Chapter 4 #2
Focus on them, not him. He’s not there.
And that’s how it goes, with the two of us purposefully avoiding each other while our fathers push us through the entire ceremony. It feels like hours later that we’re being ushered into what smells like Michael’s personal office while our packs gather to run.
I envy their escape as I hear paws trampling the earth in the distance.
Dad waits until the door’s closed and we’re all settled in the dimly lit room before he asks, “So, how are you both feeling?”
“Cursed,” Julian offers flatly.
“What he said,” I mutter in response.
“Look, this obviously isn’t what anyone expected, but I’ve been thinking about this, and the best thing I think you can do is to treat this like any other pairing of mates.” We all look at my father as if he’s deranged, and he scowls. “I don’t see any other option.”
“I assure you, there are other options, Samson,” Michael grits out. My dad ignores him.
Looking solely at me, he inches forward from his chair. “This can be a good thing if you look at it from a certain angle.”
“How can this possibly be a good thing?” Julian grinds out, sounding just like his father.
“Well, if you two find a way to mate, the packs would have to merge, that would make us very, very strong. In time, it would give us the chance to become the strongest pack, not only on this side of the hemisphere, but in the entire world,” he explains carefully, like he’s not frothing at the mouth at the prospect.
“Nobody would compare, especially with two alphas as leaders. We’d be unstoppable. ”
“That is … true,” Michael says, his eyes twinkling with the type of excitement he only got whenever he saw an opening for more power. It makes him look manic, which makes sense because they’re clearly grasping at straws here. “This is an opportunity to extend our reach within the species.”
“Can you two please stop?” I groan as I rub my hands over my eyes as a familiar ache starts behind them. “Can you possibly manage not to plan our futures for one fucking minute?”
The mood plummets as my dad’s jaw tightens, but there’s no urge to submit. For the first time, it’s the opposite. I look him dead in the eye as I remind him of that. “What we decide to do is up to us, not you.”
My father stares at me for a long time, his entire body tense with resistance, but whether by force or instinct, he lowers his gaze respectfully.
“Of course,” he agrees through his teeth. “You ultimately will decide amongst yourselves what you wish to do.”
Pleasure blooms inside of me in a way that’s probably demented. I shouldn’t enjoy making my own father submit, but after years of following my parents’ bullshit, it’s nice to be in control for once.
“We’ll leave you two to talk it over then,” he says, his voice brittle as he stands. “You are alphas now. You’ll figure it out.”
It’s a petty response that doesn’t scare me. If he thinks he’s hanging me out to dry, then he doesn’t realise how long I’ve been handling shit on my own. Besides, we were looking for solutions, not ways they could profit off us.
Michael is slower to push to his feet. He looks pissed, but he can get stuffed for all I care. I watch his back the whole way out until they’re both gone, but it’s not until the door closes behind them that I remember who I’ve trapped myself with.
I glance at Julian, surprised to find him staring at me with those crystal-blue eyes blown wide open.
“What?” I snap, too on edge to deal with his judgemental shit.
He opens his mouth only to close it as his blank expression slips back into place. “Nothing.”
Pinning his gaze to the outer window, he slips a finger back between his lips, keeping his thoughts to himself. I eye the way he bites his nails, except he’s not actually biting them. They’re just resting there.
It takes me far too long to realise that I’m staring at him.
“I need a drink.”
I head for the liquor cabinet across the room and pick a decanter at random. Popping the top, I don’t bother with a glass and take a much-needed swig that warms my muscles and forces a shiver through me, and then I do it again.
“They’re right,” I say when I come up for air. “We have to merge the packs.”
I hate to admit it when the thought of doing anything with Julian repulses me, but it’s the only option.
Julian raises a single, golden brow. “You do understand that means we’ll have to mate.”
I take another swig. “Were you planning on rejecting me?”
“No,” he answers quickly. So quickly.
“Then that’s the only option we have,” I reply, trying not to focus on the logistics at the moment.
“But I’m not gay!” he blurts, and it’d be hilarious if we weren’t currently trying to navigate hell. “I don’t like men, and I definitely don’t like you.”
“Neither do I!” I snap back. “You think I want to be mated to a guy? Especially the one I’ve hated for literally my entire life? I don’t! But this is the shit hand we’ve been dealt, and unless you plan to fuck over both our packs, we’ll have to live with it.”
Julian’s jaw ticks. His throat works, and my thoughts derail for one horrible moment as my focus catches on the line of his slender neck. I close my eyes and take another burning mouthful of liquor.
I drink until there’s nothing left and only then set the bottle down to face Julian, who is stone still, expression sharp enough to cut. Thankfully, it’s a look I’m familiar with, and right now, I need any sense of normalcy I can get.
“Look, neither of us wants this, so while we try to work this out, do you think you can be—” I pause, searching for the words. “I don’t know, a little less childish for once? Are you capable of that?”
Julian’s glare threatens to set me on fire before I can dump myself back into my chair. He can seethe all he wants. We have to work through this together, and he knows it.
Julian exhales slowly as he rubs at his brows. Back and forth, his fingers move between breaths until he’s completed his little ritual.
“If we’re really going to do this,” he says warily, “we’ll need to get our packs on board as soon as possible. Make sure everyone understands and feels like one single pack.”
“Closing the distance between us will help.” I wait for him to offer some new retort, but surprisingly, he doesn’t. I carry on. “There’s vacant land between us. We can search it, clear it, and then claim it.”
“And join our packs,” he mutters, shaking his head with a dry laugh. His eyes find mine again. “We’ll be two alphas ruling one pack. Can your ego handle that?”
“Why are you so desperate to pick a fight?” My claws tear into the leather arm rests beneath me as I sit up. “I’m looking for solutions, but you clearly don’t want them.”
“Because I don’t want you!” he shouts back at me, and I crumble in a heartbeat.
His words cut deep the way they were meant to, searing an unforgiving burn into my heart that refuses to cool. Looking him in the eyes is suddenly impossible.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he mutters, shoulders slumping. “It’s just …” He sighs, carding frustrated fingers through his long hair. “I’ve dreamt of my mate for longer than you can imagine, and you were never in the picture.”
I swallow past the illogical pain that causes. “You weren’t in mine either.” And wasn’t that the truth. “What mates are supposed to have, I don’t see ever happening between us.”
“This will be the only time I ever say this,” Julian warns, “but you’re right.”
If it weren’t so fucking sad, I’d laugh.
But the truth is, whether we’re Goddess’s intended mates, or a horrible result of a long-forgotten curse, Julian and I would never be together like other mates.
Any hope of a mate, a proper loving mate, went out the window the minute I realised who I’d been paired with.
“We’ll do it for our packs,” he says with sudden acceptance. I force myself to nod as I meet his eyes. “We’ll be mates in name, alphas in position, and eventually, we will learn to live with … this.”
“I can do that.” In truth, I don’t think I can when just being near him like this drove me out of my mind, but there’s no other choice.
“What about the living arrangements?” he hazards, and I have to fight a groan.
“I didn’t even think about that,” I admit, dragging a hand down my face.
Julian’s lips part, but he shuts them quickly, thinking better of whatever insult he’d been about to hurl.
“It won’t look good if we’re in different homes, so I guess we can split our time between our lands?” I fail to hide my disgust at the prospect of living with him, but he doesn’t bother hiding his, so I don’t feel bad about it. “I’ve already moved into my apartment, so we can go there for now.”
“Okay,” he agrees with surprising ease, but then again, he looks a little dazed as this all starts to settle in. “I’ll find you later. I need to think about all of this.”
I’m desperate for a reprieve away from him and can’t get away fast enough, but after a single step, my gaze returns to his golden head—to his tightly interlocked fingers.
I’ve never seen Julian stressed, and with the bond flaring between us, it’s unpleasant to witness.
The urge to comfort him rises hard and fast, but I force it down just as quickly.
Just because I felt it, didn’t mean I had to give in.
Ignoring Max’s whining, I leave the room and close the door behind me, but the moment the barrier settles between us, the world blurs.
I feel my throat strain as some terrible sound slips past my lips, but the sound turns into a ringing in my ears as agony overwhelms me.
It’s not a physical pain. It’s spiritual, and it’s so much worse.
Soul-deep longing paralyses me, making my heart slow and my lungs collapse as my body shuts itself down.
I try to take a step forward, but falter as it replaces the blood in my veins with broken glass. I press myself back against the door, as close as I can get to the one thing that can stop this. Julian. It has to be, because just the thought of him already has me feeling better.