Chapter Eighteen
Alston Castle
More goat teeth!
The little goats weren’t behaving.
Emmeline found herself in the kitchen yard on this robust morning, preparing to turn the goats out into the field to the east of the castle because it was full of soft green grass and the last of the summer flowers.
The goats had been grazing to the west, along the banks of the River Tyne, but they’d eaten up almost everything, so it was time to turn them out into a fresh meadow.
Emmeline opened the postern gate and walked out with her goat army behind her.
It was a glorious day, warm and sunny, and she lifted her hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she watched the goats rush out in front of her.
The lure of buttercups and other tasty treats were calling to them, and the little goats were looking for stumps and rocks to jump on.
Also following her out to the meadow were two big dogs belonging to Adonis, Cane and Able, and they were good protection for the goats as they grazed, so the dogs wandered out into the meadow to find a place to lie in the sun.
Emmeline was dressed simply, in a broadcloth dress that was too big for her because ever since Addax left, she’d not had much of an appetite.
That was the truth of it. She’d lost weight to the point where all of her clothing was too large for her, but that wasn’t anything she thought much about these days.
Other than Adonis, there wasn’t anyone to see her, and she didn’t care what he thought, so she cinched or tied up the dresses as best she could while one of Elza’s kitchen servants, who had become her new maid, used needle and thread to alter the dresses.
Life at Alston had changed these days.
It was truly astonishing to realize just how the situation had transitioned from one of daily angst and apprehension to one of peace and calm.
Emmeline had only been existing in the ten years she’d been married to Ernest, and then for the short time she’d been married to Maximilian, everything was in upheaval.
But the last few months of their marriage had seen the situation calm enough that she’d had hopes that they might peacefully coexist for the rest of their lives.
Emmeline had never wished for the moon when it came to Maximilian.
She would take the small victories most gratefully.
But he’d left for Raisbeck on the day he received word about his father’s passing, and that was the last time she ever saw him.
When she hadn’t heard from him a month later, she sent word to Raisbeck, and that had started the chain of events that now saw her a widow again.
Once again, she was free.
She had long stopped wondering what had become of Maximilian. It wasn’t that she was trying to be cruel, but simply realistic.
He was an episode in her life that she would much rather forget.
Nothing good had come out of that marriage, and she simply didn’t want to remember it.
Other than Maximilian’s horse, no trace of him had ever been found, and the local magistrate had concluded that his body must have been thrown into the River Tyne.
In fact, Penrith had seen two local murders over the past year, and both victims had been tossed into the river.
It was no coincidence that Maximilian turned up missing, or so the magistrate thought.
He was convinced that it was the same murderer.
And life moved on.
Therefore, Emmeline had to take charge of not only Alston Castle, but of Raisbeck, and that meant finding out what had been done with Claudius’ body.
Pierre helped her with her fact finding, and they had discovered that Maximilian had never made it to Raisbeck Castle, meaning whatever happened to him happened between Alston and Raisbeck, because that was the road the horse had been found wandering on.
The servants and soldiers of Raisbeck Castle, having no direction on what to do with their lord, had simply put Claudius in a wooden box and stored him in the vaults below.
They hadn’t even buried him because they didn’t know if they should, so Emmeline made sure that Claudius had a proper burial at St. Catherine’s Church in Penrith.
That was where all of the de Greys were buried, and she was the only one at his funeral mass, watching as the man was buried next to his wife, sleeping for eternity at the feet of his parents.
After that, there wasn’t much more to do other than station Pierre at Raisbeck to make sure it was properly managed while she and Adonis remained at Alston Castle.
The mining operations still continued, customers still received their orders, and everything continued on as it should.
It all would have been perfect except for one thing…
Addax.
There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t think of him.
There wasn’t a night that passed that he wasn’t on her mind.
He was with her so strongly even now that even if he wasn’t with her bodily, he was most definitely with her in spirit.
It was strange how a man she’d never even kissed, not really, was part of her as indelibly as the stars were part of the sky.
When Emmeline had been younger and was forced to read the books of love and romance that all young women were expected to read, she experienced through the written word the longing of one lover for another.
The longing of Tristan for Isolde, of Cleopatra for Antony, and it was never anything that made a mark upon her—until she met Addax.
Now, she understood the kind of longing that tore at one’s belly or crushed one’s spirit.
When Maximilian had been declared dead, her first thought was to send word to Addax, but she quickly decided against it.
As a widow, she would be expected to mourn her husband for a certain amount of time, and sending word to the man she loved that their troubles were finally over after the death of her husband wouldn’t exactly reflect well on her.
More than that, she didn’t want to make Addax look bad, rushing to her side like an opportunist as soon as Maximilian was out of the way.
She was worried about perception for him.
Perhaps that perception didn’t matter too much with her because she wasn’t part of England’s elite social circles, but Addax was.
She didn’t want his friends and comrades losing respect for a man who wouldn’t even give the wife of a so-called good friend time to grieve his loss.
Once, she’d had to send him away for his own good, and now, she would keep him away for the same.
But it didn’t stop her from anticipating the day when she could send word to him.
If he would even come.
And that had been her life until this moment.
Days of darkness, days of sunshine, days of hoping for something that would probably never happen.
She was still childless, and a widow, but at least she wasn’t fighting with Maximilian on a daily basis or trying to avoid Ernest because he was so depressing.
There was no Addax to talk to or play board games with—or laugh with—but she could still dream.
And hope.
The goats had found a dandelion patch that was making them very happy, so she wandered over to Cane and Able.
Cane was stretched out in the sun, but Able licked her hand as she sat down and patted his big haunches.
A breeze was starting to pick up, rustling through the summer grass, creating waves across the meadow.
Perhaps this was what her life was meant to be for always.
Perhaps this was only, and ever, what it was meant to be—Alston, animals, and lonely days.
She would have to be content with that.
“The last day I spent with my father was a day much like this.” A voice suddenly rose behind her.
“It was a day that started out like any other, with blue skies and clouds high above. There was no rain because it was not the rainy season, so the air was hot and dry. Little did I know that it was a day that would change my life forever, but sometimes, that is what happens. There is a day in your life that changes it forever. A day that is so important that all days pale by comparison. The last day that changed my life forever was the day I first laid eyes on you in Berwick.”
Emmeline knew the voice. God help her, she knew it. But he had to speak about ten words before she realized she wasn’t dreaming, and then she turned around, nearly falling over in her haste.
Addax was standing behind her.
Emmeline could hardly believe it. In fact, she didn’t trust her eyes for a moment. He spoke of the importance of days, but she hardly heard the words. She was shocked to the bone, struggling to her feet as if she’d never learned to stand up.
Everything was quivering.
“Addax,” she breathed, a lump in her throat. “You… you’re here.”
He smiled faintly. “I am here.”
“Truly?”
“Truly.”
She blinked. Then her hand flew to her mouth as if to hold back the sobs that were threatening. Tears filled her eyes. All she wanted to do was run to him, but she knew she couldn’t.
Uncertainty filled the air.
“You… you are most welcome, of course,” she said, her voice trembling. “I did not hear you approach.”
He glanced over his shoulder, at the castle behind him. “I saw you as I rode in,” he said. Then he indicated the happy goats. “Are you a goatherd now?”
She chuckled, but that broke her composure and the giggles turned to sobs. Furiously, she wiped at her eyes to stop the tears, that didn’t have the sense enough not to fall. She didn’t want his first vision of her to be one of tears.
“These are my goats,” she said. “I would not trust them to just anyone.”
He nodded, smiling, but that smile soon faded. “I heard about Max and Claudius,” he said. “I have come to give my condolences for Bretherdale.”