Chapter Seventeen - Sebastian
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Sebastian
WHATEVER PROGRESS KIERA and I had made at the beach was erased the moment Thalia quit the wedding. She’s been avoiding all my phone calls after the text she sent me, and against my better judgment, I asked Blake to talk to her. I left my meeting to head straight home to Kiera.
I knew I shouldn’t have let Kiera pick up Zeus without me. I could have texted Thalia to tell her I was running late, avoiding this whole situation.
Kiera is crying while I rub her back, trying to calm her down. Nothing I’ve said has helped, but I don’t know what to say when I’m not sure what happened. I only know that Thalia quit, but she seemed fine when I dropped Zeus off the other day.
“Baby, I can’t help if I don’t know what happened,” I say calmly for Kiera’s sake, but inside I’m fuming. We’re a month out, and now Thalia decides to pull this shit? She had the nerve to keep my dog too?
She’s holding on tightly to me, her fingers twisted into the fabric of my shirt. “She’s a bitch. How could you ever be with someone so awful? ”
I know Kiera, and she’s the most kind and gentle person I’ve met. I mean, she can’t even kill a bug. A few months after she moved in, there was a spider in the bathroom. She stood on the counter screaming for me to come take it outside because she couldn’t bear the thought of it dying, even as she was terrified of it.
But…I also like to think I still have a decent idea of who Thalia is. She isn’t the kind of person who would lash out without a reason. Every time we’ve come to blows, I’ve deserved it. There are a few times when I think she could have reacted differently, but there’s always a reason. I’ve never met someone more deliberate with their words than Thalia. She’s never been anything but nice to Kiera, so I don’t know what could have happened to change that unless there’s more to this story than what I’ve been told.
“She’s complicated, but Thalia isn’t a bad person, Kiera.”
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, causing Kiera to pull away from me, physically and emotionally. “Sebastian, she yelled at me, and said some really mean things! You can’t seriously be trying to tell me you think she’s a good person when she’s not. She punched you a few weeks ago when she was a guest in our house!”
Her face morphs into one of anger, reflecting how I feel on the inside, but now I’m more conflicted. “I don’t know what happened, so I don’t know what to say. I will say that I deserved to be punched by her considering I’ve said and asked for a lot from her lately. Lia shouldn’t have yelled at you, but I’m trying to understand.”
Fuck me. We should never have left the beach.
“There’s nothing to understand. Thalia is a bitch, and now we don’t have a photographer for the wedding! ”
“We’ll find someone else, but will you please stop calling her that?”
Whatever Thalia said to her, must have really gotten under her skin. Kiera wasn’t even this riled up when Thalia hit me.
It feels like my hands are tied behind my back and I’m stuck in a tank running out of oxygen, trying to de-escalate a situation I know nothing about. I can’t exactly excuse myself from this conversation to call Thalia again when realistically, she’ll just ignore it. I stand up because I need to move around.
Kiera stares at me, her eyes rimmed red from crying. “Since you’re so keen on defending her, why don’t you just marry Thalia instead. I mean, you’ve already proposed to her, so what’s stopping you?”
The bullet she fired with her words hits me square in the chest. Did she really just say that?
I’m not defending Thalia, but I don’t think I’m wrong for asking Kiera to not call Thalia a bitch, and for wanting more information about what happened when she went there. I don’t think my request is unreasonable, but I don’t deserve to have that shit thrown in my face.
My jaw hangs open, as my mind struggles to recover. Kiera really just said that to me.
Kiera gasps, her hands covering her mouth as she begins crying again. “Seb, I didn’t mean that.”
“I…” I trail off, because what the hell am I supposed to say?
“I’m so sorry,” Kiera cries, throwing herself at me to wrap her arms around me, but I feel numb .
Is this how all of our fights are going to turn out? We only returned to Charlotte this morning, but it already feels like it was weeks ago.
My arms hang limply at my sides, and I can feel Kiera shaking against me, but I can’t bring myself to comfort her right now. I’ve been trying my best to come to terms with the fact that Thalia is the almost I’ll regret for the rest of my life, but that was…I don’t know what that was.
“I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me,” she says through sobs.
I didn’t tell Kiera about Thalia so she could lord it over my head until she decides to fire that bullet into an argument. Am I wrong to be upset by this? I know that shit has been harder than it’s supposed to be leading up to what is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, but telling me to marry my ex-girlfriend is uncalled for.
I rest my hands on her shoulders, gently pushing Kiera away from me. “I’m going to Owen’s.”
The color drains from her face, and she grabs for my arms. “No, please don’t go. I can’t lose you.”
“I need to leave before I say something I can’t take back.”
Tears spill down her cheeks, but I can’t feel bad. This isn’t my doing.
“Please, Sebastian.”
Shaking my head, I look at Kiera almost as if I’m seeing her for the first time again, but this time, I’m not sure I like the person I see. “No. You’ve said plenty; I’ll be back later. I need to think.”
What I need is to be anywhere but here.
I think I understand Thalia a little better now. She wouldn’t run, but she would leave to gather her thoughts because in reality, it’s better to take the time than say something I’ll regret.
My mind kicks into autopilot as I walk away from Kiera to climb into my car, and I just drive.
Fuck.
I’m paying attention to the other cars on the road, but I don’t realize that my mind has directed me to the house that Thalia and Owen’s parents own in Greensboro—the very one I spent my entire childhood growing up two houses down the street from.
Where did everything go so wrong?
This…isn’t supposed to be how my life was going to turn out. I love Kiera, but I didn’t recognize her tonight. Something has changed, and I don’t know if it has something to do with what she learned about Thalia and me, or not. Obviously Kiera is still okay with being around Thalia, or she would have fired her from the wedding the moment she found out the truth behind the depth of our relationship. What I don’t understand is what could have happened this afternoon because I thought everything was fine. The weekend getaway was really good for us to try to establish our new normal, but now I’m wondering if it’s even worth trying.
I rest my forehead on the steering wheel, trying to figure out where I go from here.
I don’t know, though. I really don’t.
The sun has set by the time there’s a knock on the passenger window, and I haven’t figured anything out. Maybe that’s what being an adult is: pretending like if I know what I’m doing, I might actually know at some point.
I unlock the door as Owen’s mom climbs in, offering me a gentle smile. “Hi, honey. I didn’t know if you were planning on coming in, or if you were going to sit out here all night?”
I shrug, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. “I hadn’t decided yet.”
“Zach wanted to come out, but we haven’t gotten to talk in a while.”
“Life has been a little crazy. I’m sorry I haven’t called more,” I apologize, glancing at her reluctantly. After Mimi, Monica is the closest thing I have to a maternal figure. It’s an awful thought, but days like today make me glad my parents can’t see the mess I’ve made of everything.
“We’re getting closer to the wedding; are you excited?” she asks, bringing up the one thing I’m not sure I want to talk about.
I attempt to muster a smile, but it’s not believable.
At the rate things have been going, I’m not sure if there even will be a wedding taking place.
“Yeah. I’m excited.”
“You might want to be more convincing next time someone asks.”
Probably. I’m not sure I have it in me to care. “I don’t know. Things with Kiera haven’t been good for a while now, and it’s making me second-guess if this is what the rest of my life is going to look like.”
“Did this all start before or after you asked Thalia to photograph the wedding?”
I glance at her, the anxious pit in my stomach rolling. As much as I would love to blame all my problems on asking Thalia to photograph the wedding, I can’t. We weren’t communicating prior, and I wasn’t honest with Kiera. It was always hanging over my head like a dark cloud .
“Before. Having Thalia involved didn’t do me any favors, though.” I breathe out shakily. Admitting I’m possibly going down the route of another failed relationship isn’t fun. “I thought it was all the wedding planning putting stress on our relationship. It feels like we’re fighting a lot more than we should be. I hate fighting with Kiera.”
Mrs. Lewis is quiet for a moment as she twists her wedding ring on her finger. “I’m sorry to hear that, Sebastian. I wish I knew the right thing to say, but no couple is perfect. Everyone fights and goes through their own tribulations, but that’s a part of marriage.”
I rub my temples because I know everyone fights, but I can’t get the feeling that something is wrong out of my brain. “I have this idea of what a marriage should look like based off Mimi and Grandpa’s, but I’m not sure if Kiera and I fit that mold anymore.”
“It’s always different on the inside than it looks on the outside. When Zach and I were getting married, it felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders to plan the perfect wedding, and I wasn’t marrying a public figure either.” My cheeks flush because I hate that’s what I am. All I’ve ever wanted to do was play football, but I want to still feel like a human outside of it. “I didn’t figure out until after the actual day happened that it didn’t matter what color the flowers were, or who sat where—what mattered was that I married the love of my life.”
The last four words echo in my brain: love of my life.
I love Kiera, but that’s not what she is to me. Is it selfish to still go through with it knowing that?
“We got into a fight tonight—actually, I think it was a continuation of something I thought we’d fixed, but I have no idea. All I know is that things were fine between Kiera and me when we got back from our weekend trip, but my agent needed to meet with me about one of my sponsorships, and I asked Kiera if she could pick Zeus up from Thalia’s. I don’t know what was said between them, but something happened because Kiera was hysterical when I got home. Lia texted me on my way back to let me know she quit the wedding and was keeping Zeus. She must have turned her phone off because I couldn’t reach her after that. Kiera was…very upset, but she wouldn’t tell me what happened when I asked because ‘it shouldn’t matter.’ I wanted to understand, and Kiera took it as me defending Thalia, which I guess I was? None of it makes sense, though.” I drag my hands over my face, groaning out loud. What a fucking disaster today has turned out to be.
“I love my daughter, and I’d go to the ends of the earth for her, but I know how she can be. Lia can be blunt, and that’s not everyone’s style. With that said, I don’t see her going out of her way to hurt Kiera,” Mrs. Lewis says quietly, voicing the thoughts I’m thinking in my head. I’ve known Thalia my entire life, and she’s not a spiteful person. The entire time we’ve been going back and forth, she’s advocated for me telling Kiera the truth. That’s what I can’t stop running through my brain.
“I don’t either,” I admit. “That’s what I tried telling Kiera because I just don’t understand. Who am I supposed to believe? The woman I’m supposed to marry in a month, or my ex-girlfriend who kept my damn dog and won’t even speak to me?”
“I don’t know, Bash. You’re going to have to trust your gut. It hasn’t been an easy year for you, and I’m so sorry for that. You’ve known too much loss in your life, but I do know that if you trust yourself, it’ll all be okay. ”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I whisper softly, but I fear that’s all I’m doing. Mrs. Lewis reaches over to rest her hand over mine, squeezing reassuringly.
“Sometimes pain is unavoidable. No matter what happens, I am so proud of you. My heart broke when you and Thalia broke up because I know how much you cared for her and she for you. I would have loved for you to end up together, but it’s okay that you didn’t. I’ve always felt like you were one of mine.” She chuckles softly, wiping at her eyes. “I hope it’s okay I said that. I would never try to take the place of your parents or your grandparents, but I want you to know how much we loved you as a little boy and as a man.”
I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth, feeling tears well up in my eyes. Despite how awkward it is because we’re still in the car, I lean over to hug her tightly. “Thank you—for everything .”
“Of course, my boy.” She hugs me tightly, and I feel safe. “Why don’t you come inside? I have ice cream; it might make you feel better?”
I clear my throat, and despite everything that’s happened tonight, I smile. “Ice cream sounds great.”
I don’t feel like I’m about to be two years away from turning thirty. I feel like I’m a teenager again, waiting for Thalia to twist gum into my hair, and for Owen to bounce a basketball off her head in response.
We had some really good times, but I wish someone would have done a better job of warning me how shitty it feels to become an adult. It’s not worth the hype, even if I have the career I always dreamed about with my best friend at my side.
For now, ice cream can make me feel better tonight.