Chapter 30
Dex
It’s a fucking long day. I’m alone at the cabin, Korren’s words playing through my head again and again, hurting each time. And at the same time, I’m stressing he’s going to be attacked by a bear.
I don’t know what to do with myself.
I want Korren to be happy. But I also want him to live with me. I don’t want to let him go.
And I saw his pay through the envelope before I gave it to him. Uncle Rhodes mentioned he helped Korren out with flights, so most of his wage must be going to pay those off.
Neither of us can afford to live anywhere except this cabin.
What if I give in and let him have it?
Part of me is tempted, because it would be a gesture of goodwill to Korren and maybe we could start over again once we’re not so tangled up in each other’s lives.
Except then where would I go? I could move into the campervan until the end of summer, but it wouldn’t get me any closer to a place to stay over the winter.
Partway through the afternoon, I grab a pile of logs from Uncle Rhodes and bring them back to the cabin on a wheelbarrow, where I spend a couple hours splitting and stacking them for firewood. Whoever stays the winter here will be well provisioned.
Somewhere in the mind-numbing repetitiveness of it all, I decide what I need to do is find some pretty girl who will help take my mind off Korren. I figure that will also help remind my dick that I’m straight and don’t need to be messing around with a guy, no matter how attractive he is.
I finish splitting logs and take a scalding shower, all my worries for Korren crowding back in when I notice it’s past five. Why the fuck is he taking so long? I don’t even know his phone number to check in on him, not that he’s likely to have service out there.
I was planning to go to the local bar, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to focus on anything while Korren is still missing.
Maybe I’ll head first to the national park information desk at the hunting and fishing store to see if he dropped by earlier to ask for information about trails.
That will at least give me an idea of where to search.
I start toward town with a renewed sense of purpose, but it turns out I shouldn’t have worried. As soon as I turn down the main street of town, I catch sight of Korren’s familiar form approaching.
He spots me a moment later and gives me a stiff nod.
I was planning to tell him that I was stressing the fuck out, but I decide to keep quiet. Instead I say, “I’m going out for a drink. Want to come?”
“No.”
Even though going alone is the whole point, that hurts.
“See you later, then.” I stump off, cursing under my breath at my own stupidity.
When I reach the bar, it’s the last place I want to be.
It’s full of character, built from rough hand-cut wood, the walls papered over with dollar bills and other foreign notes scribbled with messages, and I have lots of good memories here.
But right now all I can think about is that Rowan said everyone in town knows I’ve fucked up. Also, that Korren isn’t here.
I order a beer and take a seat at the far end of the bar, where I can scan the room without putting myself in the spotlight.
A group of fishers my parents’ age are laughing at one of the tables near the front, and there are several young tourists further along the bar.
They look like they’ve been camping, judging by their creased clothing and dusty hiking boots.
When one of the girls turns my way, I give her a smile. She’s very attractive despite her unkempt appearance, and she’s in her early twenties, old enough that she might be interested in me.
She nudges the girl next to her, who turns my way with interest, her smile more deliberate. A moment later, both girls grab their drinks and meander down to talk to me.
“Hey,” the first girl says. She sounds European, but I can’t place the accent. “Do you live around here?”
“What gave it away?” I joke. I’m wearing a flannel shirt and my firefighting boots, which aren’t the sort of thing tourists come to Copper Creek in. This group is all decked out in expensive outdoor clothing brands.
“Your town is amazing,” the second girl says, crowding up close to me as she speaks with passion. “I can’t believe how isolated it is. And the mountains are incredible! I wish we had more time to explore.”
“How long are you here for?”
“A week total. I think it’s my favorite place in all of Alaska.”
We talk for a while, and I end up buying both girls a round of beers, which hurts. I’m virtually out of money again, with fucking ages to go before our next paycheck.
The girls are obviously into me, and I get the feeling they’re hoping I’ll invite them around to stay—whether because they want to get laid or they’re just hoping to sleep somewhere besides a tent for the night, I don’t know.
But the longer I talk to them, the more obvious it is that I’m not attracted to them in the slightest, no matter how objectively pretty they are.
Soon I can’t keep up the strained good humor any longer, so I make my excuses and leave.
On the walk back to the cabin, I’m reevaluating everything I thought I knew about myself.
I’ve been assuming my interest in Korren was down to the lack of women in my life, but I can’t keep telling myself that after what happened back there.
Not long ago, I would’ve been all about a couple girls like that, especially since they didn’t pose the threat of a relationship.
But right now, the only person I want is Korren. I want to kiss him and hold him and fuck him, and yes, I’d like to date him as well.
Fuck me. Maybe I’m not straight after all.