Chapter 17 Sawyer
Chapter seventeen
Sawyer
Every step from my dorm to the arena is more jarring than the last.
The sidewalk is wet, littered with dead leaves and darkened by the perpetual afternoon drizzle.
Even with my hands shoved in my coat pockets, my fingers are practically numb. It’s time to bring out the winter gloves.
I arrive for my shift with little time to spare and clock in quickly before taking my place behind the skate rental counter. Before the arena gets busy, I open the log and check the reservations for the afternoon so I know what to expect.
“Yo, Sawy.”
Arjun appears in the cut-out partition between the skate rental counter and the concession stand.
“Are you thirsty?” He wags his eyebrows suggestively and waves a Styrofoam cup over his head.
With a snort, I shake my head. I don’t even have to ask to know I don’t want to try the concoction he’s come up with.
“I’ve got three words to tempt you with, my friend. Savory milkshake.”
I press my lips together, resisting the urge to tell him that’s only two words.
Before I have to turn him down a second time, Kai appears, giving me a pointed look.
“Do not drink whatever he’s offering.” They turn that same look on Arjun. “Does Cam know you’re out here wasting ingredients on disgusting experiments?”
“They aren’t disgusting,” Arjun says, his expression one of hurt. “And how would you know? You haven’t even tried it yet.”
As if she could hear her name from her office, Cam strolls out. In her sternest supervisor voice, she says, “Arjun, what is that, and who paid for it?”
“I—uh,” he stutters. “I thought it might be a cool game day special. It’s honestly pretty good.
I started with the milkshake base, then added popcorn butter to give it that salty, savory edge.
” He pulls his shoulders back, his confidence returning.
“It was still thicker than I wanted, so I added a little hot dog water—”
“Stop.” Cam throws out a hand.
Kai makes a gagging sound.
“Throw that away,” Cam commands. “Get back to work. And if you swear on your life to never use the hot dog water in any capacity ever again, I won’t make you pay for that monstrosity.”
Arjun guffaws, though his expression sobers quickly, as if he’s really considering the deal. “You got it, boss.” With that, he turns and strides away.
“Afternoon, ladies and Kai,” Bryant greets.
He saunters in and makes a beeline for Cam, like a moth drawn to a flame. For weeks, Cam has brushed off my questions about the connection between her and Bryant, but given the way he’s looking at her right now, I may need to ask again.
“Are you out here using your serious dommy voice on Arjun, pretty girl?”
With a huff, Cam crosses her arms. “Don’t think for one second I won’t write you up for sexual harassment,” she quips. “You can’t just call me “dommy” in public, Bry.”
He licks his lips and gives her a slow appraisal. “What about in private?”
Cam snaps back in a hushed whisper, clearly trying to get Bryant to shut up.
I nudge Kai. “What’s a dommy?”
They snort. “I’m pretty sure he’s combining domme and mommy?”
Amusement rolls through me, making me feel lighter than I have in days.
By the time Cam and Bryant wrap up their exchange, she’s got her nose in the air, and he looks suspiciously pleased with himself.
Yeah. I definitely need to ask for an update on that situation.
“Okay, family meeting,” Cam declares, turning to us. “Get in here, Arjun.”
“This is a family?” Bryant jibes.
Kai huffs a sardonic laugh. “I prefer you all to my absentee father and the uncle who still uses my deadname when he asks me to pass the gravy at holiday meals.”
I put my arm around Kai’s shoulders and squeeze. “Maybe this year for Thanksgiving you could have Arjun make a special recipe just for your uncle.”
Smirking, they rest their head on my arm.
Cam’s scowl softens as she makes room for Arjun, and once we’re all circled up, she holds up her trusty clipboard.
“Here’s the deal, fam. I need to know who’s traveling to which away games this month so we can coordinate schedules.”
Shit.
I emailed her earlier, requesting she not assign me to the closing shift after home games again. Though I hoped we’d have a chance to talk about it one-on-one rather than be put on the spot in front of the group like this.
“Sawyer’s not closing by herself anymore,” Cam says, her focus fixed on her clipboard. “She got out way too late on Saturday, and she didn’t even make it downtown to celebrate.”
Shoulders relaxing, I exhale.
Her explanation is completely reasonable, even if it’s nowhere near true.
“I made sure we’re all off this Saturday for the afternoon game against Akron. After that, we should plan to stick around and work one or two days when the team is traveling. That way we each have the opportunity to attend a couple of away games.”
I frown. I hadn’t even considered going to away games, figuring the travel would be too much. I realize how silly that is now. There are three schools in our division within an hour’s drive of Holt alone.
But for the first time maybe ever, the idea of not attending an away game is extremely appealing.
A day to myself, where Tytus can’t show up at my dorm unexpectedly, sounds like a promising respite.
“I can work all of the away games,” I say. “No problem.”
Every head turns my way, my friends’ faces all screwed up in various states of confusion.
“No, I don’t expect you to do that.”
“I figured you’d want to go to as many as you can.”
“You have a car, don’t you?”
The questions hit from all sides.
In any other situation, I’d be grateful for their understanding and support. Knowing they’d cover all the shifts between them if I really wanted to go means so much.
But right now, I’ll do anything to get some distance from Ty while I wait for this disaster we’ve found ourselves in to blow over.
“I get carsick,” I offer.
It’s not entirely untrue.
“And I’m already woefully behind on schoolwork.”
Also not a lie.
“For this month, at least, I’m happy to stay behind and work here during the away games.”
When Cam nods and makes notes on her clipboard, a tidal wave of relief washes over me.
This won’t solve everything, but it’s a start.
The others negotiate who gets to go where, settling on a rough plan.
The “family meeting” breaks apart, but Cam lingers behind the skate rental counter after Arjun, Kai, and Bryant go their separate ways.
She’s quiet as she rearranges the program guides and rack cards—something I’ve watched her do nearly every shift, even when the literature is perfectly stocked and aligned.
Once we’re alone, she reaches out and places one hand on mine. “Hey. You okay?”
My throat clogs instantly.
I can’t stand anyone being nice to me right now. I don’t deserve the kindness.
Eyes still cast down, I slip my hand out from under hers.
“Sawyer.”
I blink back tears. I don’t want to cry today. Not here. Not now.
Plastering on the best fake smile I can manage, I lift my gaze and offer her a quizzical look.
“Yeah?”
She presses her lips together, concern clear in her perfectly arched eyebrows. Her pretty brown eyes dart back and forth.
I hold her gaze—hold my ground—and lean into the stoicism and iron shields I’ve used to protect my secrets for years.
“Are you okay?” she asks, point-blank.
“Couldn’t be better,” I quip, dropping into a squat and rifling through the bin of hockey tape under the counter. “I’ll let you know if I need anything,” I add, not bothering to peek up to see if she buys my pretense.
The only reply that reaches me is Cam’s audible sigh.
I blow out a breath, wipe away the tears from my eyes, and sniffle.
Then I tell myself to get it together and get on with it.
I’m not okay, but I’m here.
Everything is awful, but it’s no one’s problem but my own.