Chapter Twenty-One - Sebastian
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sebastian
WHERE AM I?
I rub my eyes tiredly as a hammer pounds against the inside of my skull. I’m still wearing my clothes from yesterday, and I’m not even under the covers of whatever bed I slept on. It certainly isn’t the one belonging to the hotel I’m staying at now.
Everything from yesterday washes over me again. Kiera cheating, Kiera being pregnant, our engagement being over.
The last thing I remember is going to Thalia’s.
My head is throbbing, and the room spins as my stomach rolls. There’s a wastebasket next to the bed that I empty the contents of my stomach into just in time.
I feel like complete and utter shit, leaning my head against the side of the bed until the room finally stands still. I don’t feel better, though.
Everything fell apart yesterday, and I have no idea what I’m going to do now.
Fuck, where’s my phone? I spot it on the nightstand, and once I power it on, the flood of texts and calls comes through. I should have left it off because I have no interest in reading any of these messages from Kiera. However, the texts from Thalia catch my eye, and I can’t stop myself from clicking on them.
Thalia: We need to talk. Come by the gallery later if you feel up to it.
So I did make it to Thalia’s. At least that’s something. The only question is what did I do when I got there?
It feels like hours before I leave the room I’m in to find a bathroom to freshen up in. Based on the clothes left on the sink for me to wear after showering, I’ve figured out I’m in Owen’s stupid big mansion. Thalia must have called him after I got there.
Which means he and Blake know about the disaster that’s my life.
Blake is sitting on the couch when I make it downstairs, watching a hockey game. I sit down on the opposite end of the couch, and she smiles kindly at me. “Owen’s at the gym, but he’ll be back later. I took the day off, so I guess you’re stuck with me. How are you feeling?”
“Like shit.” It’s an appropriate answer because I don’t know how I feel. My head is throbbing more than it does with my normal hangovers. I guess I drank more than I thought. “How did I get here?”
She laughs softly. “Well, you’re lucky you even made it to the bedroom. Owen was going to let you sleep it off in the car, then he wanted to leave you on the floor here, but I helped you guys up the steps. Not sure if you know this, but you weigh a ton.”
“Thank you?”
“He picked you up at Thalia’s,” Blake says nonchalantly as if it isn’t a big deal. I wrack my brain trying to remember what happened last night, but I can’t. It’s not coming to me at all.
I don’t say anything about Thalia or Kiera, looking at the television. I recognize the logo for the Boston Bruins—one of the running backs on the team has a brother who plays for them. “Hockey?” I ask, trying to keep the disgust out of my voice. I cannot stand hockey. I respect the athletes, but I grew up on Sunday night football.
“I grew up in Wisconsin before moving here in middle school. I love hockey.”
“But you married a professional football player?” I ask, confused, because in all the years I’ve known Blake, I had no idea she liked hockey.
She grins at me and it’s refreshing to be treated like my life didn’t fall apart. “I love the man who plays it, not the game itself. My parents just about shit a brick when I told them I was dating a football player, let alone marrying one. If we’re being honest, I can’t stand football.”
“What? But you always went and sat with…” I trail off at the thought of Kiera. My stomach rolls again, and I push the thought to the back of my head.
“I go to the games to support Owen. It’s what he loves, and I love him,” she answers simply. “Do you want to talk about it?” Blake asks, adjusting the pillow behind her.
“I don’t even want to think about it, but I don’t think that’s an option.”
Blake mutes the game to turn and face me. “Where are you staying at least?”
“A hotel. We only had the house for another month. I told Kiera she could stay there, and I’d find somewhere else.” The more I talk, the louder the pulsing in my head gets. “Do you have any Tylenol or something? My head is killing me.”
She grabs something off the coffee table, apparently already prepared for me to say this, holding it out for me. “That might be because you hit your head last night. You’re also hungover, but I do appreciate you showering before you came down. You really smelled last night.”
“When did I hit my head?” I ask confused, taking the pills she’s offering me and swallowing them dry.
“Well…when we were carrying you up the steps, Owen tripped and you kinda fell forward and hit your head on the steps. They’re carpet so you’re probably fine.”
I look at Blake speechless. “Honestly, you probably should have left me in the car. At least I wouldn’t have bodily harm if I’d stayed there.”
She waves me off. “Have you talked to anyone yet?”
I get the hidden meaning behind anyone. “You mean have I talked to Kiera? No. I don’t plan on it either.”
“Bash, you probably need to talk to her. It’s not going to be that simple to cut her out of your life. You guys have been together for a while.” Blake says, curling her legs underneath her. Her auburn hair is piled up on the top of her head, resembling something like a rat’s nest.
I shake my head, which turns into a mistake I instantly regret as my head throbs in protest. “I have nothing left to say. Things weren’t going well before she cheated, and now Kiera’s pregnant. I know I’m not perfect, but it’s over.”
“Look, I don’t enjoy saying this, but I think you should consider talking with her. It doesn’t have to be now, but I don’t know how you’ll be able to move past this until you do. ”
“I’ll think about it.” It won’t be today. It won’t be next week. Blake is right, though. I do need to talk to her. But there’s someone else I need to talk to as well. I settle back into the couch to watch the stupid hockey game with my best friend’s wife. It gives me something to do other than think of all the things that have gone wrong lately.
~
She’s changing the placards under some of the portraits that are replacing the ones purchased since her opening. My raging headache has somewhat subsided thanks to the water I drank to rehydrate, and the medication Blake gave me.
Bits and pieces of last night have started to come back, but the overall picture was still gone.
Thalia’s wearing a pair of ripped jean shorts with paint splatters on them, and a simple black tank top while singing along to the music playing quietly through the speakers. Her blonde hair is twisted up in a clip that I can see since she’s turned away from me, and I start off with something I should have done a few months ago. It also happens to apply to whatever happened last night.
But this is a conversation we’ve been avoiding for a long time.
“I’m sorry.”
Thalia jumps half out of her skin, letting out a small yelp. “Holy fuck, Bash. I didn’t hear you come in,” she says, holding her hand to her chest.
“Sorry.” I offer a faint smile as her posture shifts. I can’t tell what she’s thinking, but I’ll take her calling me Bash again as a good sign. “I mean, I’m sorry for scaring you, but I’m sorry for everything else too.”
“How are you feeling?” she asks carefully .
I stuff my hands in my pockets, feeling self-conscious. “I’ve got a killer headache. Blake said it’s probably from Owen dropping me on the stairs last night.”
She tries to fight a smile, but it slips through. “I’m glad to see you made it in one piece. I was a little worried sending you with Owen, but you don’t seem too bruised,” she jokes before her smile fades. She takes a seat on the floor underneath the portrait she was just looking at. “How much do you remember?”
“Not a lot, if I’m being honest. The last thing I remember is the cab taking me to your house. Care to give me a refresher?” I ask, lowering myself to the floor, making sure to keep a few feet between us as I ignore the ache of my body. I hit more than my head based on how sore I feel.
“Well, you showed up a little bit after I’d fallen asleep really drunk, banging on the front door. I opened it, you kissed me, told me that you called off the wedding because Kiera’s pregnant. You apologized a lot and then fell asleep on my couch. I called my brother, and he came to get you.”
I remember kissing her and crying, but a part of me hoped I’d just imagined that. “Sounds like quite the night,” I murmur under my breath, and to my relief, she chuckles quietly.
“Can we have an actual conversation that doesn’t end in us fighting, or trying to hurt the other?” Thalia asks, watching me now. I nod once because it’s the least I can do after showing up at her door. “I’m sorry, Sebastian,” she says, catching me completely by surprise.
I’m sorry, what? “Why are you apologizing to me? I’ve been nothing, but a dick to you the past few months. You didn’t deserve anything I asked of you, or said to you. I’m so fucking sorry, Lia. ”
Thalia doesn’t break our eye contact, but she fidgets with her hands nervously. “I knew Kiera cheated. I quit the wedding because I told her I’d only do it if she would tell you. Except I knew she wasn’t going to tell you, and I couldn’t be there knowing that you didn’t know the truth. I’m sorry because she cheated, and for whatever additional stress I put on your relationship.”
It feels like a blow to the chest that she knew and didn’t tell me, but at least I understand why she quit now. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask carefully, but then a second question slips out too. “How did you know?”
“I never wanted to keep it from you—you have to know that. I didn’t want you to lose Kiera, though. You love her, and that should have been enough for her, but it wasn’t your fault she cheated.” Thalia sucks in a sharp breath, and I don’t think it was until this moment that I realize how much she’s grown up. She didn’t tell me because she didn’t want me to lose Kiera? After all the awful things I’ve done, Thalia was still looking out for me.
“I don’t know who else’s fault it would be unless you held a gun to her head, and made her fuck someone else.”
She glances down at her lap, shaking her head. “Kiera and I had to go to the estate your wedding was at the morning after the gallery opening. I was so angry at you for not telling her the truth, and I’m not proud of it, but I told her everything when Kiera started asking me questions about what happened between us. She was really upset, and I felt awful so I went to the house that night to apologize. I knew she’d be home because Kiera said something about studying that night. They were in the living room screwing when I found them. ”
Nick and Kiera? She cheated on me with Nick, her friend from class? I came home the day after they fucked in my house with a brand new ring for her, explanations, and then I sold my house to make her more comfortable. She let me do all of that knowing she’d slept with someone else.
“I should have told her the truth. You were right all along, Lia,” I say softly.
She shakes her head adamantly. “I don’t want to be right. I’m sorry for not telling you. A part of me didn’t think you’d even listen to me if I tried to tell you. I thought you and everyone else would say I was crazy and vindictive trying to break up the engagement. So I said nothing with the hope she would tell you.”
It makes sense when she explains it that way, and I can see it from her perspective. I probably would have done the same thing if I’d found out her fiancé was cheating on her. My blood boils at the thought of Thalia marrying someone else, which is entirely hypocritical of me. “I like to think I would have believed you, but I probably wouldn’t have. I never thought Kiera was capable of…cheating,” I admit slowly.
“It’s hard to think badly of someone you love,” Thalia says calmly, crossing her legs. “I hadn’t decided what I was going to do about it, and then Kiera came to get Zeus. She tried to justify it by comparing us, and I just about lost my shit because there’s no excuse. She called me a bitch, and I quit and decided to keep Zeus. Kiera begged me not to quit, but my condition was she tell you what she did. She didn’t even care about Zeus, and it just made me so mad. Then she asked if I told anyone, and I shut the door in her face.”
Kiera told me that Thalia was a bitch to her, but really, Lia was just calling Kiera out on her shit. “I’m surprised you didn’t punch her.” It’s the only thing I can think of to say, and I think it’s justified given her hot streak in the past. Fuck, I guess I should apologize for this too. “I’m sorry she put you in that position. Hell, I’m sorry I put you in that position by asking you to do the wedding in the first place. I don’t blame you for keeping Zeus. I should have offered for you to see him more,” I admit, and she looks at me incredulously.
“Will you just stop apologizing? It’s getting weird. We’ve gone this long without you apologizing for stupid shit you’ve said or done. No point in starting now. I definitely wanted to punch her, but I’m trying to avoid violent reactions if they aren’t necessary,” Lia says bluntly, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Do you have to be so stubborn?”
“Do you have to be such a jerk all the time?” she counters, and my smile is genuine this time.
“Thought I was an asshole? Since when am I a jerk?”
Thalia bites her lip to hide her smile. “Why can’t you be both?”
I tap my fingers on the hardwood floors, wondering if I’m poking the bear by asking this question, but I have to know. For my sanity, I need to know. “Can I ask you something?”
“I think you just did. But if you’d like to ask a second question, then go ahead.”
Maybe I’m going to regret asking this, or maybe I won’t. But the answer to this question has been plaguing me and my dreams for years. “Why did you say not now ?”
Surprise is crystal clear on her face. “Do you really want to know?”
“Kind of why I’m asking, Lia. ”
Thalia’s chewing on the lip again as she picks at the fraying fabric of her shorts. I try not to let my eyes linger on her legs, especially at this moment. “I was afraid of losing myself. Bash, I know that you’re probably the love of my life, and that I fucked up at that restaurant. You had just gotten through renegotiations for your contract, and I wanted to be someone more than the trophy wife who went to all the games. I…I wanted my dreams to be a priority, too, and I was afraid that wouldn’t happen if I said yes. I needed more time, but despite all of those reasons, I wanted to say yes. I was afraid.”
Her words render me speechless. That seems to be happening a lot now. At least I finally have a reason for why she turned me down four years ago. I never should have asked her to leave. “I miss you. I’ve really missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” Lia smiles shyly, and I can’t explain it, but I feel better finally knowing why.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, and her smile disappears into a frown.
“Bash.”
A rumbling laughter escapes my mouth, and I can’t believe that this is where I’m sitting today, being scolded by Thalia for apologizing. It feels so good to be called that name by her. “Sorry,” I apologize, shrugging nonchalantly.
She shakes her head at me. “You’re annoying.”
“That hasn’t changed,” I admit.
It’s her turn to hesitate, piquing my interest. “I’m not sure if it’s too soon or fair for me to ask about this, but—”
“Ask,” I interrupt, and her cheeks flush red.
“Why did you give her the ring you proposed to me with? ”
My eyes widen in surprise, but it’s a fair question. I explained to Kiera what happened, but I never thought to clear that up with Thalia. “She found it in one of my drawers while I was visiting Mimi that final week. I was trying to process Mimi dying, and I didn’t have it in me to explain. Kiera said yes without me ever asking, and then Mimi died. I wanted to know I had someone in my corner unconditionally because I had no one else, so I went along with it.”
She nods, looking a little relieved. I guess it means I’m not a complete asshole because I didn’t intentionally propose to Kiera with it, but I still went along with it. “Were you actually going to marry her?” she asks another hard question.
My fingers resume their nervous tapping, and I take a few minutes where we sit in silence as I think of the right response. It dawns on me that it doesn’t matter if it’s the right response. She wants the truth. “I don’t know. Maybe I would have for the same reason I went along with the assumed proposal?”
“Are you going to be okay? Shit, I’m sorry, that was a stupid question. I just…I’m worried. This is a lot for anyone to deal with.”
Despite everything that’s happened, I feel like I have some peace because of the answers I received from Thalia. “I think I’ll be okay eventually.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“Do you really want me gone from your life?” I ask, needing to know the answer to this one last question.
Thalia shakes her head slowly, and I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. “No. Was I really the worst thing that almost happened to you? ”
How I handled that conversation will forever be one of my biggest regrets. Everything I said was with the intent to hurt Thalia the way I was hurting.
“No. Far from it, Thalia. I don’t think I want to know what a life looks like without you in it.”
She unclips her hair, running her fingers through it. “Bash, we can’t be anything right now—not for a while, at least. You need to be by yourself to figure out who you are and your next steps. We can be friends if that’s something you want, but nothing else is going to happen.”
I can see it on Thalia’s face how serious she is about this. I’m serious too when I nod to agree with her.
I’ve got a long way to go before I’m going to even be in a position to be with someone else. Kiera broke my trust and my heart, but she didn’t break me.
I smile at her, feeling surprisingly better after this conversation. I didn’t know what to expect. Making things right with Lia has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and my heart that I’ve been carrying around for a long time. I was nervous walking in. Thalia’s always been a bit of a wild card, and I didn’t know what to expect.
“Friends,” I say, offering her my hand to shake it like it’s a business deal.
Her hand curls into mine. “Friends.”