that she had given them the go-ahead to start on the work. He assigned duties to his team and put someone in charge on the ground. As much as he wanted to be hands-on, there were limitations with him sitting in a different place. The drive wasn’t too bad, but there was no way he would do that every day. Besides, the most important thing he’d learned from his father was delegation and these days, Rafferty did that with abandon.
“Are you okay, Dad?”
Blinking out of his thoughts, he looked at his frowning son, then to where they were standing. Right, shopping for dinner tonight . Get it together, man.
“Yes. Why?”
Cal tilted his head. “You’re smiling all crazy like.”
“Don’t say crazy.”
“Okay, but you’re smiling like that. Like the Joker from Batman .”
He rubbed a hand over his mouth, feeling the wide grin against the palm of his hand. “I guess I’m in a good mood.”
“Why?”
“Because…I… just am.”
“You told me that’s not a good enough answer.”
Of course Cal would use his own words against him. His plan for the evening with Daisy was to cook dinner together, maybe watch a movie until Cal fell asleep. After that, she could call the shots. He had nothing against taking it slow, even if his mind was already counting the number of steps it would take to get from the couch to his bedroom with her in his arms.
“Daddy!”
Shit. “Sorry, son.” He winced and got a glare in return. “What did you say?”
“Why are you in a good mood?”
This time, he didn’t bother hiding his smile. “Daisy’s coming for dinner.”
“Yes! Does that mean you’re not fighting anymore?”
He frowned. “We weren’t fighting. She was busy.”
His son looked like he didn’t believe even a single word. “But she’s visiting us today?”
“Yep.”
“I need to clean my room, we have to hurry!” Then he was off, like this was stressful for him . Rafferty shook his head and took his time finishing up shopping. He’d pulled up a few options for what they could make, things that Cal would eat and would enjoy helping out with. Thankfully most of those options used similar ingredients, so his shopping was easy.
On his way home, he was tempted to stop by the Patch and get flowers to decorate the house, but that meant seeing her. If he saw her, there was a very high chance that he would forget about everything else he was supposed to do. He felt like an animal, with how feral he was for her. Craving the feel of her body, the taste of her mouth, the scent of her skin…he wanted all of it pressed into him for eternity.
While he unloaded the bags in the kitchen, Cal was honest to God cleaning up his room. He’d never thought of his son as messy before, but Daisy had left enough of an impression that he wanted to be neat and tidy for her. The bell rang and before he could even move, Cal charged for the front door. Rafferty shook his head as he followed in his son’s wake.
“Miss Daisy!”
She matched his excitement. “Mister Callahan!”
He giggled. “You look very pretty.”
“Why thank you, kind sir. You look very handsome.”
Rafferty ruffled his son’s hair. “Do you think we can let her into the house now, son?”
Cal moved out of the doorway, allowing her to walk inside. She looked beautiful, obviously. But it was the radiant smile and the bouquet of flowers she revealed that really did the trick. She crouched and held it out to his son, who looked like he’d hit the jackpot.
“These are for me?” he asked, looking absolutely awestruck.
“Since you weren’t able to come to the shop, I thought I’d bring them to you.”
Cal stared at the flowers and launched himself at her, almost crushing the flowers in the process. Rafferty rescued the bouquet in time and felt his heart swell because of the two most important people in his life. His son pulled back and wiped his face, bottom lip sticking out as he fought back the sniffles.
“Can I go put them in water?”
Handing the flowers over, he smiled as Boots came over to sniff Daisy in greeting before joining his tiny human in the kitchen.
“Hi,” she said softly, tucking her hair behind her ears.
“You made his whole year.”
“It’s always the little things.”
He nodded as she took off her sneakers and led the way to the kitchen where Cal was standing on his helping stool as he attempted to stuff the entire bouquet into a mason jar. Seeing him struggle, Daisy was there suggesting what he could do instead. Rafferty appreciated that she didn’t do it for him, but told him what could be done. As the two of them cut off the twine and separated the flowers, he watched in awe at how comfortable they were with each other. When they were done, five mason jars had been filled with flowers and his kitchen was the most colorful it had ever been.
“Thank you, Miss Daisy.”
“You’re most welcome.” She brushed his hair back and Rafferty decided that he no longer needed his heart because she was hell bent on destroying him. “So, what’s for dinner?”
“Dad said we’re cooking together.”
“Did he say what we’re making?”
They turned to him with matching expressions of curiosity. “How do we feel about meatballs?”
“Like Nonna’s meatball bake?”
Daisy’s eyes lit up at the reminder. “Oh, I loved Nonna’s bake.”
“Please, Daddy. Can we make that?” Cal said, eyes big and cute.
“Yeah, Daddy . Please?” she echoed, fluttering her lashes with a naughty smile.
For fuck’s sake.
He growled under his breath, but nodded as his son climbed off his stool and pushed it to the other side. When he was busy looking at the recipe, Rafferty attempted to glare as she sidled up to him with bright eyes.
“You’re trouble,” he whispered.
“You like it.”
“I love it.”
She hummed, squeezed his arm and moved away. He tipped his head back and silently begged the Lady upstairs to cut him some slack. Any amount would do, just some.