Chapter Twelve - Thalia
CHAPTER TWELVE
Thalia
ERIC SURPRISED ME with breakfast in bed this morning, claiming I deserved a day to rest after such a successful opening. He’s been so kind and great, especially by helping me by going to that awful dinner. I’ve been thinking a lot about what he suggested two weeks ago at the gallery. We’re not officially together, but we’re not, not together. What if Eric is right and we should give us another chance? Things could be different this time now that I’m not in a different country every week. The only thing holding me back is that he still feels more like a friend than anything else—just one I’m having sex with. I can’t explain it to myself, but maybe if I give him a real shot, that could change.
Unfortunately, I have plans with Kiera to go tour their wedding venue so that conversation with Eric is going to have to wait until later.
I’m early, but taking advantage of the opportunity to prepare myself for how awkward today will probably be. Unfortunately, it’s also given me the chance to hyperfixate on how I thought I saw Sebastian last night. I didn’t tell anyone because I’m partially convinced I’m crazy, but I also can’t make sense as to why he would show up and not say anything to anyone. Well Thalia, maybe it’s because last time you saw him, you were telling him how you actually didn’t say no to his proposal, after punching him.
I don’t think it actually was him. Maybe it was the subconscious part of me that wanted him there just imagined it. No one ever came forward about the donation, and I couldn’t get it out of William who it was.
I need to stop thinking about Sebastian. I shouldn’t care that he might have been there last night.
Kiera’s car pulls up next to mine, and I suck in a deep breath as I open the door to greet her with a hesitant smile. Kiera is wearing a sundress and looks pretty skeptical herself.
“Hey, I wasn’t sure if you’d show.”
She immediately tenses, and I regret opening my mouth. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I really didn’t know. For all I know, they could have called off the wedding.
“Of course I’m here; the wedding is in seven weeks.” Kiera’s smile looks about as fake as mine feels. “We should probably hurry up, I have to study with a friend later.”
Well this is certainly going to be fun , I think to myself, letting Kiera lead the way. The estate is beautiful and we find a number of potential bridal party shoot locations. However, we spend most of the walk in silence. She’ll occasionally make a comment about liking a certain section of landscape that I make sure to take a few pictures of with my camera, but that’s about it for conversation.
I’m trying to be a professional, but this is painfully awkward. This is supposed to be fun—well, actually it’s really not supposed to be fun for me, but I like Kiera and I don’t want my problems with Sebastian to ruin this for her. Theoretically, you go into marriage expecting it to happen only once, so I don’t want her to have bad memories related to what is supposed to be the happiest day of her life.
“Kiera…I want to apologize for how I acted at the dinner you hosted. I shouldn’t have hit Sebastian; I was being a bitch,” I say calmly. I can be the bigger person here because I don’t want to be the reason they’re having problems. It’s not what I wish for them. I don’t quite know what I want for them, but I really wish to not be part of it.
Her light blue eyes narrow at me as she crosses her arms, inadvertently flashing her ring in the sunlight in the process. “I don’t understand, Thalia. Why did you hit him?”
“It’s complicated. I don’t know what Sebastian has told you, but—”
Kiera’s laugh cuts me off, finally showing me a different side to her than the nice girl. It’s honestly a little refreshing to know she isn’t perfect. “I’m so sick of hearing that! It’s complicated. You and Seb are quite the pair because that’s all he’ll tell me about your relationship too. I want the truth. Just tell me what happened, and why you hit my fiancé after we invited you into our home. I had to beg Sebastian to even ask you to photograph our wedding, and I don’t understand why the two of you can’t just get along.”
I’ve underestimated her as the nice girl willing to stand to the side, but she’s clearly underestimated me. I understand how frustrating it is to be on the other side of the wall he puts up, but I am not here to be anyone’s punching bag. I just tried to apologize for something I shouldn’t have to apologize for to make her happy. Yes, I shouldn’t have hit Sebastian, but he’s had it coming for a few weeks now.
This is a conversation he should be having with her, but I’m not going to lie for him. I’m done holding my tongue about how I really feel about what’s been asked of me lately. It’s too damn much, and I can’t carry the burden anymore.
“You had to beg him for a reason! There are reasons we both say it’s complicated because that is the truth!”
Kiera scoffs, her face reddening. “If it’s so damn complicated, then why did you agree to be our wedding photographer?”
Is she fucking crazy, or just stupid?
My final straw snaps, and I explode as my temper finally wins out over the logic in my brain.
“You think I want to photograph your wedding? Do you think it’s fun for me to see you living the life I was supposed to have in the house Bash bought for me ? That pretty ring you’re wearing is the same one he proposed to me with three years ago. Kiera, I take no joy in being the one to tell you any of this, but the last few weeks have been hell for me. Sebastian might be a fucking idiot, but he loves you enough that despite everything that’s happened between us, he still asked me to do this for you—because you begged him, and then he begged me.”
“What do you mean he proposed to you?”
I take a few steps away from her, needing to distance myself from the can of worms I just opened. It’s too late; I can’t take it back. “We were together two and a half years, and living in that same house you do the last six months of our relationship. Bash proposed at a restaurant in front of all of our friends and family, and I froze. I didn’t say no, but I didn’t say yes either. I waited days for him to come home, and when he finally did, he told me to leave. I listened, and spent the next three years traveling. I came back when I heard Mimi was dying, and then at her funeral, I saw you wearing the same fucking ring he offered me first.” The words explode off my tongue, and I feel better for a brief second before watching her face crumple.
“No, he…he would have told me if that were true,” Kiera insists with tears in her eyes as she looks at the ring adorning her left hand. “This has to be some cruel, sick joke you’re playing on me. Why are you lying?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not.”
She stares at me wordlessly, and I shouldn’t feel bad, but I do. I know exactly how it feels to be blindsided like this. It’s how I felt at Mimi’s funeral when I saw the ring for the first time since that night at the restaurant. I understand Owen and Blake staying out of it as they are caught in the middle, but Sebastian should have told Kiera the truth from the beginning. He didn’t lie to her if the only thing he said was how things are complicated to us.
A tear falls down her cheek, and I feel my own burn in my eyes.
I hate Sebastian Walker. He should have done this instead of putting me in the position where I had to tell her our past. I think Kiera is naive for only seeing the best in him, because to truly love someone…you have to love the ugly parts of them along with the good parts. I loved all of him—maybe I still do. But having to explain all of this after that dinner? I can confidently say I hate him for this.
I make the choice to walk away first, tears already flowing freely by the time I reach my car. I cry the entire way home, praying that Penelope decided to leave the house today because I’m ashamed of how I handled that. There were a thousand different ways I could have told her, but I chose the most brutal way possible.
When I get back to the house, I recognize Chris’s rental car is in the driveway. I flip the visor down to try to clean up, but my eyes are clearly red and swollen. At least I chose to forgo the mascara; it’s almost like I knew something was going to go wrong today. I practice a smile to see if my attempt at pulling myself together is working because this is no way for Henry to see me. I’m fun Auntie Lia who travels the world and brings him cool gifts; not this version of myself where I break up my ex’s engagement because I’d bet money based on her reaction, there won’t be a wedding to photograph.
I’m going to have one hell of a headache later. I deserve it, though. I was cruel today.
Walking inside, I listen for the sounds of Henry’s little feet running around, but the only greeting I receive is silence. Could I really be that lucky no one is home? I can shower to try to get rid of all the shitty feelings I have—actually, that sounds like a perfect plan. I’m stopped in the doorway by the sound of someone clearing their throat.
“Hey, I didn’t think you were going to be back for a few more hours? Henry went to the park with Penelope,” Chris says, rubbing his eyes on the couch.
Fuck, I don’t think I can keep it together, but it was a good attempt. My vision blurs at the edges from tears, but I try my best to force a smile as I turn to face my friend.
“We finished early.” It might have been believable if my voice didn’t crack on the last word. Chris immediately stands up to move toward me, concern warping his features.
“Lia, what happened?”
I throw myself at Chris, who absorbs the impact without flinching. “I did a really horrible thing, Chris.”
He wraps his arms around me tightly as I tremble against him. “It couldn’t have been that bad,” he tries to say, but he’s wrong. It was that bad .
“No, it was. I made a really big mistake I can’t take back.” I try to take a deep breath, but it gets caught in my throat instead as I cling to Chris. “I told Kiera about the house, and how he proposed. I told her everything.”
He leads me to the couch, and I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them as Chris takes a moment to think. “She was bound to find out what happened between you at some point, Thalia. The person who made a mistake here is Sebastian. This is not your fault.”
“I don’t need you to be nice to me right now. I was a bitch to her. I could have said it so much nicer than I did,” I protest quickly. I know I was awful, and Chris being nice doesn’t help. It’s actually a little strange. I think I’d prefer another repeat of him yelling at me over the sympathy.
He leans back on the couch cushions with a sigh. “Whether you were mean or not, it was going to be hard to hear.”
“She’s been so nice to me, though. I mean, the girl is literally a freaking saint, and he still…” I trail off because I shouldn’t say it out loud. It won’t help anyone, especially after this afternoon.
“He what?” Chris prods calmly, and I look at him skeptically. I have a hard time believing he actually wants to hear this. If I’m sick of dealing with all of this, I’m sure they’re all sick of hearing about it.
“Last night you told me that you thought I should break up his engagement, which coincidentally is what I probably did today,” I mumble, wiping at my cheeks. “He told me at Mimi’s funeral that I was the worst thing that almost ever happened to him. I only approached Sebastian because I wanted to apologize to him and see—I don’t know what I thought I’d see. He broke my heart, and then Bash did it again, asking me to photograph their wedding. He promised to leave me alone if I did. That’s why I agreed to do it,” I say, feeling more tears slip down my cheeks as I finally tell someone what happened at Mimi’s funeral. There was a lot more said besides that, but that sentence is what’s stuck with me.
Chris’s jaw tightens. “Goddamn, Bash is a fucking idiot, especially when it comes to you. Lia, there’s no way he actually meant that. He was hurting and probably didn’t know how to deal with everything he was feeling. Just remember that men are stupid because we can’t process our feelings at the same level women can.”
“I think that might be the smartest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Well, if that’s the case, was it smart enough to earn me the reason why you punched Bash?”
If I’ve told him everything else, what exactly is this going to hurt? “Sebastian said that there was a part of him that would always love me. He brought up the proposal and how I said no, except I didn’t say no. Being back in that house really got to me, and it’s hard for me to see how easily he’s replaced me with Kiera. They’re living in that house, she’s wearing the ring he proposed to me with, and I have to photograph their wedding when he’s telling me that he doesn’t know how to stop loving me? He was standing so close to me, and I was so angry that I just punched him.” I look down at my lap, feeling more tears threaten to fall. “Chris, I loved him so much. Maybe I still do. It doesn’t matter, though. He’s engaged, and I’m maybe with Eric?” I whisper because it feels awful to think, let alone say out loud .
“Everyone has a breaking point. It’s okay if you’ve hit yours,” he says quietly.
“We’ve been broken up for years. It shouldn’t be getting to me like this.”
“You’re not a robot. I wish I could say I was surprised that he admitted to still loving you, but I’m not. If we’re being realistic, I don’t think you and Eric stand a chance. The same goes for Sebastian with Kiera even if they do stay together after what she learned today. The way the two of you look at each other, even when it’s with hate, is with a passion that most people go their entire lives hoping to find.” Chris chuckles softly, and I know he’s right. Only, I’ll probably have to go the rest of my life knowing I had that, and I let it slip through my fingers without fighting for it.
I wipe my cheeks again, looking up at Chris in wonder. “How do you do that? Just simplify everything so quickly?”
“Oh, trust me, if I were able to apply it to my own life, Allie and I wouldn’t be in couple’s counseling. I don’t think you did the wrong thing telling Kiera today. If all this has been going on—it reminds me of the way you two fought before getting together five years ago—she deserved to know,” Chris says sympathetically. “I meant what I said last night when I told you it was a mistake not to tell him how you feel. The way Sebastian loved you is the kind of love that never disappears.”
I shake my head stubbornly. “He is engaged and living with another woman. It’s too late.”
“It’s never too late if you still love him too.”
~
I really need to apologize to Kiera .
I knock on the front door again because I know she’s home; there are lights on inside and a car is in the driveway. All I want to do is tell her that I’m sorry, and I have another photographer who I called after my talk with Chris who is willing to take over for me. I can’t photograph this wedding even if Kiera still wants me to after what happened today. If it’s still happening that is , my brain stupidly reminds me, trying to rationalize the guilt I feel.
Maybe this is the wrong thing to do, but I try the door handle to find it open. “Kiera?” I ask, poking my head in the door. If she didn’t want anyone coming in, she would have locked the door, right? Does that logic make sense, or does it only make sense to me because I desperately need to speak with Kiera? She said something about having study group earlier, but that feels like it was forever ago. Today has been too long of a day. I’m ready to climb into bed, and escape the world for a few hours.
I call her again, hearing the phone ring from where the living room is, and I make my way toward the room with my tail tucked between my legs. I feel horrible. Despite Chris trying to convince me I did the right thing by telling Kiera, I know my delivery could have been better.
I step through the doorway, and it takes my brain a moment to catch up and process what is in front of me. To her credit, there are textbooks on the coffee table, but that’s definitely not what they’re studying. Kiera is bent over the arm of the couch as her study buddy plows into her from behind. My jaw drops, and I immediately take a step back to flee before she can see me, but I bump into a table in the hallway that definitely didn’t use to be there .
Both of their eyes snap to look at me, and Kiera screams. “Oh my god! What the hell are you doing here!” she cries out, and I quickly turn around on my heel to leave.
What.
The.
Actual.
Fuck.
My mind is on a one track mission to get out of this house because I don’t trust what might come out of my mouth. This is definitely an instance where I need to take a few months to process this before I can speak on it. Kiera catches me right before I escape out the front door, tugging down the shirt she must have grabbed. “Thalia, please wait, it wasn’t what it looked like!”
Why does shit like this keep happening to me? Why couldn’t I have just left instead of trying the front door? I spin, my entire body trembling with rage. “ No . I’m not getting in the middle of this. I really hope that it wasn’t because it looked to me like you were cheating on Sebastian.”
Her face turns bright red, and she pathetically tries to tug her shirt down again. I’ve already seen far more than I wanted to. “Don’t tell him. Please. You owe me.”
“Why do I owe you?” I demand, almost enjoying watching her shrink back. Nothing about this is enjoyable, though.
“Beca-because,” she stammers nervously. “It was a mistake. A one-time thing, I swear. I love Sebastian—you can’t tell him about this!”
I can’t help laughing because that’s her reasoning for why I shouldn’t tell him? Obviously she doesn’t love him if she can cheat on him so easily. “I really can’t deal with this right now, Kiera. I only came here to tell you that I was sorry for the way I told you everything earlier. I didn’t think I’d walk in on another guy screwing you. My advice if you choose to take it is take a fucking shower before your fiancé comes home. You reek of sex.”