Chapter 28
Dex
It isn’t long before I catch a salmon, and Rowan hauls in a trout shortly after me.
Korren isn’t catching anything, but he doesn’t seem to care.
There’s a spark in his eyes that I’ve never seen before, and I’m secretly gleeful because I know it means he’s falling in love with this place just as I’d hoped.
“You doing all right, Dex?” Rowan asks me as we prepare sandwiches for lunch. Korren is still knee-deep in the river, gaze fixed on the wall of mountains rising from where the delta ends.
“What d’you mean?”
“I know your parents cut you off. It’s not exactly a secret around town. Was it—?” And he tilts his head toward Korren as if asking whether my dad disowned me because I was into guys.
“I’m not gay, asshole! It was something really fucking dumb that I did, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
A shadow passes over Rowan’s face. “I wasn’t—I mean—”
I pause and look up from the sloppy ham and cheese sandwich I’m assembling. He looks like he’s wrestling with something, and I have no idea what’s going on.
“Can you keep this quiet? I haven’t told anyone yet.”
“’Course. What’re you talking about?”
Rowan clears his throat and focuses intently on slicing a tomato. “I’m actually gay,” he mumbles. “There. I said it. I’m not out to anyone else, because I’d be the only one in town, and I don’t want that kind of pressure.”
“Shit, Rowan. I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“It’s okay. I had just sort of hoped it wasn’t only me.”
I don’t know what to say about that. Instead I offer him the only thing I can. “How about this. I’ll make it my mission to find you a boyfriend, all right? What’re you into?”
Rowan laughs. “I don’t even know, since I’ve never dated anyone before! But maybe someone small and cute.”
“You mean the sort of person you’ll never find in fucking Copper Creek?”
“Exactly. I’m doomed.”
Korren finally notices what we’re doing and splashes his way out of the river to join us for lunch.
Rowan’s revelation has thrown a different sort of light on what we’re doing, and I’m once again wondering if we’re okay to go on like this or if we’re accidentally offending anyone who’s actually gay. I make a note to ask Rowan later.
Korren has of course missed our entire exchange, and his cheeks are flushed from the wind, his eyes sparkling.
“It’s incredible out here,” he says. “Are there any trails through the mountains around here?”
“Plenty,” I say. “It’s the Chugach National Forest. I’ll take you sometime.”
“And the glacier,” Rowan says. “Don’t forget the glacier. That’s usually the first place tourists visit.”
“Obviously I’ve been neglecting my duties as a tour guide,” I tease. “We’ll have to make up for that before winter sets in, or you’ll be stuck inside all winter long wondering what amazing things are out there.”
A storm blows in shortly after lunch, so we pack up and climb back into the boat, grateful for the sheltered cockpit when rain begins pelting down. Korren still hasn’t caught anything, but our two fish will be more than enough for the dinner Rowan’s planned.
Rowan has a second thermos with hot chocolate, plus he’s brought brownies, so Korren and I slide onto benches at the table again and round the day off with enough chocolate to put me into a sugar coma.
I’m glad Korren is happy looking out the rain-streaked windows, because I have a lot to think about as I lean back with my mug cupped between my hands and my legs resting against Korren’s under the table.
Talking to Rowan earlier has shifted something in me, and I’m not sure what to make of it yet.
The fact that he’s obviously known he’s gay for a long time and has been closeted all these years because he’s afraid of what people will think has made me realize our town isn’t the most open and accepting of places, no matter how great it is in other regards.
Now I’m wondering if I’ve internalized that same closed-mindedness, if I’ve been so invested in the idea that I’m straight that I’ve been unable to see the thing I have with Korren for what it is.
Even contemplating that makes me uncomfortable.
Which tells me I need to sit with that awkwardness a bit longer and try to untangle what I’m feeling.
What if I genuinely did want to date Korren? What would that mean?
I would be able to touch him as much as I wanted, which would be pretty fucking amazing. But would I be ready to face all the other implications of that?
I don’t know.
Also, Korren would probably never talk to me again if I told him what I’m thinking.
Fuck me.
As we pull up to the pier, the rain blurring our view of Copper Creek, the corners of Korren’s mouth tighten.
“I’ve got dinner,” I say quietly. “I know you’re stressing about it.”
Korren gives me a suspicious look. “Do you have a supply of money I’m not aware of? Because I thought your pay was as pitiful as mine.”
Uncle Rhodes gave me the bonus we get for each fire we respond to, but that was it. Korren doesn’t need to know that. “I like throwing away money on frivolous things. I can totally understand why you don’t, but now that we’ve stocked up on essentials, I don’t care if I run out again.”
“I don’t want to be in your debt.”
“It’s a gift, Korren. Lighten up.”
He grimaces, and as we make our way out of the cockpit into the rain, I find an excuse to rest a hand on the small of his back for a moment.
Then we’re all dashing along the pier and up the hill into town, because none of us thought to bring any rain gear given how clear it was this morning.
We’re a bedraggled mess by the time we pile into the restaurant, which is already crowded. Rowan has the fish safe and dry in a cooler under one arm, and he approaches the head chef as if he knows her well, which he probably does given there are only a few eating establishments in Copper Creek.
“Can you cook these up for us?” he asks, showing her our catch.
“Sure thing. What do you want with them?”
“Surprise us.”
We slide into one of the rounded booths, and it’s all I can do not to hook a hand possessively over Korren’s leg. I content myself with pressing my knee against his.
God, I don’t know what’s gotten into me.
Rowan orders us a round of beers, and we nurse them as we wait for our meal.
“Is this summer your first time in Alaska?” Rowan asks Korren.
“Yeah.”
“What do you think so far?”
Korren gives him a guarded smile. “I like how unofficial everything is. And how big the state is.”
“Alaska is fucking huge,” I agree.
“It’s as if wilderness is still winning the race against civilization out here. Like there’s enough empty space for every person in the whole state to get lost without running into each other.”
I snort. “That’s one way to put it.”
“Anyway, I sort of ended up in this job at random, but now I definitely want to stay.”
This time I can’t resist sliding a hand across his leg. It’s not like anyone can see us—the lighting is dim, and under the table everything is in shadow.
To my surprise, Korren slips his hand over mine and tucks the ends of his fingers under my palm.
Is he trying to tell me something? Or is he just enjoying every little touch as much as I am?
I suddenly can’t focus on anything else.
I’m so fucked.
We’re into our second round of beers before our dinner arrives, and all I can think about is how nice it will be to go home and crawl into bed with Korren and pull him into my arms so I feel every inch of his body pressing against mine.
Which is probably a bad idea right now, because I’m so worked up that my cock is already straining against my pants, and there’s no way I’m shoving it against Korren’s ass without getting a massive boner.
Thankfully our dinner is delicious enough that it distracts me, at least for now.
Both the salmon and trout are seared lightly with a sprinkling of lemon juice and flaky sea salt, and there’s nothing better than salmon from the Copper River Delta.
A good third of the town is involved in small-scale fishing operations, and for good reason—this is seriously excellent fish.
Ours is served with a green salad and buttered potatoes, and I’m in heaven.
This is the epitome of summer in Alaska.
“Just wait until fall,” I tell Korren. “Then I’ll take you for a berry picking trip, and you’ll be forever ruined for eating food that isn’t fresh out of the Alaskan wilderness.”
“I wouldn’t mind that.”
Rowan looks over at us and shakes his head. “You two are so into each other. Are you really still playing that stupid game? Because I swear you’re both gay.”
I laugh it off, but something dark creeps into Korren’s expression, and he doesn’t say anything for the rest of the evening.
Shit. Now I’ve ruined everything.
The rain has stopped by the time we leave, and we walk home in silence. Korren sets an uncomfortably fast pace, as if he’s trying to shake me off.
He clearly wants space, so I retreat into the shower and spend a long time wondering what I could’ve done differently. Korren is obviously not on the same page as me about what this is turning into, and if that’s because of something fundamental about him, there’s nothing I can do to change it.
Except I have a hard time believing that.
Not after the way Korren held my hand under the table at dinner. That had nothing to do with a dare.
By the time I get out of the shower, determined to talk things through with Korren, he’s in bed pretending he’s asleep. He’s so close to the edge that one knee is hanging off the mattress, and when I climb into bed with him, I give him a bit of distance. No cuddling tonight.
This is fucking tragic.