Chapter Thirty-Six - Thalia
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Thalia
“LISTEN HERE, MISSY. I know I’m just an old lady now, but I still expect you to not stomp your foot and storm out after I say what I need to say,” Mimi says stubbornly, and I nod, agreeing to her terms.
“Okay, I wouldn’t do that anyway, but I promise I won’t stomp my foot and storm out.”
She gives me a skeptical look, clearly not believing me. “Lia, dear, I know you. You’ve had some legendary temper tantrums.”
“I was a kid back then,” I try to justify, and she smiles tiredly at me.
“You still are a kid compared to me! I don’t think you’re going to like what I have to say,” Mimi warns me, trying to sit up. I move quickly to help her, but she bats me away. “I can do it. I’m not dead yet.”
She means it as a joke, but it still hurts to hear. It’s unfortunately the reality of the disease. At least we’re getting this time of lucidity. I can’t even imagine what Bash is feeling right now—except it’s not my business to know how he’s feeling anymore .
“So Bash is with that girl, I can’t think of her name,” Mimi says, shaking her head.
“Kiera; he goes by Seb with her,” I correct her, trying not to have a look of disgust on my face, but I don’t try very hard because Mimi laughs.
“Thalia, you love him.”
My jaw tightens at the ugly truth, and I avert my gaze to my hands. “I do not.” I’ve been avoiding him like the plague because I can’t stand seeing him with someone else. I don’t want to be with him, but that doesn’t mean I want him to be with someone else. It’s selfish, and it doesn’t make sense; I’m well aware, but I miss him so much.
“You do, so why are you denying it?”
“You’re right. I don’t like what you have to say,” I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest as I lean back in my chair.
My response causes her to smile and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t make me smile a teeny bit too. “I thought you wouldn’t. Lia, you know you’ve always been more to me than just one of Sebastian’s friends. I want to see you happy, just as much as I want to see him happy. The only thing is that neither of you are.”
“But Sebastian is.” And he is. God, he looks at Kiera like he used to look at me, and that was months ago. I can’t imagine how much further he’s fallen in love with stupid perfect Kiera. I’ve avoided him like the plague, upping my number of trips to ensure that I have no chance of running into him.
It’s terrible, especially considering I spent the last few months dating Eric, or at least trying to. It’s hard to date someone you never see. He broke up with me a few weeks ago, and I really can’t blame him. I only came back when I heard Mimi’s health was severely declining.
Mimi laughs, clearly finding this funny. “Trust me, I know when my grandson is happy. He might think he’s happy with that girl, but I don’t trust her. I know I haven’t been…present for a while, but I don’t think they’re going to make it—not when he’s still in love with you.”
I force my smile to remain when all I feel like doing is crying. “Mimi, I can promise you he’s not still in love with me. I broke his heart.” And my own at the same time.
“Owen told me everything that happened between you. He might be a better gossip than the lady across the hall who never shuts up.” She rolls her eyes, coughing quietly as I laugh. “I know Bash. I raised him. Sebastian loves as fiercely as his father did, and when I asked him about you, I wish you could see the way his face changed so you would believe me when I say he still loves you.”
The way her words fill my heart with the tiniest sliver of hope that I haven’t lost him for good is exactly why we shouldn’t be talking about this.
“Can we please talk about something else?”
Mimi reaches out for my hand, hers shaking as it’s extended in the air. “No. We can’t talk about something else because I can’t pass knowing that you aren’t going to tell my boy how you really feel about him.”
Tears blur my vision because this can’t be the last time I talk to her. I take her hand, clasping it between mine as if I can hold on tight enough to keep her here forever. I sniffle loudly, shaking my head. “No, Mimi. Don’t say that. There’s still time…I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
“I love you, my sweet girl. You’re as beautiful inside as you are outside. I hope you know how proud of you I am.” Mimi smiles as my tears fall, and I shake my head.
“Mimi—”
She squeezes my hand tightly. “Your photos have always shown that there’s more to the eye than what you see at first glance. It’s taught you patience in some areas, but I’m asking you to have a little more patience with Sebastian. He’s going to need you.”
I wipe my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt, a quiet sob slipping through. “You’re right. I do love him. I miss him, but I don’t think it’s meant to be.” My heart fractures in my chest because I want it to be so badly, but there’s no way we can go back to how things were.
“I’m tired. I’ve lived a good life, but I don’t want you to come here again. It’s only going to get ugly from here, and I don’t want you to remember me that way,” she says firmly, and I’m not ready for this. “Thalia, give him another chance. You’re stubborn and for good reason, but for me, please try.”
“I love you,” I say honestly. I’m not ready to lose Mimi yet, and if this is how I’m feeling, I’m sure Sebastian is hurting a million times worse. “I’ll try.”
~
I’m giving Sebastian a few minutes alone with Mimi. My eyes are watering at the sight of Bash kneeling next to Mimi’s grave, his parents’ plots right to the left, and his grandfather’s to the right. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and he keeps losing people.
Being here with Sebastian makes me think about how right Mimi was the last time I saw her. I thought she was nuts, but the truth is that Mimi knew exactly what she was talking about. It feels full circle that we’re here together, and I like to think that Mimi is smiling down at us.
The last time Sebastian and I were both here at the same time would have been the funeral, and that…that was an awful day. If there were a page I wish I could rip from our story, it would be that day .
I shake off the thought, wiping my tears away before they can fall as I wrap his jacket tighter around me.
I feel terrible for not noticing he wasn’t sleeping. He never said anything, but I never asked. I didn’t even connect the dots with his parents’ car accident and the impact seeing Owen get hit might have had on his mental state. Once he said something, it was so obvious I don’t know how I didn’t see it.
I guess I haven’t been aware of a lot, though. It took two weeks before I could confidently recall what day it was, and the extent of the accident. It took a few more days before the light sensitivity slowly went away, but I’m still getting headaches that feel like my head is splitting open.
We’ve talked a bit more about moving in together, and I asked Penelope if she wanted to take over the lease for the house we were renting together. She plans to keep a room there, but her sister in France just learned she was pregnant, and she wants to go back for a little to spend time with her family. Instead of keeping it empty, she suggested offering the two extra bedrooms to Chris and Henry.
Bash rises to his feet, turning around to look for me and I smile reassuringly at him. I don’t ask if he’s okay, because it’s a pretty safe assumption he’s not. Once he’s close enough, I pull him into a hug. I took my sling off a few days early, I’m sick of wearing it, and it feels good to hold him with both arms instead of one, especially today. Sebastian brought peonies for Mimi, and another bouquet of flowers for me this morning. I swear he keeps every single flower store within a ten mile radius in business from how often he brings flowers home .
Bash holds onto me tightly and I rest my head on his chest. “You’re doing great, Sebastian. She’d be so proud of who you are.”
“Do you think so?” he asks quietly, and I wish he could see himself the way Mimi saw him.
I angle my head back so he can see that I’m telling the truth. “I really do.”
The answer seems to help whatever inner turmoil he’s experiencing. “Thank you,” Sebastian says, pressing a short kiss to my forehead. He leads us back to the car, and I know that today is an awful day, but that’s not what Mimi would want.
After getting in the car, he glances over at me. His dark hair hangs in his face from running his fingers through it, and I reach over to comb it back into place. Sebastian smiles appreciatively, his whiskey eyes softening. “Ready to go home?”
“No. I think we should go to the beach.”
He blinks in surprise. “Lia, first of all, it’s October. The water is going to be so cold we won’t be able to get in. Secondly, neither of us have swimsuits. Why do you want to go to the beach?”
“Because Mimi wouldn’t want us to spend today being sad. I know from personal experience the beach isn’t a place you can be sad. We don’t have to get in either,” I say, hoping he’ll say yes. “If you don’t want to go, then we don’t have to. I know today is hard, but I think it might make it a little bit easier.”
He pulls out of the cemetery without another word spoken, and I sit back in the seat understanding it’s better to let him be in his thoughts today .
He misses the exit for Charlotte, continuing to head east toward the beach, and I turn to look out the window, hiding my smile.
“Bash?”
Sebastian hums an acknowledgment that he heard me, not taking his eyes off the road.
“ Je t’aime. ”
The corners of his mouth tilt upward, and he reaches over to take my hand in his. “ Je t’aime aussi. ”
Another hour passes by before we’re pulling up to the parking lot of the beach we frequented as teenagers. We’re halfway to the shoreline when I grin at Sebastian, kicking my shoes off. I wiggle my toes in the cold sand, as he raises his eyebrows at me.
“Lia, you don’t have a swimsuit on,” he reminds me, and I back away from him, moving closer to the ocean calling to me like a siren.
“You know you want to get in. Come on, Bash. This is what living is all about!”
I run quickly into the waves, shrieking as the cold water hits my skin. He was definitely right. It’s far too cold to be in the water, but I don’t even care.
“Fuck, it’s freezing!” Bash swears right behind me, but when I look over my shoulder, he’s smiling. “This is ridiculous.”
“It’s only ridiculous if you let it feel ridiculous,” I reply, wading farther into the cold water, my wet dress getting weighed down.
“Lia, I think you’re crazy.”
Laughter bubbles out of me as the waves crash against my waist. It’s an accurate way to describe me. I don’t know a sane person who would get into the ocean without a change of clothes in October, but I’m okay with being crazy. “Yeah, probably, but I’m also crazy about you. Mimi was right.” The last sentence is more for myself, but I’ve piqued his interest.
“What do you mean Mimi was right ?”
A gust of wind sends my hair flying into my face. “I mean that the last time I saw Mimi before she died, she gave me some good advice,” I admit, shivering slightly from the chill in the water.
“What did she say?” he asks curiously, and I hope to god this makes him feel better about how things have turned out.
“She told me to tell you I was still in love with you. Trust me, I tried denying it. I didn’t want to still have feelings with you. It had been so long since we were together, but even when I hated you, I loved you,” I admit, and he watches me intently, giving me his full attention. “Mimi told me I should tell you because you still loved me, but I didn’t believe her. I insisted you were happy with Kiera, and she was adamant you weren’t.”
“Thalia—”
A wave pushes me forward, and his hands fall to my hips to steady me. I laugh breathlessly, feeling at peace because I fulfilled Mimi’s last request of me. It might have been on a different timeline than she wanted, but everything worked out in the end. “The last thing Mimi asked of me was to tell you how I felt…to see if we could try again.”
I can practically see the gears spinning in his head as he connects the dots. “Were you?” he asks, and I don’t know what to tell him, but he sees it on my face regardless. “Fuck, you were,” Sebastian swears under his breath.
I slide my hands up the back of his sweater, warming my fingers on his heated skin. “Hey, it’s fine. We ended up together anyway. I-I was going to tell you at the funeral, but I didn’t know that you and Kiera were engaged until I saw the ring.”
“And then I said…” He falters, clearing his throat.
“As far as I’m concerned, that conversation never happened, okay? There’s no reason to dwell on the past.”
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says, anguish bleeding into his voice. I shouldn’t have said anything. Today was not the day to have this conversation.
“It’s okay. It was an awful day, but what matters is, despite everything that could have gone wrong for us, we’re still us. What matters is Mimi was right, and I’m glad she was.” His eyes search mine, his shoulders finally relaxing as he believes me.
“We’re still us,” he agrees, and I slip away, ignoring how my body protests the lack of warmth. I sink my hands into the water, splashing him playfully.
“We’re still us, but no more heavy feelings today, okay? If we’re going to reminisce on the past, we can talk about how you almost burned down your grandparents’ house by trying to make a baked potato in the microwave after wrapping it in tinfoil.”
His jaw falls open, and he laughs in disbelief. “You know about that?”
I grin at him, relieved to hear Bash laugh. “Absolutely. If only you knew the loose lips Mimi had when she had some wine in her system. I know all kinds of secrets about you, Sebastian Walker.”
“Please tell me more,” he jokes, and I splash him again. “Do we really have to be in the water? It’s freezing, love.”
“Absolutely. You can’t go to the beach, and not get in the water. Stop being such a wuss, and relax. I know it’s hard for you to do with the stick up your ass,” I tease, and Sebastian smiles broadly, splashing me back.