Chapter 6
Aiden
“Hold still.”
I do the opposite.
Dad always said that real alphas find a way out, so I put my all into moving the parts of me I can still feel, even though it only makes the pain worse when I try.
“I said, hold still!”
The hot flashes come back. The ones that scorch my skin, make my mind swim away, and make sure that I can’t move at all. They usually stopped there. They’re not supposed to come with fingers wrapping around my neck.
My eyes snap open, but it’s still dark—always dark—until the red eyes glow above me, and the darkness blurs with the red.
Whimpering, I try to scramble away. They squeeze harder.
My body jerks on its own, moving this time not to escape, but to find air. But there’s nothing but the darkness and the cold straps that bite into my wrists and legs, each suffocating me like the fingers wrapped around my throat.
I feel my tears wetting my face again. Alphas don’t cry, but I can’t stop them. Maybe I’m not strong enough to be an alpha. Maybe that’s why I’m here. I should feel sad, but I don’t. I can’t, when Goddess’s light is here again, warmer now and more inviting than it had been before.
I used to shy away from it, wanting to fight like Dad said alphas should. But this time, I reach for it, desperate to have its warmth take me away from all the cold, but it draws away before I can touch it, sending me back to the dark.
“Soon, but not now. We still have so much to do.”
I wake trying to scream, but my body remains paralysed as if it were still bleeding out on that cold table.
I’m used to the routine by now. I know that I’m awake and my body is just taking a little longer to wake from my nightmare, but knowing doesn’t stop my panic. It doesn’t stop me from searching for those red eyes that always come before the pain.
But there are no red eyes or punishing hands. Just early morning light and the feel of something plastering me to the bed. That is different. Usually, I felt as though I was locked in place. It’s supposed to be in my head, but I can feel a weight on my chest that’s too real to be imagined.
“Hold still.”
Terror tightens my lungs, turning each breath I take into a strained gasp while I try to move, but my muscles refuse to work. They stay glued to the bed while my world blurs at the edges.
“Hold. Still.”
I’m hyperventilating, breathing so hard I know I’m about to pass out, my frantic eyes searching for the cause, settling on—
Julian.
It’s only … Julian. Julian Heil, holding onto me while he slept as if he belongs here.
I remembered climbing into an empty bed and feeling him eventually doing the same, but he’d been on the other side of the bed when I’d fallen asleep.
Yet at some point, our legs had tangled beneath the sheets and stayed there, just like his warm hand splayed over my bare chest. And it isn’t just his doing.
I can feel my arm wrapped around his waist, my fingers settled over his hip, keeping him close.
We’re … I mean. We’re fucking cuddling.
What the actual fuck.
My heart hammers, struggling to function with the heady scent of my mate right under my nose. Not to mention, his warmth. Goddess, he’s so warm and he feels so damn right in my arms.
I try to shrug the pleasure off, but the longer I stare at the golden head tucked comfortably into the crook of my neck, the more strained my breaths become, only this time, it’s for entirely different reasons.
Julian Heil is sleeping in my arms, and I … I stare at him.
In his sleep, Julian doesn’t wear the frown that I figured was permanent. Instead, there’s a relaxed, peaceful expression that makes him look …
I’m grateful I can’t put it into words.
My greedy gaze slips lower again, noting the way Julian lays over me, possessively claiming my body with his own. I try to ignore the pleasure it sprouts inside me, but there’s no ignoring Julian. Not now, with his steady breaths brushing against my neck, making every cell in my body come alive.
He smells fantastic, Max purrs without nearly as much shame as he should feel—as I should feel.
He is Julian. Julian Heil! I remind him and myself. The second I can move again, I’m stopping this.
Fair enough, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it until then, Max reasons, ever the bad influence. No one would even know.
I would know, Max.
I’d warned Julian not to touch me last night, but I’d meant that I didn’t want his cold feet touching mine while I slept.
I didn’t even consider this real-life interpretation of parasitic vines we have going on right now.
But until I calmed down enough, my body wouldn’t let me move—it never did after a night terror.
The only problem is, with my mate curled up against me, I doubt I’ll be calming down anytime soon.
With a muted curse, I force my gaze to the window. Light spills into the room—something I’d noticed earlier without really registering it. If I had, I’d have realised what it meant.
I can’t remember the last time I slept until morning. But birds are chirping, the sun is up, and it’s bright as day outside.
I’d gone an entire night without waking once. That hadn’t happened in years. And I can’t even blame it on the long night we had, because I’ve had plenty of those before, and it’s never made a difference.
My eyes fall back on Julian. I shiver.
It’s him. It’s him with his warmth and his scent and it’s making me feel … safe.
I’m never safe. Goddess taught me that a long time ago, and as that cooling reminder yanks my body back under my control, I shove Julian off me.
“Get the hell off of me!”
What’s meant to force him back onto the other side of the bed instead sends Julian tumbling straight off the edge with a surprised yelp before his eyes even open. He hits the floor with a thump that’s loud enough to make me wince.
I risk looking over the edge, and guilt slams into me like a semi when I see Julian rubbing at his tailbone. Pain is etched into his sleepy face, along with confusion as he tries to blink away the sleepiness from his eyes.
“I-I—” I start as I slide from the bed and onto the ground before I even realise it. “I’m sorry.”
I lift a hand to help, but Julian slaps it away as his eyes meet mine, and they’re as cold as ice.
“Do not touch me.” His voice is calm, way too calm, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me a little when I know better than most that an angry Julian is a terrifying Julian.
Fix this! Max barks. Julian pushes to his feet with a hand still pressed to his back.
“Look, I’m sorry. You were holding onto me and—”
Julian’s hand stills, his blue eyes flashing. “So, you shoved me off the bed?”
I bristle. “I told you not to touch me.”
This is not fixing this! Max bellows as his panic crests. I said to fix this!
Julian’s lips part, chest filling as if he’s about to explode. I step back, preparing for the blow. He holds it like he’s resting a finger on a kill switch, contemplating whether or not he should end it all.
After a long moment, he releases the breath and stalks for the bathroom. “Whatever.”
By mercy or some sense of self-preservation, Julian doesn’t slam the door behind him, graciously leaving it cracked open instead.
Why the fuck did you do that? Max yells while I stare at the door.
I told you I’d put a stop to that weird cuddling shit the moment I could, I protest lamely.
I didn’t think you were going to shove him off the fucking bed, Aiden! Max growls while he paces. You hurt him! I wince. You hurt our mate!
I know! I snap, falling onto the edge of the bed.
It’s the only support I have when another wave of guilt barrels into me.
It comes alone, leaving behind the part of me that usually revels in Julian’s pain.
If it’s still there, it refuses to appear with that confused look on his sleepy face now etched in my mind.
You must apologise, Max insists, which has me immediately reeling.
I tried, and he wouldn’t let me. Besides, this is Julian!
And Julian is our mate, Max snaps without hesitation. He is our mate, and you can justify it however you want, but he was only sleeping. He didn’t do anything intentionally, and you reacted unfairly!
That I can’t deny, no matter how much I want to, and Max’s rant isn’t making it any easier. But apologising to Julian? Spiteful, hateful Julian?
You did it just now, just do it again without the ‘but,’ Max coaches.
I groan. Less than twenty-four hours ago, we were enemies, and now I’m sitting here feeling bad for pushing him off my bed? With the shit we’ve done to each over the years, that barely scratched the surface of things to feel guilty about. Knowing that doesn’t get rid of the guilt.
Things were bound to go south at some point, but they hadn’t yesterday. It could’ve all gone to shit when we discovered we were mates, but Julian and I had forced our way through it and gotten along better than we had in eighteen years.
We’d agreed to coexist for our packs, but I’d actually had a good time. Annoyingly, a pleasurable rush fills my chest when I remember how much we laughed—how he laughed. We’d argued, as always, but Julian had also been relaxed, and smiling at me, and then—
The bathroom door opens fully, and Julian walks out, water droplets falling from his hair, a towel wrapped snugly around his waist.
My heart stops. It forgets how to function, along with the rest of me, as I run my gaze over my mate.
I’m sure I’ve seen Julian shirtless at some point, but I’m also sure that if I have, the sight of his body has never left my mouth so damn dry.
He’s slim, but Julian has always been slim.
What I didn’t know, is that faintly outlined muscles run down the cords of his arms and legs, flexing as he moves, showing off how well-proportioned he is in every area.
My eyes climb him slowly, lingering on his chest before I finally drag them to his face.
Only to find he isn’t even looking at me.
He’s too busy drying his hair, pretending I don’t exist.