Chapter Eight - Thalia
CHAPTER EIGHT
Thalia
MY JAW FALLS in disbelief. He just got up and left while looking at me? Kiera looks as surprised as me, whereas Owen is drinking and Blake and Eric are watching for my reaction.
I’m not going to react. Let Sebastian throw his temper tantrum. He could have put a stop to this shit show.
I catch another glimpse of the dazzling ring on Kiera’s finger as she tries to apologize for Bas—Seb’s behavior. He’s Seb now. My blood is boiling and then I’m out of my seat before I realize it to follow after him.
He went out on the deck, and Zeus is quick to follow me as I stomp in that direction. He has been lying at my feet the entire night, and I quickly murmur a promise I’ll be right back.
Sebastian is walking toward the back half of the deck where I used to keep bird feeders so I could take pictures of them. They’re gone now.
“What are you doing, Bash?” I ask, the old nickname rolling off my tongue as if it’s the easiest thing in the world .
He looks back at me with a torn expression, but it’s too late for me to go back inside. “I don’t know,” he says, running a hand through his hair, telling me that he’s anxious about something. “I thought I could get through the night, but I didn’t know how hard it was going to be seeing you here.”
Is he being serious right now? Seeing me here? Try being here. It took everything in me to walk in the front door earlier tonight instead of running like I wanted to. Last time I was here, I was packing my bags after Sebastian told me to leave.
And now he lives here with Kiera.
My jaw clenches tightly, and I cross my arms over my chest as if it could protect my heart from whatever is going to come from his mouth next. “No. You don’t get to fucking do this after three and a half years.”
Sebastian has no right saying how hard this is for him. Cry me a river and call the whambulance. This is a sick joke of Bash trying to rewrite history to be the victim.
“Why did you come tonight? Why did you bring Eric?” he fires back, letting his jealousy flair. At the gallery, he accused me of being jealous. I’m not jealous. I’m sad that this is what our relationship has turned into.
I’m tempted to stomp my foot like a child, but on the off chance anyone comes out here, I make the switch to French. He learned the first year we got together while we traveled Europe, and I know he’s fluent, even if he’s a little rusty. I’m seeing a side of Sebastian that I haven’t in a long time, but he’s clearly been drinking. I’m still looking out for him, despite Sebastian giving me every reason not to.
“Because I like him! He isn’t an asshole to me, and he doesn’t treat me like I’m his property when his fiancée is right next to him. I came because your fiancée is the nicest person in the world, and somehow, she ended up with you. You have put everyone in this situation because you can’t tell her no. You can’t tell Kiera the truth either, so what exactly do you tell her?” I ask pointedly, because it’s a genuine question. That girl is so clueless, I pity her.
I’m tired. I don’t want to be here any more than he wants me here. Why couldn’t he just suck it up like the rest of us to get through the meal before blowing everything up?
“I never thought I’d have to explain what you almost were to me, or that this is the house I bought for you and the future you decided you didn’t want. How was I supposed to know any of this was going to happen?” Sebastian looks helpless and defeated right now. A far cry from the confident quarterback I used to know so well.
It’s not fair to throw this house in my face because while he might have bought it for me, he lives here with her. “No, you don’t get to fucking put your bad decisions on me. I’m telling you to be honest with her, which is exactly what you should have done in the first place. Kiera deserves that much.”
And she does. She really does because I know how it feels to have secrets kept from you.
Sebastian turns away to grab the railing, his entire body coiled with tension. “Don’t tell me what she deserves. I know she deserves better than me. I know I’m the world’s biggest asshole because I should be in there with her, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking how there are parts of you left all over this fucking house, but I can’t seem to sell it.”
No .
He doesn’t get to say shit like that and expect everything to be fine. It feels like he’s reaching into my chest and pulling my heart out again, just because he can. Eric and I decided to try again, and I’m excited. But here Sebastian is, getting the hint that I can be happy without him, and it’s driven him to tell me that he can’t stop thinking about me.
Bash walked away from me.
It wasn’t the other way around.
My temper spikes, rearing its ugly head and the truth.
“Then fucking burn it! You and I aren’t the same people as when we lived in this house. I don’t even recognize you anymore. Tonight hasn’t been easy for me, but I’m not acting like a jealous asshole.” I can’t help laughing because I’m done being dragged into his messes. I’m photographing his wedding. I came to this stupid dinner. What more does he want from me? “You are getting married. Figure your shit out and please for all of our sake’s, stop dragging me into it. I’m done with the games. If you really need the reminder, I sat in that living room and begged you to talk to me. You are the one who told me to leave.”
“I didn’t expect you to listen! I thought you would fight for us!”
Bash stares at me and it reminds me so much of the guy I used to know and love. My heart aches because I hate what we’ve become. I miss the Sebastian who would kiss the top of my head because he felt like it, the one who would buy me flowers, the one who gave me the necklace I can’t bring myself to get rid of. The one I probably still love because that kind of love isn’t something that just turns off and disappears. I’m not dumb. I know that he is probably the great love of my life, but that doesn’t mean we’re right for each other .
“Don’t do this, Bash,” I whisper as he steps closer to stand right in front of me. The familiar smell of his cologne is intoxicating, and I can’t think straight.
“I wanted to marry you, Thalia. I was so in love with you that it hurt when I wasn’t with you. I thought you were it for me, and I’m very aware we’re not the same people. Hell, I don’t even recognize myself some days. You said no and I’ve accepted that, but I think there’s a part of me that will always love you.” I don’t think Sebastian has realized that he’s right in front of me now, having let go of the railing and erasing the distance between us. I feel like I can’t breathe.
So before I can open my heart to Sebastian fucking Walker who only ever ruins me, I punch him. “I didn’t say no, Sebastian. I said not right now . It’s not my fault you couldn’t give me some time to catch up to where you were, but it’s a really low fucking blow giving Kiera the same ring you tried to give to me.” There. I finally said it. I’ve held it in for months, but I’ve finally said it.
I recognized it the second I saw it on Kiera’s finger at Mimi’s funeral. What kind of guy does that? Proposes to another girl with the same ring? It’s not like he’s hurting for money so maybe it’s some power trip where he gets off on hurting me. Once upon a time, I think Sebastian would have rather cut off his own arm than hurt me, but I guess that’s another way we’re different from who we used to be.
My hand is throbbing and I walk away from him, trying to keep my tears from spilling over. Kiera’s watching from the French doors that lead inside. “He’s going to need ice,” I say tiredly, shaking my hand out. I am emotionally drained from that taxing interaction .
Kiera doesn’t say anything, simply staring at me in shock.
Eric is quick to get to his feet, and Blake takes one look at my hand I’m holding, but I don’t understand the triumphant glimmer in her amber eyes. “Owen, I told you she’d hit him during dinner,” she muses, and I should be surprised they bet on it, but I’m really not.
He rubs his face, groaning and I’m not in the mood to get a lecture. “Really, Lia?”
“He deserved it, I swear,” I spit out at him, and Owen’s face warps into confusion.
“English.”
I wave him off, feeling my adrenaline start to subside as panic works its way to the surface. I make the conscious effort to switch back, but if Sebastian still wants to marry Kiera, that conversation could not have happened in English. “Sorry. The asshole deserved it.”
“Well, yeah. Bash has had it coming for a while. I bet you wouldn’t hit him until after dessert, and Blake correctly bet during dinner.”
I ignore Owen’s complaining about the timing of the punch because I can’t stop repeating Sebastian’s words in my head. Eric hovers as I crouch down to kiss Zeus on the nose. “Be a good boy, bubba. I promise I’ll see you soon; I even have a big yard for you too.”
He licks my face, wagging his tail excitedly, and I walk out with Eric’s arm draped across my back. I don’t ever want to come back to this house.
~
“I thought you were kidding when you said you punched him.” Penelope laughs softly, and I don’t love that punching Sebastian is how I reacted. I’m still really mad at him, but his fiancée was literally watching us from the window as he told me he doesn’t know how to stop loving me. Kiera is wearing the engagement ring he proposed to me with, and he has the nerve to pull that shit? I roll my eyes as I continue cutting through the description tabs for all the portraits now that they’re all hanging up exactly where I want them.
“I didn’t realize you thought I was kidding. Is there a reason we’re bringing this back up?”
She shoves her phone in my face, catching me off guard at the sudden movement until I can focus on the article questioning why Sebastian Walker, star quarterback for the Carolina Panthers, is rocking a black eye. “You got him good,” she muses proudly, but again, I’m not proud of what I did.
I give her a grim look. “Of course I did, but I shouldn’t have hit him even if he deserved it.”
“Are you going to tell me what he said that caused you to punch him?”
“Nope,” I answer quickly, looking back down at what I’m working on before I cut a finger off. It’s been three days since that dreadful dinner and I’ve been avoiding talking about it with anyone. It feels vaguely familiar to a few months ago after Mimi’s funeral when everyone wanted to know why I hit him then. Fuck, maybe I need to keep my hands in my pockets around him from now on, or I could superglue his mouth shut. “Before I forget to tell you, I’ll be out of town the next few days.”
“Where are you running away to this time?”
I shoot her a quick glare because I don’t love the assumption. I’m not running away, but she won’t believe me if I tell her that. “Colorado. ”
“Lia, tell me what happened at that dinner.”
“No.”
Penelope sighs at my stubborn refusal, and I can’t really blame her. I don’t often keep things from her. When I do, it’s a pretty safe bet that it’s Sebastian Walker related.
“Are you going to come back?” Penelope asks seriously, the jovial tone from when she showed me the article gone. It’s my turn to look confused.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Thalia, your immediate reaction when anything happens with Sebastian is to run away. After you guys broke up, I don’t think you stayed anywhere longer than a few months, and that went on for nearly three years. So, what I’m wondering is whether this is going to be like last time, or will you come back when you’re supposed to?”
“First of all, ouch. Secondly, no; this isn’t like last time,” I reply as my hands start to shake. I pull them into my lap to hide them from Penelope. “I’m going to come back. This is just for a job.”
It’d be so tempting not to come back.
Penelope is staring at me and her mouth flattens. “I hope it is. It’s convenient timing, but I’m not going to try to keep you from going. When you’re ready to talk about that dinner, I’m here to listen.”
I’m probably going to take that conversation to the grave with me.
“I’m going out with Eric tonight for drinks. I don’t know if I’ll be home, but I’ll be sure to check in with you before my flight tomorrow,” I say, completely changing the subject. I don’t want to talk about Sebastian Walker anymore.
“I like Eric. He’s a nice guy,” Penelope says, but I don’t miss the worry in her blue eyes despite the smile on her face .
Eric is a nice guy. He’s honest with me, he’s good looking, and has a steady job. We don’t fight, and right now, that’s really appealing to me. Sure, I can admit that everything isn’t as passionate and all consuming like everything between me and Bash was, but I don’t need that. I need someone who is going to treat me like I deserve to be treated.
“Yeah. Eric is a nice guy,” I agree after a moment.
Penelope hesitates, which is unlike her completely. “Lia, are you still in love with him?”
I know exactly who she’s referring to. I don’t want to answer her question because the truth is I don’t know. I want to hate him. I don’t want to love him. We weren’t perfect together, but I miss him.
That’s the ugly truth I’ve been holding onto: I miss Sebastian.
It’s exactly what I went to Mimi’s funeral intending to say to him.
And then just like it does every time, we fell apart.
I don’t want to think about that conversation on the deck because it is tempting to let that hope in—the hope that maybe he doesn’t have to be erased from my life. All that dinner solidified was how easy it is for me to fall into old habits with him. I don’t know if it was being in that house, or something else, but it scared me.
The look on Kiera’s face when I came back in told me that she’s finally starting to understand there’s more to me and Sebastian than whatever he’s told her.
The Sebastian that holds a piece of my heart no longer exists.
Fifty-six days.