Chapter Eighteen #2
I have come to give my condolences for Bretherdale.
So he knew? That seemed like a strange statement to her, so Emmeline was careful in how she proceeded, because she couldn’t assume anything.
He wasn’t running into her arms, and there weren’t any indications that he wanted to be affectionate.
Was it possible he’d really only come to show sympathy? And only for Claudius?
Was it possible he hadn’t returned for her?
“It was kind of you to come and pay your respects,” she said, wiping at the tears that were now under control. “Claudius is buried in Penrith, but Max was never found. I know he was your friend, Addax. I am sorry.”
His brow furrowed. “Is that what you think?” he said. “I’ve come to pay my respects to a man I tried to kill the last time I saw him?”
“You didn’t?”
He shook his head, very nearly scowling. “Nay,” he said. “While I am sorry for Claudius’ passing, I’m not sufficiently over my anger at Max yet. But I have come to see you. I… I have a question for you.”
“What question?”
He paused. “You’ve been married to an old man and a man who was unpleasant to you at best,” he said. “Would you now consider marrying a man who will love you, more than a man has ever loved a woman, until the day he dies?”
She blinked as if the question startled her. “Who?”
“Me, of course.”
She knew that, but she had to hear it from him. She had to hear the words and not assume. Her mouth popped open, and it took her a moment to digest what he was saying. All of it. When she did, the tears returned with a vengeance.
“I wanted to send word to you about Max, but I did not know how you would receive it,” she said, weeping. “I am expected to mourn my husband, and I was afraid of how cold it would appear if I was already asking you to return to me. I was afraid of what your friends would think.”
Addax threw caution to the wind. He closed the gap between them in four long strides, taking Emmeline into his arms and holding her in an embrace that was as pure and warm as the first embrace that ever was. Her arms went around his neck, holding him tightly as she sobbed against him.
It was like music to his ears.
“Today is a day that will change my life forever,” he whispered.
“It is the day I held the woman I love and told her how much I loved her. How much I will always love her. How I will endeavor to be a good husband because she is more than I deserve. You will be my mere jaan forever, Emmy. I swear it.”
Emmeline held on to him as if she were drowning and he was her savior. “As I will love you, and only you, in this life and beyond,” she whispered. “Oh, Addax… is this really true? Is it really happening?”
He smiled, loosening his grip so that he could look her in the face.
“It is true,” he said, gazing into that face he’d seen for months in his dreams. A face devoid of the cosmetics she used to wear, but he thought she was more beautiful this way.
“You are more magnificent than I remember. Truly, you grow more beautiful with each passing day.”
He was stroking her cheek, and she leaned into his hand, relishing his touch. “I have missed you dreadfully,” she murmured. “You were in my thoughts every day, from morning to night.”
“Then why did you not send word to me? Why did I have to hear it from others?”
Her smile faded. “I wanted to, I swear it,” she said.
“But it’s as I said—I was afraid to. It has been eating me up, wanting to send word to you so badly yet knowing that I am expected to mourn a man I never loved.
I did not even like him. How would it look if I took up with you so soon after Max’s death?
How would it look for you? The man was your friend. ”
She had a point. But it didn’t change facts.
“I think Max ceased to become my friend the day he married you,” he said. “The Max I knew for years would not do what your husband did. I do not know who that man you married was. He was a stranger to me.”
“And to me,” Emmeline said. “But I am sorry you lost a friend, Addax. I was always sorry for that.”
Addax shrugged. “That was Max’s choice,” he said. “Who knows why men behave the way they do? I’ve seen the worst of that, since I was a small child when my uncle tried to overthrow my father. I’ve stopped trying to figure out what motivates men.”
Emmeline couldn’t disagree. She put a hand to his face, watching him close his eyes as she touched him. It was such a gentle touch, one full of promise and adoration. Now that the burst of joy at their reunion had faded, she took a good look at him.
“You must be weary,” she said, looking at his dark-circled eyes. “I suspect you’ve been riding hard to get here.”
He smiled weakly. “Day and night, practically.”
“Where did you come from?”
“Alnwick.”
“Then come inside,” she said, releasing him from her embrace. “Rest and refresh yourself, and we will decide how best to plan what comes next for us.”
He nodded. “An excellent suggestion,” he said. “I fear there are many details we must discuss before I can marry you.”
“Indeed,” she said. “This is something we must navigate carefully, for I do not wish for you to look like a villain by marrying the widow of your friend so quickly.”
“I do not care about me,” he said. “But I do care about you. You were correct when you said that there was a mourning period. Mayhap Max had become someone I did not recognize, but that does not mean that, as my friend, he is not due respect. Truthfully, I am quite sad for the loss of my friend. Max and I knew some good times on the tournament circuit.”
Emmeline smiled faintly. “Mayhap you will tell me of some?”
He grinned. “The ones that are proper for a lady, I will certainly tell you.”
She chuckled, shaking her head at his cheekiness. “You mean there are some I cannot hear?”
“Several.”
“How scandalous.”
“You have no idea, lady.”
She laughed as they began to walk toward the castle, leaving the dogs to watch over the goats.
Addax wanted very much to take her hand, to physically express the joy he felt in his heart, but he didn’t dare touch her.
It was enough that he was back at Alston, and he was quite certain the tongues were wagging already.
They knew why he’d come. But as they headed back, he also couldn’t help but notice that Emmeline was much more slender than she used to be, which told him that perhaps she’d gone through more turmoil than she’d let on.
He sincerely hoped those days of emotional havoc were over, for the both of them.
They entered Alston through the postern gate, into the kitchen yard.
The sights and sounds were familiar to Addax, and he felt a sense of comfort.
In spite of the situation with Emmeline during her marriage to Maximilian, he’d enjoyed some good times here.
Playing board games with her came to mind, and how he reacted when he lost. That always brought laughter from her, something that was rare during that time.
He hoped to bring it back daily now.
Emmeline took him into the keep through the kitchens.
Old Elza was there to greet him, promising she’d bring him some food and even slapping him on the arm because she was so happy he had returned.
It was a stinging slap, and Addax chuckled as he rubbed his arm where she’d whacked him.
He followed Emmeline up the narrow servant stairs to the entry level above, and she took him into the solar, shutting the door so they could have privacy.
As Addax removed his gloves and some of his protection and weapons, Emmeline poured him a full measure of wine.
It wasn’t watered, and quite strong, but Addax drained the cup.
She poured him another.
“What did you call me out in the field?” she asked. “It sounded like mere… mere…”
“Mere jaan,” he said. “It means ‘my love.’ My father used to call my mother that.”
Emmeline smiled as she handed him the cup. “That’s beautiful,” she said. “You mentioned your mother was not from Kitara?”
“Nay,” he said before taking another drink and smacking his lips. “She was Egyptian, a princess to her people. I have royal blood on both sides of my family.”
“Do you know the language of her birth?”
“A little. Why?”
“I was wondering how to say ‘my love’ in your mother’s language.”
He smiled as he looked at her, reaching out to take her hand now that they were alone. “Habibti,” he said softly. “I know this because she would say it to my brother and sister and I. For a male, it is habibi, but for a woman, it is habibti.”
Emmeline considered that. “Then if I were to say it to you, it would be habibi.”
“Exactly.”
“Good,” she smiled, squeezing his fingers. “You are my habibi.”
He laughed softly and lifted her hand, kissing her fingers gently.
But that wasn’t good enough for him. They were quite alone, more alone than they’d ever been, and months and months of longing had built up inside of him.
He’d never even kissed the woman properly.
Realizing that he could brought him to his feet.
Towering over her, he set the cup down before he took her in his arms again and slanted his lips, gently, over hers.
The magic commenced.
Emmeline responded instantly, engaging in a heated kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She trapped him against her, opening her mouth to his seeking tongue, and when she suckled on it, Addax nearly went out of his mind. With a growl, he picked her up and set her on the table behind them.
Now they were running on instinct.
Emmeline was no shrinking maiden, but she was understandably inexperienced.
She wanted to touch him very badly, but she had no idea how to initiate anything.
She’d been bedded three times in both of her marriages, and the only one that had ever moderately aroused her was the second time, with Ernest, because he was willing to explore her at that point in his life.
Therefore, she knew a little about foreplay. But very little.